steps

Are Any Of These Four Things Stealing Your Time?

I have never met anyone in my life who gives preference to or who truly enjoys the company of a thief. They simply are not trustworthy. But here is the twist; thieves are not always people. Sometimes they are just “things” but these things are here to take something precious. They want our time.

These four “things”  I have listed below may attempt to steal our time but we can determine their success and failure rate in pulling off the heist.

In effort to make these four things stealing our time a little bit easier to remember long after you are done reading I have listed them so that they spell out the word PATH.

(Pretty simple, eh? I thought so too.)

image

  • Playing victim will never get us anywhere for the simple fact that we are only the victim of something the first time that it happens to us. After that we begin to shed our own blood with our own hands. Replaying it in our minds countless times is pointless. By holding on to the past and playing victim we begin to have our time stolen. It is best to let go of whatever it is if our time truly matters to us.
  • Addictions steal the addicts time and life. They will steal both the time and life of the people who love(d) the addict. And as we all know, addiction will also steal an innocent persons time and life.

Addiction can, will, and does strike any class of people in any society or culture across the globe. Addiction will never discriminate. It attacks fragile humans tirelessly like the revolting beast that it is. 

Addiction does not have to be drugs or alcohol which is what most of us picture when we hear the word. It could be anything. An addiction could be food, soda, cigarettes, gossiping, compulsive shopping, lying, sex, pornography or anything else one could fill the blank in with. (With shows like “My Strange Addiction” and some of the other programs on television these days, this area of addiction no longer has a border. Anything goes it seems.) 

  • Toxic people will not only steal our time but their negative energy falls upon us like an ominous cloud on a sunny day. That negative energy electrocutes us then spreads through our bodies and rolls out of our mouths. Our wonderful mood vanishes so swiftly and before we know it we are stewing over things that we have zero control over. Better yet, we begin stewing over things that we normally would not make note of at all. 

In order to protect our time and preserve our own life we have to maintain a sure and clear distance from people who are toxic. If there is no distance then they will continuously monopolize our time. (Please note that this does not mean we have to fully cut people off. In fact, we need their numbers in our phones so we know when not to answer.)

Toxic people will feast on us for as long as we grant them permission to. We just need to say “No thanks, not today!” when they bring it to us. About the same response one would have with a salesman stopping us in the kiosk area of a mall, or a telemarketer calling us on the phone. “Ohhhh, well I am not interested…. but thank you!” speaks volumes. And sometimes it will need said several times before you are heard.

The trick is to not feed into it. By not feeding into it, eventually they will get bored with us and find another victim. In fact they have to do that! For they are the energy vampires. (muahahahaha – insert evil vampire laugh here___)

  • Harbored Wrongs are absolutely one of the biggest time thieves. We have seen people in their 60’s to 80’s still holding on to things from decades ago. We’ve seen people hold on to things someone did twenty years ago in high school. We have seen people hold on to pains of their ancestors throughout history. The list is endless for this one. But the fact is, a harbored wrong does us no good. It allows bitterness to take root and our heart then becomes a hard blob of rubber cement. It serves us no purpose and there is absolutely no benefit in holding on to the negativity.

Harbored wrongs are often the root of addiction. They are the root to becoming a toxic person. And it is almost impossible to harbor a wrong and not be found at some point or another playing victim.

These four things mentioned were stealing valuable time from millions of people as I typed this. These four things (alone or combined) are stealing from others as you read this. And they will still be stealing from people next week at this time or even next year.

Are any of these things stealing from you?

Time is too precious! Life is too precious! And we only get one shot at both!

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerer, 2009-2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Angela Bininger and The Empowerer with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

The First Step

The Devil In A Sunday Dress

“What appears to be, isn’t always what is meant to be.”

Have you ever had something happen in your life that appeared to be an answer to prayer? Did it seem as though it were laid directly in your lap and meant specifically for you? Did it turn out to be not as beautiful as it were when you first received it? Did that gift, end up being your worst nightmare?

There are many times in my life where I felt a prayer was being answered or I was being led in a particular way. As soon as I saw what it was I wanted, I reached out and grabbed it. I felt God had sent it, therefore it was meant to be!

In time I have learned that those moments in life where something appeared to be divine intervention, most often turned out to be the devils manipulation. Now I  refer to those moments or times periods as times where  “the devil is/was wearing  his Sunday dress”.  

When the devil wears his Sunday dress; that dress looks good, it is wrinkle free,  and it’s very  flowing. It hides the  flaws, it smells good, and it feels good on the skin. However, it does not mean that we will be getting exactly what we see. The way it looks while he is wearing it will not be the way it is once we slip into it, and try it on for ourselves.  

The devil slips on his Sunday dress when we are praying for answers in our life. Whether it be relationships, social issues, career choices, or parenting; he will likely appear in at least one or all of them.

It may be a job that answers our financial worries but it will also wash away all happiness in the end. Or maybe it is  a relationship that appeared flawless in the beginning and suddenly it becomes lopsided and washes away who we are. It could even be a lover who was only supposed to be a friend, or a friend who was meant to be a lover. Everyone could fill in the blanks here, as we all encounter times in life where something isn’t what it initially appeared to be.

We must learn to recognize Gods answers over the devils deceptions. The best way to do this, is to talk to Him regularly. If we pray for discernment and take steps only when confident, we will walk wisely. It is the best way to have peace with our decisions  and make ourselves available to receive the blessings He has waiting for us.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                   

“It may appear to be the exactly what we have asked for; but it doesn’t mean that we are where we are supposed to be,  or that what we see is what we are supposed to have at this particular moment. ”                        

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerers, 2009-2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. 

The Best Way To Confront Another Person

There are three T’s to having a good approach when communicating with others. It is important that we remain focused on the following these three T’s; in order to achieve good results when we have a conflict that needs addressed with another individual in our life.

Two People – Approach the person when they are alone and you are alone.  There is no need for either side to feel attacked. When more people are involved the conversation loses focus and nothing really gets resolved. If it is our issue that we have with another individual we must fight our battle alone. Pow wows, are unnecessary.

Tone – If you feel heated do not approach the other person face to face. Your facial expressions, tones, and mannerisms could be seen as negative and one may feel attacked. The fight or flight process begins to occur and the other person may become confused and unfocused.

Sometimes a phone call or email will achieve better results. When responding to an issue by writing out our thoughts, the brain takes more time to process the information which in turn allows us to think before we speak.

Time & Place – There is a time and a place to approach someone when addressing an issue you have with them. Social gatherings and functions are not an ideal place. Trying to resolve it inside the workplace may not always be the best place either.

If you know you will be bumping into the person, try to resolve the issue beforehand.  This helps both people avoid public conflicts that end up affecting others who were present. It also aids in avoiding embarrassment in cases where we may approach someone without having had all of the facts first.

By following the above three T’s to a proper approach when confronting another person, we are bound to communicate both properly and wisely. Life is too short to stew over issues for days without resolving. 

We will all have issues and problems, it’s all about how we handle them.

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerer, 2009-2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited

Signs & Symptoms of Communication Breakdown

Communication is essential for all relationships to function properly.

When communication breakdown begins, the relationship begins to suffer and the fate of the relationship enters an unknown zone. The outcome is often determined by the people involved, as well as their ability to communicate effectively until all the issues at hand are resolved.

There are many signs to communication breakdown that may need an intervention. If you find yourself struggling in a relationship facing these issues, find help.

Whether you stay or go is up to you, however, if communication doesn’t improve someone will likely be going over time.

Types of Communication Breakdown:

Stonewalling- This is when a partner is non responsive when conflict arrives. They refuse to interact at all. Stonewalling is a person’s way to protect themselves and their environment. It gives them a sense of control. Unfortunately, it gets the relationship nowhere near resolution, and often brings even more frustration to the one whom is willing to talk and communicate.

Root: The biggest reason for stonewalling in communication breakdown is guilt.

Body language: Arms are crossed and he/she refuses to make eye contact. Or, he/she walks away and refuses to communicate further. Responses are short, and usually consist of “I don’t know”.

Defensiveness– This is when the person takes away from the issue at hand, and turns it around. This person often tries to find fault in someone else, rather than taking responsibility for his or her own actions. Defensiveness will even cause the one seeking the help to look for how it would help their partner, rather than themselves.

Root: Defensiveness stems from fear. Fear of truth, and fear of disappointment.

Body Language: This is usually when one begins to make erratic faces and waves his or her hands or arms in the air. The emotions of this person can be quite unpredictable at times.

Denial – Denial can take us to places we never thought we would be. When one is in denial they can not hear what others try to tell them, nor can they see it. Denial is a combination of stonewalling and defensiveness. In both cases, one refuses to admit the issues. Without admittance there is no acceptance. And without acceptance, there is no change.

Root: Insecurities, low self-esteem, and fear of rejection fuels denial.

Body Language: The most common expression from one in denial is usually the person ignoring the issues. The moving hands or arms flaring, along with the statements such as “whatever” or “OK” are also pretty common. When in denial, everything going on in that person’s life is the fault of everyone else.

Secretiveness – Secretive people are usually very quiet. They are often the best listeners, but offer the least amount of information about their personal lives in terms of general conversation. Secret keepers are often image conscience, and prefer everyone to think that life is perfect. They too, are in denial and fear facing reality.

The key factor in discovering a secretive person is this: If they do not ask you many questions, it is usually because they do not want questions asked. They usually seem to be intrigued by what others have to say when in conversation, and are notorious for gossiping.

Root: Poor self-image and fear of abandonment promotes secretiveness.

Body Language: Calm and relaxed. The secretive person appears to have it all together. They want the world to believe that they have everything under control.

If you are in a romantic relationship where these behaviors occur seek help. Statistics have proven that once a relationship loses the ability to maintain effective communication, it becomes toxic and/or abusive.

If we can’t communicate properly, emotions will run high and things will escalate. This is a fact. We may not be able to help your partner or change them, but we can help ourselves and change our situation.

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerer, 2009-2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Angela Bininger and The Empowerer with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Want To Know How To Raise An Honest Child?

100_8126Did you know that the biggest reason adults lie is because as a child they were unable to communicate with their parents or guardians? As children, these lying adults were unable to freely express who they were without fear of judgment or punishment.

Most adult liars were children raised to perform to a particular parents standards, and as a result they have had trouble coming in to who they are. They grew up in a home where free thinking was frowned upon. 

Growing up in such an environment, the child felt a need to lie to keep a parent happy. And because the child feared disappointment or disapproval from his/her parents,  the child then began a pattern of lying that would take years to correct, if ever.

To raise a truth-seeking honest child:

Be honest with your child, and yourself – Children learn what they live. If we expect them to be honest, we must be honest. If a child sees a parent lying that child will not only lose respect, but pick up on the habit. He/she will think “Hey, they got away with it and it made their life easier. It will work for me too!”

Respect who your child is – As parents we have ideas in our mind as to who our kids will be. Sometimes, we live vicariously through them. It is important that we respect who our children are. Perhaps they don’t want to be on the state championship bound football team. Or perhaps they have decided to pursue another form of religion. Whatever it may be; by not respecting their thoughts and feelings, it teaches them to hide it from you in fear of disapproval.

Respect the truth – It takes a lot of courage for children (in some instances) to tell the truth on certain topics. When they do tell the truth, instead of lashing out on them we should show respect for that truth. By lashing out, they learn to close up more and say less. 

Speak the truth – By speaking the truth ourselves and standing up for what we feel is right, our children will naturally begin to as well. If they watch us cower in the corner with every confrontation life brings, and if they watch us being used as doormats for other people then they lose respect. 

Live the  truth – We can tell our children what is right, but if we aren’t living a just life they will see through the charade. We must be honest in all areas of our life if we expect our children to be. 

Promote the truth – We have a rule in our home that the truth bears no punishment. It isn’t to say that there will be no consequences or repercussions, however they will not be punished for being honest. 

Encourage passion – Find something that your child is passionate about where he/she learns to use their voice. Whether it be speaking on animal rights, citizens rights, or student council encourage him/her to be passionate about what they think or feel. Our best leaders in this world were once taught to be passionate, and to find their voice. When they found that voice, they used it. And because of that, they changed the world.

Do Not React – When your child is sharing something about his or her peers do not allow them to see your reaction, shock, or anger as to what they are saying. Do not force them to stop talking to people who make bad decisions. Instead teach them how to make their own good decisions regardless of their company. Reacting will only shut them down and prevent you from knowing what is going on with their friends in the future.

The biggest thing that I have seen with children who lie regularly to their parents is that their parents are really overbearing. Especially those who only have one child and nothing to compare it to. They have a hard time accepting that their child is not them, and that they are their own person.

We can either adopt these items listed above or have a dishonest and unruly teenager when that time comes. And as for me and my house, we will continue to promote honesty and free thinking. So far, so good here!

10 Steps To Fighting Depression, The Natural Way

Depression can hit unexpectedly but there are ways to overcome it naturally. It is as simple as changing your patterns, routines and thought processes. Just as one would their clothes if they were dirty.

1.) Set reasonable goals. Don’t beat yourself up if you don’t meet them in the amount of time you have allotted yourself. Just keep setting more. Remember, baby steps.

2.) Create a network of people around you that you can confide in, and trust. If you only have one person you can talk to, join a social networking site, or activities within your community.  Sometimes finding old friends from our past can aid us in finding ourselves again.

WARNING: Be extremely careful here if you are married. I would recommend same-sex friends during this phase of pulling yourself out. It is all too easy for an affair to happen, and when in this stage it is important that you stay away from situations where you might not use your best judgment.

3.) Go to the library! This helps a ton. Check out book after book, read story after story, and gain knowledge on the situation. The self-help section is amazing! And, well, knowledge is power.

4.) Eat healthy and get rest. This is important! The better you eat the better you will feel. And the better you feel, the better you will sleep.

5.) Write about your feelings! This is therapeutic and solidifies how you really feel. It holds you accountable. Although, any creative outlet…  is good to have. Primarily; expressive arts.

6.) Exercise! Even if it’s only a short walk to start, it is important. It will give you a sense of self-worth.

7.) Find positive people and surround yourself with them. If this is not an option just yet and you live in a negative environment, then surround yourself with positive information. Daily inspirational stories, motivational quotes, etc.

8.) Make some plans! Find something to look forward to! By doing those things you have always wanted to do, you will naturally pull yourself out of that rut.

9.) PRAY! You can do everything mentioned above, but this is the most important. It’s one I avoided for some time, but the only true answer.

10.) If these things do not work, seek professional help. They can, and will help.

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerer, 2009-2018. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Angela Bininger and The Empowerer with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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