ABCs of Life; Day 1, Letter A – Actions Speak Louder Than Words

It has been requested by a reader that I expand on my ABC’s of life poem. They felt a need to read more on each topic and I felt the idea was borderline genius. For the next several days (26 to be exact) I will begin to develop each line into thoughts for each day. Hopefully by the time we get to Z, we will all have more insight on life.

Day 1 Letter A

Actions Speak Louder Than Words

Both words and actions have two faces. Whether they are in a positive or negative fashion, our words and actions will leave a mark somewhere.  They will have an impact and bring about change. They will build and they will destroy.   

I put the phrase “actions speak louder than words in the poem ABC’s of Life and thought particularly of my ex-husband at the time that I wrote this line.  It is a series of words I have heard him say countless times over the years and something that I didn’t fully comprehend; until I was in my thirties. But now I can admit it, he was right. Actions speak louder than words.

I believe we put so much stock into words because religions teach us all that we are judgmental when we base our opinions on one’s actions. Society has taught us to deceive ourselves, and let people use their words to manipulate us.

If we paid more attention to the actions of others and less attention to words they speak; we wouldn’t find ourselves in some of the most hurtful situations. Instead we would be further along. We would not only feel stronger and wiser but we would probably find ourselves much happier too.

I have carried what was once an annoying statement in an argument with my ex husband with me. Upon reflection I can see where a bit of his philosophies rubbed off on me. Particularly this one, because in my mid thirties I do not need words of affirmation so much. When I hear things, they go in one ear and out another. It is more about what I see that speaks to me. Words are just words.

As I went from a girl to a woman I adapted to the philosophy that actions speak louder than words. Instead of needing lip service from others, these days I am more about: Don’t tell me that you love me, show me. Don’t tell me you will be there, just be there. Don’t tell me that I can trust you, instead display that you are worthy of my trust.  Don’t tell me you are there if I want to talk, call me for once. Don’t tell me to come over and see you, you can come see me too.

It is amazing how much more clearly you can see with this motto. It eliminates a lot of garbage. People weed themselves out because its obvious who cares and who doesn’t. There is nothing left to question.

 “While some words are merely whispers, people’s actions will always manage to shout out the truth.”

For today: Observe the actions of others and compare it to their words. If one’s actions do not coincide with their words, take a deeper look. Sometimes the answers to life’s problems will appear by just sitting back and watching, quietly. Make mental notes as needed and then begin applying the necessary changes.

Day 2 – Letter B

Be Careful Who You Trust 

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerers, 2009-2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited.

To The Abusive Parent In Subway

I witnessed a horrific scene with my children this past weekend. As we left church, we decided to stop and eat at a local eatery. We had no idea what we would soon be witnessing; when our intentions were to just grab a quick bite to eat before their father came to pick them up.

As we stood in line I had taken notice to an unhappy woman. She was extremely disgruntled. She wore it inside and out. As her son asked her a question while standing in line she yelled at him. Next she slams him into a booth where he then jammed his index finger. He began to cry “You broke my finger” and repeated this statement as he cried. He was hurt. And I was certain it hurt, he was very small. This mother was easily ten times his size. This mother had just committed the act of child abuse on camera, and in public.

As the little boy cried for his abusive mother to pay attention to what she had just done, she turns around from ordering once again and grabs his face. She stares into his face almost nose to nose and hastily she says “I am going to beat you to death! I am going to KILL you!” I don’t want to hear another word from you!”

The boy then slides down and hides under the table sad, frightened, and all alone. My heart broke for him. I could only imagine what else she has done to him. This woman should be caged. She was a beast. No child should have to suffer any form of child abuse. Period. I could only imagine what he goes through when not in public!

My son hadn’t seen what happened as he was in the restroom. As my son walked out of the restroom he states “Mom, that little boy looks scared!” I found it interesting that at age eleven my son could pick up on it, but not the boy’s mother. Instead, she stayed absorbed in her own anger, paying no attention to her child.

The boy hid under that table with his back against the wall until his mom finished ordering.  He was afraid to move, and afraid to speak.

As his mother paid for her subs, she accused the workers of not giving her all four subs she had ordered when they were all four sitting there for everyone to see. The subs were all out in the open. As the employee explained, “You ordered four and there are four right here”, the angry woman then admits to the cashier “I have lost my mind.”  As the woman makes that comment to the worker I think to myself  “ugh…..that’s an understatement!”

Her daughter then walks over to the little boy and in the same tone you mother uses says “GET UP!” The hateful mother then turns around to her daughter and says “DO NOT EVEN SPEAK TO HIM”! The daughter whom appeared use to her hateful mother, doesn’t utter another word and walks out the door. I thought “wow, she got in trouble for sounding just like her mom. She got snipped at for becoming who her mom is teaching her to be. How sad! Those poor kids.”

As that little boy left I thought “that poor baby. If she does that here, on camera, and in public; what does she do behind closed doors? ” As this hateful woman crosses the parking lot, everyone in Subway began to discuss this event. We were all astonished. I stated, “She needs locked up!” and everyone agreed. The workers then jotted down the time of the event so the video could easily be reviewed.

This woman had serious issues. As my children witnessed this event, their first response when she left was “Thank God you are not like that mom!”

To The Abusive Parent In Subway on Sunday September 26, 2010:

I had just visited a new church. It was your church. My daughter has a friend that attends there so we went to check it out. You sat two rows over from me in the worship service. I recognized your red sweatshirt when the kids and I pulled into Subway and thought “I just saw her at church.”

I was floored to discover that within 5-10 minutes of leaving a worship service you wanted to kill your child or beat him to death. What is wrong with you? You are 10 times his size. Where does this come from? What exactly is your problem? You need serious professional help. You anger and furry is destroying your child’s life.

Find the root of that anger you carry, and fix it. No child should have to suffer from child abuse as your little boy did today. Instilling fear in him doesn’t mean he will respect you, or even love you when he grows up. It is your way to feel you have control over something to treat him this way, and it is most likely because you have lost all control in other areas of your life.

Mistreating him as you do should revoke your license as a mother. You do not deserve such an honorable title. In a case such as this, you were only an incubator. How dare you take advantage of your position as a parent? How dare you take it for granted? There are people spending thousands to have the title mother, and there are people like you that do not deserve it. It makes me sick. How do you look at yourself? How do you put up such a front in church, and then act so foolish as soon as you leave the building? You are one of the reasons, many will not attend a church. It is filled with others like you. And many are better off to worship from home than to face such hypocrisy.

I hope that boy gets removed from your custody. And I hope you also realize your daughter speaks to him, and others,  just as you have taught her to: with haste.

In the time I was visiting Subway, I didn’t see him doing anything out of the ordinary. I saw a kid asking his mom something. I saw a kid that feared your abuse. I saw a kid hiding under a table wishing he was leaving the store with a real mom  that loved him instead of leaving with you.

As you walked away you said “Get up, now lets go tell your dad what you did” in your hateful voice.

Instead of telling your husband what your son did; why don’t you go tell a psychologist, law enforcement, and CPS  what you did? Admit yourself somewhere! You should be in an institution. You should admit you have a serious problem, and fix yourself. Your son did nothing out of the ordinary. Nor did your daughter. If anything, they are doing what you teach them. And from what I saw, you want them to see you have control.

Your speaking to your daughter that way, exhibited your control issues. Why is it that you have the right to tell her not to talk to your son which is in turn her brother? Just because you hate him, doesn’t mean you can force your daughter to. You are sick, and truly do have some serious control issues. And I doubt I am the first to tell you this.

You will die a lonely, hateful, and miserable woman if you continue this path you are on. I will pray for you, but I will pray more for that little boy and girl. God will protect him, and hopefully the law will too.

It’s people like you who make the world a dark place. It is people like you who cause children to need intense therapy as they grow and mature. It is people like you who raise dysfunctional adults. It is someone like you, who probably would kill their child. You are insane.

It is people like you; that someone like myself  simply can’t stand to be near. Your negativity sucks people dry. And surely, I hope you get a grip. It is embarrassing that someone like you lives in this town. You should be ashamed of yourself.