not

Who Is Your God Given Mirror?

I wrote a poem years ago in regards to people and mirrors. The flow of it was there and it just slipped from my brain to my finger tips in seconds. The words have never left me since the day it was written. It is a simple reminder to myself and others struggling to understand people in general.

mirror

God Given Mirror

I asked God for a mirror,

and He decided to give me you.

He said If I don’t like what I see,

then perhaps I have done it too.

He told me to cast no judgement,

on others when they are weak.

And that if I had nothing nice to say,

there shall be no need to speak.

He told me that you were my mirror,

what I dislike in you needs changed within me.

Because we are all one another’s mirrors

and our own worst enemy.

There is a lot of truth to what is said in this poem for the simple fact that “what we do not like in others is usually something that we do not like about ourselves”.

It may seem hard to believe it at first, but not if you really think in depth about it.

When we do not like someone…. it is because they either do something we use to do ourselves and we have attached negative feelings towards that action, or they do something we have suppressed and kept ourselves from doing.

 © Angela Bininger and The Empowerer, 2009-2018. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Angela Bininger and The Empowerer with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What Makes You Beautiful?

imageAs my girls began puberty in our fast paced (predominately vain) and materialistic society, the words pretty and beautiful became more and more common in their vocabulary.

At one point my youngest daughter pointed out all of the people who were pretty every time we watched something or went somewhere. (OOO she’s pretty. She’s pretty. Mom, do you think she is pretty? Now she is just beautiful! Seriously, I thought the phase would never end. lol)

Most of their thoughts on beauty stemmed from what they would see on television or in books and magazines. It is what they (and their friends) saw when looking at their favorite celebrities. 

One Saturday morning the girls were talking about celebrities whom they thought were beautiful. Shortly after joining in on the conversation I decided to have a talk with my friend google. I began asking the girls which famous people they thought were the prettiest and proceeded to ask my friend google what those people looked with no make-up. (This was all in effort to teach these ladies about beauty and confidence. Next appeared thousands of images. And a bit of laughing.)

The girls were astonished.  image

(It was the day they realized that celebrities are human. That they put their pants on like the rest of us do. And that even they get pimples! )

Once they saw the first picture we spent well over the next hour or two of our morning calling out names and pulling up images. They could not believe how normal these people looked without their make-up. Images without all of the lights of Hollywood. (And of course without a lot of Photoshop.)

They looked like people you would see on the street. Our neighbors. Or like people at the park or the county fair. They were simply normal every day looking people.

The only celebrity we couldn’t find without make-up amidst our search was none other than Dolly Parton. Now we all know if a photographer gets a photo of that then it will be worth a bundle. I exhausted myself searching. And if anyone knows of one please send it to me. It’s merely principle at this point.

I have always defined beauty as something that comes from within. What we see on the outside fades in time. And anyone with a great deal of money can maintain their exterior shell to appear pretty or beautiful.

Now granted, one can gain plenty of confidence with surgeries, top hair designers, the best of clothes, a good photographer and of course a little Photoshop. But that kind of confidence is temporary. You may feel better in that moment but you won’t necessarily feel better in the end. Beauty comes from within.

imageThe most beautiful people in the world to me …..are those who have confidence. Those people whose moods are not altered or disturbed by what others think of them. They are happy. They carry their head held high and walk with a little pride in their step. There is an aura around them that attracts people to them. 

Beautiful is being proud of who you are and being comfortable in your own skin. 

Beautiful is keeping your held held high. A smile on your face. And joy in your heart. 

Beautiful is so many things to so many different people. Regardless, it is who you are and how you carry yourself that makes you beautiful. Beauty has nothing to do with what you look like on the outside.

Be confident. Be beautiful. And be you.

Beauty….. it truly is just another word for confidence.

Loving Endlessly

So many people waste time and energy loving people incapable of loving them back. The relationship is dead, yet they hang on until that frayed rope finally snaps. They make themselves sick with worry.

Instead of focusing on whats wrong with that part of our lives, we need to focus on what is right everywhere else. There are plenty of people who already love you. There are also plenty of people you have yet to meet, ready to to love you too.

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerer, 2009-2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Angela Bininger and The Empowerer with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

The Devil In A Sunday Dress

“What appears to be, isn’t always what is meant to be.”

Have you ever had something happen in your life that appeared to be an answer to prayer? Did it seem as though it were laid directly in your lap and meant specifically for you? Did it turn out to be not as beautiful as it were when you first received it? Did that gift, end up being your worst nightmare?

There are many times in my life where I felt a prayer was being answered or I was being led in a particular way. As soon as I saw what it was I wanted, I reached out and grabbed it. I felt God had sent it, therefore it was meant to be!

In time I have learned that those moments in life where something appeared to be divine intervention, most often turned out to be the devils manipulation. Now I  refer to those moments or times periods as times where  “the devil is/was wearing  his Sunday dress”.  

When the devil wears his Sunday dress; that dress looks good, it is wrinkle free,  and it’s very  flowing. It hides the  flaws, it smells good, and it feels good on the skin. However, it does not mean that we will be getting exactly what we see. The way it looks while he is wearing it will not be the way it is once we slip into it, and try it on for ourselves.  

The devil slips on his Sunday dress when we are praying for answers in our life. Whether it be relationships, social issues, career choices, or parenting; he will likely appear in at least one or all of them.

It may be a job that answers our financial worries but it will also wash away all happiness in the end. Or maybe it is  a relationship that appeared flawless in the beginning and suddenly it becomes lopsided and washes away who we are. It could even be a lover who was only supposed to be a friend, or a friend who was meant to be a lover. Everyone could fill in the blanks here, as we all encounter times in life where something isn’t what it initially appeared to be.

We must learn to recognize Gods answers over the devils deceptions. The best way to do this, is to talk to Him regularly. If we pray for discernment and take steps only when confident, we will walk wisely. It is the best way to have peace with our decisions  and make ourselves available to receive the blessings He has waiting for us.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                   

“It may appear to be the exactly what we have asked for; but it doesn’t mean that we are where we are supposed to be,  or that what we see is what we are supposed to have at this particular moment. ”                        

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerers, 2009-2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. 

ABC’s of Life Series — Day 7 Letter G : Give Others Grace To Grow

ABC’s of Life

Day 7 Letter G

Give Others Some Grace To Grow

We believe we would react to situations in particular ways or that we would behave differently than someone else until we are placed in the other person’s shoes. Once we put those shoes on that were once worn by someone else; we not only have new shoes, but a new pair of new glasses too.

Those who accept us where we are despite any decisions we are making at the time; are giving us grace to grow. These are those people who no matter where we are or what we do in our lives; they love us anyway. They do not judge us, because they understand. They listen, they advise, and they care.

The concept of allowing one grace to grow is a concept that many should grasp. Once grasped, one will find themselves no longer in a position that they feel “above” someone for making better life decisions. They will not utter phrases such as: “I can’t believe they ___” “I would never”, “He/She shouldn’t ____” You won’t believe what ____ did now” etc.

I have observed that when I utter phrases like those mentioned above; I am quickly served a piece of humble pie. When I can’t understand people, their lifestyle, behavior, and their decisions I am often given a situation shortly after; where I can. It may not be an identical situation, but it is a situation that allows me to comprehend where they were at that time, and what they were thinking. Or better yet, a situation where I can relate to their emotions.

I have written often about the fact that we are all given the same lessons throughout our lives and that the lesson plans slightly differ. One may experience grief through the lost of a parent, another through the loss of a child. One may experience adultery through their parents, or through a marriage of their own. Nonetheless, the emotional processes are the same.

No matter the format of the lesson, the lessons eventually produce the same results. We will all face temptations, and struggles. We will have to find a place and time at which we will have to forgive ourselves and each other.

We will all feel: neglect, abandonment, taken for granted, mistreated, disliked, unloved, and many other emotions at some point in our lives. The lessons differ, but the emotions are the same.

Grace is essential to provide for others; because we all need it to grow. Those who accept us despite our choices have allowed us grace to grow. Those who watch us make a mistake but love us anyway, are one of a kind. 

For Today: Find someone in your  life that has a situation that you can’t or couldn’t at one point  understand. Analyze what emotions that person may have been feeling at that time, and compare it to a situation in your life where you experienced the same emotions. 

 

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerers, 2009-2014. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited

ABC’s of Life Series — Day 2 Letter B : Be Careful Who You Trust

ABC’s of Life Series
Day 2,  Letter B

 

Be Careful Who You Trust

When we read be careful who you trust in the ABC’s of Life poem it applies to relationships and life in general. It is the mechanic, the salesman, the doctor, the lawyer, the friends, the family, and whatever else you want to insert into that blank. It also includes trusting ourselves.

We are all guilty of thinking we believe or feel a certain way about something. Until of course we get to be tested and placed into the actual situation. We assume that because we have never believed in it or that we were taught not to do it; that we never will. This is where we mislead ourselves. It is an example of where we have trusted ourselves too much.

We put our trust in the hands of others until given reason not to. We trust ourselves to navigate our lives until we hit the rocks. We go through lesson after lesson to discover the same results; God is the only one we can trust.

There are a lot of people who do not believe in Him, and that is their choice. It saddens me to think that cultures and religions have caused the thought of us all having a “maker” to be repulsive for some. Unfortunately, that is just how it is.

I can say for certain that no matter how dark the days, how heavy the load, or how long the travels; He was right beside me. I don’t read my bible every day. I do not attend church regularly. However, I still believe. I still talk to Him, and He still hears me. Believe it or not, He answers my prayers too! It may not always be in the ways one would expect, but they will always get answered.  We just have to put our trust in Him.

He hears me when I’m smoking a cigarette and He would hear me if I drank a beer. He accepts me, and I trust Him. Perhaps we should all trust Him a little more?

 

Day 3 Letter C

Cherish Every Breath You Take

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerers, 2009-2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited.

We Have To Believe, To Receive

We teach our children to believe in Santa if they want gifts from him at Christmas. We teach them to believe in the Easter Bunny despite the fact that rabbits do not lay eggs. We teach them to believe that a tooth-fairy comes and leaves a magical gift under a pillow. We teach them that in order to receive, they must believe.

Yet as we travel through life ourselves, we find ourselves no longer believing. It starts by figuring out that Santa character and far exceeds a fairy delivering gum or money when we lose a tooth. It was during those times that we began to experience true disappointment.

We then began to train ourselves; not to believe. Instead of training ourselves not to believe in anything anymore; we should think of the homeless man who made something of himself. Or the drug addict that recovered. Then of course there is the marriage that healed itself. As well as the man who couldn’t sing yet he still managed to get a record deal. 

Or better yet there is the  woman who was told that she couldn’t conceive a child; who bore a child anyway. The person who was told they would never walk again; that walked. Not to mention the person that couldn’t be healed; but they were healed anyway.

The difference between this last group of people described and those still wondering why something hasn’t changed or happened in their life yet; is that the group of people mentioned above still believed. Despite all obstacles, they believed. They found a reason, and didn’t let anyone tell them differently.

If we believe we not only receive, but we achieve.

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerers, 2009-2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited.

So What Is There To Get? Some People Stay Friends After A Divorce

I guess you could say this blog has been a long time coming. It probably hadn’t written itself till now because, well, I just wasn’t ready. This blog is dedicated to all of you who have ever uttered this phrase:  “I just don’t get it”

Humans in general often struggle to accept in their lives  that which they do not, cannot, or simply will not, understand. They will then turn the thought, idea, whatever it is, over and , and then push it back  on to the original source and give it a label. Often, it’s an incorrect label. It’s one of mankind’s biggest disgraces. What we don’t understand, we criticize, because it’s the only way we can make it fit into our pretty little box.

We like to call ourselves open-minded, but in reality, very few of us really are. I myself have even fallen into this trap of labeling something as “Odd” or “Weird” that I simply could not grasp.

We will use our own upbringing, our supposed morals, or society in general, as a way to validate that label. And in doing so, we create an even bigger mess of things.

In my case, it happens to be my relationship with my ex-husband. This statement could apply to numerous other things in life, but for the purpose of this blog, we will stick with the ex-husband.

Society and history, more often than not, has taught us that there is no plausible way that two people who once loved each other enough to get married, have children, go through life together, could ever decide to STOP doing that, and still remain cordial.

As a matter of fact, society seems more than pleased with itself when the two individuals battle it out for the whole world to see. Deny it if you must, but people love  drama.

If they don’t immediately see it, they have to then create it. For some reason, other people’s drama often makes us feel better about OUR lot in life, so we kind of need it in many ways.

In my case my ex-husband and I are not only cordial, we are actually still friends. What? That simply cannot BE!!! (Insert collective cyber gasp here!!!!)

Yes. I am afraid it’s true. We are best friends technically, and I still talk to him about 3-4 days per week. Now add to your already overwhelmed brain that my current boyfriend of three years is also  friends with my ex-husband.We hang out frequently together.

I will just give you a minute to process that…

Okay, done?

Here’s the deal. My ex and I were always friends. We built our marriage on that friendship and for the most part we had 13 GOOD years. Our marriage was based on respect and friendship. There was love, sex and all that other good stuff. We also had a slew of great moments and a only handful of bad moments. We couldn’t, despite our friendship and outside counseling navigate those bad moments; so three years ago we divorced.

Now everyone has weighed in on that over the years and that’s fine.

I have always held to the belief that no one, no matter how much you think  you know about another person, ever truly knows another person completely. The same goes for couples or any relationship in general. You can view pieces of it. Snap shots if you will. And sure, you can probably accurately judge what is and what is not a great relationship. But really, at the end of the day, what goes on between two people, behind the walls of their home, is really only between those two people. The real truth lies between those two parties.

It was never easy. Divorce rarely is. Make no mistake. We weren’t dancing around in party hats under a confetti shower, but it was the decision that was made at that time.

But here’s the thing…Divorcing someone does not erase the love in the heart, the memories, or the life you built together.  I never stopped loving him as the person he was. Intelligent. Funny. Easy to talk to. He was a good husband. He was and is a great guy. He simply was no longer my guy. And people don’t “get” that. And you know what? that is okay.

None of us here on earth will ever understand, or “Get” everything that goes on in the world.

In any break up, people want a bad guy. They need to place their anger and frustration on one of the parties. And so I suppose in this one, I got the brunt of it, since I was the final decision maker. And I have taken more than my fair share of the anger and hurt from our friends and family for sure but the reality is, sometimes there is no bad guy.

Sometimes what was; no matter how good, simply ceases to be. Our job, in any circumstance whether it be a marriage, a friendship, or even a career, is to recognize that it has passed its due date, and then go about making the changes that need to occur so that everyone gets to live their best life. No matter how hard or scary those changes can be.

We can never let fear of the unknown prevent us from action.

Sometimes there is nothing to get. Sometimes a situation just IS. We can analyze it to exhaustion if we want, but at some point you have to just say it is.

There is nothing more to get. This is a decision we made. All three of us. Adults, with previous relationships under our belt. And it is working; or us.

Our way may not be your way. And that’s okay. I don’t expect or really even need you to do it our way. But for me, there was no other way. Our relationship changed. It didn’t end. And at the end of the day, all three of us are better for it.

Our unique situation and friendship has made all of us better people.

You want to see what you are really made of? Spend a few hours in a room with your ex-husband. Guess what?? All those things that drove you nuts before, while you were married… Well,  they’re still there and guess what? Now you can’t say squat about it. You turned in your “Free Nagging” pass when you signed on the dotted line. Hah!

Learning to keep my mouth shut has been the greatest gift this friendship has given me. In addition to that I now have TWO great men in my life. One who loved me once. One who loves me now. We have risen above the criticism, the jealousies, and the naysayers. Because of that  we have better, more enriched, and more well-rounded lives.

It is my humble belief that if more people did what we are trying to do the world would be a much more peaceful place. Right?

We were married. We were divorced. We have remained friends. Because we were always friends. There is nothing else to get. When you are comfortable with yourself, when you like yourself and the people in your life, then it really becomes a simple choice.

We  can only analyze something for so long before we must accept that it just is. Life is too short to waste energy trying to sort it all out. It’s too short to live your life full of doubts. Regrets. And full of hate and anger.

We only get one shot at this thing called life. Why not walk the path surrounded by a great group of eclectic people? Why not go crazy and do the unexpected? Why not look society in the face and say screw you, it can be done, it is being done, and I will show you how.

Go out and live your best life friends. And don’t let anyone else define how that life should be. It’s your picture. Color it as you see fit!

God Given Mirror




© Angela Bininger and The Empowerers, 2009-2010. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Angela Bininger and The Empowerers with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Knowing We Are Worth It, Being Treated Like We Are Not

We all know that we are worth something. That we have something to offer. That we have something about us that others can benefit from. For some reason, some of us choose to stay among people who don’t allow us to blossom. We allow people to treat us like we are not worth it, when we know we are. Why do we do this to ourselves? Is it our forgiving nature? Are we just insecure? What is it we are holding on to?

If you know you are worth it, then pamper yourself. Surround yourself with only those people who know you are worth it too and who value you. It is all too easy to get sucked into helping others and lose sight of our own self-worth. Don’t compromise your values, or beliefs. Don’t compromise your morals, or standards. And if you have, get away from the people who are sucking your life dry. You are worth it, and you should be treated as such. There are too many good people out there, to congregate with the bad ones.