dishonest

Are You Teaching Your Kid To Lie?

I have always said:

“If we ever want to know the truth about something we must simply ask a young child.”

 

Children naturally tell the truth until taught to do otherwise. They say exactly what is on their mind and exactly what they feel. From temper tantrums to screaming their feelings or simply talking, children have a way of not holding back on their thoughts and feelings.

A young child will tell us if we got a bad hair cut, or if our shoes aren’t working with our attire. They will tell us if we have gained or lost weight, as well as how mom and dad really are. Unless children are being trained to be emotionally dishonest they will most generally tell the truth.

With children being as honest as they are it leaves one to wonder how lying begins.

What creates a liar? And how do we as a society create less liars and instead create more acceptance for others and their emotions?

As people we are taught at a young age to be emotionally dishonest with ourselves. We are told to say please and thank you whether we mean it or not. We are forced to say that we are feeling fine when that may not actually be the case. We are taught not to voice our opinions and at other times told to speak up. All of these things we are taught; when once upon a time we had the ability to be emotionally honest with ourselves and the world around us.

Because we train children and each other to be emotionally dishonest we have more or less created a world of liars. We wonder why people hide from their emotions, and why they lie to themselves. We wonder why people are not honest with people in their lives. When in reality, everyone is just doing what they were taught and told to do.

When we expect someone to think like us, feel like us, and react like we would we are merely creating a person who is afraid to be who they are. This causes a person to build walls and become distant. This puts a gap in the relationship, and is the beginning of not knowing that person anymore. That person begins to find friends and people in the world that accepts him/her as he/she is. They surround themselves with people who make them feel at ease. Somewhere that they do not need to wear a mask. A place where they can simply be themselves.

I will hear parents ask or say: “Who is this child?”, “What happened to him/her?”  “I didn’t raise him/her that way!” and a series of other questions or statements  when they realize their child has become a manipulative lying teenager. People making these statements are often unaware of their contribution in making that child be emotionally dishonest with himself/herself. Once emotional honesty vs. emotional dishonesty is approached by that parent, it will be easier for that parent to not only cope, but also correct the behavior in the child before it carries over into that child’s adulthood.

Once we grasp the concept of emotional honesty and the benefits of it, it becomes easier to see situations more clearly. 

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerer, 2009-2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited.

Signs Your Partner Is Dishonest Or Hiding Something

Honesty is huge in any relationship. It fuels trust. Without trust, the fires of love burn out quite quickly. Sometimes, instantly. © Angela Bininger 2009-2015

couples-1As we all know relationships are a lot of work. When feelings of love crowd in, logic sometimes gets lost. At times we may find ourselves questioning things, yet afraid to ask because we fear it is our own paranoia from a previous relationship or heartache. One thing I have found for certain, is that those instincts that lead you to question something have lead you there for a reason.

Signs Your Partner Is Being
Dishonest Or Hiding Something

He/She keeps to himself/herself – People who bottle emotions have a tendency to hide things other than their emotions. They seem to have a “don’t ask don’t tell” policy, or an “ask and I will tell if I want policy”.

He/She goes with whatever everyone else thinks/says/feels- I have seen this pattern quite often. Dishonest people seem to not have opinions of their own. Instead you will see/hear them regurgitate  opinions or feelings of someone else as their own. They will take a conversation you have with them and tell it like it is their own to someone else. Often they will do this right in front of you, unknowingly.


Stories seem to have holes – When asking serious questions take good mental notes. If something is suspicious ask the same question in a different manner, on different occasions. Eventually, he/she will trip up and you will begin to find stories with holes in them. Most of the time if one lie is found, there are plenty more where that one came from.


Beats around the bush if questioned, even on the simplest things – It is hard for a liar to give rapid and direct answers. If questioned they will either beat around the bush, or provide an answer with very little to no information. They are usually a slow responder.

Answering the question without answering the question – Liars are notorious for turning a question around. It is often a word game and if not worded properly it was never said, or never happened. For example : You ask after a spouse/partner has cheated “Have you talked to _____?” They answer “I haven’t seen _____?”  They offer enough information to satisfy the taste of the one inquiring. In this particular example, the question wasn’t answered directly. “No I haven’t seen him/her” is a huge flag. That was not the question asked. The question was “Have you talked to him/her”.

Liars live in a life of denial. They do not know who they are and are insecure. They use other’s words/thoughts/opinions/feelings and voice them as their own and respond to questions of others slowly because they are retracing their steps and trying to figure out what they last told and to who.

Until they decide to step out of denial, all you can do is keep confronting. And when you are tired of confronting the issues, walk away. People are people and although some change over time, some never will.

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerer, 2009-2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Angela Bininger and The Empowerer with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Getting The Compulsive Liar To Cave

Breaking a compulsive liar down can be a lengthy process. Although there is no guarantee to a permanent change, if you are persistent you can get a compulsive liar to cave.

The number one rule in breaking down the liar will be exercising patience! Getting them to come clean will not guarantee a change in their behavior, but you can push them to the point of truth for your particular situation.

They have always said you have to be smart to be a good liar and let’s face it, compulsive liars lack intelligence. They have trouble keeping their stories straight and as you call them out they swear they weren’t lying. They swear they didn’t say something they have said in attempt to cover the lie prior to the bust. They get defensive, and often storm off. After they have cooled down, push some more. Keep forcing them to face it.

In some cases you may need to pretend to know things you do not know. And in every case that involves an compulsive liar, there will be a lot of homework that needs to be done. As you discover things pertaining to your situation, encourage him/her, and tell him/her how much better he/she will feel coming clean. Let him/her know how much better the relationship will be once the truth is out.

It is also important that you show little emotion when they do open up. If they sense anger, they will stop opening up and revert to the lying cycle. Encourage the change, but also know your limits. Compulsive lying is an addiction, and as any addiction relapse is always possible. If you love this person, keep doing your homework and keep calling the person out. Often times if a compulsive liar gets caught up a lot, he/she will at least reduce the amount of lies, and sometimes they even stop completely.

If the relationship is weighing you down, maintain your distance. Sometimes the only way people learn their lessons and change; is when a loved one walks away. It forces them to hit rock bottom, and only then do they  begin to live a more honest life. Some people will not learn until they have suffered the consequences of their actions.