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ABC’s of Life Series — Day 6 Letter F : Fight For What You Believe Is Right

 ABC’s of Life

Day 6 , Letter F

 

Fight for What You Believe Is Right

 We have all encountered situations in life where we were forced to take a stand. There may have been repercussions for us speaking up, and there may have been rewards.

 In the long run, there is always a reward when we fight for what we believe is right. It is called personal fulfillment.

 When situations light fire in us and brew anger, passion begins to stir. By continuing to fight for our desires, wishes, dreams, and anything we believe is right; we continue to build more passion.

We are better off to speak up and take a stand, even if it means doing it alone. Just as the saying goes: We have to stand for something, or we will fall for anything.

Whether it be fighting for a relationship to work, career advancement, or something you feel is your moral obligation; fight for it. Keep fighting and keep believing.

When you feel inclined to give up, fight harder. Chances are if you decide to quit, everything you had been fighting for was only an arms reach away. 

For Today: Take a stand and fight for what you believe it. It doesn’t matter what others think. It is better to fight and stand alone, than to not take a stand at all.

 

Day 7 Letter G

Give Others Grace To Grow

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerers, 2009-2014. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited.

ABC’s of Life Series — Day 5 Letter E : Exercise Your Freedom of Speech

ABC’s of Life 

Day 5 Letter E

Exercise Your Freedom of Speech

So many are afraid to find their voice and use it. It is unfortunate that they remain comfortable living their lives controlled by others emotions and actions.

Many people have a hard time standing up for themselves. Some will just go with the punches, and lolly-gag through life. Others will repeat things they are told  instead of telling what they feel. They will hide behind a mask, and remain mute. They will remain afraid to stand up for themselves.

Whether speaking on behalf of something that we feel is right or wrong; we should all exercise our right to speak. It is our God-given right and it is our freedom.

Considering that freedom is never free, the best way we could say thank those that have laid down their lives so we can have freedom; would be to use our freedom of speech.

It’s time we take a stand. It starts with one voice and then soon after; many more will rally behind that voice.

 

“We must find our voice so we can teach others to find theirs.“

 

For today: Speak up. Let them know what is on your mind. Only you can speak for you. If you don’t speak, then you will be the only one to blame. By letting them know, that weight will be lifted and you will begin to experience emotional freedom.      

Day 6 Letter F

Fight For What You Believe Is Right                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  

 © Angela Bininger and The Empowerers, 2009-2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited.

ABCs of Life; Day 1, Letter A – Actions Speak Louder Than Words

It has been requested by a reader that I expand on my ABC’s of life poem. They felt a need to read more on each topic and I felt the idea was borderline genius. For the next several days (26 to be exact) I will begin to develop each line into thoughts for each day. Hopefully by the time we get to Z, we will all have more insight on life.

Day 1 Letter A

Actions Speak Louder Than Words

Both words and actions have two faces. Whether they are in a positive or negative fashion, our words and actions will leave a mark somewhere.  They will have an impact and bring about change. They will build and they will destroy.   

I put the phrase “actions speak louder than words” in the poem ABC’s of Life and thought particularly of my ex-husband at the time that I wrote this line.  It is a series of words I have heard him say countless times over the years and something that I didn’t fully comprehend; until I was in my thirties. But now I can admit it, he was right. Actions speak louder than words.

I believe we put so much stock into words because religions teach us all that we are judgmental when we base our opinions on one’s actions. Society has taught us to deceive ourselves, and let people use their words to manipulate us.

If we paid more attention to the actions of others and less attention to words they speak; we wouldn’t find ourselves in some of the most hurtful situations. Instead we would be further along. We would not only feel stronger and wiser but we would probably find ourselves much happier too.

I have carried what was once an annoying statement in an argument with my ex husband with me. Upon reflection I can see where a bit of his philosophies rubbed off on me. Particularly this one, because in my mid thirties I do not need words of affirmation so much. When I hear things, they go in one ear and out another. It is more about what I see that speaks to me. Words are just words.

As I went from a girl to a woman I adapted to the philosophy that actions speak louder than words. Instead of needing lip service from others, these days I am more about: Don’t tell me that you love me, show me. Don’t tell me you will be there, just be there. Don’t tell me that I can trust you, instead display that you are worthy of my trust.  Don’t tell me you are there if I want to talk, call me for once. Don’t tell me to come over and see you, you can come see me too.

It is amazing how much more clearly you can see with this motto. It eliminates a lot of garbage. People weed themselves out because its obvious who cares and who doesn’t. There is nothing left to question.

 “While some words are merely whispers, people’s actions will always manage to shout out the truth.”

For today: Observe the actions of others and compare it to their words. If one’s actions do not coincide with their words, take a deeper look. Sometimes the answers to life’s problems will appear by just sitting back and watching, quietly. Make mental notes as needed and then begin applying the necessary changes.

Day 2 – Letter B

Be Careful Who You Trust 

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerers, 2009-2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited.

We Have To Believe, To Receive

We teach our children to believe in Santa if they want gifts from him at Christmas. We teach them to believe in the Easter Bunny despite the fact that rabbits do not lay eggs. We teach them to believe that a tooth-fairy comes and leaves a magical gift under a pillow. We teach them that in order to receive, they must believe.

Yet as we travel through life ourselves, we find ourselves no longer believing. It starts by figuring out that Santa character and far exceeds a fairy delivering gum or money when we lose a tooth. It was during those times that we began to experience true disappointment.

We then began to train ourselves; not to believe. Instead of training ourselves not to believe in anything anymore; we should think of the homeless man who made something of himself. Or the drug addict that recovered. Then of course there is the marriage that healed itself. As well as the man who couldn’t sing yet he still managed to get a record deal. 

Or better yet there is the  woman who was told that she couldn’t conceive a child; who bore a child anyway. The person who was told they would never walk again; that walked. Not to mention the person that couldn’t be healed; but they were healed anyway.

The difference between this last group of people described and those still wondering why something hasn’t changed or happened in their life yet; is that the group of people mentioned above still believed. Despite all obstacles, they believed. They found a reason, and didn’t let anyone tell them differently.

If we believe we not only receive, but we achieve.

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerers, 2009-2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited.

Are You Teaching Your Kid To Lie?

I have always said:

“If we ever want to know the truth about something we must simply ask a young child.”

 

Children naturally tell the truth until taught to do otherwise. They say exactly what is on their mind and exactly what they feel. From temper tantrums to screaming their feelings or simply talking, children have a way of not holding back on their thoughts and feelings.

A young child will tell us if we got a bad hair cut, or if our shoes aren’t working with our attire. They will tell us if we have gained or lost weight, as well as how mom and dad really are. Unless children are being trained to be emotionally dishonest they will most generally tell the truth.

With children being as honest as they are it leaves one to wonder how lying begins.

What creates a liar? And how do we as a society create less liars and instead create more acceptance for others and their emotions?

As people we are taught at a young age to be emotionally dishonest with ourselves. We are told to say please and thank you whether we mean it or not. We are forced to say that we are feeling fine when that may not actually be the case. We are taught not to voice our opinions and at other times told to speak up. All of these things we are taught; when once upon a time we had the ability to be emotionally honest with ourselves and the world around us.

Because we train children and each other to be emotionally dishonest we have more or less created a world of liars. We wonder why people hide from their emotions, and why they lie to themselves. We wonder why people are not honest with people in their lives. When in reality, everyone is just doing what they were taught and told to do.

When we expect someone to think like us, feel like us, and react like we would we are merely creating a person who is afraid to be who they are. This causes a person to build walls and become distant. This puts a gap in the relationship, and is the beginning of not knowing that person anymore. That person begins to find friends and people in the world that accepts him/her as he/she is. They surround themselves with people who make them feel at ease. Somewhere that they do not need to wear a mask. A place where they can simply be themselves.

I will hear parents ask or say: “Who is this child?”, “What happened to him/her?”  “I didn’t raise him/her that way!” and a series of other questions or statements  when they realize their child has become a manipulative lying teenager. People making these statements are often unaware of their contribution in making that child be emotionally dishonest with himself/herself. Once emotional honesty vs. emotional dishonesty is approached by that parent, it will be easier for that parent to not only cope, but also correct the behavior in the child before it carries over into that child’s adulthood.

Once we grasp the concept of emotional honesty and the benefits of it, it becomes easier to see situations more clearly. 

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerer, 2009-2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited.

Are You Leaving a Legacy, Or a Liability?

As parents we all want what is best for our children. However, what some parents fail to realize in terms of co-dependent children is that they are no longer leaving a legacy, but yet, a liability.

By leaving a legacy one must raise self-sufficient children. They should be children capable of making their own wise and practical decisions upon adulthood. They should be children who feel compelled to do more with their life than the previous generation. And most importantly, they should be emotionally healthy children who feel they can be who they are, not who we imagined or wanted them to be.

Examples:

Just because we have run the family business, doesn’t mean we should expect our children to take over someday. They will likely have plans of their own.

Just because we played a particular sport and excelled, doesn’t mean we should force our children to play it if they have no interest.

Just because they dream the impossible, doesn’t mean we should squash their dreams.

Our job is to encourage their successes, and help guide them when they encounter failure. It is to teach them how to handle their own relationships vs., being a dictator for their relationships. Our job is tough, but to raise healthy children with the ability to maintain healthy adult relationships, we must push them to do well. We must teach them to put forth effort. We must help them learn to look at the big picture.

Signs of leaving a liability:

The adult child comes to you for every one of life’s hurdles.

The adult child now expects the parent to take care of financial responsibilities.

The adult child now expects parents to bail them out.

The adult child now has no insight.

The adult child now has dependency issues aside from their relationship with their parents. Most likely chemical dependencies.

The adult child is now angry.

The adult child, will then likely leave another liability for their children. And the trend continues. However, there are ways to avoid leaving a liability. And there are proven ways to leave a legacy. Proven ways to leave a legacy are as follows:

Encourage and comfort your children.

Listen to their feelings and respect that they have their own minds, and opinions.

Do not try to control who they are, better yet guide them to where they should be.

Allow them to suffer consequences of their actions. They need tough love. They have their own friends to be best friends with.

And most importantly, practice what you preach. Be a good role model.

I once heard a saying from a parent that said : Well I guess if I was your best friend, and you loved me all the time; then I wouldn’t be a very good parent. And I agree with that statement. There will be times our children do not agree with our decisions in parenting. There will be times they do not understand our reasoning and we find ourselves saying what we once heard: Someday you will understand….when you have kids of your own.

These days I see more parents trying to be best buddies with their kids. They are there to rescue them from situations the kids/adult children put themselves into. Rather than showing tough love so lessons can be learned, they throw them preserver after preserver.

Tough love is absolutely the hardest step for people to take in any forms of relationships. But without it, we leave a liability. We should be leaving a legacy instead. We should be allowing our children to live their own life, and a life that they are proud of. An honest life, and a life with an abundance of good people with direction.

Are you leaving a legacy or a liability? Are you teaching bad habits? Or are you setting a good example instead? The quote that children learn what they live, has much insight. What are your children learning from you?

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerer, 2009-2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Angela Bininger and The Empowerer with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Spoiled Children & The Parents Who Steal Their Drive

If we give our children everything that they want, what else is there for them to work for? By giving them everything they want or think they need, we begin building a strong foundation for co-dependency. And this co-dependency may follow them for their entire life.

When I look around at different parent child relationships throughout the course of my life I see many things. In families where the child has been given everything, adulthood is difficult for them. With every snag in the line these adult children are calling their parents for help. These once spoiled young children, are now co-dependent adults that have a very hard time standing on their own feet.

When I look at people who had what would be considered a less pampered childhood, there is more success. These people who have fought their way to the top, have done it because up was the only way left to go. They had nothing. They had no one. They realized they could only count on themselves. By not having much, they were given more drive.

There is a remarkable difference when comparing the lives of children who were given it all, and children who had to fight for what they wanted. As adults it is the difference of what most consider to be success or failure, or better yet “sinking, or swimming.”

As we continue to raise our children, let us remember that they do not need everything everyone else has. Nor do children need everything they want. Why have a life full of costly activities when they would be just as content coloring a picture, playing a board game, or making a craft and spending quality time together? They also don’t need the latest sneakers or clothing, because in 6 months it will not fit them anyway.

When we spoil our children we are stealing their drive. We are teaching them that they do not have to work so hard, and that we will “get it” for them. Do we really want them still coming at 40 asking for help with car payments, mortgages, etc.? Or do we want to raise them to be independent and successful?


Children learn what they live. Question is, what exactly are we teaching this next generation? Children are as simple or as high maintenance as we teach them to be.


What Empowers You?

I was asked a question a few weeks ago that gave me deep conviction. After pondering my response for a few weeks and feeling as though I finally have an answer I must now challenge my readers with the same exact question. What empowers you?

When I was asked this very question, the conviction didn’t come from the fact that I had no answers. I knew the answers, well, sort of. The conviction came from the fact that I felt as though I weren’t doing enough. As though I were just idling through life, and not really doing much of anything.

This question caused me to backtrack over the last few years of my life, and in doing that I realized that even though most of the things I do are of great purpose, there was nothing that really stood out as a simple answer. It prompted me to begin diving deep to figure out what actually empowers me the most, although I am still unable to narrow it down to one particular thing.

Here is what I came up with:

1.) Being a leader, teaching, helping others succeed. Wether it be parenting, helping friends with personal issues, passing along useful knowledge, coaching a team etc., I am passionate about leading.

2.) Setting goals and aggressively working to obtain them. (I had them set but was still just sitting on my butt watching other ships roll in and out, making excuses and extending deadlines)

3.) Being Independent both in thought and in actions. Knowing that my children see this and are taught to be this way, empowers me.

4.) Challenging others and being challenged by others. It makes you dig deep and do a self check with no other option than to learn more about yourself. That empowers me!

5.) Prayer!!!! God gives strength like no other. For those that do not believe and have never experienced the joy and peace he gives, I am sorry. I hope that someday you crave it and get a taste for it. He is real! I promise!

6.) Positive people!!! I love positive people! And typically I am a positive person. However, I know that if I am around negative energy it drags me to the ground. I can’t be around it. It is like cancer!

7.) Knowledge!!! When I gain knowledge about anything it empowers me! I feel a need to spread the news so to speak. Knowledge is power!

I still didn’t come up with an answer to blow anyone’s mind away, however, the point was to challenge you to think. What empowers you? What are you doing to make this world a better place? What do you dream of doing that you haven’t had the motivation to set out and achieve?