liar

Truth or Dare – The Game of Chances


Truth or Dare is a game we play daily, and a game of choice. We can either speak the truth, or dare to bear the consequences.

The consequences of taking the Dare or telling the lie could be; losing a relationship, a job, a child’s heart, losing others respect or whatever else may apply. No matter what the case may be, we are always better off choosing the truth. It is the safest way to play.

The consequences of truth are well-known in advance. So, the person may not speak to you for a while. They may avoid you or the issue at hand. They may even try to turn it around or blame you or others. However, over time they will most likely respect you for telling them the truth.

Telling the truth will cause some sort of friction but only because the truth does hurt. What we must all remember is; the truth never hurts as much as not being worth the truth at all. We should be honest in all things, because, nobody is really worth lying to. Why sacrifice ourselves?

Each dare that we take has a hidden price-tag. The price will not be visible until we get to the register. Usually, if there is no price-tag visible it is because we can’t really afford it.

Due to the expense, each dare will eventually lead to emotional bankruptcy. If we invest in lies then we will be guaranteed to lose in this life long game of Truth or Dare.  Why play to lose?

There is only one guaranteed way to win this game of Truth or Dare, and that is by picking the truth every time. Although the dares may be ones way of filing for bankruptcy, the truth is more like purchasing stock. There is no better investment in life, than having emotional freedom. The truth is not only free to invest in, but it sets us free too.

The truth is what keeps us upright and walking in light; whereas taking the dares will force us to walk in darkness. What do you get when you mix darkness and light, or black and white? Gray skies, and cloudy days!  Keep those who rebuke the truth, far away.

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerers, 2009-2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited.

The Mathematical Formula For Destructive Relationships

All relationships have the potential to be hazardous, abusive,  and destructive. The destruction begins gradually and at times it will not end until  long after the relationship itself has ended. It just depends on how long we allow the destruction to occur before stepping up to the board and balancing out the equation.

Just as in mathematical equations that become difficult; we should simplify difficult relationships in our lives too. Simplifying can mean counseling, creating a positive change in the relationship, eliminating irritants, or in some cases simply leaving the relationship and moving forward.

Destructive relationships can be hard to spot initially. Over time the signs become more obvious, especially as we begin to see what was once a bright flower wither and fade away. Once we see the first sign of a destructive relationship, the others signs and symptoms arrive shortly after. Or so it seems.

Signs of a Destructive Relationship:

Non-trustworthy partners seem to be a dime a dozen these days. The breaking of trust is the beginning of a destructive relationship. Once trust is broken; it is time to break out the hard hats. The wrecking crew has arrived.

If two people can not trust one another the relationship officially becomes classified as a destructive relationship. The person that can’t trust suffers, and as a result the person that can’t be trusted does too. This is not healthy for either party.

Recovery from broken trust is possible if correction occurs, and it is sincere and genuine. This typically means that there will not be repeat offenses. If there are repeat offenses there may be a bigger problem. There could be a compulsive liar in the picture. If so, there are ways to break the liar down. Once you break them down and all truth becomes visible, options can be weighed out and recovery is absolutely possible. Until then, brace yourself for the other phases of a destructive relationship.

Internal Damage leaves us holding on to things that leave us felling lost, hopeless, sad, or broken. These feelings can be overwhelming and cause panic attacks, anxiety attacks, depressions, and sometimes paranoia. Internal damage can make true forgiveness seem impossible.

External Damage is when one will begin to notice things around them breaking. Whether on purpose or by accident; everything begins to break down internally and externally. This typically happens after a few incidents have occurred that created internal damage or conflict.

Withdrawn from normal activities is a symptom of a destructive relationship.  One may withdraw from friends, family,  and activities. They will isolate themselves with their partner and display signs of social avoidance. This needs attention particularly if the withdrawing from others is not for legitimate reasons. Sometimes, people grow up and apart. It doesn’t necessarily mean one is withdrawn.

 

Excessive Weight gain or loss is another sign that someone is in a destructive relationship. Sometimes people who are suffering emotionally will eat or starve their way to feeling in control of something. Food becomes a replacement for those gaining weight. For those in a destructive relationship that are losing weight, I have found that they starve themselves strictly to feel in control of something in their life since other areas are lacking self-control.

Control is a common characteristic seen in one or both parties involved in destructive relationships. Controlling people have the same patterns across the board, and they will often come off as very well liked socially. If they tell you where to go, what to do, who to talk to, what to wear, or how to act; they may just have control issues. If both parties are insecure and have controls issue, there could be a few Doomsday’s ahead.

Psychological Abuse occurs when one belittles another’s achievements or lack there of. Psychological abuse can be any type of mind game; from name calling to threats of suicide. One may also manipulate their partner into forgiving or at least trying to. Someone who is psychologically abusing their partner may also threaten suicide when their partner decides to leave them. If the person being abused speaks of suicide, their words ought not be taken lightly. 

Psychological abuse can be any of the following phrases (to name a few):

I said NO! You can’t wear that! Nobody cares what you think! Nobody cares about you! You don’t matter! Who are you talking to? Who’s calling here? You can’t talk to “them” ! This is MY house! I pay the bills! You are LAZY! You are worthless! Get out! I don’t need you! I never loved you! You are ugly! You are fat! I hate you!

These words can be devastating, and often lead to violence. If you are in a violent relationship leave immediately. There are shelters across the country that house men, women, and children in violent situations who are looking for relief.

Violence is not healthy in any relationship. Violence can be hitting, throwing, smacking, cornering, or intimidating another person. Violence often follows psychological abuse.

Depression is usually the last phase before one begins to receive a reality check as to where their relationship has been; where it is, and the direction it is heading. Depression can be life threatening and one suffering from depression should seek help from a certified medical professional. There are some self-help techniques for depression, and ways to fight depression. However, talking to a counselor is always a good idea. It is nice to have an outsider help us reduce difficult equations.

When things become broken inwardly and outwardly in any relationship; getting out is the only way to avoid having only bits and pieces yourself left. Repairs are much easier when something is only partially broke, than when no longer running at all.

 © Angela Bininger and The Empowerers, 2009-2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited.

Signs Your Partner Is Dishonest Or Hiding Something

Honesty is huge in any relationship. It fuels trust. Without trust, the fires of love burn out quite quickly. Sometimes, instantly. © Angela Bininger 2009-2015

couples-1As we all know relationships are a lot of work. When feelings of love crowd in, logic sometimes gets lost. At times we may find ourselves questioning things, yet afraid to ask because we fear it is our own paranoia from a previous relationship or heartache. One thing I have found for certain, is that those instincts that lead you to question something have lead you there for a reason.

Signs Your Partner Is Being
Dishonest Or Hiding Something

He/She keeps to himself/herself – People who bottle emotions have a tendency to hide things other than their emotions. They seem to have a “don’t ask don’t tell” policy, or an “ask and I will tell if I want policy”.

He/She goes with whatever everyone else thinks/says/feels- I have seen this pattern quite often. Dishonest people seem to not have opinions of their own. Instead you will see/hear them regurgitate  opinions or feelings of someone else as their own. They will take a conversation you have with them and tell it like it is their own to someone else. Often they will do this right in front of you, unknowingly.


Stories seem to have holes – When asking serious questions take good mental notes. If something is suspicious ask the same question in a different manner, on different occasions. Eventually, he/she will trip up and you will begin to find stories with holes in them. Most of the time if one lie is found, there are plenty more where that one came from.


Beats around the bush if questioned, even on the simplest things – It is hard for a liar to give rapid and direct answers. If questioned they will either beat around the bush, or provide an answer with very little to no information. They are usually a slow responder.

Answering the question without answering the question – Liars are notorious for turning a question around. It is often a word game and if not worded properly it was never said, or never happened. For example : You ask after a spouse/partner has cheated “Have you talked to _____?” They answer “I haven’t seen _____?”  They offer enough information to satisfy the taste of the one inquiring. In this particular example, the question wasn’t answered directly. “No I haven’t seen him/her” is a huge flag. That was not the question asked. The question was “Have you talked to him/her”.

Liars live in a life of denial. They do not know who they are and are insecure. They use other’s words/thoughts/opinions/feelings and voice them as their own and respond to questions of others slowly because they are retracing their steps and trying to figure out what they last told and to who.

Until they decide to step out of denial, all you can do is keep confronting. And when you are tired of confronting the issues, walk away. People are people and although some change over time, some never will.

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerer, 2009-2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Angela Bininger and The Empowerer with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Getting The Compulsive Liar To Cave

Breaking a compulsive liar down can be a lengthy process. Although there is no guarantee to a permanent change, if you are persistent you can get a compulsive liar to cave.

The number one rule in breaking down the liar will be exercising patience! Getting them to come clean will not guarantee a change in their behavior, but you can push them to the point of truth for your particular situation.

They have always said you have to be smart to be a good liar and let’s face it, compulsive liars lack intelligence. They have trouble keeping their stories straight and as you call them out they swear they weren’t lying. They swear they didn’t say something they have said in attempt to cover the lie prior to the bust. They get defensive, and often storm off. After they have cooled down, push some more. Keep forcing them to face it.

In some cases you may need to pretend to know things you do not know. And in every case that involves an compulsive liar, there will be a lot of homework that needs to be done. As you discover things pertaining to your situation, encourage him/her, and tell him/her how much better he/she will feel coming clean. Let him/her know how much better the relationship will be once the truth is out.

It is also important that you show little emotion when they do open up. If they sense anger, they will stop opening up and revert to the lying cycle. Encourage the change, but also know your limits. Compulsive lying is an addiction, and as any addiction relapse is always possible. If you love this person, keep doing your homework and keep calling the person out. Often times if a compulsive liar gets caught up a lot, he/she will at least reduce the amount of lies, and sometimes they even stop completely.

If the relationship is weighing you down, maintain your distance. Sometimes the only way people learn their lessons and change; is when a loved one walks away. It forces them to hit rock bottom, and only then do they  begin to live a more honest life. Some people will not learn until they have suffered the consequences of their actions.