guide

Are You Leaving a Legacy, Or a Liability?

As parents we all want what is best for our children. However, what some parents fail to realize in terms of co-dependent children is that they are no longer leaving a legacy, but yet, a liability.

By leaving a legacy one must raise self-sufficient children. They should be children capable of making their own wise and practical decisions upon adulthood. They should be children who feel compelled to do more with their life than the previous generation. And most importantly, they should be emotionally healthy children who feel they can be who they are, not who we imagined or wanted them to be.

Examples:

Just because we have run the family business, doesn’t mean we should expect our children to take over someday. They will likely have plans of their own.

Just because we played a particular sport and excelled, doesn’t mean we should force our children to play it if they have no interest.

Just because they dream the impossible, doesn’t mean we should squash their dreams.

Our job is to encourage their successes, and help guide them when they encounter failure. It is to teach them how to handle their own relationships vs., being a dictator for their relationships. Our job is tough, but to raise healthy children with the ability to maintain healthy adult relationships, we must push them to do well. We must teach them to put forth effort. We must help them learn to look at the big picture.

Signs of leaving a liability:

The adult child comes to you for every one of life’s hurdles.

The adult child now expects the parent to take care of financial responsibilities.

The adult child now expects parents to bail them out.

The adult child now has no insight.

The adult child now has dependency issues aside from their relationship with their parents. Most likely chemical dependencies.

The adult child is now angry.

The adult child, will then likely leave another liability for their children. And the trend continues. However, there are ways to avoid leaving a liability. And there are proven ways to leave a legacy. Proven ways to leave a legacy are as follows:

Encourage and comfort your children.

Listen to their feelings and respect that they have their own minds, and opinions.

Do not try to control who they are, better yet guide them to where they should be.

Allow them to suffer consequences of their actions. They need tough love. They have their own friends to be best friends with.

And most importantly, practice what you preach. Be a good role model.

I once heard a saying from a parent that said : Well I guess if I was your best friend, and you loved me all the time; then I wouldn’t be a very good parent. And I agree with that statement. There will be times our children do not agree with our decisions in parenting. There will be times they do not understand our reasoning and we find ourselves saying what we once heard: Someday you will understand….when you have kids of your own.

These days I see more parents trying to be best buddies with their kids. They are there to rescue them from situations the kids/adult children put themselves into. Rather than showing tough love so lessons can be learned, they throw them preserver after preserver.

Tough love is absolutely the hardest step for people to take in any forms of relationships. But without it, we leave a liability. We should be leaving a legacy instead. We should be allowing our children to live their own life, and a life that they are proud of. An honest life, and a life with an abundance of good people with direction.

Are you leaving a legacy or a liability? Are you teaching bad habits? Or are you setting a good example instead? The quote that children learn what they live, has much insight. What are your children learning from you?

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerer, 2009-2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Angela Bininger and The Empowerer with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Day 1 To a Happier You

Day 1

We all get caught up in what “has been”, so for today; lets focus on what “will be.”

As we go about our day today; lets speak only of the current day or the days that lie ahead. Lets claim with our voice and our heart, all of the positive things that will occur from here on out. As we begin to project that positive energy towards those things, we will find that our mood has improved. When this happens, our happiness tank is beginning to fill up. So, lets keep filling it up!

Anything in the world can be ours if we claim it.  Lets start claiming more positive things today!

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerers, 2009-2010. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Angela Bininger and The Empowerers with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

How To Have And Maintain A Healthy Relationship With Your Children

Although I am not a certified professional in this area, my life experience takes me beyond what any fresh graduate in psychology would know. For I have 7 sisters, and 3 children of my own. I can say for certain that a parents relationship with each and every child is different, and unique.

I have spent years observing the parent child relationships and the differences of perspectives on parents by children who were all reaised within the same household.  It is amazing to see how much perception  varies from child to child. Although children have the same parent providing the same things in the exact same environments, the  children still  have different memories and perceptions of that parent.

While one may remember a parent to be hardworking, one may remember laziness. One child may remember a happy parent, while one remembers them disgruntled. One may remember a parent to be a liar, and another child within that same home and upbringing may remember that parent to be a liar. It varies from family to family, but nonetheless we all remember things differently.

Each child will carry their own issues to adulthood  if they are not tended to in the earlier years. It is important that we as parents are aware of how to not only create a healthy relationship with our children; but keep it healthy for years to come. There are steps we can take early on to promote a lifetime of happiness with our children, even as they mature and become adults themselves.
Steps To Maintaining That Healthy Relationship:

Communication

In any relationship communication is important. It is crucial that our children always remain comfortable telling us anything. With that being said, it is imperative that we do not cast judgment on what they say, and that we truly listen. They are their own person. They are not who we want them to be. They are who they were created to be. Often times children quit speaking if a parent exhibits controlling behavior. If they can’t tell us the little things, they will never tell us the big things. So stay calm, and just listen. They will always come back if you do.

Equality

It is important not to show favoritism, and treat all children fairly. If you are attending events that are important to one child you should be attending events important to the other children as well. By not having equality it is causing the children feeling that are feeling more left out to have less faith in themselves. Therefor lowering their self-esteem, which can have a huge impact on their teenage and adult years.

Support

It is important to show support in anything they do. Even if you think it is the craziest thing you have ever heard of. By being negative about their choices, you are pushing them away from you. Get down on their level, and try to see things as they see it. If they have an interest in something, help them peruse it. If they need someone to extinguish their flame, there are plenty of people in the world to do that. If they are on fire with enthusiasm, burn with them. Being enthusiastic and having drive, is a good thing!

Apologize

There is nothing better for a child or even adult child to see, than a parent apologize when they are wrong. We are not perfect, and we will make mistakes. It is important that we do not sweep things under the rug, and pretend as though we know nothing about what happened. It is OK to apologize to your children if you need to. They understand just as everyone understands, that we are doing the best we can. It’s not like a “How To” guide comes out with the child or even in the afterbirth.

Keep Your Word

Do not make promises you can’t keep. Instead teach them that your word is who you are.

Tough Love

This is a hard thing for any parent, but often necessary. To prevent a co-dependent relationship it must be enforced. Make them work for what they want, and do not bail them out of every situation. By doing this, you are enabling them to repeat the behavior. They will repeat the same mistakes until they learn, and bailing them out only teaches them one thing: not to count on themselves.

Pray

We may have a plan for our children and the direction they go in life, but God likely has one that is completely different. Pray for your children to make wise choices, and to become good people. Pray for them to yield to His plan for their life.

There aren’t exactly any true tests in parenting until the child reaches the age of18. To know how well you have done is only answered when the child does one of two things; sinks or swims. It is vital for their health and the health of our relationship with them that we prepare them in all areas of life to promote healthy adult relationships in their life. It all begins with communication. However it can also end from the lack of such.

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerers, 2009-2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Angela Bininger and The Empowerers with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Walking In Other People’s Shadows

I remember having my children outside in their younger years as they began to walk. All three of them, at a young ages, were afraid of shadows. It didn’t matter if it was yours, mine, or theirs, they were afraid. As the sun beat down allowing their shadows to appear, they ran. And they cried! They tried so hard to get away from any  shadows, yet the shadows still remained. Shadows would inevitably follow them wherever they went. As long as there was light, there would be a shadow.

Recently, a close friend of mine, stated that she felt as though she were walking in my shadow. She is only steps away from beginning the difficult journey of single parenting.  She watches me, she listens to my cares and worries, and she asks my advice. I tell her the truth, the cold hard truth, it’s not a decision to make without knowing the reality of being a single parent.

When pondering her comment “I feel like I’m walking in your shadow” I realized, shadows aren’t a bad thing. It’s the sun’s way of letting us know what is really there. It is reflection of us, who we are, where we are going, and what we are doing. They can serve as a guide for the weary of heart, and motivation for others to create their own shadow, instead of walking in someone elses. If there were never a shadow for us to walk in at some point in our life, our fear would consistently bind us.

A shadow, is just another way to see the sun.

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerers, 2009-2010. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Angela Bininger and The Empowerer with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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What Empowers You?

I was asked a question a few weeks ago that gave me deep conviction. After pondering my response for a few weeks and feeling as though I finally have an answer I must now challenge my readers with the same exact question. What empowers you?

When I was asked this very question, the conviction didn’t come from the fact that I had no answers. I knew the answers, well, sort of. The conviction came from the fact that I felt as though I weren’t doing enough. As though I were just idling through life, and not really doing much of anything.

This question caused me to backtrack over the last few years of my life, and in doing that I realized that even though most of the things I do are of great purpose, there was nothing that really stood out as a simple answer. It prompted me to begin diving deep to figure out what actually empowers me the most, although I am still unable to narrow it down to one particular thing.

Here is what I came up with:

1.) Being a leader, teaching, helping others succeed. Wether it be parenting, helping friends with personal issues, passing along useful knowledge, coaching a team etc., I am passionate about leading.

2.) Setting goals and aggressively working to obtain them. (I had them set but was still just sitting on my butt watching other ships roll in and out, making excuses and extending deadlines)

3.) Being Independent both in thought and in actions. Knowing that my children see this and are taught to be this way, empowers me.

4.) Challenging others and being challenged by others. It makes you dig deep and do a self check with no other option than to learn more about yourself. That empowers me!

5.) Prayer!!!! God gives strength like no other. For those that do not believe and have never experienced the joy and peace he gives, I am sorry. I hope that someday you crave it and get a taste for it. He is real! I promise!

6.) Positive people!!! I love positive people! And typically I am a positive person. However, I know that if I am around negative energy it drags me to the ground. I can’t be around it. It is like cancer!

7.) Knowledge!!! When I gain knowledge about anything it empowers me! I feel a need to spread the news so to speak. Knowledge is power!

I still didn’t come up with an answer to blow anyone’s mind away, however, the point was to challenge you to think. What empowers you? What are you doing to make this world a better place? What do you dream of doing that you haven’t had the motivation to set out and achieve?