Benefits of shared parenting, loneliness can be a good thing!

I guess the topic of conversation would vary from person to person, the circumstances that led up to it may also be slightly different, however, the results are all the same. You are alone.

Loneliness is often just as much of a good thing as a bad thing. It is a great time of  self-reflection, a time to heal, and a time to discover both old and new things about yourself. And discovering those things that got lost along the way, in the depths of a marriage,  are just as exciting as discovering the new ones.

For me, I have shared parenting. At first this was extremely difficult for me. I had never really been away from my children other than an occasional overnight at a relative’s house. When the every other week summer rotation began there was such a huge void there. It felt as though my life would end. Every other week I felt as though I had nothing. SO, as all single moms do…. I buried myself in work.

Eventually I found additional comfort at the library and began to check out heaps of self-help books. It would be nothing for me to walk out with 20 of them at a time. ANYTHING to occupy my mind. What I didn’t realize at the time was that I was helping myself. I was learning. I was growing. And needless to say, I was surviving it. I just kept my mind so busy that I didn’t notice as much.

The one major plus side I see in shared parenting is this:

It gives me time every other week to reflect on the week prior and prepare for the week to come. There is time to  think about things that we did or didn’t do as a family, what could have been done better, should this or that been handled that way, the list goes on and on. There’s always time to self check! One simple example is: How often do you tell your child to hold on, just a second, or wait a minute? Those things are more noticeable after divorce when there is bi-weekly parenting. You catch it, then make an effort to correct it. Once you correct that one you are on to the next, and so forth.

I miss them a ton when they are gone, and anxiously await their return on Sunday nights. Although it is lonely, the lessons I’m learning will allow these children to become beautiful adults. There is nothing better for a child than to have a parent that is at peace with themselves. It gives balance, and allows them to see both love and hope! And there is nothing greater for young girls to see than a woman who is independent, and secure with who she is.

13 thoughts on “Benefits of shared parenting, loneliness can be a good thing!

  1. Even though it must be hard for you, you are definitely teaching your children that it doesn’t take another person to complete you. Instead your work, hobbies, interests, and life complete you. You are teaching that it doesn’t take a man to make you happy. You are happy because you choose to be. In your loneliness you are discovering some truths about yourself and I believe that the gift you give your children will benefit them in their adulthood as much as it benefits you!

    Keep on doing what you are doing!

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  2. Not needing a man to make me happy is very important for my girls to see. I wasn’t raised with the mentality for women to be independent. It was, you turn 18 and find a man to take care of you. It’s what I saw anyway, nobody had to verbalize it. I will teach them everything I wasn’t taught so they have an even better chance to be successful!

    I want them to be strong successful adults, that are independent and self sufficient. They notice things, for sure. They have a respect for me they would likely have never had otherwise, and that is empowering.

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  4. konto says:

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    Like

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