problems

Life With Alcoholics- Lesson #3843

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I’ve spent twenty years of my life trying to understand alcoholism. I have gone to Alanon for families who deal with alcoholics. I’ve tried a more spiritual route such as prayer and church. I have read articles, books, and case studies.

I retired in my role as the provoker years ago. And I have exhausted myself as the martyr in recent years. Oh yes the martyrs. They are the ones who hope there is a day of awakening for the alcoholics in their life. Those that they either love or have loved.

The martyr has moments of hoping there will be a day the alcoholic feels bad for the deeds they have done. They just want to see apologies and recovery. Most of all, they want healing.

I have gone head to head with the ones who maintain the roles of being “the rescuer”. Years ago I was considered the rescuer too, so perhaps that is why their rescuing affects me like it does. I’d clean up the messes, apologize for many horrific social scenes of drunken stupor and I’d make excuses for the drunkenness all the time.

Over the course of time I got sick of being the provoker. I was tired of demanding respect, maturity, love and so forth. I got tired of telling stories of the things I would wake up to. I was tired of feeling embarrassed, mistreated, and unloved. So, I went on strike after that.

To me, the rescuers seem just as bad as the alcoholics themselves. They appear to have every excuse under the sun for the behavior of the alcoholic. Nothing is the alcoholics fault. And I mean nothing. Everything is blamed on people in the past or present days of the alcoholics life.

The rescuers claim they love their alcoholic but tough love has gone astray. They can’t find it no matter how hard they look. And they just can’t stand up to the alcoholic in effort to get them the treatment that they need.

Sometimes the alcoholic wants help but they do not have one person whom they respect to look them in the eyes and say: “Man you have a problem and you need serious help. Are you ready to get better yet? Because I can’t keep watching this. It is hurting everyone around you but mostly you!”

Questions of the day for the rescuers:

If your loved one had any other disease like Multiple Sclerosis, Cancer, Heart Disease, Kidney Disease, Liver Disease etc. and everyone around them could tell just by looking at them…..wouldn’t you try to help them?

Or would you make a bunch of excuses and blame others for the loved one not being in their best health? Would you claim other people gave them their disease? Would you say they had no disease regardless of their diagnosis?

Or would you continue to say: “Screw those people, they are all crazy. You’re just fine dear. Now I would help you but I just love you too much. And if I help you then that means I’d have to admit that I was wrong about you to all those people! So we will just keep this between us and go on about our business. Okay?”

What Do You See When Looking At A Confederate (Battle) Flag

confederate flagA Nashville news station asked viewers their opinions on the removal of the Confederate flag from state buildings in South Carolina etc. Walmart also announced the removal of all products with the Confederate emblem from their stores. I stated my opinion, not realizing the amount of support I would have. It was the day of constant Facebook notifications.

My opinion:

I see history with that flag. Leave it. Hate is from within. It has nothing to do with flags, or anything/anyone else. Unless people lived in that era, they should see it as history. We were taught it in school. That’s history. If you hate it otherwise and seeing it stirs bad feelings, that was taught at home. And that hatred is from within.

Do you think of mistreated Christians when you see a Christian flag? Or mistreated gays if you see a gay flag? Do you think of the white Irish slaves when you see their flag? I don’t. To me they are flags. A person who sees negative was taught to see it that way.

Example:

If you took a group of first graders to look at mass amounts of flags they would see flags. They wouldn’t point out a specific one and say “THAT one has to go. It is evil!”

Fast forward years of being taught mixed with ones own feelings, life experiences etc. And take that same group in their 50’s. They would have stories for most both good and bad, and possibly resentment and hatred for some at the very sight of them. Why? They learned to.

The responses from the news post encouraged me to dig deeper and ask around. So I took it a step further in effort to prove my point. I took a poll. Here are the results.

Question: What do you think of when you see this flag?

Age 4   It has staz like the staz on my “shut” (stars, shirt)

Age 6   It has the same colors like the America flag

Age 8   I see you have a flag in your hand (uncontrollably giggling)

Age 10  I think of BIG monster trucks. 

Age 14  I think of the civil war and how the south lost

Age 16  I think of racism

So there you have it. Racism and hatred is a taught/learned behavior.

It is not the flags killing people. It is not a statue that represents history and things our society has overcome that is killing people. It is not the guns killing people. It’s people killing people.

People who were taught to never see the good in something, yes, those people are the ones killing people. You know, those people who were never taught how to love. We should remove those people, not the items in this world they blame for their heartless actions. Those items represent history, and are a reminder of how far we have come. And people like the Charleston shooter, are a reminder of how far we have yet to go.

The Comfort In Uncomfortable

Exif_JPEG_PICTUREAs nice as being comfortable may be, it is never good to get too comfortable. Being too comfortable in most situations often leads to problems, and it is notorious for catching us off guard over time.

Instead of being comfortable, we should find comfort in being uncomfortable. By being uncomfortable we gain more insight. It gives us a different perspective on how to tackle problems. It keeps us in tune with ourselves. 

Today’s task: Find comfort in uncomfortable situations.

What is that uncomfortable situation trying to teach you?

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerer, 2009-2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Angela Bininger and The Empowerer with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Shaking The Ground

When we find the ground shaking we should ask ourselves the following:

 “What is it I am suppose to be doing?”  “What am I really doing?” “What can I change to eliminate some of the shaking?” “What must I add to or take away from the equation?” And most importantly, “Lord, where do you want me?”

If we begin yielding to Him more and resisting less; we will find ourselves on steady ground again.

Otherwise,  He will keep shaking the ground until we land in the spot He wants us.  

Remember: “If the ground didn’t shake, how could it break for something new to begin?” 

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerers, 2009-2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Angela Bininger and The Empowerers with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Are You Embracing Life’s Storms?

I was out storm chasing a few months ago and I captured a beautiful photo, as well as some insight to share with it.

We can’t let the storms of life zap us. When lightning crashes it brings light. When rain pours it allows nourishment for more growth. When the wind blows strong, it is to see how well we are planted.

There really is beauty in all those storms. There’s no need to be afraid. These storms only come to promote necessary changes. Embrace it, and welcome it. The sun will be shining brighter than ever before when it finally passes!

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerer, 2009-2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited.

Faith Adds Color To Darkness

By Running From Problems We Gain Weight Instead of Losing It

Running from our problems is like running on a treadmill. Instead of losing weight, we gain it. We stay in the same spot consistently and it makes it impossible for us to reach a new destination, or goal.  

Whatever it is that we choose to run from; will always find us. Sure, we may be naive and think that there are certain things  nobody could know or find out. We may also believe that there is no need to tell because it will only do more damage.  However, if we think either of those things then we are only fooling ourselves.

If we do not claim these things in life or these experiences that we have encountered, how could we possibly fix them? Better yet, how can we claim to have learned a lesson from something we refuse to acknowledge or even discuss? We can’t fix something if we do not admit where it is broken. Right?

Wallowing in our secrets only brings more shame in the end. And shame, only adds more weight. Isnt it time for a change of scenery? Why not have a productive work out? The treadmill isn’t working out to well. It is time to unplug the machine. It is time to switch the work out plan, and use one that actually works.

By stepping off of the treadmill and facing the problems, weight loss begins instantly. We feel light, free, and most importantly…happy. 


For today: Face those problems and decisions that have plagued your life, and reclaim what is yours. By facing the problems at hand, you will be closer to your desired outcome.

 

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerers, 2009-2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited.

Straight A’s of Communication When Wanting To Resolve Issues or Conflicts

We all have things that annoy or bother us when it comes to others’ actions. It is vital that when these situations occur; we communicate those feelings with the appropriate person.

There is a way to communicate, and have straight A’s in the process. The conversations will be fail proof if the following steps are considered before tackling an issue or problem with another individual. It is truly all about our approach, our attitude(s), and our actions.

Approach is the first step to communication. If you approach with a bad attitude one will feel attacked, and things will quickly escalate. On the other hand if your approach is calm, sincere, and lacks sarcasm; it will be accepted by the opposite party will likely not become offended. We must all follow the three T’s to a proper approach when we are communicating a problem we have with someone else.

Attitude is everything in life; especially when communicating feelings or resolving issues one may have with other people.  A bad attitude can be contagious; but the good attitude is more appealing, attractive, and will provide better results.

Maintaining a positive demeanor while approaching and talking to an individual will promote conversation opposed to yelling and bickering. A person’s attitude when approaching another individual with heated topics; will determine the outcome. A bad attitude, will catch some of the most positive and care-free spirits off guard.

Actions speak louder than words. Our gestures or what we do can speak volumes in showing the other person how we truly feel. We may claim we were talking nice, but how heated we become is revealed by our actions. If either person is shaking their head, defensive, or involving others: it would be best to stop communicating until things calm down.

As with all problems in life, until we get to the root of an issue it will never get resolved. If we find ourselves in conflict with others and then over time speaking again without ever fully discussing what caused or allowed the previous separation; we will end up in the same place again and again. Until we fix the roots and they are thriving, the flowers will never blossom.

 © Angela Bininger and The Empowerers, 2009-2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited.  

ABC’s of Life Series — Day 2 Letter B : Be Careful Who You Trust

ABC’s of Life Series
Day 2,  Letter B

 

Be Careful Who You Trust

When we read be careful who you trust in the ABC’s of Life poem it applies to relationships and life in general. It is the mechanic, the salesman, the doctor, the lawyer, the friends, the family, and whatever else you want to insert into that blank. It also includes trusting ourselves.

We are all guilty of thinking we believe or feel a certain way about something. Until of course we get to be tested and placed into the actual situation. We assume that because we have never believed in it or that we were taught not to do it; that we never will. This is where we mislead ourselves. It is an example of where we have trusted ourselves too much.

We put our trust in the hands of others until given reason not to. We trust ourselves to navigate our lives until we hit the rocks. We go through lesson after lesson to discover the same results; God is the only one we can trust.

There are a lot of people who do not believe in Him, and that is their choice. It saddens me to think that cultures and religions have caused the thought of us all having a “maker” to be repulsive for some. Unfortunately, that is just how it is.

I can say for certain that no matter how dark the days, how heavy the load, or how long the travels; He was right beside me. I don’t read my bible every day. I do not attend church regularly. However, I still believe. I still talk to Him, and He still hears me. Believe it or not, He answers my prayers too! It may not always be in the ways one would expect, but they will always get answered.  We just have to put our trust in Him.

He hears me when I’m smoking a cigarette and He would hear me if I drank a beer. He accepts me, and I trust Him. Perhaps we should all trust Him a little more?

 

Day 3 Letter C

Cherish Every Breath You Take

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerers, 2009-2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited.