Humor

10 Reasons Why A Dog Is Better Than A Mate

That Chicken Must Have Eaten Healthy Mom!


As we sat down for Easter dinner the children said our prayer and we began to eat. As I began to cut apart the chicken my youngest says “was that like a hole chicken?” I assumed she will be disgusted, but told her yes. it was a whole chicken. She replies “It looks like they just cut the head off!” and I confirmed that she was correct. I then began to explain the entire process of being meat to the table.

Having been a vegetarian for nearly 21 years, I figured that at least one of my children would be as equally disgusted with the meat process as I. She didn’t seem affected and we ate our dinner. As we ate and chatted my daughter had darn near eaten the bone of the chicken. She then proclaims, “That chicken must have eaten really healthy, it sure was juicy!”

Obviously, she will NOT be a vegetarian 🙂

The Humor Of Headlines On Social Networking Sites

Headlines can tell a lot about a person. Typically by reading about 10 of them on a page we can  tell if that person is a positive or negative person.  I have listed the headlines as I read them when browsing profiles of strangers last night. Next to what they had as their headline I have listed what the person really meant to say.

(WARNING:This exercise is intended to be humorous and is not intended for paranoid people. May cause the participants to self-check and have flashbacks of this blog prior to every headline they post from the time of reading and forward. Those without personality should not read this. )

“Sick of crazy ex’s!”   What they meant to put is “I’m the crazy ex!”

“Tired of people not telling the truth!”  What they meant is ” I could not tell the truth if my life depended on it.”

“My life is a mess” they meant to say  “I am a mess”

“My toe, throat, neck, tooth, or back  hurts” they meant to say  “can someone please feel sorry for me so I can justify this bad day?”

“My kids are out of control”  should read  ” I have slacked in my parenting and now things are out of control. It is my own fault. “

“I hate my parents!” should read ” Darn it, they got me again. And they are right! “

” Drama, why can’t people leave me alone”  really says  “maybe I should quit running my mouth and stirring up trouble.”

“Some people suck!” should read “I hate it when people call me out!”

“I don’t care about what anyone thinks of me!” means “I get hung up when people don’t like me!”

“My relationship status is complicated”  truly means  “I really want to test the waters. Perhaps cheat. Is there something better out there for me?”

“I want to slap someone” should read “I need slapped. I am ignorant.”

“Some people never change”  says  “I’m so busy watching other people I don’t look at myself. I fear change”

“Hates cheaters”  says  “Hey everyone, I have cheated before!”

“Anybody have someone they can fix me up with?” really says, “Hey all! I’m lonely, insecure, and desperate. Please send an innocent loved one for me to inflict my misery on. Thank you!”

“I’m amazed with what people do to make a quick buck”  says  “man I wish I had some drive and ambition. I should do something with my life. “

Now that you know what headlines say to me, what do headlines say to you? There is some humor in them.  Who projects negative and who projects positive? What are they really trying to say? Do you have any to add to this list?

 

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© Angela Bininger and The Empowerers, 2009-2010. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Angela Bininger and The Empowerers with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

10 Places For Men To Meet A Normal Woman


I guess when deciding where to meet a “normal” woman it might help to know that “normal, is slightly overrated. However, if you mean normal as in she has morals, character, is secure with herself, and independent, then you might luck out in one of the 10 places listed below.

1. At the gym! Most women that visit a gym regularly have a sense of self-worth and value their appearance.

2. At church! Most people who attend regular church service often have a higher moral. Far different from the average bar fly!

3. Awareness Rallies! For example; Autism Awareness, Breast Cancer, Swim for Diabetes etc. These are great places to meet people with a lot of drive, that are passionate, and devoted!

4. P.T.O. meetings! School activities for your children are a great way to network and meet people. If a parent is attending a P.T.O. meeting they are not only dedicated to their children, but to the community.

5. At  a craft store! Most women that visit craft stores, are creative! They love projects! They probably enjoy space when in a relationship.

6. Join a coed volleyball team! This is a wonderful way to meet a good woman! Women who play sports are typically more adjusted than those that don’t. Active is a good thing!

7. The library! Knowledge is sexy, and a woman who frequents the library is likely a woman who knows where she is going in life.

8. A local nursery! Women typically plant their own flowers, and well, they have to buy them somewhere!

9. Campgrounds! Women that aren’t afraid to get their hands dirty are usually the type that get involved in a relationship, for the long haul.

10. Family reunion! Okay, okay, I had to crack a funny somewhere! Please, no family reunions! Not yours anyway! So the tenth place to meet a woman would be at a local water park, science center, aquarium, or zoo.

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerers, 2009-2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Angela Bininger and The Empowerers with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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Boys, Hold your balls!

I played a few different sports as a youngster but basketball was by far my favorite, and I am passionate about teaching the skills that someone was once patient enough to teach me. If you have ever had a coach, you owe at least one season of your life to coaching something. A.) You get to give a little back, and B) At times it is just hilarious!

I coach a junior basketball girls team along with a boy’s team. I find it very fulfilling and look forward to every practice and game. So while at practice the other night with the boy’s team I’m doing various exercises. We are doing passing drills, layups, setting picks, learning plays, followed by this intense dribbling exercise that I taught them. When we finished the dribbling exercise I said, “OK BOYS, HOLD YOUR BALLS” as I proceeded to tell them the next drill.

I notice some parents giggling on the sidelines through my peripheral view, then I made eye contact with them. One mom then pointed to a 3rd grader on my team who was doing exactly that, holding his balls.

I guess I will have to be a little more specific next time! Crazy kids!

 

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The Ohio State Of America

She was saying the pledge of allegiance and cheering on the buckeyes at the same time. This is one of a zillion reasons that I love being a mom. Kids are FUNNY! I am  so BLESSED! Here’s Riley, age 4.

The Final Laugh With Grandma

After the long drive we parked the car as huge quarter size snowflakes continuously fall onto the ground. I think to myself of how much Grandma loved the holidays, and there was no better day to say farewell than a day this cold with snowflakes so enormous.
After pondering the memories for a moment in the parking lot we exited the car and carefully walked  across the fresh blanket of snow, making our way toward the funeral home doors. We say hello to the men clearing the walkways for the others that will be arriving for the service shortly,enter the building, then hang our first left to see grandma.
After missing the viewings the day before due to Riley’s strep throat, I was eager to have a few moments with my children alone in the room. I walked in noticing the flowers and all the  other items near the casket. The beautiful pink gown she was wearing looked good with her skin tone, it was the perfect color for her.
I was amazed by the great work the funeral home had done, especially with her hair! The chemotherapy made it all fall out, and this woman’s hair was stunning. I thought it was a fabulous wig, she would have loved it.  
I gather closer with the kids and I say, “It doesn’t even look like her does it”? The kids nod in confusion, agree and look closer. Jesse looking confused reaches out to rub her arm. We begin noticing her pretty jewelry and thought “We have never seen her wear that”.
Jesse looks at me and says “I love her pink dress mommy”.  The kids and I continue to admire the things others had placed in the casket, and talk about the dying process. Meanwhile I cant stop thinking about how much her appearance had changed by simply dying.
Moments later a funeral home director walks in wondering why we were there so early. I explain that we called last night, and that we were told to come at 8:30a.m. He agrees and tells me no one relayed the message, and assured me it was no problem. I was telling them what a great job they did on her and that I couldn’t believe how good the wig looked. Another man interrupts to ask for my keys. He needed to move my van to a new location; apparently I parked in the wrong row for the black parade. They leave me be for a few minutes, then the one gentleman returns.
After the two men have a quiet conversation across the room  the director then looks at me oddly and says “Ma’am, there will be a service starting next door shortly, could you all stay in here during the service”. “This service starts at 10:30 too” I replied. He said “No this starts at 1:00”. I then ask “Well why did the paper say 10:30?” He calmly walks over, grabs the laminated card and hands it to me to read for myself. I then read someone else’s name, not my grandmas!
Now granted, both names had Mary in them! Not to mention that Stout or Stump from a distance, with no glasses, looks pretty close too! Who would have thought? No wonder it did not look like her! No wonder I didn’t recognize the things around her, boy did I feel so dumb! I look up at the director and say “Kids, grab your stuff. This is not Grandma, now that makes a lot more sense.” The funeral director looked at me like I was a complete idiot, like I didn’t already know and needed confirmation.
The kids and I look at each other, release silent giggles and walk to the right room in the funeral home. While walking  I am thinking “That poor lady in the casket probably thought, who are these people touching me, and why?”
Alas we enter the correct room, and there she was lying peacefully. She was dressed in a similar outfit as the lady next door. Her attire was even the exact same shade of pink, and the same material. She looked beautiful! That was my grandmother alright! The kids and I were relieved!
So overwhelmed by what had just happened it didn’t seem real that I was  looking at  her. She was one of the best female role models I have ever had in my life. I will cherish every memory I have of her.
I find it odd, that even while she has left this earth and is on “the other side” we had one last memory and laugh together.  There is no doubt in my mind, that if she saw anything that happened at that funeral home today…. she was surely laughing at me!