Making Up
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The Truth About Confronting Liars
We have all faced them and at one point been one. But how do we know if we are dealing with a liar the next time around? Perhaps the next one is a little bit more skilled than the last. This next one may just be on the border, of being a perfect liar.
Body Language is everything and there is an art to learning how to read the person. If you find them in simple lies that you know for certain are lies, ask questions and watch how they react. Then ask normal questions to get a feel for how they react. This technique coupled with natural instincts, will get the answers your heart needs every time.
Things to watch for in their body language:
Pay particular attention to the jaw line. Watch for twitching or erratic movement. It is usually closer to the ear.
Next watch the legs and hands. Are their legs moving back and forth or are their knuckles being cracked? Being fidgety is a huge warning sign.
Are they carressing their frontal lobe and/or the bridge of their nose?
What is their tone? How does this compare to normal conversation?
Paying attention to the way they react when you present them with information you know, will give you most of the answers you need. In time, you will appear to be borderline psychic. All you have to do is know who you are dealing with.
Reversals are common when dealing with liars. This is when they either change subjects entirely, or they find something to blame you for.
You may be talking about something they actually did, and they will jump to something they think you might do to them. This is because of the guilt on their conscience that they do this. They hate being caught.
Walking Away is common with liars. They can’t face the truth. They have to take that time of panic, to gather up their story.
“What do you know?”, is a question commonly asked by liars. Or they will say “tell me what you think you know”. In their minds, they need facts first. It gives them time to scheme up their newest version of the story. And by telling them what you know and how you know, you aid them at fooling you more the next time. They are sneaky.
The easiest way to see how genuine they are when they “come clean” according to them, is to bring the subject up multiple times in various settings and comfort zones. When this is done, the stories will have holes which in turn leads you to more answers.
After having loved a liar in any kind of a relationship, you will find that you are a much better listener. You may also find that you take better notes and pay close attention to details.
Denial is the reason people lie. They feel that by denying who they have been or are, they can get closer to what they really want. The unfortunate part is that they can not see denying takes them further away from their destination. What that fail to realize is that: “It is impossible to fix something that we can’t admit is broken. So as long as the issues are denied, things will remain broken.”
A person who is dealing with a liar may find themselves praying, a lot. I highly recommend the prayer. God gets angry when people wrong us. And he will reveal the answers we need if we ask.
The question is, how bad do you want to know? Is it really worth it? The best thing to do would be to pick up the pieces, and move on. God will restore double what is lost.
© Angela Bininger and The Empowerers, 2009-2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Angela Bininger and The Empowerers with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Straight A’s of Communication When Wanting To Resolve Issues or Conflicts
We all have things that annoy or bother us when it comes to others’ actions. It is vital that when these situations occur; we communicate those feelings with the appropriate person.
There is a way to communicate, and have straight A’s in the process. The conversations will be fail proof if the following steps are considered before tackling an issue or problem with another individual. It is truly all about our approach, our attitude(s), and our actions.
Approach is the first step to communication. If you approach with a bad attitude one will feel attacked, and things will quickly escalate. On the other hand if your approach is calm, sincere, and lacks sarcasm; it will be accepted by the opposite party will likely not become offended. We must all follow the three T’s to a proper approach when we are communicating a problem we have with someone else.
Attitude is everything in life; especially when communicating feelings or resolving issues one may have with other people. A bad attitude can be contagious; but the good attitude is more appealing, attractive, and will provide better results.
Maintaining a positive demeanor while approaching and talking to an individual will promote conversation opposed to yelling and bickering. A person’s attitude when approaching another individual with heated topics; will determine the outcome. A bad attitude, will catch some of the most positive and care-free spirits off guard.
Actions speak louder than words. Our gestures or what we do can speak volumes in showing the other person how we truly feel. We may claim we were talking nice, but how heated we become is revealed by our actions. If either person is shaking their head, defensive, or involving others: it would be best to stop communicating until things calm down.
As with all problems in life, until we get to the root of an issue it will never get resolved. If we find ourselves in conflict with others and then over time speaking again without ever fully discussing what caused or allowed the previous separation; we will end up in the same place again and again. Until we fix the roots and they are thriving, the flowers will never blossom.
© Angela Bininger and The Empowerers, 2009-2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited.
ABC’s of Life Series — Day 7 Letter G : Give Others Grace To Grow
Day 7 Letter G
Give Others Some Grace To Grow
We believe we would react to situations in particular ways or that we would behave differently than someone else until we are placed in the other person’s shoes. Once we put those shoes on that were once worn by someone else; we not only have new shoes, but a new pair of new glasses too.
Those who accept us where we are despite any decisions we are making at the time; are giving us grace to grow. These are those people who no matter where we are or what we do in our lives; they love us anyway. They do not judge us, because they understand. They listen, they advise, and they care.
The concept of allowing one grace to grow is a concept that many should grasp. Once grasped, one will find themselves no longer in a position that they feel “above” someone for making better life decisions. They will not utter phrases such as: “I can’t believe they ___” “I would never”, “He/She shouldn’t ____” You won’t believe what ____ did now” etc.
I have observed that when I utter phrases like those mentioned above; I am quickly served a piece of humble pie. When I can’t understand people, their lifestyle, behavior, and their decisions I am often given a situation shortly after; where I can. It may not be an identical situation, but it is a situation that allows me to comprehend where they were at that time, and what they were thinking. Or better yet, a situation where I can relate to their emotions.
I have written often about the fact that we are all given the same lessons throughout our lives and that the lesson plans slightly differ. One may experience grief through the lost of a parent, another through the loss of a child. One may experience adultery through their parents, or through a marriage of their own. Nonetheless, the emotional processes are the same.
No matter the format of the lesson, the lessons eventually produce the same results. We will all face temptations, and struggles. We will have to find a place and time at which we will have to forgive ourselves and each other.
We will all feel: neglect, abandonment, taken for granted, mistreated, disliked, unloved, and many other emotions at some point in our lives. The lessons differ, but the emotions are the same.
Grace is essential to provide for others; because we all need it to grow. Those who accept us despite our choices have allowed us grace to grow. Those who watch us make a mistake but love us anyway, are one of a kind.
For Today: Find someone in your life that has a situation that you can’t or couldn’t at one point understand. Analyze what emotions that person may have been feeling at that time, and compare it to a situation in your life where you experienced the same emotions.
© Angela Bininger and The Empowerers, 2009-2014. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited
ABC’s of Life Series — Day 5 Letter E : Exercise Your Freedom of Speech
Day 5 Letter E
Exercise Your Freedom of Speech
So many are afraid to find their voice and use it. It is unfortunate that they remain comfortable living their lives controlled by others emotions and actions.
Many people have a hard time standing up for themselves. Some will just go with the punches, and lolly-gag through life. Others will repeat things they are told instead of telling what they feel. They will hide behind a mask, and remain mute. They will remain afraid to stand up for themselves.
Whether speaking on behalf of something that we feel is right or wrong; we should all exercise our right to speak. It is our God-given right and it is our freedom.
Considering that freedom is never free, the best way we could say thank those that have laid down their lives so we can have freedom; would be to use our freedom of speech.
It’s time we take a stand. It starts with one voice and then soon after; many more will rally behind that voice.
“We must find our voice so we can teach others to find theirs.“
For today: Speak up. Let them know what is on your mind. Only you can speak for you. If you don’t speak, then you will be the only one to blame. By letting them know, that weight will be lifted and you will begin to experience emotional freedom.
Fight For What You Believe Is Right
© Angela Bininger and The Empowerers, 2009-2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited.
ABCs of Life; Day 1, Letter A – Actions Speak Louder Than Words
It has been requested by a reader that I expand on my ABC’s of life poem. They felt a need to read more on each topic and I felt the idea was borderline genius. For the next several days (26 to be exact) I will begin to develop each line into thoughts for each day. Hopefully by the time we get to Z, we will all have more insight on life.
Day 1 Letter A
Actions Speak Louder Than Words
Both words and actions have two faces. Whether they are in a positive or negative fashion, our words and actions will leave a mark somewhere. They will have an impact and bring about change. They will build and they will destroy.
I put the phrase “actions speak louder than words” in the poem ABC’s of Life and thought particularly of my ex-husband at the time that I wrote this line. It is a series of words I have heard him say countless times over the years and something that I didn’t fully comprehend; until I was in my thirties. But now I can admit it, he was right. Actions speak louder than words.
I believe we put so much stock into words because religions teach us all that we are judgmental when we base our opinions on one’s actions. Society has taught us to deceive ourselves, and let people use their words to manipulate us.
If we paid more attention to the actions of others and less attention to words they speak; we wouldn’t find ourselves in some of the most hurtful situations. Instead we would be further along. We would not only feel stronger and wiser but we would probably find ourselves much happier too.
I have carried what was once an annoying statement in an argument with my ex husband with me. Upon reflection I can see where a bit of his philosophies rubbed off on me. Particularly this one, because in my mid thirties I do not need words of affirmation so much. When I hear things, they go in one ear and out another. It is more about what I see that speaks to me. Words are just words.
As I went from a girl to a woman I adapted to the philosophy that actions speak louder than words. Instead of needing lip service from others, these days I am more about: Don’t tell me that you love me, show me. Don’t tell me you will be there, just be there. Don’t tell me that I can trust you, instead display that you are worthy of my trust. Don’t tell me you are there if I want to talk, call me for once. Don’t tell me to come over and see you, you can come see me too.
It is amazing how much more clearly you can see with this motto. It eliminates a lot of garbage. People weed themselves out because its obvious who cares and who doesn’t. There is nothing left to question.
“While some words are merely whispers, people’s actions will always manage to shout out the truth.”
For today: Observe the actions of others and compare it to their words. If one’s actions do not coincide with their words, take a deeper look. Sometimes the answers to life’s problems will appear by just sitting back and watching, quietly. Make mental notes as needed and then begin applying the necessary changes.
Be Careful Who You Trust
© Angela Bininger and The Empowerers, 2009-2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited.
The Mathematical Formula For Destructive Relationships
All relationships have the potential to be hazardous, abusive, and destructive. The destruction begins gradually and at times it will not end until long after the relationship itself has ended. It just depends on how long we allow the destruction to occur before stepping up to the board and balancing out the equation.
Just as in mathematical equations that become difficult; we should simplify difficult relationships in our lives too. Simplifying can mean counseling, creating a positive change in the relationship, eliminating irritants, or in some cases simply leaving the relationship and moving forward.
Destructive relationships can be hard to spot initially. Over time the signs become more obvious, especially as we begin to see what was once a bright flower wither and fade away. Once we see the first sign of a destructive relationship, the others signs and symptoms arrive shortly after. Or so it seems.
Signs of a Destructive Relationship:
Non-trustworthy partners seem to be a dime a dozen these days. The breaking of trust is the beginning of a destructive relationship. Once trust is broken; it is time to break out the hard hats. The wrecking crew has arrived.
If two people can not trust one another the relationship officially becomes classified as a destructive relationship. The person that can’t trust suffers, and as a result the person that can’t be trusted does too. This is not healthy for either party.
Recovery from broken trust is possible if correction occurs, and it is sincere and genuine. This typically means that there will not be repeat offenses. If there are repeat offenses there may be a bigger problem. There could be a compulsive liar in the picture. If so, there are ways to break the liar down. Once you break them down and all truth becomes visible, options can be weighed out and recovery is absolutely possible. Until then, brace yourself for the other phases of a destructive relationship.
Internal Damage leaves us holding on to things that leave us felling lost, hopeless, sad, or broken. These feelings can be overwhelming and cause panic attacks, anxiety attacks, depressions, and sometimes paranoia. Internal damage can make true forgiveness seem impossible.
External Damage is when one will begin to notice things around them breaking. Whether on purpose or by accident; everything begins to break down internally and externally. This typically happens after a few incidents have occurred that created internal damage or conflict.
Withdrawn from normal activities is a symptom of a destructive relationship. One may withdraw from friends, family, and activities. They will isolate themselves with their partner and display signs of social avoidance. This needs attention particularly if the withdrawing from others is not for legitimate reasons. Sometimes, people grow up and apart. It doesn’t necessarily mean one is withdrawn.
Excessive Weight gain or loss is another sign that someone is in a destructive relationship. Sometimes people who are suffering emotionally will eat or starve their way to feeling in control of something. Food becomes a replacement for those gaining weight. For those in a destructive relationship that are losing weight, I have found that they starve themselves strictly to feel in control of something in their life since other areas are lacking self-control.
Control is a common characteristic seen in one or both parties involved in destructive relationships. Controlling people have the same patterns across the board, and they will often come off as very well liked socially. If they tell you where to go, what to do, who to talk to, what to wear, or how to act; they may just have control issues. If both parties are insecure and have controls issue, there could be a few Doomsday’s ahead.
Psychological Abuse occurs when one belittles another’s achievements or lack there of. Psychological abuse can be any type of mind game; from name calling to threats of suicide. One may also manipulate their partner into forgiving or at least trying to. Someone who is psychologically abusing their partner may also threaten suicide when their partner decides to leave them. If the person being abused speaks of suicide, their words ought not be taken lightly.
Psychological abuse can be any of the following phrases (to name a few):
I said NO! You can’t wear that! Nobody cares what you think! Nobody cares about you! You don’t matter! Who are you talking to? Who’s calling here? You can’t talk to “them” ! This is MY house! I pay the bills! You are LAZY! You are worthless! Get out! I don’t need you! I never loved you! You are ugly! You are fat! I hate you!
These words can be devastating, and often lead to violence. If you are in a violent relationship leave immediately. There are shelters across the country that house men, women, and children in violent situations who are looking for relief.
Violence is not healthy in any relationship. Violence can be hitting, throwing, smacking, cornering, or intimidating another person. Violence often follows psychological abuse.
Depression is usually the last phase before one begins to receive a reality check as to where their relationship has been; where it is, and the direction it is heading. Depression can be life threatening and one suffering from depression should seek help from a certified medical professional. There are some self-help techniques for depression, and ways to fight depression. However, talking to a counselor is always a good idea. It is nice to have an outsider help us reduce difficult equations.
When things become broken inwardly and outwardly in any relationship; getting out is the only way to avoid having only bits and pieces yourself left. Repairs are much easier when something is only partially broke, than when no longer running at all.
© Angela Bininger and The Empowerers, 2009-2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited.
Recovering From Lies In relationships
When we are in a relationship that has experienced betrayal; recovering from that betrayal can be quite a challenge. The severity of the betrayal will play a huge part in the recovery process. Is this person sorry? How do we know if a person is truly sorry? Most importantly, will they do it again?
There are ways to recover if the person who has deceived you is ready. The unfortunate part is that the recovery is some-what dependent on the other person’s ability to face themselves and be honest. They must want a change for a change to even be an option. They must lay all of the truth on the table.
Although recovery for the liar begins by their purging of information, they have to tell everything as though they have entered a confession booth. If you feel like there is more to the story you are probably right. So make sure you follow the proper steps when confronting a liar.
(Click here for more about confronting liars)
If they don’t want to stop their behavior we are simply beating a dead horse and it is no longer worth our time trying. The best way we can recover is to let go of the person. It would be too difficult to maintain respect for ourselves if we surround ourselves with people who do not respect us.
If the truth is not fully revealed; there will always be problems. And at that point we must walk away. It is the only way to make a full recovery and let the past be the past. It is also the only way to keep something from replaying in your head constantly.
For signs that your partner is dishonest or hiding something click here.
© Angela Bininger and The Empowerer, 2009-2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited.
Be Careful Who You Choose
We must be careful who we choose as friends, partners, companions or spouses.
If they lie to others in front of you, they will lie to you too.
If they talk about others in front of you, they will talk about you too.
If they steal in front of you, they will steal from you too.
If they disrespect others in front of you, they will disrespect you too.
If they hide who they are from others, they will hide from you too.
If they cheat on someone to be with you, they will cheat on you too.
If they blame others for their problems, someday they will blame you.
Watch their actions and hear their words. Then decide what kind of company you would like to keep. What we watch them do to others, is often what they will someday do to us. How they speak of others is how they do or will eventually speak of us. It has proven to be true in many situations.
If they aren’t treating others the way you would want to be treated, it may be a flag. Perhaps they are putting up a front for you? It may be time to question a few things.
© Angela Bininger and The Empowerers, 2009-2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Angela Bininger and The Empowerers with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Lying Before God Under Oath
Why would one swear before God to be honest yet still lie, when God always knows the truth?
I am finding that these are the people in society who have deep seeded psychological issues. For them there is very little hope. The only thing that truth seekers can do, is be thankful that they do not partake in the liars evil ways.
People take the stand in a courtroom raising their hand to our maker that they will profess the truth, and then they lie. It happens every day in this world, but why would one choose to lie before God and man? Especially when truth always comes out in the wash!
Perhaps it is strictly because they have no conscience that they lie? Maybe they enjoy playing victim because they are filled with shame. Or perhaps it helps their tormented mind to think they are fooling everyone. As we all know, all they are really doing is exposing that they are indeed the fool.
Facing a liar in the courtroom:
The liars who trip themselves up during their testimony are somewhat humorous. When they realize they are caught they get a look of panic, start to twitch, and suddenly begin turning red and mumbling. Sometimes they are unknowing of how to answer a question, so they look at their lawyer with that look of a deer in headlights. They too, know they are caught.
When faced with a liar in the courtroom, stay calm and remember that God is on the strongest of battalions. Those who swear to Him publicly under oath and commit perjury, will see many dark days ahead. God will have vengeance on them.
Instead of getting flustered by the lies just smile knowing that you will be okay. And for them… God will have His way. Leave it in His hands. The more you wish well for them, the stronger His vengeance will be.
A special note for those who choose to lie in a court room :
Every word spoken in the court room during a trial is being recorded for later reading. Everything said can then be compared and contrasted, then ultimately the truth will be seen. With evidence presented or even not presented mixed with some common sense and reading skills; liars in the courtroom are easily spotted.
Play your case however you wish, but in the end the truth is what wins.
The Empoweror 