Are These Three Types Of People In Your Life?

Relationships of any kind with certain types of personalities may seem impossible. Perhaps because they are! Especially if they are the three types described below.

Censorious people in relationships are hard to please and they are very hypercritical. They are the ones who accuse, condemn, chastise, criticize, and pretty much make a person feel as low as possible. What they fail to realize is that they are the primary reason that all of their relationships fail. Nothing seems to satisfy them, leaving in place a huge relationship landmine.

Censorious people are the opposite of what a relationship needs to survive. In a healthy relationship partners will praise, encourage, and compliment one another just as they should. They feel grateful and thankful for one another and their interactions with one another are a direct reflection of such.  

Malcontent people in relationships are also a huge landmine and because one feels so dissatisfied or unfulfilled, it can lead to many different scenarios ranging from the disrespectful ways one would speak to or treat one another, to adultery or even the abandonment of the relationship.

These people are full of regret and resentment, and because of this you will surely hear about it repeatedly if you decide to stick around and put up with it. What they fail to realize, is that it is themselves that they are miserable with. It has nothing to do with the people they encounter or that they try to build relationships with.

Recorders or Historians in relationships will recall everything in the present but they are particularly obsessed with the past. They let nothing go and can cause what would have been a wonderful and life long relationship, to dissipate.

Building something long term with this personality type is like building upon quicksand. No matter how hard you try to prove yourself it continues to deteriorate and crumble. It is impossible for the recorders to truly enjoy the present because they are too busy dredging up the past. They will never move forward until they stop looking back.

moving forward leaving past behind quotes

So what do you do when you are in a relationship with these types of people? RUN! Just kidding. You do not have to run. You can walk instead.

Once these patterns are present on a regular basis whether it be a lover or a friend, you may have better luck forming a close bond with a brick wall. These people are energy vampires and will suck you dry. Tread lightly.

From Both Sides Of The Fence: Cheater vs. Victim

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When cheating occurs both sides endure pain. Both sides feel theirs is greater. But whose is really? Can pain really be measured?

From my experience, the cheaters feel their pain is the same as their partners. They feel pain, loss, heartache, and failure. They feel dark, lost, alone, weak, and broken. They can’t believe they hurt someone who loved them.

More often than not a cheater doesn’t realize the depth of a partners love, until they see the pain their partner experiences when the cheating is revealed. In most cases, cheaters did not set into a relationship to cheat. At some point, needs were not being met. This does not justify cheating. Cheating is however a symptom of an already broken relationship. Things were broken long before an affair began.

Cheaters often wish the victim would quit talking about it or bringing it up. At times, cheaters are walking on eggshells with even the thought that their partner may be revisiting such bad memories. At other times the cheaters may appear nonchalant saying phrases like; “Get over it, Cant we move on already, Can we make up, etc.” Or perhaps the cheater plays that they are the victim.

Typically after finding out one has cheated, the story goes a little bit or a lot like this:

Cheater – I love you, I didn’t mean to hurt you.

Victim – Hind sight is 20/20. Thanks for showing me your version of love, jerk/b***h!

Cheater – I did it because ____, I did it because you didn’t ______, I did it because I was drunk/lonely.

Victim- There is NO excuse! Tell me the real reason please! Why wasn’t I worth the truth?

Cheater- How long will it take to get your forgiveness?

Victim – Can you be any more shallow? Can you exercise some patience here and help me clean up this mess you made before you ask such a ridiculous question. There is no time limit. I have no idea. I am still trying to figure out if I can even stand to be near you!

Cheater – Why are you always so negative now? Man you are in a bad mood!

Victim – Well, you should have thought of my mood when you did what you did. For wanting something positive you sure infected this relationship with your negativity. You did this! Not me!

Cheater – How do we move forward?

Victim – Move forward? I am still trying to figure out how I will survive today!

Cheater – This isn’t what I wanted. I wanted you. I didn’t want to hurt you!

Victim- Again, hindsight is 20/20. If you wanted me you should have been faithful. If you didn’t want to hurt me you would have been honest. You would have had some class, and character.

Cheater – He/She/They didn’t mean anything to me.

Victim – Wow, really? Sure means something to me now that I finally found out!

Cheater – How can I make things better?

Victim- I don’t know. But I do know your words mean nothing. You are a liar. Actions speak WAY louder! And your actions just spoke loud enough to last me a lifetime.

Cheater – Can you forgive me? What do you want?

Victim- I don’t know what I want! I don’t know anything anymore. Everything I thought I knew, I didn’t. I have been played the fool. This is SO embarrassing. Was any of this even real?

Cheater- Do you still love me?

Victim – Either doesn’t answer at all, or says I don’t know.

While the cheaters often carry guilt and pain, in my opinion it does not even compare tothe_past_love the pain that the betrayed partner carries. But I guess it truly would depend on the situation. Again, pain is hard to measure. (Everyone’s tolerance is so different.)

Once betrayed by a partner and the intimacy you once knew has been shared with someone else the entire relationship appears to have been a hoax. Nothing seems real. The betrayed feel violated emotionally, mentally, and sexually. You just feel dirty.

What doesn’t change is the amount of pain it inflicts on the faithful partner, the one who had hope and the one who believed. The one who never questioned anything. 

Yeah, that one will forever be changed. 

For more info on signs of a cheater click here

Falling Apart or Falling In Place

fall apart or coming togetherSometimes things will completely fall apart and we will question why.  And at times, we may be grasping for straws trying to comprehend it all and why things are the way they are. But it is always in those times, that we need to look deeper into it.

Perhaps these/those things were meant to fall apart all along. And maybe (just maybe…) they were never meant to be together in the first place. We may have just been off course.

Sometimes…… things will have to fall apart in our life for the right things to finally fall in place.

So the next time you find yourself discombobulated from everything falling apart around you just remember ….that it’s not falling apart after all. Things are finally falling into place.
© Angela Bininger and The Empowerer, 2009-2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Angela Bininger and The Empowerer with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Uneducated Enthusiasm

“Deception has many forms. Just because it appears to be right,  doesn’t mean that it is not wrong.

We are all guilty at some point of becoming overly excited about something or someone when we have not obtained all of the facts. From jobs to relationships or anything new, we get excited.

When we encounter new people or situations in our life, it may appear to be total perfection. Perhaps it all seems to fit so well. It may seem to be exactly what we have waited for or what we need at the time.

When we get excited like that it is time to search for the facts, and just slow down the pace. If we do not, we are merely suffering from uneducated enthusiasm.

We can not rush into decisions because when we do, we are often headed for a disaster. It is far more important to make decisions slowly and with wisdom, than to do it in a rush and have the relationship or situation end in total disgust.

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerer, 2009-2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Angela Bininger and The Empowerer with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Are You Waiting For Change?

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If we are waiting for someone to change in order for us to feel fulfilled and happy then we are wasting our valuable time and energy.

As we now change comes from within. And we can not change others. We can only change how we deal with them. And some are just best not to deal with at all. It keeps us healthier mentally and emotionally.

If someone else’s actions or lack there of are hurting you, then it is time to walk away. We have to protect ourselves. We are the only ones responsible for our own happiness so it is up to us to look out for what is in our best interests.

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