reality

Are You Teaching Your Kid To Lie?

I have always said:

“If we ever want to know the truth about something we must simply ask a young child.”

 

Children naturally tell the truth until taught to do otherwise. They say exactly what is on their mind and exactly what they feel. From temper tantrums to screaming their feelings or simply talking, children have a way of not holding back on their thoughts and feelings.

A young child will tell us if we got a bad hair cut, or if our shoes aren’t working with our attire. They will tell us if we have gained or lost weight, as well as how mom and dad really are. Unless children are being trained to be emotionally dishonest they will most generally tell the truth.

With children being as honest as they are it leaves one to wonder how lying begins.

What creates a liar? And how do we as a society create less liars and instead create more acceptance for others and their emotions?

As people we are taught at a young age to be emotionally dishonest with ourselves. We are told to say please and thank you whether we mean it or not. We are forced to say that we are feeling fine when that may not actually be the case. We are taught not to voice our opinions and at other times told to speak up. All of these things we are taught; when once upon a time we had the ability to be emotionally honest with ourselves and the world around us.

Because we train children and each other to be emotionally dishonest we have more or less created a world of liars. We wonder why people hide from their emotions, and why they lie to themselves. We wonder why people are not honest with people in their lives. When in reality, everyone is just doing what they were taught and told to do.

When we expect someone to think like us, feel like us, and react like we would we are merely creating a person who is afraid to be who they are. This causes a person to build walls and become distant. This puts a gap in the relationship, and is the beginning of not knowing that person anymore. That person begins to find friends and people in the world that accepts him/her as he/she is. They surround themselves with people who make them feel at ease. Somewhere that they do not need to wear a mask. A place where they can simply be themselves.

I will hear parents ask or say: “Who is this child?”, “What happened to him/her?”  “I didn’t raise him/her that way!” and a series of other questions or statements  when they realize their child has become a manipulative lying teenager. People making these statements are often unaware of their contribution in making that child be emotionally dishonest with himself/herself. Once emotional honesty vs. emotional dishonesty is approached by that parent, it will be easier for that parent to not only cope, but also correct the behavior in the child before it carries over into that child’s adulthood.

Once we grasp the concept of emotional honesty and the benefits of it, it becomes easier to see situations more clearly. 

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerer, 2009-2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited.

Patience 101 – God’s Delays Are Not His Denials

Never think that God’s delays are God’s denials.  Hold on; hold fast; hold out.  Patience is genius.   -Comte de Buffon

I think of many scenarios when I read this quote. When I first read it I thought of a friend from my school years who had several miscarriages and still births. Finally on number six she carried a baby to term that lived.  God was not denying her anything, he simply had a better person for her child to have as a father figure. He had a different plan but still honored this woman’s prayer, over time. This woman believed she would be a mother, and she didn’t give up. And by believing it would happen, it did. Her patience gave her the life she dreamed of. Her refusal to hear from doctor’s “You can’t have children, stop trying” got her where she is today. Most women, would have stopped after a couple times. But this woman is strong, and knew in her heart she deserved this prayer to be answered. And it was. She has a beautiful baby girl. Her story gives me chills every time I think about it.

I also think of that friend with the “strained” marriage.  I think of how her dream as a child was to have a family. Something stable for her children. Some normalcy! I think of how they struggled recently, but by holding on and being patient they are now on the cusp of have that family they dreamed of. Something far better than what that marriage has known for so many years. By getting to the root of their marital problems they are discovering more about themselves and each other. God wasn’t denying them a happy family, He was just making sure they still wanted it. It took a little bit of heartache to move the couple closer, but it has moved them closer together. They held on, they are being patient, and because of that their golden years will be beautiful.

This quote reminds me of one of my favorite Bloggers as she works diligently to restore her marriage, and let go of the past. By God denying her love that resulted in an extra marital affair; her and her husband’s patience in restoring their marriage, the hours of counseling, and soul-searching will give her more love than she has ever known over time. If they are patient. God wasn’t denying anything in those moments of despair as the love affair ended. He was just giving her something better. He gave her a strong man to love her unconditionally, along with a chance to know more about herself. The situation that was once bad, has the potential now to bring a lifetime of happiness. Pure bliss!

When I read this quote I also think about how long I waited for a career. I stayed home with my children many years, and although I have a PhD in child rearing I felt inadequate when it came to careers. I felt like I had not done much with my life. I began nursing school and felt it was the best thing for my life. Every day I would leave for school excited. Thinking about my future as a nurse gave me chills.  It appeared to be the only solution to many problems. But as I sat enrolled in school spending 60 hours a week between my books and classes, it just wasn’t an option for me at this juncture in my life. I felt like I was missing out on my kids lives for something I can do when they are older. The timing just didn’t seem appropriate, and I will never get these tender years with my children back. So I stopped nursing school.

When I stopped nursing school I said I would find a career. That I didn’t need that degree yet. That my children were most important and that I need to be available for them. For  months I waited,  I cried, and I prayed. I watched my savings take a nosedive as I patiently and diligently searched for employment. I knew in my heart of hearts that God wouldn’t let me down. I knew there was something good out there for me.

As  a result of denying what I once thought I wanted, God gave me something better. Something better than a career I was only entering for money and job security. In fact, He gave me my dream. He gave me a career  that works around my children’s schedules. He gave me full-time pay for part-time hours. He gave me a place of employment but I can still  be here to put my kids on the bus every day, and also be here to get them off.  The income potential with this career He gave me in exchange for my patience, surpasses that of the degree I would have received this June. My patience landed me a higher paying career, without that piece of paper that says “she graduated college, she is smart enough to do this”.

These are just some of the things that came to mind when I read that quote. What comes to your mind? What has happened in your life where you thought God was denying you something? Have you thought He was denying it only to find out He had something better planned all along? Was  His plan was just different for you than your plan for you was?