13 Tell Tale Signs Of A Cheater, Is It Happening To You?

Signs of a cheater

The majority of people who suspect cheating probably should. Usually that is your instincts trying to tell you something.

Those who don’t suspect cheating in their relationship, should still have this knowledge. There are two reasons I suggest this. 1) It can happen to anyone, and 2) It’s not a bad thing to know what signs and symptoms to look for. Most people don’t know the signs of a cheater, until it is a little too late.

1.) Appearance – Has he/she taken more pride in personal appearance lately such as: new clothes, cologne/perfume, working out, new hairstyles etc.?  If they are getting all done up just for a trip to the grocery store or other trips that are out of the ordinary, then something is probably fishy. Granted, some people do naturally take pride in their appearance. With cheaters it is more of a sudden change in their normal patterns of getting ready, what they wear, how they look etc.

2.) Nit-Picking – Is he/she picking a fight just to get away or using the notorious “Time to think” or “I have some work to do at the office” excuse? Cheaters do this every day. They will literally pick a fight just so they have a reason to get away from you and do what they do…cheat!

3.) More Frequent Trips – Is he/she leaving the house more frequently? Granted this is not always the case. Work affairs happen so often and their time is mostly accounted for. 

4) Abandonment Technique – Is he/she leaving you with the children knowing you won’t drag them to check up on him/her? This is a common trick for married couples. Once the kids are in bed it makes it hard for the one left behind to check out anything questionable in their partners behavior.

5.) New Tunes – Is he/she listening to new music? Lyrics are crucial!!! Especially for ladies! We identify with songs as though they are the meaning of our own life and experiences. Now ladies, men are usually opposite on this one. They can truly listen to a song and think about absolutely nothing

6.) Internet – Is he/she on the computer a lot? If they are spending more time talking to and interacting with people on the internet than they are with you then it would be a huge flag. Where we invest our time speaks volumes as to which relationships mean the most.

7.) Uninvited – Is he/she doing things/activities and you are not welcome or even invited to attend? Some will purposely schedule or portray to schedule activities you detest because they know you will not want to go. (Call their bluff the next time and watch their reaction.)

8.) Unhappy – Has he/she mentioned unhappiness in the relationship in the last 6-12 months? Typically mentioning being unhappy with the relationship happens just before an affair begins. In a sense it is a cry for help. Or a warning call per say.

9.) Contacts – Are there any unusual numbers or contacts in his/her cellular phone or on the bill? Many men will make up a guys name and many females will make up a ladies name so that it appears to just be a text from a friend. Another one in this category is the mentioning of hanging out with the friend you have never heard of.

10.) Secretive – Has he/she been more secretive or distant? If you are communicating less and he or she is keeping to themselves more then that may be a flag.

11.) Depression – Has he/she recently suffered from depression? Depression can do many things to the mind. A simple compliment could carry the depressed person far away, into a land of hope. And boom, affair.

12.) Loss – Has he/she recently lost a loved one? Losing a loved one causes us to reevaluate our lives. Some develop a need to live as though they were dying themselves after losing someone close to them. 

13.) Changes In bedroom – Is there a sudden lack of interest or a sudden uncontrollable interest in sex? This too is an obvious sign. Affairs can play both sides however. But definitely question when new techniques or ideas appear.

So many affairs fly under the radar before being detected and these above mentioned things are very obvious signs. If you have answered yes to a few of these, you likely have some research to do about your partner.

Tips:Cheating

If they are on the computer a lot you can install spyware if you just need proof. This can also be added to their cellular phone.

If you have kids and can’t get away when they take off you can always hire a P.I. relatively cheap. And sometimes you can trick them in to coming clean without providing hardly any information.  9 times out of 10 people discover that the instincts that led them to question it in the first place, were right all along. 

There are plenty of ways to catch if you really want to know. Question is, can you handle the truth? Are you ready for the roller-coaster of emotions?

Whatever you do, do not let them manipulate you into thinking you are crazy for suspecting something. Dig and dig until the truth is revealed if that is what you are searching for.

Always remember, what is done in the darkness will always be brought to light.

 

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Love At First Sight, Is It Real?

ImCo-DependentBWMany people ask the question “Do you believe in love at first sight?”

Had they asked me 20 years ago the answer would have been no. But if I was asked today, I would say absolutely without a doubt….YES, I do believe in love at first sight.

Why yes? One might ask.

I knew from the second I saw my guy. I was lovestruck. There was just something about him that was different than the rest. It is hard to explain, but I just knew. There was a connection before the exchange of words. I was mesmerized. And I was somewhat frozen.

What happened was….

I was just minding my own business singing a song and out from around the corner he came. He walked towards the stage and then stopped just a few feet away from where I was. And then we locked eyes as I continued to sing. When I was done singing, I knew I was ready to start loving. This one had me before we even said hello. And so the love story began.

It truly caught me off guard. It was just so unexpected. So random. And well… flat out magical. At the time I was in a very bitter, anti-relationship, man bashing place in life. And the morning after I had met him, I walked into work and said “I met my future husband last night” and they looked at me like I was insane. They thought I was joking at first. But no, I was so serious.

To this day he is my best friend, and I love him with all of my heart. There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for him. He is the peanut butter to my jelly, the peas to my carrots, the salt to my pepper, and so much more.

I still get butterflies when he touches my hand. I still count the hours until we get home to one another. And I feel so thankful and blessed for all the ways he has shown and continues to show his love for me. He is my rock.

Love is so many things, and I feel like we have them all. It is patient, kind, willing, sacrificial, giving, understanding, accepting, loyal, faithful, and it is forever. Once you finally find it that is.

The Mathematical Formula For Destructive Relationships

All relationships have the potential to be hazardous, abusive,  and destructive. The destruction begins gradually and at times it will not end until  long after the relationship itself has ended. It just depends on how long we allow the destruction to occur before stepping up to the board and balancing out the equation.

Just as in mathematical equations that become difficult; we should simplify difficult relationships in our lives too. Simplifying can mean counseling, creating a positive change in the relationship, eliminating irritants, or in some cases simply leaving the relationship and moving forward.

Destructive relationships can be hard to spot initially. Over time the signs become more obvious, especially as we begin to see what was once a bright flower wither and fade away. Once we see the first sign of a destructive relationship, the others signs and symptoms arrive shortly after. Or so it seems.

Signs of a Destructive Relationship:

Non-trustworthy partners seem to be a dime a dozen these days. The breaking of trust is the beginning of a destructive relationship. Once trust is broken; it is time to break out the hard hats. The wrecking crew has arrived.

If two people can not trust one another the relationship officially becomes classified as a destructive relationship. The person that can’t trust suffers, and as a result the person that can’t be trusted does too. This is not healthy for either party.

Recovery from broken trust is possible if correction occurs, and it is sincere and genuine. This typically means that there will not be repeat offenses. If there are repeat offenses there may be a bigger problem. There could be a compulsive liar in the picture. If so, there are ways to break the liar down. Once you break them down and all truth becomes visible, options can be weighed out and recovery is absolutely possible. Until then, brace yourself for the other phases of a destructive relationship.

Internal Damage leaves us holding on to things that leave us felling lost, hopeless, sad, or broken. These feelings can be overwhelming and cause panic attacks, anxiety attacks, depressions, and sometimes paranoia. Internal damage can make true forgiveness seem impossible.

External Damage is when one will begin to notice things around them breaking. Whether on purpose or by accident; everything begins to break down internally and externally. This typically happens after a few incidents have occurred that created internal damage or conflict.

Withdrawn from normal activities is a symptom of a destructive relationship.  One may withdraw from friends, family,  and activities. They will isolate themselves with their partner and display signs of social avoidance. This needs attention particularly if the withdrawing from others is not for legitimate reasons. Sometimes, people grow up and apart. It doesn’t necessarily mean one is withdrawn.

 

Excessive Weight gain or loss is another sign that someone is in a destructive relationship. Sometimes people who are suffering emotionally will eat or starve their way to feeling in control of something. Food becomes a replacement for those gaining weight. For those in a destructive relationship that are losing weight, I have found that they starve themselves strictly to feel in control of something in their life since other areas are lacking self-control.

Control is a common characteristic seen in one or both parties involved in destructive relationships. Controlling people have the same patterns across the board, and they will often come off as very well liked socially. If they tell you where to go, what to do, who to talk to, what to wear, or how to act; they may just have control issues. If both parties are insecure and have controls issue, there could be a few Doomsday’s ahead.

Psychological Abuse occurs when one belittles another’s achievements or lack there of. Psychological abuse can be any type of mind game; from name calling to threats of suicide. One may also manipulate their partner into forgiving or at least trying to. Someone who is psychologically abusing their partner may also threaten suicide when their partner decides to leave them. If the person being abused speaks of suicide, their words ought not be taken lightly. 

Psychological abuse can be any of the following phrases (to name a few):

I said NO! You can’t wear that! Nobody cares what you think! Nobody cares about you! You don’t matter! Who are you talking to? Who’s calling here? You can’t talk to “them” ! This is MY house! I pay the bills! You are LAZY! You are worthless! Get out! I don’t need you! I never loved you! You are ugly! You are fat! I hate you!

These words can be devastating, and often lead to violence. If you are in a violent relationship leave immediately. There are shelters across the country that house men, women, and children in violent situations who are looking for relief.

Violence is not healthy in any relationship. Violence can be hitting, throwing, smacking, cornering, or intimidating another person. Violence often follows psychological abuse.

Depression is usually the last phase before one begins to receive a reality check as to where their relationship has been; where it is, and the direction it is heading. Depression can be life threatening and one suffering from depression should seek help from a certified medical professional. There are some self-help techniques for depression, and ways to fight depression. However, talking to a counselor is always a good idea. It is nice to have an outsider help us reduce difficult equations.

When things become broken inwardly and outwardly in any relationship; getting out is the only way to avoid having only bits and pieces yourself left. Repairs are much easier when something is only partially broke, than when no longer running at all.

 © Angela Bininger and The Empowerers, 2009-2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited.

The Benefits Of Honesty

Lying can make people victorious initially, but it is only temporary. By being honest in all areas you will gain respect from others in the long run; which is far more admirable. It takes much strength to be honest in all situations. And  those lacking honesty; simply lack character, insight, and direction. Fear dictates their lives.

As we know the truth will be seen eventually, and those that once screamed victory from the revelation of lies; will realize they were defeated all along. They defeated themselves the moment they delivered those lies and deception. They defeated themselves by remaining in denial. And they will continue to defeat themselves until there is a realization that life is far too short, to live a lie.

When looking at the big picture one can clearly see that lying brings about failure, while remaining honest promotes success. I have seen it time and time again. My best advice to anyone that reads this; is advice that was once passed to me. “Just be honest. It may bite you at first, but eventually, others will see that what you are/were saying is real.” Once others begin to separate the truth from the lies, and the facts from the fiction;  you can experience true victory without having compromised who you are in the process.

“Stand for the truth at all times.

As liars begin to trip themselves up, you will still be standing.

It is much easier to stand; than continuing to fall.”

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerer, 2009-2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Angela Bininger and The Empowerer with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Signs & Symptoms of Communication Breakdown

Communication is essential for all relationships to function properly.

When communication breakdown begins, the relationship begins to suffer and the fate of the relationship enters an unknown zone. The outcome is often determined by the people involved, as well as their ability to communicate effectively until all the issues at hand are resolved.

There are many signs to communication breakdown that may need an intervention. If you find yourself struggling in a relationship facing these issues, find help.

Whether you stay or go is up to you, however, if communication doesn’t improve someone will likely be going over time.

Types of Communication Breakdown:

Stonewalling- This is when a partner is non responsive when conflict arrives. They refuse to interact at all. Stonewalling is a person’s way to protect themselves and their environment. It gives them a sense of control. Unfortunately, it gets the relationship nowhere near resolution, and often brings even more frustration to the one whom is willing to talk and communicate.

Root: The biggest reason for stonewalling in communication breakdown is guilt.

Body language: Arms are crossed and he/she refuses to make eye contact. Or, he/she walks away and refuses to communicate further. Responses are short, and usually consist of “I don’t know”.

Defensiveness This is when the person takes away from the issue at hand, and turns it around. This person often tries to find fault in someone else, rather than taking responsibility for his or her own actions. Defensiveness will even cause the one seeking the help to look for how it would help their partner, rather than themselves.

Root: Defensiveness stems from fear. Fear of truth, and fear of disappointment.

Body Language: This is usually when one begins to make erratic faces and waves his or her hands or arms in the air. The emotions of this person can be quite unpredictable at times.

Denial Denial can take us to places we never thought we would be. When one is in denial they can not hear what others try to tell them, nor can they see it. Denial is a combination of stonewalling and defensiveness. In both cases, one refuses to admit the issues. Without admittance there is no acceptance. And without acceptance, there is no change.

Root: Insecurities, low self-esteem, and fear of rejection fuels denial.

Body Language: The most common expression from one in denial is usually the person ignoring the issues. The moving hands or arms flaring, along with the statements such as “whatever” or “OK” are also pretty common. When in denial, everything going on in that person’s life is the fault of everyone else.

Secretiveness Secretive people are usually very quiet. They are often the best listeners, but offer the least amount of information about their personal lives in terms of general conversation. Secret keepers are often image conscience, and prefer everyone to think that life is perfect. They too, are in denial and fear facing reality.

The key factor in discovering a secretive person is this: If they do not ask you many questions, it is usually because they do not want questions asked. They usually seem to be intrigued by what others have to say when in conversation, and are notorious for gossiping.

Root: Poor self-image and fear of abandonment promotes secretiveness.

Body Language: Calm and relaxed. The secretive person appears to have it all together. They want the world to believe that they have everything under control.

If you are in a romantic relationship where these behaviors occur seek help. Statistics have proven that once a relationship loses the ability to maintain effective communication, it becomes toxic and/or abusive.

If we can’t communicate properly, emotions will run high and things will escalate. This is a fact. We may not be able to help your partner or change them, but we can help ourselves and change our situation.

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerer, 2009-2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Angela Bininger and The Empowerer with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

The Act Of Trust

Trust is easily given by most of us in relationships, but often taken for granted. Once it has become violated, the violator may often wonder how to regain that trust. There are three things you can do to regain someone’s trust. All be it the relationship will never be as pure as it once was, but the relationship can possibly be salvaged vs. burning bridges.

Actions – Our actions will be the most important tool in earning back someone’s trust. You must be genuine. There is no need to put on a show, you will only be wasting your time and looking foolish in the process. Actions are important because when trust is broken, words do not matter. Although our words may express our thoughts, our actions reveal them.

Change – If trust is violated, there is often a deeper reason than that relationship alone. It is not only important to take responsibility for our actions that have caused someone not to trust us, but we must make changes if that person is someone that we really want in our life, that we love. Change must be immediate, and you must be ready. Otherwise, the person you have offended will see it as a front, and you will only do more damage.

Time – Time heals almost all wounds. When trust is broken, there is no time limit as to how long it takes to earn back trust. That’s the unfortunate part. If you are wanting forgiveness do not ask things such as how long, or when they can forgive you. This will push them further away. As they heal over time, be sincere and compassionate. Most importantly, be willing to take some heat! Odds are, it is well deserved.

Relationships are a lot of work but the good ones are worth it. No matter what the situation is that has caused the mistrust, it can be restored in most cases over time. It could take days, weeks, months, or years, but if you want it bad enough and can prove you love the person and are worth it, it can be restored.

The #1 mistake people make when trying to regain trust or restore a relationship, is giving up.