moving on

Are You Waiting For Change?

Image

If we are waiting for someone to change in order for us to feel fulfilled and happy then we are wasting our valuable time and energy.

As we now change comes from within. And we can not change others. We can only change how we deal with them. And some are just best not to deal with at all. It keeps us healthier mentally and emotionally.

If someone else’s actions or lack there of are hurting you, then it is time to walk away. We have to protect ourselves. We are the only ones responsible for our own happiness so it is up to us to look out for what is in our best interests.

Don’t Nurture What Needs Neutered

Don’t nurture what needs neutered in life. Cut it off, be released, and let it go. The time has come to move on.

Instead of getting mad about what is lost,what you have left behind , or what you have put away; get excited about whats about to come. God’s word says: “I will restore to you double.” Believe Him. And get excited! Because good is on its way!

 Turn you to the strong hold, ye prisoners of hope: even to day do I declare that I will render double unto thee.  Zechariah 9:12

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerers, 2009-2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited.

Goodbye Says It All

No long explanation. No reconciliation. No lets talk it over, number you can call. Goodbye says it all! *Blackhawk*

The biggest mistake we make at times is saying goodbye, or so we think. We fool ourselves into believing that in the eyes of someone else, we are worth fighting for. That our relationship with them meant to them, what it did to us. The truth is, that is hardly the case in any relationship. Wether it be romantic or what one thinks is an innocent opposite sex relationship, one always seems to feel more than the other. One always seems to have higher expectations.

As we walk away threatening our goodbyes while hoping deep down that another person will change their ways or even put up a fight to keep us, we begin living in denial. We begin to loose ourselves. It is crucial to maintain your dignity, and keep walking. Despite the pain of goodbye, 99% of the time it is worth it. It will make for a much sweeter “hello” with someone who believes what we believe, and that we truly jive with.

As we kick ourselves during the mourning process of saying goodbye, we must not wallow in our own self pity. After all, we chose to walk away right? Perhaps when we walked away from someone who we think we still love, goodbye said it all to them. Are they suppose to spend their life consumed with thoughts of us? Or are they suppose to learn their lessons, heal, and move forward?

In the initial stages of break-ups , we truly believe we still love someone out of fear and fear alone. Once we move out of fear, we will then see that the break-up that occurred, occurred for a reason. It occurred to take us to a much brighter destination. It occurred so the we can be in complete control of our happiness.

Before saying goodbye, remember that to many people in this world, “Goodbye says it all.” Never say goodbye and expect someone to beg you to be in their life. It just doesn’t work that way. Pick up the pieces, and move on. Brighter days will come.

Divorce: The Only Time We Die, Yet Live To Talk About It

Divorce is one of the only times in life a human will die, go through the stages of grief, and live to talk about it. The process is accompanied by a level of pain comparable to a death, or what one might experience with a serious illness.

There are several stages to the grieving process that can last for any amount of time. It all depends on how big the loss was. But to most, a broken marriage is a huge loss. Even more so if children are involved.

Shock & Denial is where the grieving process begins when a relationship ends. The shock is much worse if your spouse has already moved on with someone else. You may find yourself saying “This is not happening” “We were suppose to ____!” “I didn’t see this coming!” “None of this is my fault!” “Well maybe if I would have___.” You may even find yourself not taking him or her seriously about the divorce. You may be avoiding the issue in hopes that they change their mind.

Anger & Hatred  are by far the worst phases; aside from depression. We begin to get mad at ourselves, and the other person. Often times, we are mad at the world. Everyone is out to get us!

The anger phases comes and goes throughout the process. I have found that people often bounce back and forth between stages one, two, and three. At times we might think we have entered the next phase of grief, then a previous stage surfaces unexpectedly. Sometimes it can surface just by looking at the other person.

Anger can last for many years. Perhaps forever once it takes root. It truly varies from person to person. 

Bargaining is something we do to try and hold on to the relationship and it often occurs at the same time as phase one, denial. It goes hand in hand with denial. “I will do ___ if you take me back”, “I will buy you ___” “We can go on a trip” “Look, I finally got you that ____ that you wanted”. We sometimes even begin to bargain with God. “Lord if you fix this I will never ______ again!” “God if you ____ I will ____.

Depression can be a scary stage of grief. It is important to keep activities scheduled to keep from slipping into a deep depression. Surround yourself with loved ones and positive people. With depression one loses interest in normal activities, they oversleep or don’t get enough sleep, and the eating habits are comparable to the sleeping. They are either eating a lot, or very little at all. They may have suicidal thoughts, and struggle just to get out of bed. They are remembering only good things about the relationship. And they have very little interest in their life. They feel hopeless.

Acceptance  is when we begin to pick up the pieces. We can take the positive things we learned by having the relationship, and simply chalk up the loss. We see that there is hope. Yes, there is some light at the end of that dark tunnel. 

Once one reaches the stage of acceptance, they have regained more control of their new life. It gives them more control of their destiny. They realize that they can do it! It is when they begin to dream again, discover themselves, and begin to truly live.

I once read somewhere that it takes approximately 3-6 months for every year you were married to complete all 5 phases of grieving. From what I have seen, that number is fairly accurate. There is life after divorce. It just doesn’t truly begin until we have grieved the loss, learned our lesson that was intended for us to learn in that relationship, and move on. In doing that we have discovered who we are again, and may even get down the road and be thankful for that loss.

Healing, takes time. And time, heals. Most of the time it heals anyway.

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerer, 2009-2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited.