teens

What Makes You Beautiful?

imageAs my girls began puberty in our fast paced (predominately vain) and materialistic society, the words pretty and beautiful became more and more common in their vocabulary.

At one point my youngest daughter pointed out all of the people who were pretty every time we watched something or went somewhere. (OOO she’s pretty. She’s pretty. Mom, do you think she is pretty? Now she is just beautiful! Seriously, I thought the phase would never end. lol)

Most of their thoughts on beauty stemmed from what they would see on television or in books and magazines. It is what they (and their friends) saw when looking at their favorite celebrities. 

One Saturday morning the girls were talking about celebrities whom they thought were beautiful. Shortly after joining in on the conversation I decided to have a talk with my friend google. I began asking the girls which famous people they thought were the prettiest and proceeded to ask my friend google what those people looked with no make-up. (This was all in effort to teach these ladies about beauty and confidence. Next appeared thousands of images. And a bit of laughing.)

The girls were astonished.  image

(It was the day they realized that celebrities are human. That they put their pants on like the rest of us do. And that even they get pimples! )

Once they saw the first picture we spent well over the next hour or two of our morning calling out names and pulling up images. They could not believe how normal these people looked without their make-up. Images without all of the lights of Hollywood. (And of course without a lot of Photoshop.)

They looked like people you would see on the street. Our neighbors. Or like people at the park or the county fair. They were simply normal every day looking people.

The only celebrity we couldn’t find without make-up amidst our search was none other than Dolly Parton. Now we all know if a photographer gets a photo of that then it will be worth a bundle. I exhausted myself searching. And if anyone knows of one please send it to me. It’s merely principle at this point.

I have always defined beauty as something that comes from within. What we see on the outside fades in time. And anyone with a great deal of money can maintain their exterior shell to appear pretty or beautiful.

Now granted, one can gain plenty of confidence with surgeries, top hair designers, the best of clothes, a good photographer and of course a little Photoshop. But that kind of confidence is temporary. You may feel better in that moment but you won’t necessarily feel better in the end. Beauty comes from within.

imageThe most beautiful people in the world to me …..are those who have confidence. Those people whose moods are not altered or disturbed by what others think of them. They are happy. They carry their head held high and walk with a little pride in their step. There is an aura around them that attracts people to them. 

Beautiful is being proud of who you are and being comfortable in your own skin. 

Beautiful is keeping your held held high. A smile on your face. And joy in your heart. 

Beautiful is so many things to so many different people. Regardless, it is who you are and how you carry yourself that makes you beautiful. Beauty has nothing to do with what you look like on the outside.

Be confident. Be beautiful. And be you.

Beauty….. it truly is just another word for confidence.

Are You Teaching Your Kid To Lie?

I have always said:

“If we ever want to know the truth about something we must simply ask a young child.”

 

Children naturally tell the truth until taught to do otherwise. They say exactly what is on their mind and exactly what they feel. From temper tantrums to screaming their feelings or simply talking, children have a way of not holding back on their thoughts and feelings.

A young child will tell us if we got a bad hair cut, or if our shoes aren’t working with our attire. They will tell us if we have gained or lost weight, as well as how mom and dad really are. Unless children are being trained to be emotionally dishonest they will most generally tell the truth.

With children being as honest as they are it leaves one to wonder how lying begins.

What creates a liar? And how do we as a society create less liars and instead create more acceptance for others and their emotions?

As people we are taught at a young age to be emotionally dishonest with ourselves. We are told to say please and thank you whether we mean it or not. We are forced to say that we are feeling fine when that may not actually be the case. We are taught not to voice our opinions and at other times told to speak up. All of these things we are taught; when once upon a time we had the ability to be emotionally honest with ourselves and the world around us.

Because we train children and each other to be emotionally dishonest we have more or less created a world of liars. We wonder why people hide from their emotions, and why they lie to themselves. We wonder why people are not honest with people in their lives. When in reality, everyone is just doing what they were taught and told to do.

When we expect someone to think like us, feel like us, and react like we would we are merely creating a person who is afraid to be who they are. This causes a person to build walls and become distant. This puts a gap in the relationship, and is the beginning of not knowing that person anymore. That person begins to find friends and people in the world that accepts him/her as he/she is. They surround themselves with people who make them feel at ease. Somewhere that they do not need to wear a mask. A place where they can simply be themselves.

I will hear parents ask or say: “Who is this child?”, “What happened to him/her?”  “I didn’t raise him/her that way!” and a series of other questions or statements  when they realize their child has become a manipulative lying teenager. People making these statements are often unaware of their contribution in making that child be emotionally dishonest with himself/herself. Once emotional honesty vs. emotional dishonesty is approached by that parent, it will be easier for that parent to not only cope, but also correct the behavior in the child before it carries over into that child’s adulthood.

Once we grasp the concept of emotional honesty and the benefits of it, it becomes easier to see situations more clearly. 

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerer, 2009-2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited.

Want To Know How To Raise An Honest Child?

100_8126Did you know that the biggest reason adults lie is because as a child they were unable to communicate with their parents or guardians? As children, these lying adults were unable to freely express who they were without fear of judgment or punishment.

Most adult liars were children raised to perform to a particular parents standards, and as a result they have had trouble coming in to who they are. They grew up in a home where free thinking was frowned upon. 

Growing up in such an environment, the child felt a need to lie to keep a parent happy. And because the child feared disappointment or disapproval from his/her parents,  the child then began a pattern of lying that would take years to correct, if ever.

To raise a truth-seeking honest child:

Be honest with your child, and yourself – Children learn what they live. If we expect them to be honest, we must be honest. If a child sees a parent lying that child will not only lose respect, but pick up on the habit. He/she will think “Hey, they got away with it and it made their life easier. It will work for me too!”

Respect who your child is – As parents we have ideas in our mind as to who our kids will be. Sometimes, we live vicariously through them. It is important that we respect who our children are. Perhaps they don’t want to be on the state championship bound football team. Or perhaps they have decided to pursue another form of religion. Whatever it may be; by not respecting their thoughts and feelings, it teaches them to hide it from you in fear of disapproval.

Respect the truth – It takes a lot of courage for children (in some instances) to tell the truth on certain topics. When they do tell the truth, instead of lashing out on them we should show respect for that truth. By lashing out, they learn to close up more and say less. 

Speak the truth – By speaking the truth ourselves and standing up for what we feel is right, our children will naturally begin to as well. If they watch us cower in the corner with every confrontation life brings, and if they watch us being used as doormats for other people then they lose respect. 

Live the  truth – We can tell our children what is right, but if we aren’t living a just life they will see through the charade. We must be honest in all areas of our life if we expect our children to be. 

Promote the truth – We have a rule in our home that the truth bears no punishment. It isn’t to say that there will be no consequences or repercussions, however they will not be punished for being honest. 

Encourage passion – Find something that your child is passionate about where he/she learns to use their voice. Whether it be speaking on animal rights, citizens rights, or student council encourage him/her to be passionate about what they think or feel. Our best leaders in this world were once taught to be passionate, and to find their voice. When they found that voice, they used it. And because of that, they changed the world.

Do Not React – When your child is sharing something about his or her peers do not allow them to see your reaction, shock, or anger as to what they are saying. Do not force them to stop talking to people who make bad decisions. Instead teach them how to make their own good decisions regardless of their company. Reacting will only shut them down and prevent you from knowing what is going on with their friends in the future.

The biggest thing that I have seen with children who lie regularly to their parents is that their parents are really overbearing. Especially those who only have one child and nothing to compare it to. They have a hard time accepting that their child is not them, and that they are their own person.

We can either adopt these items listed above or have a dishonest and unruly teenager when that time comes. And as for me and my house, we will continue to promote honesty and free thinking. So far, so good here!