questioning

Mom, How Do You Know If You Are In Love?

love-sick1

My daughter asked the age old question….

“Hey mom, how do you know if you are in love?”

My answer was quite simple. At least it was to me. And although it took me many years of my life to figure it out for myself, I felt like I could give her a legitimate answer.

But first, I had to start with what my definition of love is.

Love Is:

When you give of yourself and think nothing of it. You want nothing but to see the other person happy and for them to benefit. It is sacrificial, and you expect nothing in return.

Sometimes love can mean being with the person forever and getting married, and sometimes you love them enough to say goodbye. But when it is true love, you can feel it. You just click.

You respect each other and get along, and you don’t try and change the other person. You work together. It is a partnership with two people who are the best of friends.

You laugh regularly. You cheer one another on. And you feel like there is nothing that life can throw at you, that the two of you can not handle together. 

Now, being in love… that can be tricky!

But as for me…..

How do I know that I am in love?

For starters, I still count the hours until he gets home from work and we get our family time, and time as a couple. I still get butterflies when he touches my hand. And no matter how bad of a day I have had, one hug makes it all go away.

I look forward to every conversation we have, from religion to politics and everything in between. I love getting to know him more every day. I love the simple ways he shows me on a daily basis that he loves me.

I am simple. So is he. And together, it is just something magical.

And when you are in love…. it is magical. Nothing anyone says will make you feel any different. And every day, you love them more than the day before.

how love test

Getting The Compulsive Liar To Cave

Breaking a compulsive liar down can be a lengthy process. Although there is no guarantee to a permanent change, if you are persistent you can get a compulsive liar to cave.

The number one rule in breaking down the liar will be exercising patience! Getting them to come clean will not guarantee a change in their behavior, but you can push them to the point of truth for your particular situation.

They have always said you have to be smart to be a good liar and let’s face it, compulsive liars lack intelligence. They have trouble keeping their stories straight and as you call them out they swear they weren’t lying. They swear they didn’t say something they have said in attempt to cover the lie prior to the bust. They get defensive, and often storm off. After they have cooled down, push some more. Keep forcing them to face it.

In some cases you may need to pretend to know things you do not know. And in every case that involves an compulsive liar, there will be a lot of homework that needs to be done. As you discover things pertaining to your situation, encourage him/her, and tell him/her how much better he/she will feel coming clean. Let him/her know how much better the relationship will be once the truth is out.

It is also important that you show little emotion when they do open up. If they sense anger, they will stop opening up and revert to the lying cycle. Encourage the change, but also know your limits. Compulsive lying is an addiction, and as any addiction relapse is always possible. If you love this person, keep doing your homework and keep calling the person out. Often times if a compulsive liar gets caught up a lot, he/she will at least reduce the amount of lies, and sometimes they even stop completely.

If the relationship is weighing you down, maintain your distance. Sometimes the only way people learn their lessons and change; is when a loved one walks away. It forces them to hit rock bottom, and only then do they  begin to live a more honest life. Some people will not learn until they have suffered the consequences of their actions.

It’s Okay To Question Things

From as far back as I can remember, I have questioned things. I have questioned people’s actions, their words, and their motives. I went around like a detective, searching for answers. And searching for truth. When I sought truth from those that feared it, I would be chastised and beaten down. They would accuse me of lying, because they feared the truth. As a result, I developed some rather thick skin. I realized that those whom fear truth, do not admire those that seek it. However, their fear has never or will never keep me from seeking the truth, or getting answers.

As I began my journey as a writer I didn’t think much about the way society belittle’s reporters and journalists. My goals were to publish some books, and hopefully work for a newspaper or publishing company someday. I knew it would take time to network, and get the name out. I was willing to be patient.

As I posted the article on my review of the electronic cigarette, I never imagined being put in a hot seat. If it weren’t for the tracker on my site I would wonder if anyone reads my work at all. When the “vapors” came to my site I followed the link to their site.  When I arrived they were criticizing my article, accusing me of lying. I was being criticized again in my life, for telling the truth. I then became a member of their website to inform them that I did indeed live the experience and that the article was true. They all came at me firing guns, not wanting people to know what happened to me. They called names, criticized, poked fun etc. One woman from my city claimed that because she didn’t see our local station air the story I saw, that it didn’t air. Another spoke that my article tells people to smoke regular cigarettes when the article clearly states trying alternative methods to quit.  Some of these people were completely ignorant. There were some however, that educated me on the F.D.A.’s attempt to ban the electronic cigarettes. But even then, I called the F.D.A. and I questioned things, again. And of course each side has their story and I’m left with my own personal experience, and their stories to sort it out. By the end of the day I realized these people attacking were manufacturer’s, supporters, and sales people of the electronic cigarettes. No wonder they were attacking.

As I tucked the children in last night excited that 10 t.v. contacted me in reference to my article and the fact that they were finally listening to the story, I had an epiphany. It was then that I  realized the reason I had to develop such thick skin at a young age. It was to prepare me for this. With this profession people attack you regularly. They either love you or they hate you. They will criticize and they will praise. You never know what is coming next.

As I sat there I realized that I finally had the answer to the hand God dealt me. I knew why He gave me a life where I consistently had to question things, people, and their motives. Those things I didn’t understand trotting through life, suddenly all the experiences good and bad were beginning to make perfect sense. There was no more asking God “WHY?” The puzzle has found its missing piece! I had an answer!

I have always been an investigator by nature. I have always been a passionate writer. Never in my life did I see myself having a burning passion to be a reporter. But I do! I love to talk, I love to tell things, I love to make people aware. It is my personality! And now, on the cusp of living a dream I find myself very grateful. Life experience speaks louder than degrees and classrooms. Life experience books sell more than someone with a bunch of letters behind their name. My life experiences and sharing them, has opened many doors. I am getting great feedback from people who owe me nothing. They are merely people passing by, and we know nothing about one another aside from names. They are people saying good job, and they are giving me even more inspiration and drive. They are other writers, editors, and site administrators. They work for publishing companies, news stations, and newspapers. They are not all just friends and family anymore. Not that I ever doubted what friends or family who support me in this say or said, it is just different hearing it knowing that the person saying it owes me nothing. It is an unbiased opinion.

People have no idea how much their words mean to me when I read them or hear them. I was just a single mom chasing a dream that is now becoming a reality. I didn’t know how I would get here, or when. But I knew I would. Once again, proving the power of positive thinking. I am glad I have always questioned things now. I’m glad for the situations in my life that were traumatic. I’m thankful for the good and bad, all of which is what gave me the drive to get to this new place. It’s okay to question things. And in everything give thanks. We never know what He is up to,  but He has a plan for us. And after 33 years, I finally found out part of His plan for my life. And with every word I write or speak, I give thanks.

Dream It –  Believe It –  Do It

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