Due to the weather, no school, and cooped up children today things around the house got a little crazy. Perhaps, the mattress in the living room as a trampoline was not the best idea. There was bickering galore! After time outs, corners, and taking away privileges it was time that the kids and I had a little talk.
The “little” talk turned out to last about an hour and a half. It was a good bonding moment. It was a time to recognize wrong behaviors. It was a time to get down to what the real issues were, they were obviously beyond the sibling rivalry stuff. When we finished our talk it was time for bed, and we went about our normal routine.
As I tucked them in and had them say their prayers, a sadness came over me. The sadness of how fast they are growing up, and the fact that I’m only in their life 50% of the time. (Obviously not by choice)
As I walked downstairs, I sat, and I thought “3 years and 4 months of “my” parenting time left and my baby boy is a man. I sat and continued to think, then began to calculate all the hours in those three years he would be at school, playing sports, and hanging out with his friends. As I continued to think tears rolled down my cheeks.
I have 3 years, and 4 months to raise a man! My time with him (and my girls), is limited. Our time together is sacred. I have very little time, to teach them many important things. I’ve always known this, I guess it was just the reality of it being year 3 already as a single mom, and doing the math on the little bit of time that’s left before my boy is a man.
I guess it’s why I don’t get a babysitter so that I can be selfish, and do things I want to do. I can do those things when they are grown. Its why you won’t see me reading a book or just socializing when I’m at a skating rink with them, I’m skating. It’s why I don’t take people’s phone calls most of the time, I will get with you when the kids aren’t here. It’s why you don’t see me on the sidelines at their sporting events, you see me coaching. It’s why I help at the school when they need me, attend their field trips when possible, and have school lunch dates with them. The list goes on and on.
I’ve always been very devoted to them, and involved. I have always enjoyed them and felt this is what I was put on this earth to do. I love making their birthday cakes, sewing costumes, scrapbooking, and all the wonderful things that mothers get to do. I don’t look forward to their bedtime, I don’t shew them away. I love them, I respect them, and I enjoy them.
I’m grateful to have always had the awareness about how fast time goes. It’s something I have always been conscious of. Tonight, was just different.
When you only see them half as much, they grow up twice as fast. And THAT reality, hit me much harder tonight than ever before. As I retire from the keyboard, I pray:
Thank you for these amazing children,
and for blessing my life with them.
I cherish them, as you know.
Thank you for protecting them,
and keeping them healthy for as long as you have.
Thank you for their intelligence,
and kind hearts.
Thank you for allowing them to inspire me,
and for allowing them to teach me all I need to know about patience.
I pray now that you continue to encourage them,
and guide them.
I pray for a hedge of protection around them.
I pray that they yield to you,
and live their life according to your plan.
Please allow them to make good decisions
and I beg that you heal their broken hearts.
Thank you, for always coming through!
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