I was looking through a notebook of mine where I jot down thoughts and ideas and came across this old quote of mine. I thought I would take a few minutes to expand on the topic since it is something we all experience from time to time.
There are times we feel discouraged or as if no one notices us and is paying attention. It is what we do during those times, that is often the most noticed in the long run.
You know the song “I always feel like, somebody’s watching me”? I think they were on to something with those lyrics. Someone is always watching you. You are important. You mean something. And you are loved.
No matter how small you feel, how unaccomplished you feel, or how low you feel…. there will always be someone who admires and looks up to you. So the next time you feel down, remember that.
So many times life is taken for granted. Time is taken for granted. But in general people are taken for granted. It is as if we just expect someone will always be there. Or that we will always be here.
Every time we awake we have been given another gift. More breaths. More sunshine. More love. And more memories.
So the next time anything has us down and want to give up we must remember that someone out there is fighting for that last breath. By using this perspective, we will find ourselves more grateful. We will have more strength to conquer the challenges before us. And we will be less likely to take any of our own breaths for granted.
There are three T’s to having a good approach when communicating with others. It is important that we remain focused on the following these three T’s; in order to achieve good results when we have a conflict that needs addressed with another individual in our life.
Two People – Approach the person when they are alone and you are alone. There is no need for either side to feel attacked. When more people are involved the conversation loses focus and nothing really gets resolved. If it is our issue that we have with another individual we must fight our battle alone. Pow wows, are unnecessary.
Tone – If you feel heated do not approach the other person face to face. Your facial expressions, tones, and mannerisms could be seen as negative and one may feel attacked. The fight or flight process begins to occur and the other person may become confused and unfocused.
Sometimes a phone call or email will achieve better results. When responding to an issue by writing out our thoughts, the brain takes more time to process the information which in turn allows us to think before we speak.
Time & Place – There is a time and a place to approach someone when addressing an issue you have with them. Social gatherings and functions are not an ideal place. Trying to resolve it inside the workplace may not always be the best place either.
If you know you will be bumping into the person, try to resolve the issue beforehand. This helps both people avoid public conflicts that end up affecting others who were present. It also aids in avoiding embarrassment in cases where we may approach someone without having had all of the facts first.
By following the above three T’s to a proper approach when confronting another person, we are bound to communicate both properly and wisely. Life is too short to stew over issues for days without resolving.
We will all have issues and problems, it’s all about how we handle them.
© Angela Bininger and The Empowerer, 2009-2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited
We are all human and we all make mistakes. In some cases it hinders relationships and apologies are necessary. But how do we know if someone is truly sorry for their actions?
Admittance – Without admitting what we have done wrong we remain in a state of denial. While in denial, it is impossible to break the cycle. If your partner has admitted their wrong doings, you are heading in the right direction.
Apologetic – Anyone can apologize and say what people want to hear. When wondering how sorry a person is, ask yourself how sincere the apology was. Or was there even an apology? No apology is denial of the behavior and a guarantee that those emotions that prompted you to read this, will resurface again until the cycle is broken.
Actions – After admitting a wrongdoing and apologizing it is important to put words into action. At this stage the apologetic person should be taking large strides to correct his/her issues. This should be something seen regularly vs. something seen for the few days following a disagreement. Although we may slip up when making changes and revert to old behaviors from time to time, when someone is truly sorry you will see more days of effort than you will days of the old behavior.
Change – When a person is truly apologetic, change is noticeable. There are no gray areas. This person has not only admitted it and apologized, but he/she is actively trying to help himself/herself. Whether it be by reading materials pertaining to the issues, or receiving counseling for his/her problems the changes should be noticeable.
Accept – Someone that is truly sorry can take the heat, and will acknowledge what they have done along with accepting the repercussions. They will suggest ways to mend fences, and admit that they guided the relationship to this position. They will accept any emotions they have caused those they have hurt as though they were their own. They will be understanding, compassionate, and patient.
“Until people decide with the right intentions to change for themselves,
….. change is impossible.”
The people I have come across that appear to have control issues, are liars. The only thing they can’t control other than themselves, are the lies that they tell.
The people who I think of that have issues lying, exhibit some form of controlling behavior in their daily life.
When I refer to controlling people, I am referring to those who :
Force their thoughts or feelings on you: Someone has wronged them, and they interfere with your relationship with that person, as if you were wronged by that person too.
Tell you how you feel, or should feel : You don’t Care, You have no emotions, You don’t like me, You don’t even want to go, You haven’t ever ___, You have to ____, You can’t ___, You are just going to ___, etc.
There’s OCD somewhere: In some area of their life, or in majority of areas there will be some version of obsessive compulsive disorder. Wether it is paranoia of germs, having to have everything immaculate, unable to wear un-ironed clothes, always at the doctor, somethings always wrong, hoarding, etc.
When I look back at situations in my life where I have told a lie, telling the lie was about control. Better yet, it was about being in control. At that same junction;I showed signs of control in other areas. Whether it was being obsessive compulsive about dishes in my sink, or actually trying to force my viewpoints or opinions on someone else. Either way, at the same time that I was lying, there were signs of control. By lying, instead of being in control I had given it to someone else.
When I think of “Sally”, I think about how she went her entire life controlling people. Those she couldn’t control, she shoved away. Or they would be smart enough to walk away before she could. Her entire adult life has been a lie, and in her entire adult life she would fit all of the characteristics of a controlling person.
Or let’s take “George” as another example. George is a compulsive liar. He lies about things that are unimportant to most people. He lies himself to a point where he believes it. He can’t seem to let a day of his life go by without lying. George, is a neat freak. George forces his emotions on others in attempt to leave them feeling guilty. And George, he gets what he wants. If he doesn’t…. things get ugly.
These are just a few examples, but there is a definite link. I can think of many more people who I have encountered in my 30+ years that fit this description.
“Controlling people are the liars of the world and the liars of the world are controlling. Now…. if only they could control themselves.
Can you think of people you have encountered in life where this description matches up? It’s not to say they are all compulsive liars. However, in a life situation where they have told a lie; Did they display what would be considered controlling behavior, in another area of their life? Have you ever wondered exactly what it is controlling people want?
© Angela Bininger and The Empowerer, 2009-2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Angela Bininger and The Empowerer with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.