The Truth About Confronting Liars

We have all faced them and at one point been one. But how do we know if we are dealing with a liar the next time around? Perhaps the next one is a little bit more skilled than the last. This next one may just be on the border, of being a perfect liar.

Body Language is everything and there is an art to learning how to read the person. If you find them in simple lies that you know for certain are lies, ask questions and watch how they react. Then ask normal questions to get a feel for how they react. This technique coupled with natural instincts, will get the answers your heart needs every time.

Things to watch for in their body language:

Pay particular attention to the jaw line. Watch for twitching or erratic movement. It is usually closer to the ear.

Next watch the legs and hands.  Are their legs moving back and forth or are their knuckles being cracked? Being fidgety is a huge warning sign.

Are they carressing their  frontal lobe and/or the bridge of their nose?

What is their tone? How does this compare to normal conversation?

Paying attention to the way they react when you present them with information you know, will give you most of the answers you need. In time, you will appear to be borderline psychic. All you have to do is know who you are dealing with.

Reversals are common when dealing with liars. This is when they either change subjects entirely, or they find something to blame you for.  

You may be talking about something they actually did, and they will jump to something they think you might do to them. This is because of the guilt on their conscience that they do this. They hate being caught.

Walking Away is common with liars. They can’t face the truth. They have to take that time of panic, to gather up their story.

“What do you know?”, is a question commonly asked by liars. Or they will say “tell me what you think you know”. In their minds, they need facts first. It gives them time to scheme up their newest version of the story. And by telling them what you know and how you know, you aid them at fooling you more the next time. They are sneaky.

The easiest way to see how genuine they are when they “come clean” according to them, is to bring the subject up multiple times in various settings and comfort zones. When this is done, the stories will have holes which in turn leads you to more answers.

After having loved a liar in any kind of a relationship, you will find that you are a much better listener. You may also find that you take better notes and pay close attention to details.

Denial is the reason people lie. They feel that by denying who they have been or are, they can get closer to what they really want. The unfortunate part is that they can not see denying takes them further away from their destination. What that fail to realize is that: “It is impossible to fix something that we can’t admit is broken. So as long as the issues are denied, things will remain broken.”

A person who is dealing with a liar may find themselves praying, a lot. I highly recommend the prayer. God gets angry when people wrong us. And he will reveal the answers we need if we ask.

The question is, how bad do you want to know? Is it really worth it? The best thing to do would be to pick up the pieces, and move on. God will restore double what is lost.

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerers, 2009-2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Angela Bininger and The Empowerers with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

ABC’s of Life Series — Day 6 Letter F : Fight For What You Believe Is Right

 ABC’s of Life

Day 6 , Letter F

 

Fight for What You Believe Is Right

 We have all encountered situations in life where we were forced to take a stand. There may have been repercussions for us speaking up, and there may have been rewards.

 In the long run, there is always a reward when we fight for what we believe is right. It is called personal fulfillment.

 When situations light fire in us and brew anger, passion begins to stir. By continuing to fight for our desires, wishes, dreams, and anything we believe is right; we continue to build more passion.

We are better off to speak up and take a stand, even if it means doing it alone. Just as the saying goes: We have to stand for something, or we will fall for anything.

Whether it be fighting for a relationship to work, career advancement, or something you feel is your moral obligation; fight for it. Keep fighting and keep believing.

When you feel inclined to give up, fight harder. Chances are if you decide to quit, everything you had been fighting for was only an arms reach away. 

For Today: Take a stand and fight for what you believe it. It doesn’t matter what others think. It is better to fight and stand alone, than to not take a stand at all.

 

Day 7 Letter G

Give Others Grace To Grow

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerers, 2009-2014. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited.

ABC’s of Life Series – Day 4 Letter D : Dreaming Is A Must

ABC’s of Life Series

Day 4, Letter D

 

Dreaming Is A Must

We all are born to dream. Sometimes we just have a hard time believing  in our dreams enough to follow through. We get stuck in these ruts of being comfortable, and find ourselves afraid to take a risk. However, we need to take a risk; to achieve a gain.

This world has developed due to people’s dreams and their determination to make those dreams a reality. Because someone dared to dream, we now communicate in this world faster than ever before. We build luxurious homes, we dine at the finest restaurants, and we wear some of the most lavish clothing.

Because someone dared to dream we have cures for diseases. Infants can live prematurely for weeks ahead of schedule and still survive. We are living longer, and for the most part we are healthier too.

Thank goodness people in this world have dreams. I am grateful that no matter how many times people were told it could not be done, someone made it a point to do it anyway. They followed their heart, and they succeeded.

Dreams keep us alive and give us something to look forward to. Dreams advance the world and grant opportunities like never before. Dreams, are a key to happiness. Fulfilling them is when happiness has nearly been mastered.

“Not only must we take time to dream, but we must make the time for our dreams to come true.”                    

What is your dream? Are you ready to make it happen? It can be done ….

 

 

Day 5 Letter E: Exercise Your Freedom Of Speech 

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerers, 2009-2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited.

ABC’s of Life Series — Day 3 Letter C ; Cherish Every Breath You Take

ABC’s of Life Series

From A – Z

Day 3, Letter C

 

Cherish Every Breath You Take

“Life can end or be forever changed in a millisecond. It is important that we live it to the fullest and not take it for granted. We must find our purpose, and fulfill it.”

I learned at an early age the stages of grief by the loss of loved ones. By the age of 20, I had been to more funerals than years I had been alive. The trend continued well into my thirties. From friends, to co-workers, family members, and classmates it didn’t take long to realize; the shortness of life. One minute we are here, and the next we are gone forever.

 

Signs that a person is cherishing every breath:

– They treat others as though it was the last time they will see them, every time that they see them.

– When they are in the wrong, they apologize.

– They find themselves thankful for all things, both good and bad.

– They dream big and follow through.

– They live the best life they know how to live.

– They begin to build new bridges once they cross them instead of burning bridges that they may need to cross again someday.

– They focus on the big picture, and try hard not to get caught up in the minuet details.

– They make sure they have left no stones unturned.

– They accept the past and build towards the future.

– They live as best they can to have no regrets.

– When they are present, people notice.

– They give life all they have.

What matters the most in the end is that our spirits are free enough from any baggage, to enter into the after-life. Otherwise, we are just another episode of ghost hunters. Who wants to be another lost and broken spirit wandering the earth after death; due to unresolved business? Surely, not me.

As for me personally, I want to make peace with people while I am here and live the best possible life that I can. It is the only way to rest in peace, when our time here has expired.

Day 4 Letter D – Dreaming Is A Must

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerers, 2009-2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited.

Signs & Symptoms of Communication Breakdown

Communication is essential for all relationships to function properly.

When communication breakdown begins, the relationship begins to suffer and the fate of the relationship enters an unknown zone. The outcome is often determined by the people involved, as well as their ability to communicate effectively until all the issues at hand are resolved.

There are many signs to communication breakdown that may need an intervention. If you find yourself struggling in a relationship facing these issues, find help.

Whether you stay or go is up to you, however, if communication doesn’t improve someone will likely be going over time.

Types of Communication Breakdown:

Stonewalling- This is when a partner is non responsive when conflict arrives. They refuse to interact at all. Stonewalling is a person’s way to protect themselves and their environment. It gives them a sense of control. Unfortunately, it gets the relationship nowhere near resolution, and often brings even more frustration to the one whom is willing to talk and communicate.

Root: The biggest reason for stonewalling in communication breakdown is guilt.

Body language: Arms are crossed and he/she refuses to make eye contact. Or, he/she walks away and refuses to communicate further. Responses are short, and usually consist of “I don’t know”.

Defensiveness This is when the person takes away from the issue at hand, and turns it around. This person often tries to find fault in someone else, rather than taking responsibility for his or her own actions. Defensiveness will even cause the one seeking the help to look for how it would help their partner, rather than themselves.

Root: Defensiveness stems from fear. Fear of truth, and fear of disappointment.

Body Language: This is usually when one begins to make erratic faces and waves his or her hands or arms in the air. The emotions of this person can be quite unpredictable at times.

Denial Denial can take us to places we never thought we would be. When one is in denial they can not hear what others try to tell them, nor can they see it. Denial is a combination of stonewalling and defensiveness. In both cases, one refuses to admit the issues. Without admittance there is no acceptance. And without acceptance, there is no change.

Root: Insecurities, low self-esteem, and fear of rejection fuels denial.

Body Language: The most common expression from one in denial is usually the person ignoring the issues. The moving hands or arms flaring, along with the statements such as “whatever” or “OK” are also pretty common. When in denial, everything going on in that person’s life is the fault of everyone else.

Secretiveness Secretive people are usually very quiet. They are often the best listeners, but offer the least amount of information about their personal lives in terms of general conversation. Secret keepers are often image conscience, and prefer everyone to think that life is perfect. They too, are in denial and fear facing reality.

The key factor in discovering a secretive person is this: If they do not ask you many questions, it is usually because they do not want questions asked. They usually seem to be intrigued by what others have to say when in conversation, and are notorious for gossiping.

Root: Poor self-image and fear of abandonment promotes secretiveness.

Body Language: Calm and relaxed. The secretive person appears to have it all together. They want the world to believe that they have everything under control.

If you are in a romantic relationship where these behaviors occur seek help. Statistics have proven that once a relationship loses the ability to maintain effective communication, it becomes toxic and/or abusive.

If we can’t communicate properly, emotions will run high and things will escalate. This is a fact. We may not be able to help your partner or change them, but we can help ourselves and change our situation.

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerer, 2009-2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Angela Bininger and The Empowerer with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Families Of Alcoholics And Their Contribution To The Disease

The definition of alcoholism can vary from person to person. It is defined by Miriam Webster as continued excessive or compulsive use of alcoholic drinks. Or, a chronic disorder marked by excessive and usually compulsive drinking of alcohol leading to psychological and physical dependence or addiction.

(For me personally an alcoholic is anyone that depends on it. It is someone who needs it to get through a day, or week. It is someone who binge drinks. None the less, it is anyone dependent on it  or its effects.)

It is important for family, friends, and loved ones of an alcoholic to realize that they can not fix, cure, or control the disease. The alcoholic must decide for themselves to quit, bottom line.

You can however find support by attending Al-Anon meetings in your area.  Al-Anon is a 12-Step program modeled on the well-known program for alcoholics, Alcoholics Anonymous. It provides wonderful support for families of alcoholics. These support groups offer a lot, and will help keep you sane while battling such a nasty disease.

If there are addiction signs such as regular consumption or binge drinking, it is important to know what role you play in disease progression. Alcoholics tend to surround themselves with like-minded people or people who will enable them. By enabling them we allow the disease to progress further.

Friends, family, and loved ones of an alcoholic often fall in to one of the three categories below. Many do not realize that they are actually contributing to the disease.

The Rescuer

The rescuer basically “covers” for the alcoholic. This person will clean up after the alcoholic, deny the problem, and hide the issue. They may take over responsibilities for the alcoholic such as finances, and other areas. The rescuer feels that he/she is protecting the alcoholic. When in reality, covering up and covering for the alcoholic is only contributing to the problem. The rescuers are in denial, therefor they lie to themselves and lie for the alcoholic.

The Provoker

The provoker is one who will punish, chastise, and ridicule the drunken behavior. The provoker doesn’t care who hears, and will tell everyone what an awful person this alcoholic is. The provoker is angry, and the anger brews. The provoker often leaves the alcoholic over time. And takes a grudge with him/her when he/she goes.

The Martyr

The martyr is ashamed of the alcoholic and his/her behavior. The martyr speaks of their misery in dealing with the situation or withdraws completely.  The martyr tries to get the alcoholic to feel guilty for his/her behavior by using emotions and feelings as a tool. What the martyr doesn’t realize is that the only emotions and feelings that can be seen, felt, or heard by an alcoholic is their own. The martyr is often at risk for depression.

It is very important to seek help if you are battling this disease with a friend, family member, or loved one. Although we can’t control the alcoholic or the disease we can control ourselves. By seeking help we can prevent ourselves from being destroyed by the disease.

Their disease is not our fault but if we allow it to dictate our life and happiness, then that is our fault.

What Controlling People Really Want

I have studied controlling behavior for quite some time.  I find the psychological patterns that accompany it quite intriguing. After observing and analyzing a case these last few days,  I figured out what it is controlling people really want in a partner/relationship.

What a controlling person really wants is someone weak.  They attract nothing but weak people in almost every aspect of their life. They prefer someone who is more of a follower.  Someone they feel that they can help in some way. They want someone to stroke their ego, someone to cater to them. They want a puppet on a string.

In the beginning of the relationship they will appear to be a giver. But once they are settled they take, and take, and take. And then once in a while, they give. To their partner anyway. To the world in most cases, they come off as laid back, easy going, driven, and focused. However behind close doors, they are verbally abusive and at times physically abusive.

What the victim doesn’t see often times is that they are in fact a victim. Their weak mindedness, fragility, low self-esteem, and brokenness will allow their mind and heart to believe this person is their rescuer. “They will take care of me!” “It’s the fairy tale!” And it will be fabulous in the eyes of the victim while the victim remains in that state of weakness.

Controlling people thrive in co-dependent relationships. As do the weak minded initially.

I have come to a conclusion as to why the relationship that would be labeled as controlling, often ends. It isn’t only because of control. It is because the victim, gains strength over time. The victim begins to find their voice. Once this happens, the victim walks away. The relationship is finished. The controller then attracts another weak person, and the trend continues. It is when the weak become strong, that it ends. If a controlling person had their way, they would never end a bad relationship. If they ended it they may have to face themselves.

If you are in a controlling relationship, find your voice and use it. Stop the abuse, before it stops you!

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerer, 2009-2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Angela Bininger and The Empowerer with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.