13 Tell Tale Signs Of A Cheater, Is It Happening To You?

Signs of a cheater

The majority of people who suspect cheating probably should. Usually that is your instincts trying to tell you something.

Those who don’t suspect cheating in their relationship, should still have this knowledge. There are two reasons I suggest this. 1) It can happen to anyone, and 2) It’s not a bad thing to know what signs and symptoms to look for. Most people don’t know the signs of a cheater, until it is a little too late.

1.) Appearance – Has he/she taken more pride in personal appearance lately such as: new clothes, cologne/perfume, working out, new hairstyles etc.?  If they are getting all done up just for a trip to the grocery store or other trips that are out of the ordinary, then something is probably fishy. Granted, some people do naturally take pride in their appearance. With cheaters it is more of a sudden change in their normal patterns of getting ready, what they wear, how they look etc.

2.) Nit-Picking – Is he/she picking a fight just to get away or using the notorious “Time to think” or “I have some work to do at the office” excuse? Cheaters do this every day. They will literally pick a fight just so they have a reason to get away from you and do what they do…cheat!

3.) More Frequent Trips – Is he/she leaving the house more frequently? Granted this is not always the case. Work affairs happen so often and their time is mostly accounted for. 

4) Abandonment Technique – Is he/she leaving you with the children knowing you won’t drag them to check up on him/her? This is a common trick for married couples. Once the kids are in bed it makes it hard for the one left behind to check out anything questionable in their partners behavior.

5.) New Tunes – Is he/she listening to new music? Lyrics are crucial!!! Especially for ladies! We identify with songs as though they are the meaning of our own life and experiences. Now ladies, men are usually opposite on this one. They can truly listen to a song and think about absolutely nothing

6.) Internet – Is he/she on the computer a lot? If they are spending more time talking to and interacting with people on the internet than they are with you then it would be a huge flag. Where we invest our time speaks volumes as to which relationships mean the most.

7.) Uninvited – Is he/she doing things/activities and you are not welcome or even invited to attend? Some will purposely schedule or portray to schedule activities you detest because they know you will not want to go. (Call their bluff the next time and watch their reaction.)

8.) Unhappy – Has he/she mentioned unhappiness in the relationship in the last 6-12 months? Typically mentioning being unhappy with the relationship happens just before an affair begins. In a sense it is a cry for help. Or a warning call per say.

9.) Contacts – Are there any unusual numbers or contacts in his/her cellular phone or on the bill? Many men will make up a guys name and many females will make up a ladies name so that it appears to just be a text from a friend. Another one in this category is the mentioning of hanging out with the friend you have never heard of.

10.) Secretive – Has he/she been more secretive or distant? If you are communicating less and he or she is keeping to themselves more then that may be a flag.

11.) Depression – Has he/she recently suffered from depression? Depression can do many things to the mind. A simple compliment could carry the depressed person far away, into a land of hope. And boom, affair.

12.) Loss – Has he/she recently lost a loved one? Losing a loved one causes us to reevaluate our lives. Some develop a need to live as though they were dying themselves after losing someone close to them. 

13.) Changes In bedroom – Is there a sudden lack of interest or a sudden uncontrollable interest in sex? This too is an obvious sign. Affairs can play both sides however. But definitely question when new techniques or ideas appear.

So many affairs fly under the radar before being detected and these above mentioned things are very obvious signs. If you have answered yes to a few of these, you likely have some research to do about your partner.

Tips:Cheating

If they are on the computer a lot you can install spyware if you just need proof. This can also be added to their cellular phone.

If you have kids and can’t get away when they take off you can always hire a P.I. relatively cheap. And sometimes you can trick them in to coming clean without providing hardly any information.  9 times out of 10 people discover that the instincts that led them to question it in the first place, were right all along. 

There are plenty of ways to catch if you really want to know. Question is, can you handle the truth? Are you ready for the roller-coaster of emotions?

Whatever you do, do not let them manipulate you into thinking you are crazy for suspecting something. Dig and dig until the truth is revealed if that is what you are searching for.

Always remember, what is done in the darkness will always be brought to light.

 

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Are They Truly Sorry?

We are all human and we all make mistakes. In some cases it hinders relationships and apologies are necessary. But how do we know if someone is truly sorry for their actions?

Admittance – Without admitting what we have done wrong we remain in a state of denial. While in denial, it is impossible to break the cycle. If your partner has admitted their wrong doings, you are heading in the right direction.

Apologetic – Anyone can apologize and say what people want to hear. When wondering how sorry a person is, ask yourself how sincere the apology was. Or was there even an apology? No apology is denial of the behavior and a guarantee that those emotions that prompted you to read this, will resurface again until the cycle is broken.

Actions – After admitting a wrongdoing and apologizing it is important to put words into action. At this stage the apologetic person should be taking large strides to correct his/her issues. This should be something seen regularly vs. something seen for the few days following a disagreement. Although we may slip up when making changes and revert to old behaviors from time to time, when someone is truly sorry you will see more days of effort than you will days of the old behavior.

Change – When a person is truly apologetic, change is noticeable. There are no gray areas. This person has not only admitted it and apologized, but he/she is actively trying to help himself/herself. Whether it be by reading materials pertaining to the issues, or receiving counseling for his/her problems the changes should be noticeable.

Accept – Someone that is truly sorry can take the heat, and will acknowledge what they have done along with accepting the repercussions. They will suggest ways to mend fences, and admit that they guided the relationship to this position. They will accept any emotions they have caused those they have hurt as though they were their own. They will be understanding, compassionate, and patient.

“Until people decide with the right intentions to change for themselves,

….. change is impossible.”

Just Leave Tiger Woods Alone Already

This entire story breaks my heart. As if the family isn’t enduring enough pain already. This scandal has proved one thing. Tiger Woods is human. He makes mistakes just like the rest of us. So many are bashing him, when they too could have made the same mistakes. Any one of us could have. At the end of the day, we are all animals. We are all capable of this. It occurs in 70% of relationships.

Anyone in his position would have been vulnerable. Why is everyone bashing him verses the home-wreckers that seduced him? How could they not know that he was married? He is in fact, Tiger Woods. Granted, he shouldn’t have done those things. He should have had more character. But what about the ladies? What about the fact that they had no class or morals? It does indeed take two!

Obviously there are deeper issues beyond cheating. Cheating is typically a symptom of a troubled marriage. There are issues in the relationship long before it happens. And typically those issues are because of both people in the relationship. It takes two to make a relationship, and two to break it.

Perhaps everyone should picture themselves getting millions to do what they love, while always away from their family. While one is home taking care of the kids, the other is bringing home the bacon. Any relationship like that, will encounter problems and there will likely be adultery. It doesn’t matter who it is. And when relationships have issues, and peoples needs aren’t being met these kind of things happen. So lets let the family have a little privacy. Please?

Can A Cheater Change Their Ways?

One a cheat always a cheat, right? I don’t agree. I believe that if there is an intervention that anyone can change. However, from personal experience, I have found that people most often change when they are uncomfortable. And I mean realllllly uncomfortable!

If you have just found out someone you love has cheated and you are only dating with no attachments such as children, run for the hills. The heartache you leave them with by turning your back will be the only hope for them to change. At least immediately anyway. By sticking around you are lowering your standards, and selling yourself short. You deserve better, and it’s out there somewhere.

If you do have children and it has happened, seek immediate counsel. This is crucial! If you believe in God I recommend a christian counselor because your relationship needs a prayer warrior. If you do not believe in God, look for a counselor with good credentials. Someone that has been doing it for 20+ years would be ideal. Once you set the appointment, GO! Following through is important or you will end up right back where you are right now.

If you do not figure out the cause, and they do not take responsibility, odds are it will happen again. And again. And again. They may try and convince you that they have learned this one time by seeing the pain that they caused you. This is seldom true! Don’t buy it!

They will make it up to you, just wait, you will see. Well, if that is promised, all you can do is let time tell you the answer. Once they have cheated, as you know, their words don’t mean much. Nothing seems to really.

You will earn your P.H.D. in forgiveness if you decide to stay. BUT, they will never learn all they need to know about it, unless you walk away. Even if it is only temporary.

Yes, it is possible to prove the saying “once a cheat always a cheat” to be incorrect, however, without intervention the saying would prove to be true.

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The Splinternet, Marriage, & Social Networking Sites

This gals shirt reads “Myspace ruined my relationship”


Many people know the dangers facing marriages these days due to social networking sites. The internet in a large percentage of families, could be better described as “The Splinternet.”

Many couples see no danger when they first create a profile on sites such as Myspace, Facebook, twitter etc. The problem however is that it is all to easy to lose sight of what is really important, your marriage. Especially if there is an issue of loneliness and companionship.

I think in order to eliminate the odds of cheating that both people should have active accounts. I feel that passwords should be shared. I know it may sound absolutely ridiculous, but it is not. Many can attest to the fact that they too, were damaged by the splinternet.

It is all to easy to start searching through your past, wondering why you and Billy Bob or Suzy-Q never ended up together. They are single or in a miserable marriage now, and well, your spouse doesn’t pay much attention to you. Heck, you can’t even remember the last time you had an orgasm you didn’t have to fake with your spouse. It’s been years since you heard “Hey beautiful!”, “You are amazing”, the list goes on and on.

When a marriage is already struggling (or not struggling in some cases) it can take something as simple as “You are beautiful” or “You are handsome, you haven’t changed a bit” and then likely the affair will begin. It will be innocent, at first. Just old friends catching up, no biggie. It’s just an innocent email, text, phone call or lunch! Aw, it’s just a reunion with some old school friends, why should you take your spouse when someone has to stay back to watch the kids?

I would like to think that at least 95% of cheaters, thought they would never cheat. Those that say they never will or would, probably haven’t lived long enough or have experienced it’s effects at some point in their life to have come to such a decision. Regardless of your opinion on the matter, you don’t know what you would do until you were in the situation. We are all capable of the same things, and not a soul on this earth is incapable of cheating.

So be careful! Families tearing apart causes excruciating pain as you know. If your spouse doesn’t have an account, you probably shouldn’t either. Spend the time with him/her, your children, and the things that truly matter. You had those years with those people, and these years with your children …. you will never get back. Do the right thing! If not, guilt will eat at you for years to come. The past is a past for a reason. Let it be just that, the past.

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Perspective

A change of perspective will change your direction.

© 2010 Angela Bininger
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