Who Is Your God Given Mirror?

I wrote a poem years ago in regards to people and mirrors. The flow of it was there and it just slipped from my brain to my finger tips in seconds. The words have never left me since the day it was written. It is a simple reminder to myself and others struggling to understand people in general.

mirror

God Given Mirror

I asked God for a mirror,

and He decided to give me you.

He said If I don’t like what I see,

then perhaps I have done it too.

He told me to cast no judgement,

on others when they are weak.

And that if I had nothing nice to say,

there shall be no need to speak.

He told me that you were my mirror,

what I dislike in you needs changed within me.

Because we are all one another’s mirrors

and our own worst enemy.

There is a lot of truth to what is said in this poem for the simple fact that “what we do not like in others is usually something that we do not like about ourselves”.

It may seem hard to believe it at first, but not if you really think in depth about it.

When we do not like someone…. it is because they either do something we use to do ourselves and we have attached negative feelings towards that action, or they do something we have suppressed and kept ourselves from doing.

 © Angela Bininger and The Empowerer, 2009-2018. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Angela Bininger and The Empowerer with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Shaking The Ground

When we find the ground shaking we should ask ourselves the following:

 “What is it I am suppose to be doing?”  “What am I really doing?” “What can I change to eliminate some of the shaking?” “What must I add to or take away from the equation?” And most importantly, “Lord, where do you want me?”

If we begin yielding to Him more and resisting less; we will find ourselves on steady ground again.

Otherwise,  He will keep shaking the ground until we land in the spot He wants us.  

Remember: “If the ground didn’t shake, how could it break for something new to begin?” 

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerers, 2009-2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Angela Bininger and The Empowerers with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

The Truth About Confronting Liars

We have all faced them and at one point been one. But how do we know if we are dealing with a liar the next time around? Perhaps the next one is a little bit more skilled than the last. This next one may just be on the border, of being a perfect liar.

Body Language is everything and there is an art to learning how to read the person. If you find them in simple lies that you know for certain are lies, ask questions and watch how they react. Then ask normal questions to get a feel for how they react. This technique coupled with natural instincts, will get the answers your heart needs every time.

Things to watch for in their body language:

Pay particular attention to the jaw line. Watch for twitching or erratic movement. It is usually closer to the ear.

Next watch the legs and hands.  Are their legs moving back and forth or are their knuckles being cracked? Being fidgety is a huge warning sign.

Are they carressing their  frontal lobe and/or the bridge of their nose?

What is their tone? How does this compare to normal conversation?

Paying attention to the way they react when you present them with information you know, will give you most of the answers you need. In time, you will appear to be borderline psychic. All you have to do is know who you are dealing with.

Reversals are common when dealing with liars. This is when they either change subjects entirely, or they find something to blame you for.  

You may be talking about something they actually did, and they will jump to something they think you might do to them. This is because of the guilt on their conscience that they do this. They hate being caught.

Walking Away is common with liars. They can’t face the truth. They have to take that time of panic, to gather up their story.

“What do you know?”, is a question commonly asked by liars. Or they will say “tell me what you think you know”. In their minds, they need facts first. It gives them time to scheme up their newest version of the story. And by telling them what you know and how you know, you aid them at fooling you more the next time. They are sneaky.

The easiest way to see how genuine they are when they “come clean” according to them, is to bring the subject up multiple times in various settings and comfort zones. When this is done, the stories will have holes which in turn leads you to more answers.

After having loved a liar in any kind of a relationship, you will find that you are a much better listener. You may also find that you take better notes and pay close attention to details.

Denial is the reason people lie. They feel that by denying who they have been or are, they can get closer to what they really want. The unfortunate part is that they can not see denying takes them further away from their destination. What that fail to realize is that: “It is impossible to fix something that we can’t admit is broken. So as long as the issues are denied, things will remain broken.”

A person who is dealing with a liar may find themselves praying, a lot. I highly recommend the prayer. God gets angry when people wrong us. And he will reveal the answers we need if we ask.

The question is, how bad do you want to know? Is it really worth it? The best thing to do would be to pick up the pieces, and move on. God will restore double what is lost.

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerers, 2009-2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Angela Bininger and The Empowerers with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

The Devil In A Sunday Dress

“What appears to be, isn’t always what is meant to be.”

Have you ever had something happen in your life that appeared to be an answer to prayer? Did it seem as though it were laid directly in your lap and meant specifically for you? Did it turn out to be not as beautiful as it were when you first received it? Did that gift, end up being your worst nightmare?

There are many times in my life where I felt a prayer was being answered or I was being led in a particular way. As soon as I saw what it was I wanted, I reached out and grabbed it. I felt God had sent it, therefore it was meant to be!

In time I have learned that those moments in life where something appeared to be divine intervention, most often turned out to be the devils manipulation. Now I  refer to those moments or times periods as times where  “the devil is/was wearing  his Sunday dress”.  

When the devil wears his Sunday dress; that dress looks good, it is wrinkle free,  and it’s very  flowing. It hides the  flaws, it smells good, and it feels good on the skin. However, it does not mean that we will be getting exactly what we see. The way it looks while he is wearing it will not be the way it is once we slip into it, and try it on for ourselves.  

The devil slips on his Sunday dress when we are praying for answers in our life. Whether it be relationships, social issues, career choices, or parenting; he will likely appear in at least one or all of them.

It may be a job that answers our financial worries but it will also wash away all happiness in the end. Or maybe it is  a relationship that appeared flawless in the beginning and suddenly it becomes lopsided and washes away who we are. It could even be a lover who was only supposed to be a friend, or a friend who was meant to be a lover. Everyone could fill in the blanks here, as we all encounter times in life where something isn’t what it initially appeared to be.

We must learn to recognize Gods answers over the devils deceptions. The best way to do this, is to talk to Him regularly. If we pray for discernment and take steps only when confident, we will walk wisely. It is the best way to have peace with our decisions  and make ourselves available to receive the blessings He has waiting for us.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                   

“It may appear to be the exactly what we have asked for; but it doesn’t mean that we are where we are supposed to be,  or that what we see is what we are supposed to have at this particular moment. ”                        

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerers, 2009-2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. 

Footprints In The Sand

This is a really good song to meditate  and give thanks. He hears us, no matter who we are or where we are.  And he responds. It is no coincidence that people in this world that have achieved much came from some of the most difficult circumstances. It is no coincidence that when you ask them all how they survived traumatic life situations they say… : “I prayed”.

Those who answer that question with “I prayed” came from all nations, and all walks of life. They were from all religions, all beliefs, all completely different people. He is there, and He listens. Although he does it in his own time, He answers. It may not always be in the way we thought, but He answers. He never fails to answer. Just believe.

Patience 101 – God’s Delays Are Not His Denials

Never think that God’s delays are God’s denials.  Hold on; hold fast; hold out.  Patience is genius.   -Comte de Buffon

I think of many scenarios when I read this quote. When I first read it I thought of a friend from my school years who had several miscarriages and still births. Finally on number six she carried a baby to term that lived.  God was not denying her anything, he simply had a better person for her child to have as a father figure. He had a different plan but still honored this woman’s prayer, over time. This woman believed she would be a mother, and she didn’t give up. And by believing it would happen, it did. Her patience gave her the life she dreamed of. Her refusal to hear from doctor’s “You can’t have children, stop trying” got her where she is today. Most women, would have stopped after a couple times. But this woman is strong, and knew in her heart she deserved this prayer to be answered. And it was. She has a beautiful baby girl. Her story gives me chills every time I think about it.

I also think of that friend with the “strained” marriage.  I think of how her dream as a child was to have a family. Something stable for her children. Some normalcy! I think of how they struggled recently, but by holding on and being patient they are now on the cusp of have that family they dreamed of. Something far better than what that marriage has known for so many years. By getting to the root of their marital problems they are discovering more about themselves and each other. God wasn’t denying them a happy family, He was just making sure they still wanted it. It took a little bit of heartache to move the couple closer, but it has moved them closer together. They held on, they are being patient, and because of that their golden years will be beautiful.

This quote reminds me of one of my favorite Bloggers as she works diligently to restore her marriage, and let go of the past. By God denying her love that resulted in an extra marital affair; her and her husband’s patience in restoring their marriage, the hours of counseling, and soul-searching will give her more love than she has ever known over time. If they are patient. God wasn’t denying anything in those moments of despair as the love affair ended. He was just giving her something better. He gave her a strong man to love her unconditionally, along with a chance to know more about herself. The situation that was once bad, has the potential now to bring a lifetime of happiness. Pure bliss!

When I read this quote I also think about how long I waited for a career. I stayed home with my children many years, and although I have a PhD in child rearing I felt inadequate when it came to careers. I felt like I had not done much with my life. I began nursing school and felt it was the best thing for my life. Every day I would leave for school excited. Thinking about my future as a nurse gave me chills.  It appeared to be the only solution to many problems. But as I sat enrolled in school spending 60 hours a week between my books and classes, it just wasn’t an option for me at this juncture in my life. I felt like I was missing out on my kids lives for something I can do when they are older. The timing just didn’t seem appropriate, and I will never get these tender years with my children back. So I stopped nursing school.

When I stopped nursing school I said I would find a career. That I didn’t need that degree yet. That my children were most important and that I need to be available for them. For  months I waited,  I cried, and I prayed. I watched my savings take a nosedive as I patiently and diligently searched for employment. I knew in my heart of hearts that God wouldn’t let me down. I knew there was something good out there for me.

As  a result of denying what I once thought I wanted, God gave me something better. Something better than a career I was only entering for money and job security. In fact, He gave me my dream. He gave me a career  that works around my children’s schedules. He gave me full-time pay for part-time hours. He gave me a place of employment but I can still  be here to put my kids on the bus every day, and also be here to get them off.  The income potential with this career He gave me in exchange for my patience, surpasses that of the degree I would have received this June. My patience landed me a higher paying career, without that piece of paper that says “she graduated college, she is smart enough to do this”.

These are just some of the things that came to mind when I read that quote. What comes to your mind? What has happened in your life where you thought God was denying you something? Have you thought He was denying it only to find out He had something better planned all along? Was  His plan was just different for you than your plan for you was?


Being Married To An Alcoholic Can Mean Divorcing Yourself

Being married to an alcoholic is challenging. As if marriage isn’t tough enough, we find ourselves facing an illness that can be life threatening.

As spouses we want to believe that there is hope, and that the behavior is something we can correct. We believe the if we do certain things, say certain things, avoid situations, and act a certain way it will change the alcoholics mindset. We think that if we avoid alcohol itself that it will help. After all, if we drink they will want to drink. So we avoid it all together. We try everything to prevent drinking episodes and fight like hell to understand the disease, its causes, and its effects.

(One of the biggest mistakes we make; is thinking we can control the fate of the disease.)

It is hard to maintain an upbeat spirit and our identity when dealing with an alcoholic on a daily basis. Often times we lose sight of ourselves and eventually, as we find ourselves again we find the courage to walk away.

The hardest part of dealing with a spouse who suffers from alcoholism is accepting the reality that we can’t change them. It does not matter what we do, they are who they are. They will lie to us, and they will deceive. Trust will be hard to restore.

The battle of dealing with an alcoholic you love can be just as bad as having the disease itself.

Some alcoholics hide it well. They come off as hardworking, well liked, and social. Others can come across as laid back and quiet. These are usually the ones who can’t maintain their alcohol and become violent. It can be quite dangerous. They can’t hear our crying and pleading for them to get help, instead they dive deeper into the drinking and begin to resent the one suggesting they seek help. They are in their own world, and only those who accommodate their disease are welcomed.

Alcoholics are on a road to self-destruction. Until they reach a dead-end they will not realize that they need help. They will continue to surround themselves with people who make them feel justified in their behavior. Someone who says “Oh you had a bad day? Want to have a drink?” will soon be their best friend. They feel this person understands. What this person has done is opened another door and allowed the alcoholic to do even more damage. They have just become the rescuer.

Alcoholism is a painful disease to watch. We never know what will come next. A new injury, more vomit, a new place he/she passed out, another fight, a D.U.I., a social mishap, or a new hole in a wall or door.

When living with an alcoholic you are truly the only one who knows the extent of the disease and can often vouch for the fact that you never know what their mood will be. Sometimes even the slightest things can set them off. It is Jeckel and Hyde. They are critical of others because they feel bad about themselves. They are out of control. They have lost sight of who they are. As a result they can become controlling, and abusive.

When we love an alcoholic it can be debilitating. They can not see the pain they cause. Sometimes we just have to let go because it becomes too depressing to watch and live with. At that point all we can do is pray for the best results.

Until people want to change, there will be no change. And if their disease is causing you to lose who you are and what you believe in, it is time to let go. It is not worth losing you too!

For more information about contributing to your loved ones disease  click here.