Alcoholism: Perspective From An 11 Year Old Child

WARNING: This post may require some tissues.

I had the liberty of spending time with a young lady this weekend who played a music video for me. The video reminded her of her struggles with her father who is an alcoholic. 

Before she shared the video she stated:

“OMG! You have to watch this.This gives me chills. This is so me”

Now granted, I do not encourage watching many videos on this site. But in order to understand her perspective a bit more, I will ask that you watch this three minute music video and absorb the lyrics. 

As I watched and listened to the video, hearing the lyrics “That’s enough now dry your tears, it’s been a long eleven years” (among other fitting lyrics) struck a cord with me. She is in fact eleven years old. (She is still a baby ya’ll!)

She has watched people make excuses for the behavior of her alcoholic father, which are in turn lies. She is ashamed. She spent many times crying because he is drunk. She is full of frustration.

There have been so many instances of false hope for her watching him battle his disease. She watched her family divide. And then divide some more. And for some reason she blames herself!  This is not her fault! It is disheartening and it feels like someone kicked me in the gut just listening to her use her voice on the subject matter. Whew, that poor baby.

As we wrapped up our conversation of her sharing her thoughts and feelings on being the child of an alcoholic, I asked her if she would write something about it. I wanted her to share with others who struggle with the disease itself. 

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She writes this:

All of those glass bottles I witnessed being absorbed by a broken mans body taught me some lessons. I don’t think alcohol is ever the answer. If you’re broken you can’t expect other people to fix your selfish, big ego, lying butt. I grew up around lies so now it’s time for me to tell the truth.

We were young. We heard so many lies and saw many things that hurt our eyes.

My whole life so far has been like a bomb. Tick, tick, tick, tick. The representation of all the pain filling me up inside. Lies and alcohol. Pain. Then I finally found my voice. I found me. And that is when I created the explosion.

Its my fault for making the explosion. But that monster created that bomb and expected me not to light it. These next few years will be me cleaning all this up. Im glad my mom divorced him because I wont be another basic, shallow, insecure girl. That is most of this generation.

Do me a favor and find your voice. Be loud. It isn’t always bad to make an explosion.

Sincerely,

The child of an alcoholic

just walking awayIt is hard to believe that an eleven year old wrote this. She is wise beyond her years. She is strong and she is brave. And clearly at some points she is blaming herself. And we all know it is not her fault. But still she carries that cross. She is burdened.

Although we may contribute to an alcoholic’s disease in some ways we are not to blame for the illness itself. It is a mental disorder which often accompanies other mental disorders such as bi-polar, schizophrenia, anxiety disorders etc. It is something that existed within the individual long before the alcoholism itself surfaced and became visible.

Alcoholism – A cancer of the heart and soul. A disease that cripples families every day. A disease that the eleven year old girl in the above passage will probably spend her entire lifetime trying to understand.

Uneducated Enthusiasm

“Deception has many forms. Just because it appears to be right,  doesn’t mean that it is not wrong.

We are all guilty at some point of becoming overly excited about something or someone when we have not obtained all of the facts. From jobs to relationships or anything new, we get excited.

When we encounter new people or situations in our life, it may appear to be total perfection. Perhaps it all seems to fit so well. It may seem to be exactly what we have waited for or what we need at the time.

When we get excited like that it is time to search for the facts, and just slow down the pace. If we do not, we are merely suffering from uneducated enthusiasm.

We can not rush into decisions because when we do, we are often headed for a disaster. It is far more important to make decisions slowly and with wisdom, than to do it in a rush and have the relationship or situation end in total disgust.

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerer, 2009-2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Angela Bininger and The Empowerer with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Claiming Our Past

“If we don’t claim our past it will claim our future. It is not possible to know where we are going, if we can’t admit the places we have been.”

I have seen countless situations where people deny their past. They deny what they have done, or what has been done to them. They deny their experiences. Their fear of admitting mistakes or failures enables them  to continue in their negative cycle. Simply put, it cripples them and they can not grow as a person. Instead they keep making the same mistakes, again and again.

By denying our past experiences we set ourselves up to fail.  If we can’t admit where we have been or screwed up in life, how could we even begin to correct it? By hiding it or denying the experiences we are merely doing a patch job. As we know, patches only hold so long.

By laying it all out there and owning every experience: nobody has anything over us. We can walk in peace, with no secrets. We live in light  instead of darkness.

There is nobody worth keeping secrets. We are worth more than that. By owning our past and our experiences we begin to walk in truth. We can then break the negative cycles and patterns; and begin to experience peace and happiness.

We have to own our experiences, and learn from them. It is the only way to level up in the game of life. If we can’t admit them, how can we ever truly recognize what needs changed?  

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerer, 2009-2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited.

By Running From Problems We Gain Weight Instead of Losing It

Running from our problems is like running on a treadmill. Instead of losing weight, we gain it. We stay in the same spot consistently and it makes it impossible for us to reach a new destination, or goal.  

Whatever it is that we choose to run from; will always find us. Sure, we may be naive and think that there are certain things  nobody could know or find out. We may also believe that there is no need to tell because it will only do more damage.  However, if we think either of those things then we are only fooling ourselves.

If we do not claim these things in life or these experiences that we have encountered, how could we possibly fix them? Better yet, how can we claim to have learned a lesson from something we refuse to acknowledge or even discuss? We can’t fix something if we do not admit where it is broken. Right?

Wallowing in our secrets only brings more shame in the end. And shame, only adds more weight. Isnt it time for a change of scenery? Why not have a productive work out? The treadmill isn’t working out to well. It is time to unplug the machine. It is time to switch the work out plan, and use one that actually works.

By stepping off of the treadmill and facing the problems, weight loss begins instantly. We feel light, free, and most importantly…happy. 


For today: Face those problems and decisions that have plagued your life, and reclaim what is yours. By facing the problems at hand, you will be closer to your desired outcome.

 

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerers, 2009-2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited.

Straight A’s of Communication When Wanting To Resolve Issues or Conflicts

We all have things that annoy or bother us when it comes to others’ actions. It is vital that when these situations occur; we communicate those feelings with the appropriate person.

There is a way to communicate, and have straight A’s in the process. The conversations will be fail proof if the following steps are considered before tackling an issue or problem with another individual. It is truly all about our approach, our attitude(s), and our actions.

Approach is the first step to communication. If you approach with a bad attitude one will feel attacked, and things will quickly escalate. On the other hand if your approach is calm, sincere, and lacks sarcasm; it will be accepted by the opposite party will likely not become offended. We must all follow the three T’s to a proper approach when we are communicating a problem we have with someone else.

Attitude is everything in life; especially when communicating feelings or resolving issues one may have with other people.  A bad attitude can be contagious; but the good attitude is more appealing, attractive, and will provide better results.

Maintaining a positive demeanor while approaching and talking to an individual will promote conversation opposed to yelling and bickering. A person’s attitude when approaching another individual with heated topics; will determine the outcome. A bad attitude, will catch some of the most positive and care-free spirits off guard.

Actions speak louder than words. Our gestures or what we do can speak volumes in showing the other person how we truly feel. We may claim we were talking nice, but how heated we become is revealed by our actions. If either person is shaking their head, defensive, or involving others: it would be best to stop communicating until things calm down.

As with all problems in life, until we get to the root of an issue it will never get resolved. If we find ourselves in conflict with others and then over time speaking again without ever fully discussing what caused or allowed the previous separation; we will end up in the same place again and again. Until we fix the roots and they are thriving, the flowers will never blossom.

 © Angela Bininger and The Empowerers, 2009-2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited.  

The Best Way To Confront Another Person

There are three T’s to having a good approach when communicating with others. It is important that we remain focused on the following these three T’s; in order to achieve good results when we have a conflict that needs addressed with another individual in our life.

Two People – Approach the person when they are alone and you are alone.  There is no need for either side to feel attacked. When more people are involved the conversation loses focus and nothing really gets resolved. If it is our issue that we have with another individual we must fight our battle alone. Pow wows, are unnecessary.

Tone – If you feel heated do not approach the other person face to face. Your facial expressions, tones, and mannerisms could be seen as negative and one may feel attacked. The fight or flight process begins to occur and the other person may become confused and unfocused.

Sometimes a phone call or email will achieve better results. When responding to an issue by writing out our thoughts, the brain takes more time to process the information which in turn allows us to think before we speak.

Time & Place There is a time and a place to approach someone when addressing an issue you have with them. Social gatherings and functions are not an ideal place. Trying to resolve it inside the workplace may not always be the best place either.

If you know you will be bumping into the person, try to resolve the issue beforehand.  This helps both people avoid public conflicts that end up affecting others who were present. It also aids in avoiding embarrassment in cases where we may approach someone without having had all of the facts first.

By following the above three T’s to a proper approach when confronting another person, we are bound to communicate both properly and wisely. Life is too short to stew over issues for days without resolving. 

We will all have issues and problems, it’s all about how we handle them.

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerer, 2009-2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited

Lying Before God Under Oath

Why would one swear before God to be honest yet still lie, when God always knows the truth? 

I am finding that these are the people in society who have deep seeded psychological issues. For them there is very little hope. The only thing that truth seekers can do, is be thankful that they do not partake in the liars evil ways.

People take the stand in a courtroom raising their hand to our maker that they will profess the truth, and then they lie. It  happens every day in this world, but why would one choose to lie before God and man? Especially when truth always comes out in the wash!

Perhaps it is strictly because they have no conscience that they lie? Maybe they enjoy playing victim because they are filled with shame. Or perhaps it helps their tormented mind to think they are fooling everyone. As we all know, all they are really doing is exposing that they are indeed the fool.


Facing a liar in the courtroom:

The  liars who trip themselves up during their testimony are somewhat humorous. When they realize they are caught they get a look of panic, start to twitch, and suddenly begin turning red and mumbling. Sometimes they are unknowing of how to answer a question, so they look at their lawyer with that look of a deer in headlights. They too, know they are caught.

When faced with a liar in the courtroom, stay calm and remember that God is on the strongest of battalions. Those who swear to Him publicly under oath and commit perjury, will see many dark days ahead. God will have vengeance on them.

Instead of getting flustered by the lies  just smile knowing that you will be okay. And for them… God will have His way. Leave it in His hands. The more you wish well for them, the stronger His vengeance will be. 


A special note for those who choose to lie in a court room :

Every word spoken in the court room during a trial is being recorded for later reading. Everything said can then be compared and contrasted, then ultimately the truth will be seen. With evidence presented or even not presented mixed with some common sense and reading skills;  liars in the courtroom are easily spotted.

Play your case however you wish, but in the end the truth is what wins.