I have studied controlling behavior for quite some time. I find the psychological patterns that accompany it quite intriguing. After observing and analyzing a case these last few days, I figured out what it is controlling people really want in a partner/relationship.
What a controlling person really wants is someone weak. They attract nothing but weak people in almost every aspect of their life. They prefer someone who is more of a follower. Someone they feel that they can help in some way. They want someone to stroke their ego, someone to cater to them. They want a puppet on a string.
In the beginning of the relationship they will appear to be a giver. But once they are settled they take, and take, and take. And then once in a while, they give. To their partner anyway. To the world in most cases, they come off as laid back, easy going, driven, and focused. However behind close doors, they are verbally abusive and at times physically abusive.
What the victim doesn’t see often times is that they are in fact a victim. Their weak mindedness, fragility, low self-esteem, and brokenness will allow their mind and heart to believe this person is their rescuer. “They will take care of me!” “It’s the fairy tale!” And it will be fabulous in the eyes of the victim while the victim remains in that state of weakness.
Controlling people thrive in co-dependent relationships. As do the weak minded initially.
I have come to a conclusion as to why the relationship that would be labeled as controlling, often ends. It isn’t only because of control. It is because the victim, gains strength over time. The victim begins to find their voice. Once this happens, the victim walks away. The relationship is finished. The controller then attracts another weak person, and the trend continues. It is when the weak become strong, that it ends. If a controlling person had their way, they would never end a bad relationship. If they ended it they may have to face themselves.
If you are in a controlling relationship, find your voice and use it. Stop the abuse, before it stops you!
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