custody agreement

What Is “Best Interest Of The Child”, & Why Don’t The Courts Care Post Divorce?


“Best Interest Of The Child/Children” is a common phrase thrown around in custody disputes and court proceedings. However, unfortunately once everything is settled, it turns out to be a phrase that seems unimportant to most. Once the microscope is gone and nobody is paying attention, people slip back into the person they truly are.

The upsetting part is that the children have suffered enough. If the court systems truly cared about the child’s best interest they would care at all times. If they had some sort of “automatic review” where they actually went back to see how things are truly working for everyone, people wouldn’t get away with the things they do post divorce.

Children are being manipulated, poisoned, and hurt. Pains that will be with them through adulthood and possibly in their own marriages someday. It is really sad! There is case after case where children are not in the place that is in their best interest, yet there is nothing to stop it from happening.

Because there is no review, one must file a contempt charge. Then another, and another, and another. If they comply it gets thrown out, if you file again and they don’t comply they are guilty. But what does this solve? It would start a bigger war to file papers, hire lawyers, and have everyone walking on pins and needles again than to have a court system set up to automatically review custody agreements/cases.

If our court system could develop something to monitor such agreements, it would be about the best interest of the child, ALL the time. Not just when it is convenient for certain parties.

We have reviews for our criminals, our welfare system, government insurance/medicaid, and all of the other programs. BUT, not in our future, not when it comes to these kids that have suffered enough. What is wrong with this picture?

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Benefits of shared parenting, loneliness can be a good thing!

I guess the topic of conversation would vary from person to person, the circumstances that led up to it may also be slightly different, however, the results are all the same. You are alone.

Loneliness is often just as much of a good thing as a bad thing. It is a great time of  self-reflection, a time to heal, and a time to discover both old and new things about yourself. And discovering those things that got lost along the way, in the depths of a marriage,  are just as exciting as discovering the new ones.

For me, I have shared parenting. At first this was extremely difficult for me. I had never really been away from my children other than an occasional overnight at a relative’s house. When the every other week summer rotation began there was such a huge void there. It felt as though my life would end. Every other week I felt as though I had nothing. SO, as all single moms do…. I buried myself in work.

Eventually I found additional comfort at the library and began to check out heaps of self-help books. It would be nothing for me to walk out with 20 of them at a time. ANYTHING to occupy my mind. What I didn’t realize at the time was that I was helping myself. I was learning. I was growing. And needless to say, I was surviving it. I just kept my mind so busy that I didn’t notice as much.

The one major plus side I see in shared parenting is this:

It gives me time every other week to reflect on the week prior and prepare for the week to come. There is time to  think about things that we did or didn’t do as a family, what could have been done better, should this or that been handled that way, the list goes on and on. There’s always time to self check! One simple example is: How often do you tell your child to hold on, just a second, or wait a minute? Those things are more noticeable after divorce when there is bi-weekly parenting. You catch it, then make an effort to correct it. Once you correct that one you are on to the next, and so forth.

I miss them a ton when they are gone, and anxiously await their return on Sunday nights. Although it is lonely, the lessons I’m learning will allow these children to become beautiful adults. There is nothing better for a child than to have a parent that is at peace with themselves. It gives balance, and allows them to see both love and hope! And there is nothing greater for young girls to see than a woman who is independent, and secure with who she is.