© Angela Bininger and The Empowerers, 2009-2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Angela Bininger and The Empowerers with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Day 7 Letter G
We believe we would react to situations in particular ways or that we would behave differently than someone else until we are placed in the other person’s shoes. Once we put those shoes on that were once worn by someone else; we not only have new shoes, but a new pair of new glasses too.
Those who accept us where we are despite any decisions we are making at the time; are giving us grace to grow. These are those people who no matter where we are or what we do in our lives; they love us anyway. They do not judge us, because they understand. They listen, they advise, and they care.
The concept of allowing one grace to grow is a concept that many should grasp. Once grasped, one will find themselves no longer in a position that they feel “above” someone for making better life decisions. They will not utter phrases such as: “I can’t believe they ___” “I would never”, “He/She shouldn’t ____” You won’t believe what ____ did now” etc.
I have observed that when I utter phrases like those mentioned above; I am quickly served a piece of humble pie. When I can’t understand people, their lifestyle, behavior, and their decisions I am often given a situation shortly after; where I can. It may not be an identical situation, but it is a situation that allows me to comprehend where they were at that time, and what they were thinking. Or better yet, a situation where I can relate to their emotions.
I have written often about the fact that we are all given the same lessons throughout our lives and that the lesson plans slightly differ. One may experience grief through the lost of a parent, another through the loss of a child. One may experience adultery through their parents, or through a marriage of their own. Nonetheless, the emotional processes are the same.
No matter the format of the lesson, the lessons eventually produce the same results. We will all face temptations, and struggles. We will have to find a place and time at which we will have to forgive ourselves and each other.
We will all feel: neglect, abandonment, taken for granted, mistreated, disliked, unloved, and many other emotions at some point in our lives. The lessons differ, but the emotions are the same.
Grace is essential to provide for others; because we all need it to grow. Those who accept us despite our choices have allowed us grace to grow. Those who watch us make a mistake but love us anyway, are one of a kind.
For Today: Find someone in your life that has a situation that you can’t or couldn’t at one point understand. Analyze what emotions that person may have been feeling at that time, and compare it to a situation in your life where you experienced the same emotions.
© Angela Bininger and The Empowerers, 2009-2014. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited
Although I am not a certified professional in this area, my life experience takes me beyond what any fresh graduate in psychology would know. For I have 7 sisters, and 3 children of my own. I can say for certain that a parents relationship with each and every child is different, and unique.
I have spent years observing the parent child relationships and the differences of perspectives on parents by children who were all reaised within the same household. It is amazing to see how much perception varies from child to child. Although children have the same parent providing the same things in the exact same environments, the children still have different memories and perceptions of that parent.
While one may remember a parent to be hardworking, one may remember laziness. One child may remember a happy parent, while one remembers them disgruntled. One may remember a parent to be a liar, and another child within that same home and upbringing may remember that parent to be a liar. It varies from family to family, but nonetheless we all remember things differently.
Each child will carry their own issues to adulthood if they are not tended to in the earlier years. It is important that we as parents are aware of how to not only create a healthy relationship with our children; but keep it healthy for years to come. There are steps we can take early on to promote a lifetime of happiness with our children, even as they mature and become adults themselves.
Steps To Maintaining That Healthy Relationship:
In any relationship communication is important. It is crucial that our children always remain comfortable telling us anything. With that being said, it is imperative that we do not cast judgment on what they say, and that we truly listen. They are their own person. They are not who we want them to be. They are who they were created to be. Often times children quit speaking if a parent exhibits controlling behavior. If they can’t tell us the little things, they will never tell us the big things. So stay calm, and just listen. They will always come back if you do.
It is important not to show favoritism, and treat all children fairly. If you are attending events that are important to one child you should be attending events important to the other children as well. By not having equality it is causing the children feeling that are feeling more left out to have less faith in themselves. Therefor lowering their self-esteem, which can have a huge impact on their teenage and adult years.
It is important to show support in anything they do. Even if you think it is the craziest thing you have ever heard of. By being negative about their choices, you are pushing them away from you. Get down on their level, and try to see things as they see it. If they have an interest in something, help them peruse it. If they need someone to extinguish their flame, there are plenty of people in the world to do that. If they are on fire with enthusiasm, burn with them. Being enthusiastic and having drive, is a good thing!
There is nothing better for a child or even adult child to see, than a parent apologize when they are wrong. We are not perfect, and we will make mistakes. It is important that we do not sweep things under the rug, and pretend as though we know nothing about what happened. It is OK to apologize to your children if you need to. They understand just as everyone understands, that we are doing the best we can. It’s not like a “How To” guide comes out with the child or even in the afterbirth.
Keep Your Word
Do not make promises you can’t keep. Instead teach them that your word is who you are.
This is a hard thing for any parent, but often necessary. To prevent a co-dependent relationship it must be enforced. Make them work for what they want, and do not bail them out of every situation. By doing this, you are enabling them to repeat the behavior. They will repeat the same mistakes until they learn, and bailing them out only teaches them one thing: not to count on themselves.
We may have a plan for our children and the direction they go in life, but God likely has one that is completely different. Pray for your children to make wise choices, and to become good people. Pray for them to yield to His plan for their life.
There aren’t exactly any true tests in parenting until the child reaches the age of18. To know how well you have done is only answered when the child does one of two things; sinks or swims. It is vital for their health and the health of our relationship with them that we prepare them in all areas of life to promote healthy adult relationships in their life. It all begins with communication. However it can also end from the lack of such.
© Angela Bininger and The Empowerers, 2009-2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Angela Bininger and The Empowerers with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
I am a spiritual person, yes. Being religious, however, comes in spurts for me. (Like once every so many years) See, I like many many others felt for a long time that I couldn’t go to church because I would be a hypocrite. That is, however, until a recent situation in the parking lot of a church occurred while I sat and waited on my children while they were at a bible study.
I saw a couple fighting in the parking lot. As he cursed at her, and punched his car I thought “That’s exactly why I don’t go regularly” “That’s why millions excuse themselves for going” the list of thoughts could go for pages, you get my point.
In the next few moments of observing the situation God revealed this to me: “They are here, they are trying. If people came perfect, there would be no need to come. They are striving to do better, who are you to judge as you sit in the parking lot watching while smoking your cigarette?” I continued to think about what I felt had just been revealed to me and everything clicked. I thought “They could be dealing with anything and on the brink of a divorce, this could be their last hope and they are at least trying”, “They could have just buried a son or daughter, anything!”,”Who am I to judge?”
So many people are afraid to believe in God or how real he is because it’s easier to cast judgment and make excuses as to why they can’t. It breaks my heart, because he is real. I’ve experienced it! I don’t go to church regularly, I am not the ideal christian, I still do things I know I shouldn’t, but it doesn’t keep me from talking to Him about it. It doesn’t make me an awful person. It only makes me one more person that tries.
I’m sure God understands that many churches are filled with cliques, backbiters, perversion, and other forms of corruption and that I haven’t really found one that feels like home to me. I feel that He knows my heart, He knows my intentions, and that He speaks to me. He knows my struggles, He knows my strengths, He is my rock!
What I learned about religion, I learned on my own. I wasn’t raised in a christian home. It was something I sought. I tried every denomination you can think of, and Baptist is the one that seems to fit me the best. I’m not a bible thumper, in your face, your going to hell christian. Just your average gal, trying to live her life while maintaining spiritual peace.