The Act Of Trust

Trust is easily given by most of us in relationships, but often taken for granted. Once it has become violated, the violator may often wonder how to regain that trust. There are three things you can do to regain someone’s trust. All be it the relationship will never be as pure as it once was, but the relationship can possibly be salvaged vs. burning bridges.

Actions – Our actions will be the most important tool in earning back someone’s trust. You must be genuine. There is no need to put on a show, you will only be wasting your time and looking foolish in the process. Actions are important because when trust is broken, words do not matter. Although our words may express our thoughts, our actions reveal them.

Change – If trust is violated, there is often a deeper reason than that relationship alone. It is not only important to take responsibility for our actions that have caused someone not to trust us, but we must make changes if that person is someone that we really want in our life, that we love. Change must be immediate, and you must be ready. Otherwise, the person you have offended will see it as a front, and you will only do more damage.

Time – Time heals almost all wounds. When trust is broken, there is no time limit as to how long it takes to earn back trust. That’s the unfortunate part. If you are wanting forgiveness do not ask things such as how long, or when they can forgive you. This will push them further away. As they heal over time, be sincere and compassionate. Most importantly, be willing to take some heat! Odds are, it is well deserved.

Relationships are a lot of work but the good ones are worth it. No matter what the situation is that has caused the mistrust, it can be restored in most cases over time. It could take days, weeks, months, or years, but if you want it bad enough and can prove you love the person and are worth it, it can be restored.

The #1 mistake people make when trying to regain trust or restore a relationship, is giving up.

How To Reconcile After Your Divorce

The level of damage caused by both parties must be taken into account when reconciliation is being considered. Each party has experienced pain, loss, and a multitude of other emotions. Some wounds can heal quickly. However, it will take much needed time regardless of the size of the injury.

Steps To Reconciliation:

1. Respect one another when it comes to personal space! You will both need time to heal, however, do not put too much distance. Distance when a relationship is already struggling can make the reconciliation process even more complicated.

2. Communicate about everything, and withhold nothing. If you truly want to make it work you must lay all of the cards on the table. Refraining from being honest will only do more damage.

3. Figure out what it was that attracted them to you in the first place, and zoom in on it!

4. Attend a marriage seminar or couples retreat. There are plenty across the country, and likely one in your area.

5. Assess exactly it went wrong as well as what changes either of you have made; in order to prevent another breakup.

6. If you were the one that treated your spouse poorly you should be eating, sleeping, and breathing the words I’m sorry. However, words aren’t everything. Your actions will speak much louder. Be genuine!

7.  Let them see you at your best. Don’t mope around allowing yourself to slip into depression. Reinvent yourself. Become interesting again. Make them wonder what they are missing.

8. If you have children, do not use them to bargain. Do not even let them know that reconciliation is something you are considering. They can see you interacting in a civil manner as adults, however, until reconciliation is guaranteed you must leave them out of it.

9. In every interaction you should be positive, and appear happy. You are on top of the world!

10. Send a random text when you are driving past that place that is special to the two of you.

11. Don’t be afraid to show that your vulnerable side. Tell him/her exactly how you feel. Doing this in doses seems to work best. Sometimes if you lay it on thick all the time, it will have the opposite affect and push them the other way. Tell them how you feel, then back off if they aren’t ready to hear your feelings. Be patient. You may have to do this for months or possibly years, reminding them occasionally that you are still there, and do indeed still love him/her. Sometimes one will remain in “victim” mode for a very long time. When they are in victim mode, they can’t grasp much of what you say. You are that nagging ex! So tread lightly during this step.

12. Fix yourself! When a marriage ends it is because 2 people are broken. Now is a good time for personal counseling if couples counseling is not an option. Dig deep, read a lot of self-help books, and learn everything you have forgotten or have never known about you.

13. Don’t lose hope! Couples reunite every day.  Although there is no secret formula, once hope is lost you can guarantee that reconciliation will never happen.

14. Re-establish your friendship with one another. Get back to the roots from which that mighty tree came from!

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerers, 2009-2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Angela Bininger and The Empowerer with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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