mean

Are These Three Types Of People In Your Life?

Relationships of any kind with certain types of personalities may seem impossible. Perhaps because they are! Especially if they are the three types described below.

Censorious people in relationships are hard to please and they are very hypercritical. They are the ones who accuse, condemn, chastise, criticize, and pretty much make a person feel as low as possible. What they fail to realize is that they are the primary reason that all of their relationships fail. Nothing seems to satisfy them, leaving in place a huge relationship landmine.

Censorious people are the opposite of what a relationship needs to survive. In a healthy relationship partners will praise, encourage, and compliment one another just as they should. They feel grateful and thankful for one another and their interactions with one another are a direct reflection of such.  

Malcontent people in relationships are also a huge landmine and because one feels so dissatisfied or unfulfilled, it can lead to many different scenarios ranging from the disrespectful ways one would speak to or treat one another, to adultery or even the abandonment of the relationship.

These people are full of regret and resentment, and because of this you will surely hear about it repeatedly if you decide to stick around and put up with it. What they fail to realize, is that it is themselves that they are miserable with. It has nothing to do with the people they encounter or that they try to build relationships with.

Recorders or Historians in relationships will recall everything in the present but they are particularly obsessed with the past. They let nothing go and can cause what would have been a wonderful and life long relationship, to dissipate.

Building something long term with this personality type is like building upon quicksand. No matter how hard you try to prove yourself it continues to deteriorate and crumble. It is impossible for the recorders to truly enjoy the present because they are too busy dredging up the past. They will never move forward until they stop looking back.

moving forward leaving past behind quotes

So what do you do when you are in a relationship with these types of people? RUN! Just kidding. You do not have to run. You can walk instead.

Once these patterns are present on a regular basis whether it be a lover or a friend, you may have better luck forming a close bond with a brick wall. These people are energy vampires and will suck you dry. Tread lightly.

Shared Parenting With A Controlling Parent

The following question has been asked by a reader:

What is shared parenting like when one parent is already controlling?

What most people do not realize; is that when they go to leave a controlling person  the control does not  stop there. Especially in regards to a divorce with minor children. Often the children are used as pawns. They are bribed, manipulated, and in some cases completely brainwashed.

In today’s court systems; shared parenting seems to be the most common agreement reached in regards to custody. In some cases, it should be named shared chaos. I don’t find these agreements to be appropriate in cases where there have been control issues. It is only setting up the stage for a show that the children will never forget. “If the two parents couldn’t agree and cooperate married, odds are they never will. There will always be hiccups.”

The controlling person may not show up when they say to pick up or return the children. He/She may not return their child’s calls. And often times, he/she uses mind games with the children to get his/her digs in on you. It is a sick game that they play, and often feels to those being controlled as though they are imprisoned. They got away from the environment, and away from the person. Yet still today, that person manages to control them with the children they share.

Examples of control issues post decree:

You have planned a day with the children. The other parent is fully aware. He/she decides you can’t have the kids that day at the last-minute. Now he/she is in control again.

He/she knows that you have a busy day. It is his/her day with the children. Suddenly you get a call from your child/children asking if you can keep them on the other parents parenting time. Of course, you say yes. But then find yourself wondering how you will ever get everything done now, who will babysit, etc. The controlling person has just caused you to get worked up, and he/she wins!

He/She tells the children things such as : “NO, you can’t go see your mom/dad it is MY week!” Or better yet,” NO, you can’t call your mom/dad!” I have read in countless books that this is the absolute worst thing for any parent to do. Interfering with their relationship with the other parent will cause deep seeded issues. They need to figure out who is who, themselves. Nine times out of ten the child as an adult will resent the parent that interfered.

When a person has issues with control and their partner walks away; they begin to lose control themselves. The children this now divorced couple share are the controlling person’s only way left to control their former partner. Whether it be mind games with the kids  or you; the control does not typically stop just by filing for a divorce and divorcing.

In time the intensity of the control may cease but time is the key factor.  It is usually when the children are grown and have finally find their voice to speak up for themselves. This typically does not bring favorable results for the parent with control issues. SO meanwhile, just bite your tongue whenever necessary and bide your time.

Until a controlling person discovers who they are and solve the issues that turned them into a controlling person in the first place; things will be as they have always been. Stressful and overbearing.

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerers, 2009-2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited.