Are You Having Trouble Understanding Someone?

Struggling to understand peopleWhen we watch the news or read the paper we may find ourselves asking: “What in the heck were they thinking?”  Or we read or hear countless stories of people inflicting pain upon themselves and others and wonder “Why on earth would they do that?”  And of course after even the slightest exposure to world news we hear or state: “What in the hell is wrong with people?!!!!”

We spend a lot of time worrying, wondering, questioning, and trying to understand people. We wonder how, why, and what pulled the trigger that took them to the dark side. Perhaps it is time to stop trying to understand everyone that we meet. Sometimes we are not suppose to figure them out. There are some things we are not suppose to understand.

Just because we encounter something does not mean that it is our battle to fight.

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerer, 2009-2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Angela Bininger and The Empowerer with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What Happens When We Help Our Kids Too Much?

As parents we all want to see our children become successful adults. And sometimes it is hard not to give them exactly what they want and when they want it. (Especially if it was something we wanted as a kid too.) But it is important that we force them to wait on some things, work for some things, and develop a respect and appreciation for life itself.

“We can not give them everything they want or we are creating huge barriers for them in their adult life” 

There are ten obvious personality traits I have observed in adults who grew up with parents who helped just a little too much. See if any of these apply to anyone you know and reflect on their childhood and upbringing. I assure you that there is a link. 

Entitlement – Pampered children feel entitled to everything they have. They make some of the greatest bigots with their “my way or the highway” attitude. What is yours is theirs and what is theirs, is theirs. You will often hear phrases such as: “I deserve this because____”, “It’s mine”, It’s my (house), and so on. They have a horrible time sharing as both children and adults. They often appear to have a holier than thou attitude.

Emotionally Immature – Pampering your children stunts their emotional growth and makes them needy.  They find it very difficult to be alone. They have major communication barriers and throw their own type of temper tantrum but in an adult format. They have a hard time controlling their emotions and are known for such outbursts. Again, these outbursts were visible long before adulthood.

These personalities have anger, rage, and resentment for anyone or anything who/that prevent them from getting their way. They are known to hit things, throw things, and punch walls, etc. They preach for truth from others and believe in giving others constructive criticism but they absolutely despise those who return the favor. Anything you say negative about/to them is an assault on their character. They feel attacked. And boy do they become defensive!

Codependent – Pampered children never learn to do things fully on their own as an adult. So whether it be their parents or someone else they will spend most of their life depending on others for something. They will stay in toxic relationships in fear of being alone. And they will call their parents for every aspect of their adult life. They have a horrible time making adult decisions on their own, and every bend in the road is a meltdown. They crack easily under pressure.

Socially Awkward – It is as though they do not fit in any particular social circles. The people they do associate with typically only accept them because they are like minded, or because they use to know them when they were kids. They have very few close friends. They make strange statements at inappropriate times and often have no filter. They come across as extremely ungrateful.

Lack of Empathy –  Pampered children try very little to understand people or where they have been in life. They do not feel they have to or need to. They believe you get what you give and had you been a better person, then perhaps it would not have happened to you. At times they appear just plain old heartless. They can not even attempt to understand because they are busy thinking about what you are saying, and how it will affect them. They hear what they want.

Little or No Self Control – Pampered children have a hard time controlling their emotions and their actions as both children and adults. This is terrible news friends! They often become drug and alcohol addicted, they drive recklessly, and they have an attitude of being invincible. Nothing can destroy them… until it does. Again. And again. And again. But they keep doing it anyway because they just can’t control it. And all their parents have ever done is make excuses for their behavior. So they continue on their path of self destruction. The end results, are horrifying.

Verbally Abusive –  Because the pampered child feels bad about themselves deep down inside they will routinely attack others verbally. They feel best about themselves when those around them are at their lowest. It gives them a sense of power and control. To them they are superior. Their words pierce like knives and due to their lack of empathy they have for others they remain unmoved by any pain they have caused you. Things elevate quickly sometimes leading to physical abuse. (It only takes one witty response.)

Relationship Issues – It is hard for pampered children to have successful marriages and long term relationships. There are communication issues, addiction issues, financial issues, and so much more. Nine times out of ten they will need a very submissive partner for the dictatorship they desire. For they are king/queen of the castle.

Lazy Parents – Many who grew up pampered become lazy parents themselves. They depend on their spouse to do the bulk of the housework and child rearing. They rely on their spouse, grandparents, aunts, uncles etc. to get anything involving the kids done for them. And although their laziness rears quite independent children, it has its repercussions too. They appear to have poor relationships and rapport with their children.

Zero Balance – Pampered children never fully grow up and and it seems that they are unable to maintain their balance. One area of their life is consistently lacking and when that area pulls together, the next area falls apart. But they do not worry a bit about not being a balanced person. Why? Because they know that no matter how old they are, mommy and daddy will always come rescue them. “It isn’t their fault”. “Bad things just happen to good people!”…….and so the cycle continues.

So there you have it folks! Those are ten personality traits of an adult who had their parents help them just a little too much as a child. Yes, a child whose loyalty was bought with money in a home where free thinking was condemned. A child who never learned how to truly love who they are. A child who got bigger, taller, and older but still today….. they still just can’t seem to grow up

Strength

Strength is often revealed by one’s ability to let go. When we let go of things that weigh us down or that prohibit joy…..we find happiness. 

 

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerer, 2009-2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Angela Bininger and The Empowerers with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Love Is Like A Tattoo

I designed this greeting card after having reflected upon my own life as well as the lives of others. Once true love is found; it will always exist.  It may change forms but it is still there somehow. While on some days the flame will be brighter than others; it will never go away.

We may cover it, and we may hide it but still we know it is there. And sometimes others can catch a glimpse of it without us even knowing that they noticed. Like a tattoo, love is hard to hide.

Just as ink covers the body we all long to be covered in love. And just as the ink creates a design that becomes a beautiful piece of art, love paints a picture for us all that we will always hold close to our heart.

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerer, 2009-2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited.

Can We Understand Others Thoughts While Still Trying To Understand Our Own

The human mind has approximately 12,000 – 60, 000 thoughts a day depending on ones thinking level. Some thoughts are pure while some are not so pure. There are thoughts that are nonsense and not worth the time or energy of even thinking them. There are thoughts that bring joy, thoughts that bring pain, thoughts that bring laughter and thoughts that simply make us smile.

As people we struggle to understand those around us as well as their thought processes. We attempt to understand their lines of thinking,  just as we do our own. And sometimes, we may find ourselves being  judgmental of other people’s actions or decisions, and even more so  as we try to understand the notorious question “What were you/they thinking?”

How is it possible to understand others, when we are still trying to understand ourselves? We all have a dark side, or have all walked through dark days. Some may chose different forms of darkness, but we have all experienced the same emotions at some point through our journey. Granted, our situations may vary slightly or tremendously. However, we have all experienced loss, fear, abandonment, love, joy, pain, guilt, and shame. Unless of course, we are one of the select few in the world born with no conscience.

It would be best to say that the only person that knows a persons thought process and mindset, is that person. To try to believe otherwise, is naive. How many times have we found ourselves in situations where we overhear ourselves say out loud ” I would have never expected that out of him/her!” Truth is, perhaps they didn’t expect it out of them either.

It only takes a few bad thoughts for a few days in a row, out of 60,000 a day …. and there could be chaos.

We are all human. All born to make mistakes. Although the levels of mistake-hood may very, the lessons and consequences of our actions bring about the same emotions. To understand those around us, we must first understand ourselves.

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerers, 2009-2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited.

The Gift of Independent Thought Makes My World A Better Place

The Gift of Independent Thought Makes My World A Better Place

By: Dani Perry

“Our age is retrospective. It builds the sepulchres of the fathers. It writes biographies, histories, and criticism. The foregoing generations beheld God and nature face to face; we, through their eyes. Why should not we also enjoy an original relation to the universe? Why should not we have a poetry and philosophy of insight and not of tradition, and a religion by revelation to us, and not the history of theirs?” – Excerpt from “Nature” by Ralph Waldo Emerson

Blessed are the few who know the true beauty of their existence through their own eyes and experiences, and not through the guide of their oppressors who would have them only experience that which has already been experienced by another. The grass is green, it is written, and therefore you must accept on faith that it is so. How many understand the true nature of the grass, why is it green?

Some accept the grass is green “Because I said so” or because it appears so, without question and without wonder. It was the Scientist, the Thinker, who discovered why the grass was green. The thinker is never content to simply accept what is known or what is written. The thinker is not manipulated or confined by archaic thought and reason. He would never be so cruel and close minded as to confine the thought of those he has the pleasure of guiding.

If we stunt the growth of the corn plant, it will still feed the people. But then I have to wonder the possibility if it had grown freely beyond it’s potential. The tiny seedling, against all odds, pushes its limp stalk through the hardest bits of land. It has an unstoppable desire to reach as far as it possibly can. The gardener can stake the persistent plant and impose restrictions on its growth pattern, and it will grow straight along the path which was forced. It will still bloom and you will garner enjoyment from what it becomes. However, you will never know the natural beauty of the blossom or the sweet scent of its achievement of becoming what it was meant to be, rather than what you commanded it to be.

Blessed are the few who are able to enjoy the natural flow of their own life. The past does not dictate the path of the Thinker for he is impassioned by curiosity. He seeks understanding and wisdom of his own, not of another.

The Harsh Reality of Words

The Harsh Reality of Words


Although lips are considered the most sensitive part of the human body, they can do the most damage to our bodies vital organs. The heart and the brain. Damage control can be hard to do at times. We are better off to control the strongest muscle in our body, the tongue. If we can control our tongue, we can conquer anything.

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerers, 2009-2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited.