The level of damage caused by both parties must be taken into account when reconciliation is being considered. Each party has experienced pain, loss, and a multitude of other emotions. Some wounds can heal quickly. However, it will take much needed time regardless of the size of the injury.

Steps To Reconciliation:

1. Respect one another when it comes to personal space! You will both need time to heal, however, do not put too much distance. Distance when a relationship is already struggling can make the reconciliation process even more complicated.

2. Communicate about everything, and withhold nothing. If you truly want to make it work you must lay all of the cards on the table. Refraining from being honest will only do more damage.

3. Figure out what it was that attracted them to you in the first place, and zoom in on it!

4. Attend a marriage seminar or couples retreat. There are plenty across the country, and likely one in your area.

5. Assess exactly it went wrong as well as what changes either of you have made; in order to prevent another breakup.

6. If you were the one that treated your spouse poorly you should be eating, sleeping, and breathing the words I’m sorry. However, words aren’t everything. Your actions will speak much louder. Be genuine!

7.  Let them see you at your best. Don’t mope around allowing yourself to slip into depression. Reinvent yourself. Become interesting again. Make them wonder what they are missing.

8. If you have children, do not use them to bargain. Do not even let them know that reconciliation is something you are considering. They can see you interacting in a civil manner as adults, however, until reconciliation is guaranteed you must leave them out of it.

9. In every interaction you should be positive, and appear happy. You are on top of the world!

10. Send a random text when you are driving past that place that is special to the two of you.

11. Don’t be afraid to show that your vulnerable side. Tell him/her exactly how you feel. Doing this in doses seems to work best. Sometimes if you lay it on thick all the time, it will have the opposite affect and push them the other way. Tell them how you feel, then back off if they aren’t ready to hear your feelings. Be patient. You may have to do this for months or possibly years, reminding them occasionally that you are still there, and do indeed still love him/her. Sometimes one will remain in “victim” mode for a very long time. When they are in victim mode, they can’t grasp much of what you say. You are that nagging ex! So tread lightly during this step.

12. Fix yourself! When a marriage ends it is because 2 people are broken. Now is a good time for personal counseling if couples counseling is not an option. Dig deep, read a lot of self-help books, and learn everything you have forgotten or have never known about you.

13. Don’t lose hope! Couples reunite every day.  Although there is no secret formula, once hope is lost you can guarantee that reconciliation will never happen.

14. Re-establish your friendship with one another. Get back to the roots from which that mighty tree came from!

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