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ABC’s of Life Series — Day 7 Letter G : Give Others Grace To Grow

ABC’s of Life

Day 7 Letter G

Give Others Some Grace To Grow

We believe we would react to situations in particular ways or that we would behave differently than someone else until we are placed in the other person’s shoes. Once we put those shoes on that were once worn by someone else; we not only have new shoes, but a new pair of new glasses too.

Those who accept us where we are despite any decisions we are making at the time; are giving us grace to grow. These are those people who no matter where we are or what we do in our lives; they love us anyway. They do not judge us, because they understand. They listen, they advise, and they care.

The concept of allowing one grace to grow is a concept that many should grasp. Once grasped, one will find themselves no longer in a position that they feel “above” someone for making better life decisions. They will not utter phrases such as: “I can’t believe they ___” “I would never”, “He/She shouldn’t ____” You won’t believe what ____ did now” etc.

I have observed that when I utter phrases like those mentioned above; I am quickly served a piece of humble pie. When I can’t understand people, their lifestyle, behavior, and their decisions I am often given a situation shortly after; where I can. It may not be an identical situation, but it is a situation that allows me to comprehend where they were at that time, and what they were thinking. Or better yet, a situation where I can relate to their emotions.

I have written often about the fact that we are all given the same lessons throughout our lives and that the lesson plans slightly differ. One may experience grief through the lost of a parent, another through the loss of a child. One may experience adultery through their parents, or through a marriage of their own. Nonetheless, the emotional processes are the same.

No matter the format of the lesson, the lessons eventually produce the same results. We will all face temptations, and struggles. We will have to find a place and time at which we will have to forgive ourselves and each other.

We will all feel: neglect, abandonment, taken for granted, mistreated, disliked, unloved, and many other emotions at some point in our lives. The lessons differ, but the emotions are the same.

Grace is essential to provide for others; because we all need it to grow. Those who accept us despite our choices have allowed us grace to grow. Those who watch us make a mistake but love us anyway, are one of a kind. 

For Today: Find someone in your  life that has a situation that you can’t or couldn’t at one point  understand. Analyze what emotions that person may have been feeling at that time, and compare it to a situation in your life where you experienced the same emotions. 

 

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerers, 2009-2014. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited

ABC’s of Life Series — Day 2 Letter B : Be Careful Who You Trust

ABC’s of Life Series
Day 2,  Letter B

 

Be Careful Who You Trust

When we read be careful who you trust in the ABC’s of Life poem it applies to relationships and life in general. It is the mechanic, the salesman, the doctor, the lawyer, the friends, the family, and whatever else you want to insert into that blank. It also includes trusting ourselves.

We are all guilty of thinking we believe or feel a certain way about something. Until of course we get to be tested and placed into the actual situation. We assume that because we have never believed in it or that we were taught not to do it; that we never will. This is where we mislead ourselves. It is an example of where we have trusted ourselves too much.

We put our trust in the hands of others until given reason not to. We trust ourselves to navigate our lives until we hit the rocks. We go through lesson after lesson to discover the same results; God is the only one we can trust.

There are a lot of people who do not believe in Him, and that is their choice. It saddens me to think that cultures and religions have caused the thought of us all having a “maker” to be repulsive for some. Unfortunately, that is just how it is.

I can say for certain that no matter how dark the days, how heavy the load, or how long the travels; He was right beside me. I don’t read my bible every day. I do not attend church regularly. However, I still believe. I still talk to Him, and He still hears me. Believe it or not, He answers my prayers too! It may not always be in the ways one would expect, but they will always get answered.  We just have to put our trust in Him.

He hears me when I’m smoking a cigarette and He would hear me if I drank a beer. He accepts me, and I trust Him. Perhaps we should all trust Him a little more?

 

Day 3 Letter C

Cherish Every Breath You Take

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerers, 2009-2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited.

Shared Parenting With A Controlling Parent

The following question has been asked by a reader:

What is shared parenting like when one parent is already controlling?

What most people do not realize; is that when they go to leave a controlling person  the control does not  stop there. Especially in regards to a divorce with minor children. Often the children are used as pawns. They are bribed, manipulated, and in some cases completely brainwashed.

In today’s court systems; shared parenting seems to be the most common agreement reached in regards to custody. In some cases, it should be named shared chaos. I don’t find these agreements to be appropriate in cases where there have been control issues. It is only setting up the stage for a show that the children will never forget. “If the two parents couldn’t agree and cooperate married, odds are they never will. There will always be hiccups.”

The controlling person may not show up when they say to pick up or return the children. He/She may not return their child’s calls. And often times, he/she uses mind games with the children to get his/her digs in on you. It is a sick game that they play, and often feels to those being controlled as though they are imprisoned. They got away from the environment, and away from the person. Yet still today, that person manages to control them with the children they share.

Examples of control issues post decree:

You have planned a day with the children. The other parent is fully aware. He/she decides you can’t have the kids that day at the last-minute. Now he/she is in control again.

He/she knows that you have a busy day. It is his/her day with the children. Suddenly you get a call from your child/children asking if you can keep them on the other parents parenting time. Of course, you say yes. But then find yourself wondering how you will ever get everything done now, who will babysit, etc. The controlling person has just caused you to get worked up, and he/she wins!

He/She tells the children things such as : “NO, you can’t go see your mom/dad it is MY week!” Or better yet,” NO, you can’t call your mom/dad!” I have read in countless books that this is the absolute worst thing for any parent to do. Interfering with their relationship with the other parent will cause deep seeded issues. They need to figure out who is who, themselves. Nine times out of ten the child as an adult will resent the parent that interfered.

When a person has issues with control and their partner walks away; they begin to lose control themselves. The children this now divorced couple share are the controlling person’s only way left to control their former partner. Whether it be mind games with the kids  or you; the control does not typically stop just by filing for a divorce and divorcing.

In time the intensity of the control may cease but time is the key factor.  It is usually when the children are grown and have finally find their voice to speak up for themselves. This typically does not bring favorable results for the parent with control issues. SO meanwhile, just bite your tongue whenever necessary and bide your time.

Until a controlling person discovers who they are and solve the issues that turned them into a controlling person in the first place; things will be as they have always been. Stressful and overbearing.

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerers, 2009-2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited.

Getting The Compulsive Liar To Cave

Breaking a compulsive liar down can be a lengthy process. Although there is no guarantee to a permanent change, if you are persistent you can get a compulsive liar to cave.

The number one rule in breaking down the liar will be exercising patience! Getting them to come clean will not guarantee a change in their behavior, but you can push them to the point of truth for your particular situation.

They have always said you have to be smart to be a good liar and let’s face it, compulsive liars lack intelligence. They have trouble keeping their stories straight and as you call them out they swear they weren’t lying. They swear they didn’t say something they have said in attempt to cover the lie prior to the bust. They get defensive, and often storm off. After they have cooled down, push some more. Keep forcing them to face it.

In some cases you may need to pretend to know things you do not know. And in every case that involves an compulsive liar, there will be a lot of homework that needs to be done. As you discover things pertaining to your situation, encourage him/her, and tell him/her how much better he/she will feel coming clean. Let him/her know how much better the relationship will be once the truth is out.

It is also important that you show little emotion when they do open up. If they sense anger, they will stop opening up and revert to the lying cycle. Encourage the change, but also know your limits. Compulsive lying is an addiction, and as any addiction relapse is always possible. If you love this person, keep doing your homework and keep calling the person out. Often times if a compulsive liar gets caught up a lot, he/she will at least reduce the amount of lies, and sometimes they even stop completely.

If the relationship is weighing you down, maintain your distance. Sometimes the only way people learn their lessons and change; is when a loved one walks away. It forces them to hit rock bottom, and only then do they  begin to live a more honest life. Some people will not learn until they have suffered the consequences of their actions.