date

Fear of Loneliness Forces Dating


Most people find it hard to be alone. They are insecure, and have a fear of facing themselves. Some are so insecure, that they begin a relationship before the last one is finished. Or perhaps they have finished it, moved out etc., but within days, weeks, or even a few short months they are already in a new relationship. This is very unhealthy, obviously.

Often they are fooled thinking they have found the love of their life. They see nothing but goodness in this person. This is their soul mate! My oh my, how their fear blinds them. This person has so much to offer them, they think, and they take no time to see what they have to offer themselves, without becoming codependent in a brand new relationship.

Some rush to commit because they found someone who doesn’t have the shortcomings of their last partner. They think they are in love with someone they haven’t seen in 15 years because everything seems to be so perfect. They remember being 10 or 12 together so this now makes them soul mates. It can be quite deceiving! What they fail to realize, is that the new relationship is now doomed. It may take years, but it will likely fail.

The problem is that people whom fall into this category, have done little to no time evaluating themselves or their life. They have subconsciously pinned everything their last mate wasn’t, on this new person. They have avoided confronting themselves. They most likely avoided recognizing where they were responsible in the failing of the last relationship they were in. Yes, these people who rush into things, they are insecure.

It is important that you are secure with who you are before entering any new relationship. If you aren’t, you will end up right back where you were, single. There are lessons in everything, and they are repeated until learned. Especially in relationships.

Looking deep inside ourselves before taking steps with another person, is the only chance at succeeding the next time.

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerer, 2009-2010. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Angela Bininger and The Empowerer with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Benefits of shared parenting, loneliness can be a good thing!

I guess the topic of conversation would vary from person to person, the circumstances that led up to it may also be slightly different, however, the results are all the same. You are alone.

Loneliness is often just as much of a good thing as a bad thing. It is a great time of  self-reflection, a time to heal, and a time to discover both old and new things about yourself. And discovering those things that got lost along the way, in the depths of a marriage,  are just as exciting as discovering the new ones.

For me, I have shared parenting. At first this was extremely difficult for me. I had never really been away from my children other than an occasional overnight at a relative’s house. When the every other week summer rotation began there was such a huge void there. It felt as though my life would end. Every other week I felt as though I had nothing. SO, as all single moms do…. I buried myself in work.

Eventually I found additional comfort at the library and began to check out heaps of self-help books. It would be nothing for me to walk out with 20 of them at a time. ANYTHING to occupy my mind. What I didn’t realize at the time was that I was helping myself. I was learning. I was growing. And needless to say, I was surviving it. I just kept my mind so busy that I didn’t notice as much.

The one major plus side I see in shared parenting is this:

It gives me time every other week to reflect on the week prior and prepare for the week to come. There is time to  think about things that we did or didn’t do as a family, what could have been done better, should this or that been handled that way, the list goes on and on. There’s always time to self check! One simple example is: How often do you tell your child to hold on, just a second, or wait a minute? Those things are more noticeable after divorce when there is bi-weekly parenting. You catch it, then make an effort to correct it. Once you correct that one you are on to the next, and so forth.

I miss them a ton when they are gone, and anxiously await their return on Sunday nights. Although it is lonely, the lessons I’m learning will allow these children to become beautiful adults. There is nothing better for a child than to have a parent that is at peace with themselves. It gives balance, and allows them to see both love and hope! And there is nothing greater for young girls to see than a woman who is independent, and secure with who she is.