But That Was Yesterday

Everyone makes mistakes

When referring to children in terms of messes, the messes they make are most often found to be completely ignored. Atleast they do not appear to be affected by their messes too much.

Instead of responding to their mess, they adjust. They will find a way to work around it. They release their mistake almost instantly. It is almost as though they accept the fact they may make some messes, long before they ever do.  Pure geniuses. 

Perhaps we all need maintain an innocent and child like mindset in regards to messes. Maybe then, the messes we make or expose ourselves to wouldn’t have such an impact on our overall well being. Maybe then, we could let go of things as soon as they happen. And maybe then, we could accept the fact that we will makes some messes in life no matter how young or old we are.

Now I am no rocket scientist here, but maybe (just maybe)… it’s best for us to simply say;

“Oh yeah, that was my mess alright! That was alllll mine. But today is a brand new day. And I will choose today… to not let it mess with me!”

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerer, 2009-2018. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Angela Bininger and The Empowerer with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Can You Guess What These Two Pictures Are?

Judging by what we see

They may look good. They may act good. They may even smell good. But it doesn’t always mean they are.

They may look happy, educated, or wealthy. But it doesn’t always mean that they are.

They may seem cool, fun, driven, laid-back and content.  But it doesn’t mean that they are.

They may look the part, dress the part, and even act the part. But it doesn’t mean they are the best candidate for what we desire to accomplish. Perhaps someone else would do a better job.

With all of that being said…. the opposite is also true.

They may look dull, boring, and lifeless. They may appear to lack direction and creativity. They may seem negative, empty, or listless. But it doesn’t mean that they are.

They may even look poor, beaten down, or used up. But it doesn’t mean that they are.

They may look like they are ready to be tossed in the trash. But it doesn’t mean that we should.

Looks are so deceiving my friends!

 © Angela Bininger and The Empowerer, 2009-2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Angela Bininger and The Empowerer with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Alcoholism: Perspective From An 11 Year Old Child

WARNING: This post may require some tissues.

I had the liberty of spending time with a young lady this weekend who played a music video for me. The video reminded her of her struggles with her father who is an alcoholic. 

Before she shared the video she stated:

“OMG! You have to watch this.This gives me chills. This is so me”

Now granted, I do not encourage watching many videos on this site. But in order to understand her perspective a bit more, I will ask that you watch this three minute music video and absorb the lyrics. 

As I watched and listened to the video, hearing the lyrics “That’s enough now dry your tears, it’s been a long eleven years” (among other fitting lyrics) struck a cord with me. She is in fact eleven years old. (She is still a baby ya’ll!)

She has watched people make excuses for the behavior of her alcoholic father, which are in turn lies. She is ashamed. She spent many times crying because he is drunk. She is full of frustration.

There have been so many instances of false hope for her watching him battle his disease. She watched her family divide. And then divide some more. And for some reason she blames herself!  This is not her fault! It is disheartening and it feels like someone kicked me in the gut just listening to her use her voice on the subject matter. Whew, that poor baby.

As we wrapped up our conversation of her sharing her thoughts and feelings on being the child of an alcoholic, I asked her if she would write something about it. I wanted her to share with others who struggle with the disease itself. 

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She writes this:

All of those glass bottles I witnessed being absorbed by a broken mans body taught me some lessons. I don’t think alcohol is ever the answer. If you’re broken you can’t expect other people to fix your selfish, big ego, lying butt. I grew up around lies so now it’s time for me to tell the truth.

We were young. We heard so many lies and saw many things that hurt our eyes.

My whole life so far has been like a bomb. Tick, tick, tick, tick. The representation of all the pain filling me up inside. Lies and alcohol. Pain. Then I finally found my voice. I found me. And that is when I created the explosion.

Its my fault for making the explosion. But that monster created that bomb and expected me not to light it. These next few years will be me cleaning all this up. Im glad my mom divorced him because I wont be another basic, shallow, insecure girl. That is most of this generation.

Do me a favor and find your voice. Be loud. It isn’t always bad to make an explosion.

Sincerely,

The child of an alcoholic

just walking awayIt is hard to believe that an eleven year old wrote this. She is wise beyond her years. She is strong and she is brave. And clearly at some points she is blaming herself. And we all know it is not her fault. But still she carries that cross. She is burdened.

Although we may contribute to an alcoholic’s disease in some ways we are not to blame for the illness itself. It is a mental disorder which often accompanies other mental disorders such as bi-polar, schizophrenia, anxiety disorders etc. It is something that existed within the individual long before the alcoholism itself surfaced and became visible.

Alcoholism – A cancer of the heart and soul. A disease that cripples families every day. A disease that the eleven year old girl in the above passage will probably spend her entire lifetime trying to understand.

Parenthood

Parenthood family

It has no map or guideline

for the success of which we endeavor.

Oh parenthood….  with no timeline.

Once established, it should be forever.

Parenthood 

kids

Parenthood

Through the good times, the bad times,

and all the ups and downs.

Through the risks, the falls,

the giggles, smiles, and frowns.

Parenthood

A lifetime job that never ends.

Accepting one of the hardest facts, 

that you may not always be friends.

mountainParenthood

It is a sacrifice.

A willingness to go without. 

It is carrying someone else’s pain.

And seeking to destroy their doubts.

Parenthood cruise pictures 116

It is a bit of a race.

But not all parents keep track.

Please pay close attention though,

these days aren’t coming back.

bw kids

Parenthood

Is doing your best with what you’re given.

And although many take it for granted

It’s the greatest blessing among the living.

© Angela Bininger 2015

To The Mom Not Letting Him See His Child(ren)

Fit parent and parental alienation

I see it all too often, the bitter vindictive ex-wife who uses her children as a pawn. She wishes to wipe away memories of dad with her replacement husband, in hopes nobody uncovers her superficial and quite fictitious life. She alienates. She monitors everything. And boy oh boy is she clueless.

Dear Spiteful Mother,

First and foremost, you are unfit to be a parent. Anyone who would try to dictate their child’s love for a parent and prohibit visitation etc., should have the child(ren) removed from that situation immediately. Including yourself. You simply have no understanding as to what is in your child’s best interest.

I am sorry that nobody has ever made you feel loved quite enough, and that you feel a need to cling to your child as if you are the one living his/her life. His/her relationships with your ex, is not YOUR relationship with your ex. So…. get over yourself. Move on.

Your child in time will likely resent all you are doing now. And if you were not completely stuck on stupid you would understand that the more you are told you cant have or do something, the more you will want to in time. And in time, that child or those children will begin to piece things together and form their own opinions. More often than not, they flee to the parent they were forbidden to see.

I would suggest you pull your head out of your rear, and start to love yourself. Only then will you have the ability to pull off that mask you wear so well, and truly love your child(ren). Children love both of their parents. Obviously. Because despite your actions your child(ren) still love you. 

Although you may think you are winning small battles here and there, you are setting yourself up to lose the war. Because in the end, the child always resents the parent who manipulates them just as you are doing now. You are doing irreversible damage to your child(ren).

So I think it is time that you pick on someone your own size. The world has enough to deal with, and the last thing it needs….. is one more person in society that you so selfishly and willingly screwed up. 

Sincerely Yours,

A Mom Who Cares

 

13 Tell Tale Signs Of A Cheater, Is It Happening To You?

Signs of a cheater

The majority of people who suspect cheating probably should. Usually that is your instincts trying to tell you something.

Those who don’t suspect cheating in their relationship, should still have this knowledge. There are two reasons I suggest this. 1) It can happen to anyone, and 2) It’s not a bad thing to know what signs and symptoms to look for. Most people don’t know the signs of a cheater, until it is a little too late.

1.) Appearance – Has he/she taken more pride in personal appearance lately such as: new clothes, cologne/perfume, working out, new hairstyles etc.?  If they are getting all done up just for a trip to the grocery store or other trips that are out of the ordinary, then something is probably fishy. Granted, some people do naturally take pride in their appearance. With cheaters it is more of a sudden change in their normal patterns of getting ready, what they wear, how they look etc.

2.) Nit-Picking – Is he/she picking a fight just to get away or using the notorious “Time to think” or “I have some work to do at the office” excuse? Cheaters do this every day. They will literally pick a fight just so they have a reason to get away from you and do what they do…cheat!

3.) More Frequent Trips – Is he/she leaving the house more frequently? Granted this is not always the case. Work affairs happen so often and their time is mostly accounted for. 

4) Abandonment Technique – Is he/she leaving you with the children knowing you won’t drag them to check up on him/her? This is a common trick for married couples. Once the kids are in bed it makes it hard for the one left behind to check out anything questionable in their partners behavior.

5.) New Tunes – Is he/she listening to new music? Lyrics are crucial!!! Especially for ladies! We identify with songs as though they are the meaning of our own life and experiences. Now ladies, men are usually opposite on this one. They can truly listen to a song and think about absolutely nothing

6.) Internet – Is he/she on the computer a lot? If they are spending more time talking to and interacting with people on the internet than they are with you then it would be a huge flag. Where we invest our time speaks volumes as to which relationships mean the most.

7.) Uninvited – Is he/she doing things/activities and you are not welcome or even invited to attend? Some will purposely schedule or portray to schedule activities you detest because they know you will not want to go. (Call their bluff the next time and watch their reaction.)

8.) Unhappy – Has he/she mentioned unhappiness in the relationship in the last 6-12 months? Typically mentioning being unhappy with the relationship happens just before an affair begins. In a sense it is a cry for help. Or a warning call per say.

9.) Contacts – Are there any unusual numbers or contacts in his/her cellular phone or on the bill? Many men will make up a guys name and many females will make up a ladies name so that it appears to just be a text from a friend. Another one in this category is the mentioning of hanging out with the friend you have never heard of.

10.) Secretive – Has he/she been more secretive or distant? If you are communicating less and he or she is keeping to themselves more then that may be a flag.

11.) Depression – Has he/she recently suffered from depression? Depression can do many things to the mind. A simple compliment could carry the depressed person far away, into a land of hope. And boom, affair.

12.) Loss – Has he/she recently lost a loved one? Losing a loved one causes us to reevaluate our lives. Some develop a need to live as though they were dying themselves after losing someone close to them. 

13.) Changes In bedroom – Is there a sudden lack of interest or a sudden uncontrollable interest in sex? This too is an obvious sign. Affairs can play both sides however. But definitely question when new techniques or ideas appear.

So many affairs fly under the radar before being detected and these above mentioned things are very obvious signs. If you have answered yes to a few of these, you likely have some research to do about your partner.

Tips:Cheating

If they are on the computer a lot you can install spyware if you just need proof. This can also be added to their cellular phone.

If you have kids and can’t get away when they take off you can always hire a P.I. relatively cheap. And sometimes you can trick them in to coming clean without providing hardly any information.  9 times out of 10 people discover that the instincts that led them to question it in the first place, were right all along. 

There are plenty of ways to catch if you really want to know. Question is, can you handle the truth? Are you ready for the roller-coaster of emotions?

Whatever you do, do not let them manipulate you into thinking you are crazy for suspecting something. Dig and dig until the truth is revealed if that is what you are searching for.

Always remember, what is done in the darkness will always be brought to light.

 

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Remembering Beautiful

cruise pictures 042When my children were younger and I would drive them to school we would listen to a series of songs in effort to begin our day with something positive and uplifting. (There were a few songs in this mix but these in particular were our favorites.)

The favorite songs were: I Hope by the Dixie Chicks, There’s Hope by India Irie, and of course Beautiful by Christina Aguilera.

Just hearing the songs takes me back to those car rides. The rush of getting three little people to three separate spots so I could get to work. The sports schedules, school functions, birthday parties, sleepovers etc., alone as a single mom. Those days were a different kind of busy.

Those car rides to school were actually car rides to uncertainty. We had no idea what the future held. All that we knew was that we had one another and that was always enough to carry us through. We were happy in the midst of chaos.

I reminded them daily how beautiful they are. Every school drop off ended with the words “I hope your day is as beautiful as you”. Because they are in fact beautiful people. It was just a simple reminder for them in a world that can be so harsh and cruel.

Although overall life has been very good to us, there are still those times that we all need reminded as we face life’s trials. There are those times that we all feel discouraged. There are those times where all hope seems lost. Yet somehow, we keep holding on.

It is in those moments of disparity that we are faced with a decision to let it get the best of us….. or stay positive

“We are beautiful. No matter what they say. Words can’t bring us down. So don’t you bring us down today.” Christina Aguilera