break-up

The Divorce Is Final, Now The Emotional Divorce

Often people file for divorce or initiate a break-up thinking that they are done with the relationship. They think the issues will be gone and that they can begin their new journey. Although publicly filing for divorce is the first major step, the emotional divorce is much harder to deal with, and it takes time.

Studies indicate that it takes approximately 3-6 months for every year in a committed relationship to heal. Although there is no such timer for healing due to the fact that each person handles it differently, this time period proves to be true in the dissolution of almost every relationship I have witnessed.

How To File For An Emotional Divorce

1. Begin to live separate lives! This is crucial! You are two separate people, heading two separate directions. You are on a journey to find yourselves again, and you will hit many road blocks while still acting as though you are a married or committed couple. Give him/her space, and begin to live separate.

2. Do Not Answer To One Another! This one is probably one of the hardest to do. After being in a committed relationship we naturally answer to the “How, Why, Where, When” questions. We do it naturally, and it times we feel it is just showing respect. Reality is, it is keeping us attached.

3. Reinvent Yourself! Find something you have always caught yourself daydreaming about, and do it. Take that trip, join that society, fight for that cause, run that marathon, publish that book, or whatever the case may be. When we begin doing something that empowers us on a daily basis we begin to feel we live a life of purpose. Reinventing ourselves is our way of keeping our past from dictating who we are or become. This is your chance to shine!

4. Pray! This is by far the fastest road to recovery. Pray for guidance, wisdom, and discernment. Pray for a life of peace. Pray to know yourself, and pray for God to allow others to be receptive to your wants, needs, and desires. It may be instantly that He answers, and it may be months. But nonetheless, He will answer. Just be ready when He does!

5. Let Go! There is nothing worse than holding on to something that is dead. Once you let go completely you can begin to embrace the new journey, and move forward. You then begin to experience an inner peace like no other just by letting go. Fear keeps us holding on, fear misleads us, and fear blinds us. When we let go of fear, we can let go of almost anything.

6. Find A Positive Outlet! Wether it be crafts, arts, music, writing, playing sports, coaching a team etc., it is important to find a positive outlet. This emotional roller-coaster ride may not end for weeks, months, or even years. Find something or some way to release that anger, frustration, and sadness in a positive way. By projecting positive, more positive will come.

7. Believe! The sooner you believe you can do it alone, the sooner you will. The sooner you believe, the sooner you will succeed. After every loss, there is a gain. When God takes one away, He often sends something or someone even better to bless our socks off.

8. Don’t Rush It! There is no need to rush into the arms of someone else. If we did that we would end up right back where we are now, eventually. Take time to learn the lessons. Dig deep and do a self-check. Break-ups are never due to one person alone. Both parties bring issues to the relationship, and it is important to take responsibility for your part in that. By accepting responsibility for where you went wrong in the relationship, you begin to take preventative measures for all future relationships.

As I stated earlier in this article, the emotional divorce is far different from the typical divorce. It is an entirely different process. Couples divorce every day in this country through our court systems. However, more often than not they remain emotionally married for years to come. Take control of your life, and get out completely. Only then will you experience the true beauty in this world. Only then will the chains that bind you, be broken.

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerers, 2009-2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Angela Bininger and The Empowerers with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Goodbye Says It All

No long explanation. No reconciliation. No lets talk it over, number you can call. Goodbye says it all! *Blackhawk*

The biggest mistake we make at times is saying goodbye, or so we think. We fool ourselves into believing that in the eyes of someone else, we are worth fighting for. That our relationship with them meant to them, what it did to us. The truth is, that is hardly the case in any relationship. Wether it be romantic or what one thinks is an innocent opposite sex relationship, one always seems to feel more than the other. One always seems to have higher expectations.

As we walk away threatening our goodbyes while hoping deep down that another person will change their ways or even put up a fight to keep us, we begin living in denial. We begin to loose ourselves. It is crucial to maintain your dignity, and keep walking. Despite the pain of goodbye, 99% of the time it is worth it. It will make for a much sweeter “hello” with someone who believes what we believe, and that we truly jive with.

As we kick ourselves during the mourning process of saying goodbye, we must not wallow in our own self pity. After all, we chose to walk away right? Perhaps when we walked away from someone who we think we still love, goodbye said it all to them. Are they suppose to spend their life consumed with thoughts of us? Or are they suppose to learn their lessons, heal, and move forward?

In the initial stages of break-ups , we truly believe we still love someone out of fear and fear alone. Once we move out of fear, we will then see that the break-up that occurred, occurred for a reason. It occurred to take us to a much brighter destination. It occurred so the we can be in complete control of our happiness.

Before saying goodbye, remember that to many people in this world, “Goodbye says it all.” Never say goodbye and expect someone to beg you to be in their life. It just doesn’t work that way. Pick up the pieces, and move on. Brighter days will come.