can

ABC’s of Life Series — Day 3 Letter C ; Cherish Every Breath You Take

ABC’s of Life Series

From A – Z

Day 3, Letter C

 

Cherish Every Breath You Take

“Life can end or be forever changed in a millisecond. It is important that we live it to the fullest and not take it for granted. We must find our purpose, and fulfill it.”

I learned at an early age the stages of grief by the loss of loved ones. By the age of 20, I had been to more funerals than years I had been alive. The trend continued well into my thirties. From friends, to co-workers, family members, and classmates it didn’t take long to realize; the shortness of life. One minute we are here, and the next we are gone forever.

 

Signs that a person is cherishing every breath:

– They treat others as though it was the last time they will see them, every time that they see them.

– When they are in the wrong, they apologize.

– They find themselves thankful for all things, both good and bad.

– They dream big and follow through.

– They live the best life they know how to live.

– They begin to build new bridges once they cross them instead of burning bridges that they may need to cross again someday.

– They focus on the big picture, and try hard not to get caught up in the minuet details.

– They make sure they have left no stones unturned.

– They accept the past and build towards the future.

– They live as best they can to have no regrets.

– When they are present, people notice.

– They give life all they have.

What matters the most in the end is that our spirits are free enough from any baggage, to enter into the after-life. Otherwise, we are just another episode of ghost hunters. Who wants to be another lost and broken spirit wandering the earth after death; due to unresolved business? Surely, not me.

As for me personally, I want to make peace with people while I am here and live the best possible life that I can. It is the only way to rest in peace, when our time here has expired.

Day 4 Letter D – Dreaming Is A Must

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerers, 2009-2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited.

So What Is There To Get? Some People Stay Friends After A Divorce

I guess you could say this blog has been a long time coming. It probably hadn’t written itself till now because, well, I just wasn’t ready. This blog is dedicated to all of you who have ever uttered this phrase:  “I just don’t get it”

Humans in general often struggle to accept in their lives  that which they do not, cannot, or simply will not, understand. They will then turn the thought, idea, whatever it is, over and , and then push it back  on to the original source and give it a label. Often, it’s an incorrect label. It’s one of mankind’s biggest disgraces. What we don’t understand, we criticize, because it’s the only way we can make it fit into our pretty little box.

We like to call ourselves open-minded, but in reality, very few of us really are. I myself have even fallen into this trap of labeling something as “Odd” or “Weird” that I simply could not grasp.

We will use our own upbringing, our supposed morals, or society in general, as a way to validate that label. And in doing so, we create an even bigger mess of things.

In my case, it happens to be my relationship with my ex-husband. This statement could apply to numerous other things in life, but for the purpose of this blog, we will stick with the ex-husband.

Society and history, more often than not, has taught us that there is no plausible way that two people who once loved each other enough to get married, have children, go through life together, could ever decide to STOP doing that, and still remain cordial.

As a matter of fact, society seems more than pleased with itself when the two individuals battle it out for the whole world to see. Deny it if you must, but people love  drama.

If they don’t immediately see it, they have to then create it. For some reason, other people’s drama often makes us feel better about OUR lot in life, so we kind of need it in many ways.

In my case my ex-husband and I are not only cordial, we are actually still friends. What? That simply cannot BE!!! (Insert collective cyber gasp here!!!!)

Yes. I am afraid it’s true. We are best friends technically, and I still talk to him about 3-4 days per week. Now add to your already overwhelmed brain that my current boyfriend of three years is also  friends with my ex-husband.We hang out frequently together.

I will just give you a minute to process that…

Okay, done?

Here’s the deal. My ex and I were always friends. We built our marriage on that friendship and for the most part we had 13 GOOD years. Our marriage was based on respect and friendship. There was love, sex and all that other good stuff. We also had a slew of great moments and a only handful of bad moments. We couldn’t, despite our friendship and outside counseling navigate those bad moments; so three years ago we divorced.

Now everyone has weighed in on that over the years and that’s fine.

I have always held to the belief that no one, no matter how much you think  you know about another person, ever truly knows another person completely. The same goes for couples or any relationship in general. You can view pieces of it. Snap shots if you will. And sure, you can probably accurately judge what is and what is not a great relationship. But really, at the end of the day, what goes on between two people, behind the walls of their home, is really only between those two people. The real truth lies between those two parties.

It was never easy. Divorce rarely is. Make no mistake. We weren’t dancing around in party hats under a confetti shower, but it was the decision that was made at that time.

But here’s the thing…Divorcing someone does not erase the love in the heart, the memories, or the life you built together.  I never stopped loving him as the person he was. Intelligent. Funny. Easy to talk to. He was a good husband. He was and is a great guy. He simply was no longer my guy. And people don’t “get” that. And you know what? that is okay.

None of us here on earth will ever understand, or “Get” everything that goes on in the world.

In any break up, people want a bad guy. They need to place their anger and frustration on one of the parties. And so I suppose in this one, I got the brunt of it, since I was the final decision maker. And I have taken more than my fair share of the anger and hurt from our friends and family for sure but the reality is, sometimes there is no bad guy.

Sometimes what was; no matter how good, simply ceases to be. Our job, in any circumstance whether it be a marriage, a friendship, or even a career, is to recognize that it has passed its due date, and then go about making the changes that need to occur so that everyone gets to live their best life. No matter how hard or scary those changes can be.

We can never let fear of the unknown prevent us from action.

Sometimes there is nothing to get. Sometimes a situation just IS. We can analyze it to exhaustion if we want, but at some point you have to just say it is.

There is nothing more to get. This is a decision we made. All three of us. Adults, with previous relationships under our belt. And it is working; or us.

Our way may not be your way. And that’s okay. I don’t expect or really even need you to do it our way. But for me, there was no other way. Our relationship changed. It didn’t end. And at the end of the day, all three of us are better for it.

Our unique situation and friendship has made all of us better people.

You want to see what you are really made of? Spend a few hours in a room with your ex-husband. Guess what?? All those things that drove you nuts before, while you were married… Well,  they’re still there and guess what? Now you can’t say squat about it. You turned in your “Free Nagging” pass when you signed on the dotted line. Hah!

Learning to keep my mouth shut has been the greatest gift this friendship has given me. In addition to that I now have TWO great men in my life. One who loved me once. One who loves me now. We have risen above the criticism, the jealousies, and the naysayers. Because of that  we have better, more enriched, and more well-rounded lives.

It is my humble belief that if more people did what we are trying to do the world would be a much more peaceful place. Right?

We were married. We were divorced. We have remained friends. Because we were always friends. There is nothing else to get. When you are comfortable with yourself, when you like yourself and the people in your life, then it really becomes a simple choice.

We  can only analyze something for so long before we must accept that it just is. Life is too short to waste energy trying to sort it all out. It’s too short to live your life full of doubts. Regrets. And full of hate and anger.

We only get one shot at this thing called life. Why not walk the path surrounded by a great group of eclectic people? Why not go crazy and do the unexpected? Why not look society in the face and say screw you, it can be done, it is being done, and I will show you how.

Go out and live your best life friends. And don’t let anyone else define how that life should be. It’s your picture. Color it as you see fit!

Can We Understand Others Thoughts While Still Trying To Understand Our Own

The human mind has approximately 12,000 – 60, 000 thoughts a day depending on ones thinking level. Some thoughts are pure while some are not so pure. There are thoughts that are nonsense and not worth the time or energy of even thinking them. There are thoughts that bring joy, thoughts that bring pain, thoughts that bring laughter and thoughts that simply make us smile.

As people we struggle to understand those around us as well as their thought processes. We attempt to understand their lines of thinking,  just as we do our own. And sometimes, we may find ourselves being  judgmental of other people’s actions or decisions, and even more so  as we try to understand the notorious question “What were you/they thinking?”

How is it possible to understand others, when we are still trying to understand ourselves? We all have a dark side, or have all walked through dark days. Some may chose different forms of darkness, but we have all experienced the same emotions at some point through our journey. Granted, our situations may vary slightly or tremendously. However, we have all experienced loss, fear, abandonment, love, joy, pain, guilt, and shame. Unless of course, we are one of the select few in the world born with no conscience.

It would be best to say that the only person that knows a persons thought process and mindset, is that person. To try to believe otherwise, is naive. How many times have we found ourselves in situations where we overhear ourselves say out loud ” I would have never expected that out of him/her!” Truth is, perhaps they didn’t expect it out of them either.

It only takes a few bad thoughts for a few days in a row, out of 60,000 a day …. and there could be chaos.

We are all human. All born to make mistakes. Although the levels of mistake-hood may very, the lessons and consequences of our actions bring about the same emotions. To understand those around us, we must first understand ourselves.

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerers, 2009-2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited.

What Faith Can Do

Thought/song of the day:

When the world says you can’t;  faith will tell you that you can.


Everybody falls sometime. But we have to find the strength to rise from the ashes, and make a new beginning. Anyone can feel the ache, we think its more than we can take. But we are stronger, stronger than we know. Don’t  give up now, the sun will soon be shining. We have to face the clouds, to find the silver lining.

I’ve seen dreams  that the move mountains. Hope that doesn’t ever end, even when the sky is falling. I’ve seen miracles just happen, silent prayers get answered, and broken hearts become brand new. That’s what faith can do.

It doesn’t matter what we  have heard, Impossible is not a word. It is a reason, for someone not to try. Everybody’s scared to death, we may decide to take that step out on the water. But it will be alright. Life is so much more, than what your eyes are seeing. But you will find your way, if you keep believing. 


10 Places For Men To Meet A Normal Woman


I guess when deciding where to meet a “normal” woman it might help to know that “normal, is slightly overrated. However, if you mean normal as in she has morals, character, is secure with herself, and independent, then you might luck out in one of the 10 places listed below.

1. At the gym! Most women that visit a gym regularly have a sense of self-worth and value their appearance.

2. At church! Most people who attend regular church service often have a higher moral. Far different from the average bar fly!

3. Awareness Rallies! For example; Autism Awareness, Breast Cancer, Swim for Diabetes etc. These are great places to meet people with a lot of drive, that are passionate, and devoted!

4. P.T.O. meetings! School activities for your children are a great way to network and meet people. If a parent is attending a P.T.O. meeting they are not only dedicated to their children, but to the community.

5. At  a craft store! Most women that visit craft stores, are creative! They love projects! They probably enjoy space when in a relationship.

6. Join a coed volleyball team! This is a wonderful way to meet a good woman! Women who play sports are typically more adjusted than those that don’t. Active is a good thing!

7. The library! Knowledge is sexy, and a woman who frequents the library is likely a woman who knows where she is going in life.

8. A local nursery! Women typically plant their own flowers, and well, they have to buy them somewhere!

9. Campgrounds! Women that aren’t afraid to get their hands dirty are usually the type that get involved in a relationship, for the long haul.

10. Family reunion! Okay, okay, I had to crack a funny somewhere! Please, no family reunions! Not yours anyway! So the tenth place to meet a woman would be at a local water park, science center, aquarium, or zoo.

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerers, 2009-2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Angela Bininger and The Empowerers with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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How To Reconcile After Your Divorce

The level of damage caused by both parties must be taken into account when reconciliation is being considered. Each party has experienced pain, loss, and a multitude of other emotions. Some wounds can heal quickly. However, it will take much needed time regardless of the size of the injury.

Steps To Reconciliation:

1. Respect one another when it comes to personal space! You will both need time to heal, however, do not put too much distance. Distance when a relationship is already struggling can make the reconciliation process even more complicated.

2. Communicate about everything, and withhold nothing. If you truly want to make it work you must lay all of the cards on the table. Refraining from being honest will only do more damage.

3. Figure out what it was that attracted them to you in the first place, and zoom in on it!

4. Attend a marriage seminar or couples retreat. There are plenty across the country, and likely one in your area.

5. Assess exactly it went wrong as well as what changes either of you have made; in order to prevent another breakup.

6. If you were the one that treated your spouse poorly you should be eating, sleeping, and breathing the words I’m sorry. However, words aren’t everything. Your actions will speak much louder. Be genuine!

7.  Let them see you at your best. Don’t mope around allowing yourself to slip into depression. Reinvent yourself. Become interesting again. Make them wonder what they are missing.

8. If you have children, do not use them to bargain. Do not even let them know that reconciliation is something you are considering. They can see you interacting in a civil manner as adults, however, until reconciliation is guaranteed you must leave them out of it.

9. In every interaction you should be positive, and appear happy. You are on top of the world!

10. Send a random text when you are driving past that place that is special to the two of you.

11. Don’t be afraid to show that your vulnerable side. Tell him/her exactly how you feel. Doing this in doses seems to work best. Sometimes if you lay it on thick all the time, it will have the opposite affect and push them the other way. Tell them how you feel, then back off if they aren’t ready to hear your feelings. Be patient. You may have to do this for months or possibly years, reminding them occasionally that you are still there, and do indeed still love him/her. Sometimes one will remain in “victim” mode for a very long time. When they are in victim mode, they can’t grasp much of what you say. You are that nagging ex! So tread lightly during this step.

12. Fix yourself! When a marriage ends it is because 2 people are broken. Now is a good time for personal counseling if couples counseling is not an option. Dig deep, read a lot of self-help books, and learn everything you have forgotten or have never known about you.

13. Don’t lose hope! Couples reunite every day.  Although there is no secret formula, once hope is lost you can guarantee that reconciliation will never happen.

14. Re-establish your friendship with one another. Get back to the roots from which that mighty tree came from!

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerers, 2009-2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Angela Bininger and The Empowerer with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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