denial

The Truth About Confronting Liars

We have all faced them and at one point been one. But how do we know if we are dealing with a liar the next time around? Perhaps the next one is a little bit more skilled than the last. This next one may just be on the border, of being a perfect liar.

Body Language is everything and there is an art to learning how to read the person. If you find them in simple lies that you know for certain are lies, ask questions and watch how they react. Then ask normal questions to get a feel for how they react. This technique coupled with natural instincts, will get the answers your heart needs every time.

Things to watch for in their body language:

Pay particular attention to the jaw line. Watch for twitching or erratic movement. It is usually closer to the ear.

Next watch the legs and hands.  Are their legs moving back and forth or are their knuckles being cracked? Being fidgety is a huge warning sign.

Are they carressing their  frontal lobe and/or the bridge of their nose?

What is their tone? How does this compare to normal conversation?

Paying attention to the way they react when you present them with information you know, will give you most of the answers you need. In time, you will appear to be borderline psychic. All you have to do is know who you are dealing with.

Reversals are common when dealing with liars. This is when they either change subjects entirely, or they find something to blame you for.  

You may be talking about something they actually did, and they will jump to something they think you might do to them. This is because of the guilt on their conscience that they do this. They hate being caught.

Walking Away is common with liars. They can’t face the truth. They have to take that time of panic, to gather up their story.

“What do you know?”, is a question commonly asked by liars. Or they will say “tell me what you think you know”. In their minds, they need facts first. It gives them time to scheme up their newest version of the story. And by telling them what you know and how you know, you aid them at fooling you more the next time. They are sneaky.

The easiest way to see how genuine they are when they “come clean” according to them, is to bring the subject up multiple times in various settings and comfort zones. When this is done, the stories will have holes which in turn leads you to more answers.

After having loved a liar in any kind of a relationship, you will find that you are a much better listener. You may also find that you take better notes and pay close attention to details.

Denial is the reason people lie. They feel that by denying who they have been or are, they can get closer to what they really want. The unfortunate part is that they can not see denying takes them further away from their destination. What that fail to realize is that: “It is impossible to fix something that we can’t admit is broken. So as long as the issues are denied, things will remain broken.”

A person who is dealing with a liar may find themselves praying, a lot. I highly recommend the prayer. God gets angry when people wrong us. And he will reveal the answers we need if we ask.

The question is, how bad do you want to know? Is it really worth it? The best thing to do would be to pick up the pieces, and move on. God will restore double what is lost.

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerers, 2009-2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Angela Bininger and The Empowerers with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

The Benefits Of Honesty

Lying can make people victorious initially, but it is only temporary. By being honest in all areas you will gain respect from others in the long run; which is far more admirable. It takes much strength to be honest in all situations. And  those lacking honesty; simply lack character, insight, and direction. Fear dictates their lives.

As we know the truth will be seen eventually, and those that once screamed victory from the revelation of lies; will realize they were defeated all along. They defeated themselves the moment they delivered those lies and deception. They defeated themselves by remaining in denial. And they will continue to defeat themselves until there is a realization that life is far too short, to live a lie.

When looking at the big picture one can clearly see that lying brings about failure, while remaining honest promotes success. I have seen it time and time again. My best advice to anyone that reads this; is advice that was once passed to me. “Just be honest. It may bite you at first, but eventually, others will see that what you are/were saying is real.” Once others begin to separate the truth from the lies, and the facts from the fiction;  you can experience true victory without having compromised who you are in the process.

“Stand for the truth at all times.

As liars begin to trip themselves up, you will still be standing.

It is much easier to stand; than continuing to fall.”

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerer, 2009-2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Angela Bininger and The Empowerer with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Denial

Denial enables people to stay where they are. It stunts one’s growth mentally, spiritually, and emotionally.  It destroys hearts and lives.

Denial exists due to someone’s fear of facing themselves. It is from one’s a lack of insight. Denial can be paralyzing.

I have found through my own studies, that denial accompanies one’s issues of control. Denial stems from a lack of control. By denying, there is no need to address issues. Because when in denial, no issues exist except for those the one in denial  is willing to address. Denial leads to self destruction.

As I have stated in previous articles, the truth will always reveal itself. It may not be at a time we expect or even desire, but nonetheless the truth will be revealed. When the truth is revealed, it allows the one whom is in denial to lose all control and begin to face themselves. Until the denial is exposed, there is no hope. Once denial is exposed, the person must choose to snap out of it or keep suffering from the consequences of their denial.

When one accepts that they are in denial; they can truly begin to heal themselves. That ominous cloud will be lifted and lives can be restored. Only then can one begin to live a life of balance. Only then can one begin to live a life consisting of peace, and harmony. Only then will they find that their life will no longer be dictated by their fear of the truth, or exposure.

“When denial ends, life begins.”

 

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerers, 2009-2018. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Angela Bininger and The Empowerers with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

When They Claim You Are Something You Aren’t

Sometimes as relationships end people tend to hold on to a few mistakes one person made and use them as that person’s complete character make-up. They will talk about you, deceive you, and manipulate the situations allowing others to believe you are someone you are not. The best thing to do in a situation such as this, is just bide your time.

When people lie, it always comes out eventually. It may take a week, a month, or in some cases many years. But nonetheless, it comes out. All we can do, is keep doing what we know is right. We must stay true to ourselves and not let the negativity they project towards us, get to us.

Say a prayer, and have some faith.  Over time others will see who was being honest, and who wasn’t. Others will see who is weak, and who is strong. Others will begin to question the things that do not add up. And when they do, that someone who was once trying to convince others that you are someone you aren’t; will get a dose of karma.

“What we project out, will always be returned to us. So keep projecting the good and eventually, the good will come.”

Signs & Symptoms of Communication Breakdown

Communication is essential for all relationships to function properly.

When communication breakdown begins, the relationship begins to suffer and the fate of the relationship enters an unknown zone. The outcome is often determined by the people involved, as well as their ability to communicate effectively until all the issues at hand are resolved.

There are many signs to communication breakdown that may need an intervention. If you find yourself struggling in a relationship facing these issues, find help.

Whether you stay or go is up to you, however, if communication doesn’t improve someone will likely be going over time.

Types of Communication Breakdown:

Stonewalling- This is when a partner is non responsive when conflict arrives. They refuse to interact at all. Stonewalling is a person’s way to protect themselves and their environment. It gives them a sense of control. Unfortunately, it gets the relationship nowhere near resolution, and often brings even more frustration to the one whom is willing to talk and communicate.

Root: The biggest reason for stonewalling in communication breakdown is guilt.

Body language: Arms are crossed and he/she refuses to make eye contact. Or, he/she walks away and refuses to communicate further. Responses are short, and usually consist of “I don’t know”.

Defensiveness– This is when the person takes away from the issue at hand, and turns it around. This person often tries to find fault in someone else, rather than taking responsibility for his or her own actions. Defensiveness will even cause the one seeking the help to look for how it would help their partner, rather than themselves.

Root: Defensiveness stems from fear. Fear of truth, and fear of disappointment.

Body Language: This is usually when one begins to make erratic faces and waves his or her hands or arms in the air. The emotions of this person can be quite unpredictable at times.

Denial – Denial can take us to places we never thought we would be. When one is in denial they can not hear what others try to tell them, nor can they see it. Denial is a combination of stonewalling and defensiveness. In both cases, one refuses to admit the issues. Without admittance there is no acceptance. And without acceptance, there is no change.

Root: Insecurities, low self-esteem, and fear of rejection fuels denial.

Body Language: The most common expression from one in denial is usually the person ignoring the issues. The moving hands or arms flaring, along with the statements such as “whatever” or “OK” are also pretty common. When in denial, everything going on in that person’s life is the fault of everyone else.

Secretiveness – Secretive people are usually very quiet. They are often the best listeners, but offer the least amount of information about their personal lives in terms of general conversation. Secret keepers are often image conscience, and prefer everyone to think that life is perfect. They too, are in denial and fear facing reality.

The key factor in discovering a secretive person is this: If they do not ask you many questions, it is usually because they do not want questions asked. They usually seem to be intrigued by what others have to say when in conversation, and are notorious for gossiping.

Root: Poor self-image and fear of abandonment promotes secretiveness.

Body Language: Calm and relaxed. The secretive person appears to have it all together. They want the world to believe that they have everything under control.

If you are in a romantic relationship where these behaviors occur seek help. Statistics have proven that once a relationship loses the ability to maintain effective communication, it becomes toxic and/or abusive.

If we can’t communicate properly, emotions will run high and things will escalate. This is a fact. We may not be able to help your partner or change them, but we can help ourselves and change our situation.

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerer, 2009-2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Angela Bininger and The Empowerer with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Are They Truly Sorry?

We are all human and we all make mistakes. In some cases it hinders relationships and apologies are necessary. But how do we know if someone is truly sorry for their actions?

Admittance – Without admitting what we have done wrong we remain in a state of denial. While in denial, it is impossible to break the cycle. If your partner has admitted their wrong doings, you are heading in the right direction.

Apologetic – Anyone can apologize and say what people want to hear. When wondering how sorry a person is, ask yourself how sincere the apology was. Or was there even an apology? No apology is denial of the behavior and a guarantee that those emotions that prompted you to read this, will resurface again until the cycle is broken.

Actions – After admitting a wrongdoing and apologizing it is important to put words into action. At this stage the apologetic person should be taking large strides to correct his/her issues. This should be something seen regularly vs. something seen for the few days following a disagreement. Although we may slip up when making changes and revert to old behaviors from time to time, when someone is truly sorry you will see more days of effort than you will days of the old behavior.

Change – When a person is truly apologetic, change is noticeable. There are no gray areas. This person has not only admitted it and apologized, but he/she is actively trying to help himself/herself. Whether it be by reading materials pertaining to the issues, or receiving counseling for his/her problems the changes should be noticeable.

Accept – Someone that is truly sorry can take the heat, and will acknowledge what they have done along with accepting the repercussions. They will suggest ways to mend fences, and admit that they guided the relationship to this position. They will accept any emotions they have caused those they have hurt as though they were their own. They will be understanding, compassionate, and patient.

“Until people decide with the right intentions to change for themselves,

….. change is impossible.”

Divorce: The Only Time We Die, Yet Live To Talk About It

Divorce is one of the only times in life a human will die, go through the stages of grief, and live to talk about it. The process is accompanied by a level of pain comparable to a death, or what one might experience with a serious illness.

There are several stages to the grieving process that can last for any amount of time. It all depends on how big the loss was. But to most, a broken marriage is a huge loss. Even more so if children are involved.

Shock & Denial is where the grieving process begins when a relationship ends. The shock is much worse if your spouse has already moved on with someone else. You may find yourself saying “This is not happening” “We were suppose to ____!” “I didn’t see this coming!” “None of this is my fault!” “Well maybe if I would have___.” You may even find yourself not taking him or her seriously about the divorce. You may be avoiding the issue in hopes that they change their mind.

Anger & Hatred  are by far the worst phases; aside from depression. We begin to get mad at ourselves, and the other person. Often times, we are mad at the world. Everyone is out to get us!

The anger phases comes and goes throughout the process. I have found that people often bounce back and forth between stages one, two, and three. At times we might think we have entered the next phase of grief, then a previous stage surfaces unexpectedly. Sometimes it can surface just by looking at the other person.

Anger can last for many years. Perhaps forever once it takes root. It truly varies from person to person. 

Bargaining is something we do to try and hold on to the relationship and it often occurs at the same time as phase one, denial. It goes hand in hand with denial. “I will do ___ if you take me back”, “I will buy you ___” “We can go on a trip” “Look, I finally got you that ____ that you wanted”. We sometimes even begin to bargain with God. “Lord if you fix this I will never ______ again!” “God if you ____ I will ____.

Depression can be a scary stage of grief. It is important to keep activities scheduled to keep from slipping into a deep depression. Surround yourself with loved ones and positive people. With depression one loses interest in normal activities, they oversleep or don’t get enough sleep, and the eating habits are comparable to the sleeping. They are either eating a lot, or very little at all. They may have suicidal thoughts, and struggle just to get out of bed. They are remembering only good things about the relationship. And they have very little interest in their life. They feel hopeless.

Acceptance  is when we begin to pick up the pieces. We can take the positive things we learned by having the relationship, and simply chalk up the loss. We see that there is hope. Yes, there is some light at the end of that dark tunnel. 

Once one reaches the stage of acceptance, they have regained more control of their new life. It gives them more control of their destiny. They realize that they can do it! It is when they begin to dream again, discover themselves, and begin to truly live.

I once read somewhere that it takes approximately 3-6 months for every year you were married to complete all 5 phases of grieving. From what I have seen, that number is fairly accurate. There is life after divorce. It just doesn’t truly begin until we have grieved the loss, learned our lesson that was intended for us to learn in that relationship, and move on. In doing that we have discovered who we are again, and may even get down the road and be thankful for that loss.

Healing, takes time. And time, heals. Most of the time it heals anyway.

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerer, 2009-2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited.  

Fear

Is it fear?

Fear taking over me

Fear to walk away

Fear to finally face myself

Fear of what I say?

Is fear the reason we live in lies

Denial

And doubt?

If we had no fear

What would our life be about?

© 2006 Angela Bininger