By Running From Problems We Gain Weight Instead of Losing It

Running from our problems is like running on a treadmill. Instead of losing weight, we gain it. We stay in the same spot consistently and it makes it impossible for us to reach a new destination, or goal.  

Whatever it is that we choose to run from; will always find us. Sure, we may be naive and think that there are certain things  nobody could know or find out. We may also believe that there is no need to tell because it will only do more damage.  However, if we think either of those things then we are only fooling ourselves.

If we do not claim these things in life or these experiences that we have encountered, how could we possibly fix them? Better yet, how can we claim to have learned a lesson from something we refuse to acknowledge or even discuss? We can’t fix something if we do not admit where it is broken. Right?

Wallowing in our secrets only brings more shame in the end. And shame, only adds more weight. Isnt it time for a change of scenery? Why not have a productive work out? The treadmill isn’t working out to well. It is time to unplug the machine. It is time to switch the work out plan, and use one that actually works.

By stepping off of the treadmill and facing the problems, weight loss begins instantly. We feel light, free, and most importantly…happy. 


For today: Face those problems and decisions that have plagued your life, and reclaim what is yours. By facing the problems at hand, you will be closer to your desired outcome.

 

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerers, 2009-2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited.

True Forgiveness Is Uncommon, But Possible

True forgiveness is when you no longer bring up the subject in a derogatory way, or at all. It is when one has reached the stage of acceptance and has decided to put that issue behind them, and move forward. It is when we no longer dwell on the fact we have been done wrong and accept it for what it is.

Forgiveness can be a struggle in some cases, but it is beneficial to one’s health to forgive. It makes for a healthier life both mentally and physically.

 

Forgiveness, like many things in life is a choice. It is a choice we must make daily if we have been wronged by someone we choose to keep in our life. At times, we may even think that we have forgiven someone. Until they say or do that certain something and then we are quickly reminded as to how they hurt us so bad. In that moment of recognition, we must choose again to forgive. Often times we must forgive people who have no clue they need our forgiveness, for they have created their own reality. Sometimes, people are just clueless.

Forgiveness brings strength, and builds character. In some instances, people should have a PH.D. in forgiveness surviving some of the things that people in their life have dealt them. From what I have found,the more forgiving the person is generally the happier they are. They don’t have this negative energy weighing them down. They have forgiven, they have moved on. They wish no ill will. They have accepted it!

It takes a stronger person to forgive than to hold a grudge. It is easy to find flaws in things, dislike them, dislike people, and be disgruntled. I can look around in this world and see a lot of things or people I could easily not forgive or even like. But I choose not to.

It takes more personal strength to forgive those that wrong us, than to carry a grudge. Not to mention, grudges are unattractive. Who wants to be around people who carry grudges and are full of hate? 

Sometimes if we look deep enough, there was a lesson we needed to learn through that situation that brought us pain. Yes, there was a lesson in that situation where forgiveness was necessary, I can guarantee. Sometimes, it takes time before we see what the lesson was. But it is there, if we care to see it.

Forgiveness is love. Love for yourself, and love for mankind. It builds character, and gives wisdom. And wisdom, is what we all lack at some point.

It is a choice we make daily.

To forgive, or not to forgive is up to you. If you think you have forgiven yet still bring the subject up, look deep within yourself. Although you may be taking steps to forgive you aren’t quite there yet. But don’t give up, it is still possible.


© Angela Bininger and The Empowerer, 2009-2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Angela Bininger and The Empowerer with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

How To Have And Maintain A Healthy Relationship With Your Children

Although I am not a certified professional in this area, my life experience takes me beyond what any fresh graduate in psychology would know. For I have 7 sisters, and 3 children of my own. I can say for certain that a parents relationship with each and every child is different, and unique.

I have spent years observing the parent child relationships and the differences of perspectives on parents by children who were all reaised within the same household.  It is amazing to see how much perception  varies from child to child. Although children have the same parent providing the same things in the exact same environments, the  children still  have different memories and perceptions of that parent.

While one may remember a parent to be hardworking, one may remember laziness. One child may remember a happy parent, while one remembers them disgruntled. One may remember a parent to be a liar, and another child within that same home and upbringing may remember that parent to be a liar. It varies from family to family, but nonetheless we all remember things differently.

Each child will carry their own issues to adulthood  if they are not tended to in the earlier years. It is important that we as parents are aware of how to not only create a healthy relationship with our children; but keep it healthy for years to come. There are steps we can take early on to promote a lifetime of happiness with our children, even as they mature and become adults themselves.
Steps To Maintaining That Healthy Relationship:

Communication

In any relationship communication is important. It is crucial that our children always remain comfortable telling us anything. With that being said, it is imperative that we do not cast judgment on what they say, and that we truly listen. They are their own person. They are not who we want them to be. They are who they were created to be. Often times children quit speaking if a parent exhibits controlling behavior. If they can’t tell us the little things, they will never tell us the big things. So stay calm, and just listen. They will always come back if you do.

Equality

It is important not to show favoritism, and treat all children fairly. If you are attending events that are important to one child you should be attending events important to the other children as well. By not having equality it is causing the children feeling that are feeling more left out to have less faith in themselves. Therefor lowering their self-esteem, which can have a huge impact on their teenage and adult years.

Support

It is important to show support in anything they do. Even if you think it is the craziest thing you have ever heard of. By being negative about their choices, you are pushing them away from you. Get down on their level, and try to see things as they see it. If they have an interest in something, help them peruse it. If they need someone to extinguish their flame, there are plenty of people in the world to do that. If they are on fire with enthusiasm, burn with them. Being enthusiastic and having drive, is a good thing!

Apologize

There is nothing better for a child or even adult child to see, than a parent apologize when they are wrong. We are not perfect, and we will make mistakes. It is important that we do not sweep things under the rug, and pretend as though we know nothing about what happened. It is OK to apologize to your children if you need to. They understand just as everyone understands, that we are doing the best we can. It’s not like a “How To” guide comes out with the child or even in the afterbirth.

Keep Your Word

Do not make promises you can’t keep. Instead teach them that your word is who you are.

Tough Love

This is a hard thing for any parent, but often necessary. To prevent a co-dependent relationship it must be enforced. Make them work for what they want, and do not bail them out of every situation. By doing this, you are enabling them to repeat the behavior. They will repeat the same mistakes until they learn, and bailing them out only teaches them one thing: not to count on themselves.

Pray

We may have a plan for our children and the direction they go in life, but God likely has one that is completely different. Pray for your children to make wise choices, and to become good people. Pray for them to yield to His plan for their life.

There aren’t exactly any true tests in parenting until the child reaches the age of18. To know how well you have done is only answered when the child does one of two things; sinks or swims. It is vital for their health and the health of our relationship with them that we prepare them in all areas of life to promote healthy adult relationships in their life. It all begins with communication. However it can also end from the lack of such.

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerers, 2009-2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Angela Bininger and The Empowerers with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Co-dependent Personalities & Raising Co-Dependent Children

Co-dependent personalities usually refer to life as black, or white. There is no in between. It is harder for them to see others view points, and they tend to create their own reality. A co-dependent person may often value other’s opinions over their own, compromising their own values and integrity to avoid rejection. They sometimes dress sloppy, or in baggy clothes, and even in tighter skimpy clothes, displaying their issues with self-image.

The problem with co-dependent relationship within a family, is that we adapt our feelings and boundaries as theirs. We do not like to see them making bad choices, in pain etc., so we try to control it. It can become something that eventually controls where they work, live, who they marry, meaning all major decisions are dominated, by us.

People with co-dependent personalities:

•Need to be needed

• Are  people pleasers

• Are controlling

• Afraid To Be Alone

• Mistrust others

• Are Perfectionists

• Avoid their feelings

• Excessive caretakers

• Hypervigilance (a heightened awareness for potential threat or danger)

• Often they attract needy dependent people

• Downplay their own feelings, to the point that they may not even know how they feel

• Have trouble making decisions

• Do not feel they’re lovable

• Put their own interests and hobbies aside to please others

• Are excessively loyal (even staying in abusive relationships)

• Do not ask others to meet their needs

Do You Have A Co-Dependent Relationship With Your Child?

As parents, we need to say “no” to doing tasks that foster immaturity and dependence in adult children; such as, doing their laundry, cleaning up after them, helping them with their bills, providing them with shelter (as adults), etc. It is important to learn to be separate individuals and teach them to take care of their own needs.

We need to teach our children how to tackle problems in relationships or in life, not take care of the problems for them. They need to grow up and be able to have healthy, mature, adult love relationships.  If we do things for our grown children beyond what is age appropriate, we lower their self-esteem and actually stop them from growing up.

When you are co-dependent you are enmeshed with family members’ emotional boundaries and you treat them as extensions of yourself. Therefore, you do not want to see them in pain, uncomfortable, making unwise choices, or unhappy. You try to be the one in control. You aim to fix them or their situations to be what you think is right, and good for them. You fail to see the long-term damage you are causing, you think you are only helping them.

Extreme co-dependency involves subtle control over your adult children’s choices of colleges, career, place of residency, religion, and choice of marriage partners. Over all, you dominate their decision-making abilities. Secretly you feel safe, secure, and loved when others need you and depend on you. It makes you feel important and gives your life meaning because you do not have your own life fully understood and integrated.

Co-dependency use to only be talked about in families where there was alcoholism, or drug addictions. Now, they are linking it to dysfunctional families in general. And lets face it, all families are dysfunctional. Some are just better at admitting it than others.

Co-dependent Personality Disorder is a dysfunctional relationship with the self characterized by living through or for another, attempts to control others, blaming others, a sense of victimization, attempts to “fix” others, and intense anxiety around intimacy. It is very common in people raised in dysfunctional families, and in the partners and children of alcoholics and addicts.  Most chemical dependency treatment centers now also offer treatment for Co-dependency. (definition extracted from http://www.mdjunction.com)                                                                                                                                                                                  

 

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerers, 2009-2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited.