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From Both Sides Of The Fence: Cheater vs. Victim

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When cheating occurs both sides endure pain. Both sides feel theirs is greater. But whose is really? Can pain really be measured?

From my experience, the cheaters feel their pain is the same as their partners. They feel pain, loss, heartache, and failure. They feel dark, lost, alone, weak, and broken. They can’t believe they hurt someone who loved them.

More often than not a cheater doesn’t realize the depth of a partners love, until they see the pain their partner experiences when the cheating is revealed. In most cases, cheaters did not set into a relationship to cheat. At some point, needs were not being met. This does not justify cheating. Cheating is however a symptom of an already broken relationship. Things were broken long before an affair began.

Cheaters often wish the victim would quit talking about it or bringing it up. At times, cheaters are walking on eggshells with even the thought that their partner may be revisiting such bad memories. At other times the cheaters may appear nonchalant saying phrases like; “Get over it, Cant we move on already, Can we make up, etc.” Or perhaps the cheater plays that they are the victim.

Typically after finding out one has cheated, the story goes a little bit or a lot like this:

Cheater – I love you, I didn’t mean to hurt you.

Victim – Hind sight is 20/20. Thanks for showing me your version of love, jerk/b***h!

Cheater – I did it because ____, I did it because you didn’t ______, I did it because I was drunk/lonely.

Victim- There is NO excuse! Tell me the real reason please! Why wasn’t I worth the truth?

Cheater- How long will it take to get your forgiveness?

Victim – Can you be any more shallow? Can you exercise some patience here and help me clean up this mess you made before you ask such a ridiculous question. There is no time limit. I have no idea. I am still trying to figure out if I can even stand to be near you!

Cheater – Why are you always so negative now? Man you are in a bad mood!

Victim – Well, you should have thought of my mood when you did what you did. For wanting something positive you sure infected this relationship with your negativity. You did this! Not me!

Cheater – How do we move forward?

Victim – Move forward? I am still trying to figure out how I will survive today!

Cheater – This isn’t what I wanted. I wanted you. I didn’t want to hurt you!

Victim- Again, hindsight is 20/20. If you wanted me you should have been faithful. If you didn’t want to hurt me you would have been honest. You would have had some class, and character.

Cheater – He/She/They didn’t mean anything to me.

Victim – Wow, really? Sure means something to me now that I finally found out!

Cheater – How can I make things better?

Victim- I don’t know. But I do know your words mean nothing. You are a liar. Actions speak WAY louder! And your actions just spoke loud enough to last me a lifetime.

Cheater – Can you forgive me? What do you want?

Victim- I don’t know what I want! I don’t know anything anymore. Everything I thought I knew, I didn’t. I have been played the fool. This is SO embarrassing. Was any of this even real?

Cheater- Do you still love me?

Victim – Either doesn’t answer at all, or says I don’t know.

While the cheaters often carry guilt and pain, in my opinion it does not even compare tothe_past_love the pain that the betrayed partner carries. But I guess it truly would depend on the situation. Again, pain is hard to measure. (Everyone’s tolerance is so different.)

Once betrayed by a partner and the intimacy you once knew has been shared with someone else the entire relationship appears to have been a hoax. Nothing seems real. The betrayed feel violated emotionally, mentally, and sexually. You just feel dirty.

What doesn’t change is the amount of pain it inflicts on the faithful partner, the one who had hope and the one who believed. The one who never questioned anything. 

Yeah, that one will forever be changed. 

For more info on signs of a cheater click here

On Top Of Spaghetti

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Have you ever caught yourself singing this classical song from the old movie Lady and The Tramp?

“On top of spaghetti all covered with cheese, I lost my poor meatballs when somebody sneezed”.

Have you ever felt that way about life? Everything is lined up on the plate and looking tasty. Just as you are about to savor that first bite someone sneezes, and there goes the meatballs.

It can be a slow recovery when it happens, because with meatballs the five second rule doesn’t apply. Sometimes you just have to start over.

The good news is, you will be more protective of the next plate. Then alas, you will be able to enjoy the meatballs you worked so hard to prepare.

Little did you know when the last batch was lost, that the next batch made will be your best work yet!

Bona Petite!

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerer, 2009-2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Angela Bininger and The Empowerer with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

No Matter How Small You Feel

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I was looking through a notebook of mine where I jot down thoughts and ideas and came across this old quote of mine. I thought I would take a few minutes to expand on the topic since it is something we all experience from time to time.

There are times we feel discouraged or as if no one notices us and is paying attention. It is what we do during those times, that is often the most noticed in the long run.

You know the song “I always feel like, somebody’s watching me”? I think they were on to something with those lyrics. Someone is always watching you. You are important. You mean something. And you are loved. 

No matter how small you feel, how unaccomplished you feel, or how low you feel…. there will always be someone who admires and looks up to you. So the next time you feel down, remember that.

Day 3: Removing The Anchor

When restoring happiness and peace it is important to untie those anchors that keep us in treacherous waters.  After all, how can we get to a new destination if this anchor keeps holding in the same location? If we remain anchored we take the risk of being shipwrecked with one storm, or even one wave.

By removing the anchor and entering the captain’s seat we take control. We can then head into the open waters and travel around future storms  vs. sitting through every storm anchored and praying for survival. By steering ourselves, we are then given the option to plow through the waves and storms with determination. It also allows us to  keep a better eye on the forecast.

Our survival rate will increase significantly by simply taking control of the boat.

For day 3:

It is time to untie the rope, leave the anchor behind and set sail.

Once you start steering, you find that you are closer to Paradise Island than you had originally thought. However,  in order to get there we must first let go.

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerers, 2009-2010. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Angela Bininger and The Empowerers with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

How To Make Money From Home & Still Be A Good Mom

Have you been wondering how you can make money from home? Do you fantasize about working in your pajamas at times, or being your own boss? Are you craving a flexible schedule so you can enjoy time with your family on a regular basis? If you answered yes, you have clicked on the right page! I have spent the last several years generating income from home. The trick is, to pull it from various resources. By doing that, there will be a constant flow.

1. EBAY– I built an eBay business. I averaged about 1000+ a week in profit, and spent about 20 hours a week working. The income potential is endless, if you know what you are doing. My kids were with me all the time, it was a perfect job for me. “How To Be A Powerseller In 90 Days” by Angela Bininger will be available in e-book within the next few weeks. It contains every secret, and is well worth reading if you want to maximize your income.

2. LIA Sophia– An old friend of mine quit her corporate job for this exciting career. In her third year she is making 6 digit figures! This company is ranked in the top three for jewelry in the United States, and sits next to Tiffany’s with ratings. With this job, you can design your own schedule, and have a lot of fun while working. You can read her story by following this link http://www.liasophia.com/sherri

3. Freelance Writing– There are too many websites out there and not enough people to take care of them. When searching for places to write for,  type write for us in the search box. Craigslist is another great place to check for writing gigs. Do beware though, some craigslist advertisements are only persons making money with affiliate marketing.

4. Cake Decorator- I took my cake decorating courses through a local craft store. Most offer the Wilton cake decorating classes, and they are fun! They do not take long to complete, and upon completion you can even become an instructor. It is a fun way to make money, with a flexible schedule. With this business, mastering the wedding cake is what’s key. They can be pretty pricey, so if you want to make the most money for your time wedding cakes would be a good area to specialize in.

5. Child Care- Every county has a D.J.F.S. (Department Of Job And Family Services). You can become licensed through them to accept title xx childcare. This is childcare that the state helps provide for single parents, or lower-income households. It is a great program and you can easily make 3800 a month providing care. You must have a home inspection, become CPR certified, among a few other things. However, it is far worth checking into if you have a desire and room to care for children.

6. Call Center- There are several offices and companies that hire people to run a call center from their home. It could be something such as placing customer orders to taking messages for patients when a doctor’s office is closed. The requirements are typically a desktop computer, headset, and a land-line telephone. These jobs are pretty easy to find, and also include positions as virtual assistants with some companies.

These are just a few of the many ways to work from home, and still enjoy your children. All of which, have huge potential!

Smile, it really does make people wonder!

A person entered my life over the last few years, an employer, that I developed a unique friendship with. Nobody could stand him, at work, or in town. He ran everyone away with his negativity, well, just about everyone. Some would still come in to get free beer, or food. And a select few of us, simply needed a job.

For me, I kinda felt bad for him. He was the first person in my life with an abundance of negative energy, that didn’t weigh me down. He would sit, and stew, and complain all day. To workers, to customers, about workers, about customers, etc. I would work 13 days straight at times, open to close shifts, and for some reason his consistent complaining didn’t bother me. He reduced every employee to tears with his rages, but somehow, never me. My goal everyday, was to make him smile or laugh.

I filled the room with smiles. I was so happy to be working, that I had a home for my kids, we were all healthy, that I broke free from some of the most controlling people Id met in my life, and that I had my independence. The list could go on for some time. I  felt on top of the world.

Often he would curse and say “Why are you always  so f***ing happy?” My answers would vary from time to time, but often I would say “Because I know it pisses you off” and he would smile, scratch his head, and walk away. When he came back around a few minutes later he would just look at me shaking his head, with a smirk on his face.

When we let go of criticism & overlook flaws in other people, we are then capable of connecting with feelings that border on bliss. When we realize that everyone has all the same tools, and that some aren’t just capable of using them all the same way, we are then able to see positive things in our own life.

When positive things are felt, seen, or heard we find ourselves smiling. And it can be contagious! Lets infect the world with our smiles, and while doing that, the disgruntled people will just have to continue wondering what we are up to. Maybe they will crave it eventually, and begin to smile too.

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerer, 2009-2010. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Angela Bininger and The Empowerer with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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Craigslist Prostitution, Out Of Control

I recently had people respond to an ad I had posted on Craigslist. After a few months of searching for work I was tired of emailing resumes, and thought I would post an ad to see if work would by chance find me. And it did! Unfortunately, with some of that work came some real weirdo’s.

Now, I don’t understand how a site like Craigslist can get away with things such as prostitution! Who moderates this site? People post ads regularly wanting to hire someone for sex, or offering to service someone. Some even write that they are disease free. Now that’s funny that someone posting such an ad would expect someone on the opposite side to believe that. It’s sick!

As business’s responded to my advertisement I got excited. It seemed too good to be true. I was going to get to use my business skills and help them solve problems from within their business. I was getting them online, building their website, or whatever they needed.

During the screening process, one man who owned two medical imaging firms in Dublin and Pickerington offered this : “$2500 a month, no need to come in. I add you to the payroll, but you service me twice a week. My wife will never know, she has nothing to do with our business.” I was floored, and no longer stayed in contact with him. I felt awful for his wife, Lord knows what he’s passed to her. How could she have married such a slime bucket?

I managed to find a few good leads, but was literally shocked with the amount of creeps lurking out there. It’s times like the guy mentioned above, that I wish I were a cop. People like that, need help. And Craigslist needs moderators or it should be banned.