True forgiveness is when you no longer bring up the subject in a derogatory way, or at all. It is when one has reached the stage of acceptance and has decided to put that issue behind them, and move forward. It is when we no longer dwell on the fact we have been done wrong and accept it for what it is.
Forgiveness can be a struggle in some cases, but it is beneficial to one’s health to forgive. It makes for a healthier life both mentally and physically.
Forgiveness, like many things in life is a choice. It is a choice we must make daily if we have been wronged by someone we choose to keep in our life. At times, we may even think that we have forgiven someone. Until they say or do that certain something and then we are quickly reminded as to how they hurt us so bad. In that moment of recognition, we must choose again to forgive. Often times we must forgive people who have no clue they need our forgiveness, for they have created their own reality. Sometimes, people are just clueless.
Forgiveness brings strength, and builds character. In some instances, people should have a PH.D. in forgiveness surviving some of the things that people in their life have dealt them. From what I have found,the more forgiving the person is generally the happier they are. They don’t have this negative energy weighing them down. They have forgiven, they have moved on. They wish no ill will. They have accepted it!
It takes a stronger person to forgive than to hold a grudge. It is easy to find flaws in things, dislike them, dislike people, and be disgruntled. I can look around in this world and see a lot of things or people I could easily not forgive or even like. But I choose not to.
It takes more personal strength to forgive those that wrong us, than to carry a grudge. Not to mention, grudges are unattractive. Who wants to be around people who carry grudges and are full of hate?
Sometimes if we look deep enough, there was a lesson we needed to learn through that situation that brought us pain. Yes, there was a lesson in that situation where forgiveness was necessary, I can guarantee. Sometimes, it takes time before we see what the lesson was. But it is there, if we care to see it.
Forgiveness is love. Love for yourself, and love for mankind. It builds character, and gives wisdom. And wisdom, is what we all lack at some point.
It is a choice we make daily.
To forgive, or not to forgive is up to you. If you think you have forgiven yet still bring the subject up, look deep within yourself. Although you may be taking steps to forgive you aren’t quite there yet. But don’t give up, it is still possible.
© Angela Bininger and The Empowerer, 2009-2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Angela Bininger and The Empowerer with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Although I am not a certified professional in this area, my life experience takes me beyond what any fresh graduate in psychology would know. For I have 7 sisters, and 3 children of my own. I can say for certain that a parents relationship with each and every child is different, and unique.
I have spent years observing the parent child relationships and the differences of perspectives on parents by children who were all reaised within the same household. It is amazing to see how much perception varies from child to child. Although children have the same parent providing the same things in the exact same environments, the children still have different memories and perceptions of that parent.
While one may remember a parent to be hardworking, one may remember laziness. One child may remember a happy parent, while one remembers them disgruntled. One may remember a parent to be a liar, and another child within that same home and upbringing may remember that parent to be a liar. It varies from family to family, but nonetheless we all remember things differently.
Each child will carry their own issues to adulthood if they are not tended to in the earlier years. It is important that we as parents are aware of how to not only create a healthy relationship with our children; but keep it healthy for years to come. There are steps we can take early on to promote a lifetime of happiness with our children, even as they mature and become adults themselves.
Steps To Maintaining That Healthy Relationship:
In any relationship communication is important. It is crucial that our children always remain comfortable telling us anything. With that being said, it is imperative that we do not cast judgment on what they say, and that we truly listen. They are their own person. They are not who we want them to be. They are who they were created to be. Often times children quit speaking if a parent exhibits controlling behavior. If they can’t tell us the little things, they will never tell us the big things. So stay calm, and just listen. They will always come back if you do.
It is important not to show favoritism, and treat all children fairly. If you are attending events that are important to one child you should be attending events important to the other children as well. By not having equality it is causing the children feeling that are feeling more left out to have less faith in themselves. Therefor lowering their self-esteem, which can have a huge impact on their teenage and adult years.
It is important to show support in anything they do. Even if you think it is the craziest thing you have ever heard of. By being negative about their choices, you are pushing them away from you. Get down on their level, and try to see things as they see it. If they have an interest in something, help them peruse it. If they need someone to extinguish their flame, there are plenty of people in the world to do that. If they are on fire with enthusiasm, burn with them. Being enthusiastic and having drive, is a good thing!
There is nothing better for a child or even adult child to see, than a parent apologize when they are wrong. We are not perfect, and we will make mistakes. It is important that we do not sweep things under the rug, and pretend as though we know nothing about what happened. It is OK to apologize to your children if you need to. They understand just as everyone understands, that we are doing the best we can. It’s not like a “How To” guide comes out with the child or even in the afterbirth.
Keep Your Word
Do not make promises you can’t keep. Instead teach them that your word is who you are.
This is a hard thing for any parent, but often necessary. To prevent a co-dependent relationship it must be enforced. Make them work for what they want, and do not bail them out of every situation. By doing this, you are enabling them to repeat the behavior. They will repeat the same mistakes until they learn, and bailing them out only teaches them one thing: not to count on themselves.
We may have a plan for our children and the direction they go in life, but God likely has one that is completely different. Pray for your children to make wise choices, and to become good people. Pray for them to yield to His plan for their life.
There aren’t exactly any true tests in parenting until the child reaches the age of18. To know how well you have done is only answered when the child does one of two things; sinks or swims. It is vital for their health and the health of our relationship with them that we prepare them in all areas of life to promote healthy adult relationships in their life. It all begins with communication. However it can also end from the lack of such.
© Angela Bininger and The Empowerers, 2009-2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Angela Bininger and The Empowerers with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.