Sick Of Feeling Crappy? Here Are Five Rules To Finding Happy!

I have had several friends say they are not happy and that they do not know how to find happiness. I do not in any way shape or form profess to be the happiness coach, nor do I have all the cures for finding your own happiness; however, I would like to share to a few things I have learned over my own years of searching for happiness.

RULE# 1
Happiness comes from within
For years I went back to a relationship thinking I could not be “happy” without him or the relationship. I could not be alone. I went back trying to love and be loved, however I was only putting myself through a personal hell.

I let the relationship define me and my reason for being.

After my divorce I found that I didn’t even know who “I” was. I had been too busy trying to find happiness in someone else, that I had lost myself. I had to rediscover and find who I was.

RULE# 2

Happiness quotes
A year later I realized that my unhappiness wasn’t because of the lack of having someone in my life. I had to find happiness within, because if I was not happy now how was I ever going to he be happy in a relationship?

RULE# 3

Happiness quotes

Letting someone else be your source of happiness is self-destructive. You have to learn to like, love and respect yourself before anyone else.

Question:
How long do you find yourself happy when you allow your happiness to be driven by another person? A couple of weeks or months, and then what?

Then you believe this person must not be the “one” because they no longer make “you” happy….. when in reality you set this relationship up to fail because you were searching for someone/anyone to fulfill your void.

We have all been taught that to love someone is to sacrifice yourself for their happiness and in return we expect them to do the same for us. However, by sacrificing our happiness we are only becoming miserable. We alone are responsible for our happiness.

RULE# 4

Self acceptance key to happiness

Start by making yourself the priority and no-one else. Find yourself, and enjoy being you.

Now this doesn’t mean you have to cut everyone out of your life, but that you should allow yourself to be the priority.

RULE# 5

The only person you cannot live without and have unconditional love for is YOU! Everyone else is a bonus. Once you start to love yourself and instead of leaving your happiness dependent upon others, the right people will fall into place.

Written By: Aliceson Troute Carver

Mom, How Do You Know If You Are In Love?

love-sick1

My daughter asked the age old question….

“Hey mom, how do you know if you are in love?”

My answer was quite simple. At least it was to me. And although it took me many years of my life to figure it out for myself, I felt like I could give her a legitimate answer.

But first, I had to start with what my definition of love is.

Love Is:

When you give of yourself and think nothing of it. You want nothing but to see the other person happy and for them to benefit. It is sacrificial, and you expect nothing in return.

Sometimes love can mean being with the person forever and getting married, and sometimes you love them enough to say goodbye. But when it is true love, you can feel it. You just click.

You respect each other and get along, and you don’t try and change the other person. You work together. It is a partnership with two people who are the best of friends.

You laugh regularly. You cheer one another on. And you feel like there is nothing that life can throw at you, that the two of you can not handle together. 

Now, being in love… that can be tricky!

But as for me…..

How do I know that I am in love?

For starters, I still count the hours until he gets home from work and we get our family time, and time as a couple. I still get butterflies when he touches my hand. And no matter how bad of a day I have had, one hug makes it all go away.

I look forward to every conversation we have, from religion to politics and everything in between. I love getting to know him more every day. I love the simple ways he shows me on a daily basis that he loves me.

I am simple. So is he. And together, it is just something magical.

And when you are in love…. it is magical. Nothing anyone says will make you feel any different. And every day, you love them more than the day before.

how love test

The Depths of Love

We are fools for love or thinking we have found it only to find out in time…..

“That was not it!”

But one thing is for certain….

we either always love them or we never truly did.

The Truth About Confronting Liars

We have all faced them and at one point been one. But how do we know if we are dealing with a liar the next time around? Perhaps the next one is a little bit more skilled than the last. This next one may just be on the border, of being a perfect liar.

Body Language is everything and there is an art to learning how to read the person. If you find them in simple lies that you know for certain are lies, ask questions and watch how they react. Then ask normal questions to get a feel for how they react. This technique coupled with natural instincts, will get the answers your heart needs every time.

Things to watch for in their body language:

Pay particular attention to the jaw line. Watch for twitching or erratic movement. It is usually closer to the ear.

Next watch the legs and hands.  Are their legs moving back and forth or are their knuckles being cracked? Being fidgety is a huge warning sign.

Are they carressing their  frontal lobe and/or the bridge of their nose?

What is their tone? How does this compare to normal conversation?

Paying attention to the way they react when you present them with information you know, will give you most of the answers you need. In time, you will appear to be borderline psychic. All you have to do is know who you are dealing with.

Reversals are common when dealing with liars. This is when they either change subjects entirely, or they find something to blame you for.  

You may be talking about something they actually did, and they will jump to something they think you might do to them. This is because of the guilt on their conscience that they do this. They hate being caught.

Walking Away is common with liars. They can’t face the truth. They have to take that time of panic, to gather up their story.

“What do you know?”, is a question commonly asked by liars. Or they will say “tell me what you think you know”. In their minds, they need facts first. It gives them time to scheme up their newest version of the story. And by telling them what you know and how you know, you aid them at fooling you more the next time. They are sneaky.

The easiest way to see how genuine they are when they “come clean” according to them, is to bring the subject up multiple times in various settings and comfort zones. When this is done, the stories will have holes which in turn leads you to more answers.

After having loved a liar in any kind of a relationship, you will find that you are a much better listener. You may also find that you take better notes and pay close attention to details.

Denial is the reason people lie. They feel that by denying who they have been or are, they can get closer to what they really want. The unfortunate part is that they can not see denying takes them further away from their destination. What that fail to realize is that: “It is impossible to fix something that we can’t admit is broken. So as long as the issues are denied, things will remain broken.”

A person who is dealing with a liar may find themselves praying, a lot. I highly recommend the prayer. God gets angry when people wrong us. And he will reveal the answers we need if we ask.

The question is, how bad do you want to know? Is it really worth it? The best thing to do would be to pick up the pieces, and move on. God will restore double what is lost.

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerers, 2009-2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Angela Bininger and The Empowerers with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Straight A’s of Communication When Wanting To Resolve Issues or Conflicts

We all have things that annoy or bother us when it comes to others’ actions. It is vital that when these situations occur; we communicate those feelings with the appropriate person.

There is a way to communicate, and have straight A’s in the process. The conversations will be fail proof if the following steps are considered before tackling an issue or problem with another individual. It is truly all about our approach, our attitude(s), and our actions.

Approach is the first step to communication. If you approach with a bad attitude one will feel attacked, and things will quickly escalate. On the other hand if your approach is calm, sincere, and lacks sarcasm; it will be accepted by the opposite party will likely not become offended. We must all follow the three T’s to a proper approach when we are communicating a problem we have with someone else.

Attitude is everything in life; especially when communicating feelings or resolving issues one may have with other people.  A bad attitude can be contagious; but the good attitude is more appealing, attractive, and will provide better results.

Maintaining a positive demeanor while approaching and talking to an individual will promote conversation opposed to yelling and bickering. A person’s attitude when approaching another individual with heated topics; will determine the outcome. A bad attitude, will catch some of the most positive and care-free spirits off guard.

Actions speak louder than words. Our gestures or what we do can speak volumes in showing the other person how we truly feel. We may claim we were talking nice, but how heated we become is revealed by our actions. If either person is shaking their head, defensive, or involving others: it would be best to stop communicating until things calm down.

As with all problems in life, until we get to the root of an issue it will never get resolved. If we find ourselves in conflict with others and then over time speaking again without ever fully discussing what caused or allowed the previous separation; we will end up in the same place again and again. Until we fix the roots and they are thriving, the flowers will never blossom.

 © Angela Bininger and The Empowerers, 2009-2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited.  

ABC’s of Life Series — Day 7 Letter G : Give Others Grace To Grow

ABC’s of Life

Day 7 Letter G

Give Others Some Grace To Grow

We believe we would react to situations in particular ways or that we would behave differently than someone else until we are placed in the other person’s shoes. Once we put those shoes on that were once worn by someone else; we not only have new shoes, but a new pair of new glasses too.

Those who accept us where we are despite any decisions we are making at the time; are giving us grace to grow. These are those people who no matter where we are or what we do in our lives; they love us anyway. They do not judge us, because they understand. They listen, they advise, and they care.

The concept of allowing one grace to grow is a concept that many should grasp. Once grasped, one will find themselves no longer in a position that they feel “above” someone for making better life decisions. They will not utter phrases such as: “I can’t believe they ___” “I would never”, “He/She shouldn’t ____” You won’t believe what ____ did now” etc.

I have observed that when I utter phrases like those mentioned above; I am quickly served a piece of humble pie. When I can’t understand people, their lifestyle, behavior, and their decisions I am often given a situation shortly after; where I can. It may not be an identical situation, but it is a situation that allows me to comprehend where they were at that time, and what they were thinking. Or better yet, a situation where I can relate to their emotions.

I have written often about the fact that we are all given the same lessons throughout our lives and that the lesson plans slightly differ. One may experience grief through the lost of a parent, another through the loss of a child. One may experience adultery through their parents, or through a marriage of their own. Nonetheless, the emotional processes are the same.

No matter the format of the lesson, the lessons eventually produce the same results. We will all face temptations, and struggles. We will have to find a place and time at which we will have to forgive ourselves and each other.

We will all feel: neglect, abandonment, taken for granted, mistreated, disliked, unloved, and many other emotions at some point in our lives. The lessons differ, but the emotions are the same.

Grace is essential to provide for others; because we all need it to grow. Those who accept us despite our choices have allowed us grace to grow. Those who watch us make a mistake but love us anyway, are one of a kind. 

For Today: Find someone in your  life that has a situation that you can’t or couldn’t at one point  understand. Analyze what emotions that person may have been feeling at that time, and compare it to a situation in your life where you experienced the same emotions. 

 

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerers, 2009-2014. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited

ABC’s of Life Series — Day 5 Letter E : Exercise Your Freedom of Speech

ABC’s of Life 

Day 5 Letter E

Exercise Your Freedom of Speech

So many are afraid to find their voice and use it. It is unfortunate that they remain comfortable living their lives controlled by others emotions and actions.

Many people have a hard time standing up for themselves. Some will just go with the punches, and lolly-gag through life. Others will repeat things they are told  instead of telling what they feel. They will hide behind a mask, and remain mute. They will remain afraid to stand up for themselves.

Whether speaking on behalf of something that we feel is right or wrong; we should all exercise our right to speak. It is our God-given right and it is our freedom.

Considering that freedom is never free, the best way we could say thank those that have laid down their lives so we can have freedom; would be to use our freedom of speech.

It’s time we take a stand. It starts with one voice and then soon after; many more will rally behind that voice.

 

“We must find our voice so we can teach others to find theirs.“

 

For today: Speak up. Let them know what is on your mind. Only you can speak for you. If you don’t speak, then you will be the only one to blame. By letting them know, that weight will be lifted and you will begin to experience emotional freedom.      

Day 6 Letter F

Fight For What You Believe Is Right                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  

 © Angela Bininger and The Empowerers, 2009-2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited.