The Birth And Death Of Friendship

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I once read somewhere years ago that friendships are born in those moments that we look at someone else wholeheartedly and say “Ohhhh, you do that too!?” It is in those moments of clarity such as uttering that statement  that will mark the beginning of wonderful memories

Through the years I have found that it really is about how much we can relate to others that not only determines the amount of friends we have, but the depths of those friendships as well. 

As we grow and change we will grow together as friends, or grow apart. And if our circle has never changed or has not changed for quite some time, then we may want to question some things. Because if it our circle does not grow or change, then we probably aren’t either. 

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© Angela Bininger and The Empowerer, 2009-2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Angela Bininger and The Empowerer with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Life With Alcoholics- Lesson #3843

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I’ve spent twenty years of my life trying to understand alcoholism. I have gone to Alanon for families who deal with alcoholics. I’ve tried a more spiritual route such as prayer and church. I have read articles, books, and case studies.

I retired in my role as the provoker years ago. And I have exhausted myself as the martyr in recent years. Oh yes the martyrs. They are the ones who hope there is a day of awakening for the alcoholics in their life. Those that they either love or have loved.

The martyr has moments of hoping there will be a day the alcoholic feels bad for the deeds they have done. They just want to see apologies and recovery. Most of all, they want healing.

I have gone head to head with the ones who maintain the roles of being “the rescuer”. Years ago I was considered the rescuer too, so perhaps that is why their rescuing affects me like it does. I’d clean up the messes, apologize for many horrific social scenes of drunken stupor and I’d make excuses for the drunkenness all the time.

Over the course of time I got sick of being the provoker. I was tired of demanding respect, maturity, love and so forth. I got tired of telling stories of the things I would wake up to. I was tired of feeling embarrassed, mistreated, and unloved. So, I went on strike after that.

To me, the rescuers seem just as bad as the alcoholics themselves. They appear to have every excuse under the sun for the behavior of the alcoholic. Nothing is the alcoholics fault. And I mean nothing. Everything is blamed on people in the past or present days of the alcoholics life.

The rescuers claim they love their alcoholic but tough love has gone astray. They can’t find it no matter how hard they look. And they just can’t stand up to the alcoholic in effort to get them the treatment that they need.

Sometimes the alcoholic wants help but they do not have one person whom they respect to look them in the eyes and say: “Man you have a problem and you need serious help. Are you ready to get better yet? Because I can’t keep watching this. It is hurting everyone around you but mostly you!”

Questions of the day for the rescuers:

If your loved one had any other disease like Multiple Sclerosis, Cancer, Heart Disease, Kidney Disease, Liver Disease etc. and everyone around them could tell just by looking at them…..wouldn’t you try to help them?

Or would you make a bunch of excuses and blame others for the loved one not being in their best health? Would you claim other people gave them their disease? Would you say they had no disease regardless of their diagnosis?

Or would you continue to say: “Screw those people, they are all crazy. You’re just fine dear. Now I would help you but I just love you too much. And if I help you then that means I’d have to admit that I was wrong about you to all those people! So we will just keep this between us and go on about our business. Okay?”

Do You Use People Like I Do?

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I have been thinking a lot about people using people. Whether it be to get ahead, gain information, or reap some sort of benefit it happens all of the time.

There is only one acceptable time to use someone and that is when we use them for inspiration. We should use people daily for this, and we should use people from all walks of life.

Every day I find inspiration through sharing stories with or by interacting with people. Sometimes it is something funny the kids do. It could be the cashier at a grocery store. It could be something pleasant or thought provoking and it could also be by something completely irritating. Regardless, I find it.

So, there you have it, I can now admit that I use people all the time. I never know who it will be or what word will pull the trigger, but when I see it or I hear it I tuck it away for later use. And when I get hungry, I chew on it and then I spit it out. 

Do you use people the way I do?

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerer, 2009-2018. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Angela Bininger and The Empowerer with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

No Matter How Small You Feel

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I was looking through a notebook of mine where I jot down thoughts and ideas and came across this old quote of mine. I thought I would take a few minutes to expand on the topic since it is something we all experience from time to time.

There are times we feel discouraged or as if no one notices us and is paying attention. It is what we do during those times, that is often the most noticed in the long run.

You know the song “I always feel like, somebody’s watching me”? I think they were on to something with those lyrics. Someone is always watching you. You are important. You mean something. And you are loved. 

No matter how small you feel, how unaccomplished you feel, or how low you feel…. there will always be someone who admires and looks up to you. So the next time you feel down, remember that.

If You Have To State It Then You Probably Aint It

state it aint itWe have all been one, will probably be one again at some point, and we have definitely known one. And to most people, the bragger is simply annoying. Especially the extremely exaggerated bragger.

The extremely exaggerated bragger claims life is wonderful at all times. They maintain a very superficial front. They claim they have a ton of money. They speak of lavish things. They talk far more than they listen.

What they do not realize, is people already know the truth. A logical person realizes that people who claim to have the most, often have the least. Now, sometimes they really do have all the things that they say they do, however they may also have a lot of debt. Not only that, but because they are so fixated on material things and personal rewards, they really have nothing in the grand scheme of things. Emotionally, they are empty. There too, they are bankrupt.

Think deep about this quote…

Actions speak.

So stop and think!

If you have to state it, 

then you probably ain’t it!

Next time you want to say it….

Remind yourself that your actions already have.

Our actions speak louder than any words we could ever shout.

Make Today Matter

walkEverything is temporary. Our homes, our cars, our health, our minds, our bodies, our children, our family, our friends, our pets, and all material items. Although some seasons last longer than others, what and who we have today can be gone in the blink of an eye. As we all know, life is short and nothing is promised to last forever.

Make today matter. Love yourself. Leave nothing unsaid. And let people know what they mean to you. Release the negativity and embrace the positives. Love your enemies. Be kind. Be polite. Be courageous. Be strong.You’ve got this.

Life’s Golden Rules For Relationships

This method of determining how people in your life will treat you has proven itself to be true. Time. And. Time. Again.

Golden-Rule1If you quietly watch other people and really listen to what they say then you will easily see who is who. From there you can determine what you will and will not tolerate from the people you have in your life.

By using Life’s Golden Rules For Relationships your circle may get a little smaller (or it may get a lot smaller) but let it! The quality of people in it after you purge out the bullshitters will be worth your while. You will find yourself much happier and you will likely take notice that life is much calmer. Not to mention it becomes SO peaceful! 

The Golden Rules of Any Relationship:

If they lie to others in front of you-  they will lie to you too.

If they talk bad about others in front of you- they will talk bad about you too.

If they steal something right in front of you- they will steal from you too.

If they disrespect others in front of you- they will disrespect you too.

If they hide who they are from others- they will hide it from you too.

If they cheat on someone to be with you- they will cheat on you too.

If they blame others for their problems- someday they will blame you too.

If they use people in front of you- then eventually they will use you too.

Although genuine people are hard to find, by using this method you will quickly see who is who. (Just be mindful of their actions and hear their every word.)

And once they have shown you their true colors, believe them. 

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerer, 2009-2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Angela Bininger and The Empowerer with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.