I have been asked this question by one of my reader’s and have found other people in my life pondering the same question;
Do you stay with the one who loves you, or go back to the one you love?
I can only offer advice on the topic as I am in no position to make a decision for someone. It is a decision only the person asking the question can answer in their own time.
From my experience, many feel a need to go back. The question is, does the person you love, love you? Or is this a fantasy? Are you just remembering a time in life when things were pleasant, or did you really miss something good? More often than not, the answer is not the latter of the two.
Typically, as the saying goes; there is a reason this person didn’t make it to your future. From what I have observed in my life and others is; people who want to return to a past love, are usually those that are still carrying some sort of guilt from that relationship.
For example: There are times one may want their ex. But it’s not necessarily them that they want. It is the fact that they are fantasizing and wanting what could’ve been. It is not because it was a fabulous relationship or it would not have ended. Something somewhere was lacking.
There is something to be said for having someone who truly loves you.
Beyond the surface, and unconditionally. They accept your weaknesses, they do not judge you and they accept you for who you are. That is huge! Can you talk to them? Is there a good friendship? Because in the end, with years of marriage, the same friendship that started it will be the same friendship that allowed you to grow old gracefully, and together.
If we love ourselves then we are capable of loving anyone who loves us. Especially if they are someone we once loved.
We often over analyze our relationships and that causes problems. We are looking for that feeling that went away, those butterflies, the passion, and so on.
Mostly everyone has that “One who got away”. But they must hear these words; they got away for a reason. And the one who loves you,
that one that you feel you just cant love you loved them at some point.
What is it that made you once love them? Are there positive memories? What brought you together? Do you have any common goals now? Sometimes it is something as minor as no longer having a goal or task you focus on together.
Aside from raising children.
Often people get the house, the career, the kids, etc. and just get comfortable. They forget to plan for the next list of goals they want to achieve together. It can be something as minor as taking a dance class together, up to patenting that billion dollar idea. A couple has to have something to focus on in the relationship,besides raising children or they will lose sight of the friendship and love that the relationship offers.
As much as we as humans crave stability, the monotony of life can darn near drive us crazy. Re-invent yourself, find yourself, and most importantly love yourself. After that, you will have your answer to this question: do I stay with the one who loves me, or go back to the one I love?
While deciding your answer, remember, the grass always looks greener on the other side. You are remembering a person who is probably not the same person you remember. They have grown, years have passed, etc. Odds are, if you don’t find yourself first you will ask the same question again, only this time it will be referring to the one you just left.
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