Truth

The Benefits Of Honesty

Lying can make people victorious initially, but it is only temporary. By being honest in all areas you will gain respect from others in the long run; which is far more admirable. It takes much strength to be honest in all situations. And  those lacking honesty; simply lack character, insight, and direction. Fear dictates their lives.

As we know the truth will be seen eventually, and those that once screamed victory from the revelation of lies; will realize they were defeated all along. They defeated themselves the moment they delivered those lies and deception. They defeated themselves by remaining in denial. And they will continue to defeat themselves until there is a realization that life is far too short, to live a lie.

When looking at the big picture one can clearly see that lying brings about failure, while remaining honest promotes success. I have seen it time and time again. My best advice to anyone that reads this; is advice that was once passed to me. “Just be honest. It may bite you at first, but eventually, others will see that what you are/were saying is real.” Once others begin to separate the truth from the lies, and the facts from the fiction;  you can experience true victory without having compromised who you are in the process.

“Stand for the truth at all times.

As liars begin to trip themselves up, you will still be standing.

It is much easier to stand; than continuing to fall.”

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerer, 2009-2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Angela Bininger and The Empowerer with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Will The Truth Ever Reveal Itself?

Will I find out the truth

When you feel discouraged by those around you living a dishonest life and you know you are being honest; think of the quote above. The more you pray and live right, the sooner the truth will reveal itself. It always does, in all ways.

Do not be discouraged. Time will reveal all of the answers we seek. And time always reveals who people really are.

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerer 2009-2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Angela Bininger and The Empowerer with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Denial

Denial enables people to stay where they are. It stunts one’s growth mentally, spiritually, and emotionally.  It destroys hearts and lives.

Denial exists due to someone’s fear of facing themselves. It is from one’s a lack of insight. Denial can be paralyzing.

I have found through my own studies, that denial accompanies one’s issues of control. Denial stems from a lack of control. By denying, there is no need to address issues. Because when in denial, no issues exist except for those the one in denial  is willing to address. Denial leads to self destruction.

As I have stated in previous articles, the truth will always reveal itself. It may not be at a time we expect or even desire, but nonetheless the truth will be revealed. When the truth is revealed, it allows the one whom is in denial to lose all control and begin to face themselves. Until the denial is exposed, there is no hope. Once denial is exposed, the person must choose to snap out of it or keep suffering from the consequences of their denial.

When one accepts that they are in denial; they can truly begin to heal themselves. That ominous cloud will be lifted and lives can be restored. Only then can one begin to live a life of balance. Only then can one begin to live a life consisting of peace, and harmony. Only then will they find that their life will no longer be dictated by their fear of the truth, or exposure.

“When denial ends, life begins.”

 

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerers, 2009-2018. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Angela Bininger and The Empowerers with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

When They Claim You Are Something You Aren’t

Sometimes as relationships end people tend to hold on to a few mistakes one person made and use them as that person’s complete character make-up. They will talk about you, deceive you, and manipulate the situations allowing others to believe you are someone you are not. The best thing to do in a situation such as this, is just bide your time.

When people lie, it always comes out eventually. It may take a week, a month, or in some cases many years. But nonetheless, it comes out. All we can do, is keep doing what we know is right. We must stay true to ourselves and not let the negativity they project towards us, get to us.

Say a prayer, and have some faith.  Over time others will see who was being honest, and who wasn’t. Others will see who is weak, and who is strong. Others will begin to question the things that do not add up. And when they do, that someone who was once trying to convince others that you are someone you aren’t; will get a dose of karma.

“What we project out, will always be returned to us. So keep projecting the good and eventually, the good will come.”

Want To Know How To Raise An Honest Child?

100_8126Did you know that the biggest reason adults lie is because as a child they were unable to communicate with their parents or guardians? As children, these lying adults were unable to freely express who they were without fear of judgment or punishment.

Most adult liars were children raised to perform to a particular parents standards, and as a result they have had trouble coming in to who they are. They grew up in a home where free thinking was frowned upon. 

Growing up in such an environment, the child felt a need to lie to keep a parent happy. And because the child feared disappointment or disapproval from his/her parents,  the child then began a pattern of lying that would take years to correct, if ever.

To raise a truth-seeking honest child:

Be honest with your child, and yourself – Children learn what they live. If we expect them to be honest, we must be honest. If a child sees a parent lying that child will not only lose respect, but pick up on the habit. He/she will think “Hey, they got away with it and it made their life easier. It will work for me too!”

Respect who your child is – As parents we have ideas in our mind as to who our kids will be. Sometimes, we live vicariously through them. It is important that we respect who our children are. Perhaps they don’t want to be on the state championship bound football team. Or perhaps they have decided to pursue another form of religion. Whatever it may be; by not respecting their thoughts and feelings, it teaches them to hide it from you in fear of disapproval.

Respect the truth – It takes a lot of courage for children (in some instances) to tell the truth on certain topics. When they do tell the truth, instead of lashing out on them we should show respect for that truth. By lashing out, they learn to close up more and say less. 

Speak the truth – By speaking the truth ourselves and standing up for what we feel is right, our children will naturally begin to as well. If they watch us cower in the corner with every confrontation life brings, and if they watch us being used as doormats for other people then they lose respect. 

Live the  truth – We can tell our children what is right, but if we aren’t living a just life they will see through the charade. We must be honest in all areas of our life if we expect our children to be. 

Promote the truth – We have a rule in our home that the truth bears no punishment. It isn’t to say that there will be no consequences or repercussions, however they will not be punished for being honest. 

Encourage passion – Find something that your child is passionate about where he/she learns to use their voice. Whether it be speaking on animal rights, citizens rights, or student council encourage him/her to be passionate about what they think or feel. Our best leaders in this world were once taught to be passionate, and to find their voice. When they found that voice, they used it. And because of that, they changed the world.

Do Not React – When your child is sharing something about his or her peers do not allow them to see your reaction, shock, or anger as to what they are saying. Do not force them to stop talking to people who make bad decisions. Instead teach them how to make their own good decisions regardless of their company. Reacting will only shut them down and prevent you from knowing what is going on with their friends in the future.

The biggest thing that I have seen with children who lie regularly to their parents is that their parents are really overbearing. Especially those who only have one child and nothing to compare it to. They have a hard time accepting that their child is not them, and that they are their own person.

We can either adopt these items listed above or have a dishonest and unruly teenager when that time comes. And as for me and my house, we will continue to promote honesty and free thinking. So far, so good here!

Getting The Compulsive Liar To Cave

Breaking a compulsive liar down can be a lengthy process. Although there is no guarantee to a permanent change, if you are persistent you can get a compulsive liar to cave.

The number one rule in breaking down the liar will be exercising patience! Getting them to come clean will not guarantee a change in their behavior, but you can push them to the point of truth for your particular situation.

They have always said you have to be smart to be a good liar and let’s face it, compulsive liars lack intelligence. They have trouble keeping their stories straight and as you call them out they swear they weren’t lying. They swear they didn’t say something they have said in attempt to cover the lie prior to the bust. They get defensive, and often storm off. After they have cooled down, push some more. Keep forcing them to face it.

In some cases you may need to pretend to know things you do not know. And in every case that involves an compulsive liar, there will be a lot of homework that needs to be done. As you discover things pertaining to your situation, encourage him/her, and tell him/her how much better he/she will feel coming clean. Let him/her know how much better the relationship will be once the truth is out.

It is also important that you show little emotion when they do open up. If they sense anger, they will stop opening up and revert to the lying cycle. Encourage the change, but also know your limits. Compulsive lying is an addiction, and as any addiction relapse is always possible. If you love this person, keep doing your homework and keep calling the person out. Often times if a compulsive liar gets caught up a lot, he/she will at least reduce the amount of lies, and sometimes they even stop completely.

If the relationship is weighing you down, maintain your distance. Sometimes the only way people learn their lessons and change; is when a loved one walks away. It forces them to hit rock bottom, and only then do they  begin to live a more honest life. Some people will not learn until they have suffered the consequences of their actions.

Controlling people are the liars of the world, and the liars of the world are controlling

I found an interesting link this week between controlling behavior, and liars. I have observed this by thinking of people I have encountered in my life that fit either title.

The people I have come across that appear to have control issues, are liars. The only thing they can’t control other than themselves, are the lies that they tell.

The people who I think of that have issues lying, exhibit some form of controlling behavior in their daily life.

When I refer to controlling people, I am referring to those who :

Force their thoughts or feelings on you: Someone has wronged them, and they interfere with your relationship with that person, as if you were wronged by that person too.

Tell you how you feel, or should feel : You don’t Care, You have no emotions, You don’t like me, You don’t even want to go, You haven’t ever ___, You have to ____, You can’t ___, You are just going to ___, etc.

There’s OCD somewhere: In some area of their life, or in majority of areas there will be some version of obsessive compulsive disorder. Wether it is paranoia of germs, having to have everything immaculate, unable to wear un-ironed clothes, always at the doctor, somethings always  wrong, hoarding, etc.

When I look back at situations in my life where I have told a lie, telling the lie was about control. Better yet, it was about being in control. At that same junction;I showed signs of control in other areas. Whether it was being obsessive compulsive about dishes in my sink, or actually trying to force my viewpoints or opinions on someone else. Either way, at the same time that I was lying, there were signs of control. By lying, instead of being in control I had given it to someone else.

When I think of “Sally”, I think about how she went her entire life controlling people. Those she couldn’t control, she shoved away. Or they would be smart enough to walk away before she could. Her entire adult life has been a lie, and in her entire adult life she would fit all of the characteristics of a controlling person.

Or let’s take “George” as another example. George is a compulsive liar. He lies about things that are unimportant to most people. He lies himself to a point  where he believes it. He can’t seem to let a day of his life go by without lying. George, is a neat freak. George forces his emotions on others in attempt to leave them feeling guilty. And George, he gets what he wants. If he doesn’t…. things get ugly.

These are just a few examples, but there is a definite link. I can think of many more people who I have encountered in my 30+ years that fit this description.

“Controlling people are the liars of the world and the liars of the world are controlling. Now…. if only they could control themselves.

Can you think of people you have encountered in life where this description matches up? It’s not to say they are all compulsive liars. However, in a life situation where they have told a lie; Did they display what would be considered controlling behavior, in another area of their life? Have you ever wondered exactly what it is controlling people want?

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerer, 2009-2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Angela Bininger and The Empowerer with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Projecting The Truth, Why Is It Feared?

I had a phone conversation this morning, and was asked to keep silent. To not project the truth. To not speak of events in my life that have occurred. When the reality is, it is my life. I lived it. I have every right to talk about it, sing about it, dance about it, or even write about it. That’s what people do, and for me, it’s survival. It is my outlet. I was taught as a child to express emotions creatively while in counseling, and that was probably one of the best things from childhood, that is still with me today. A creative outlet. For me, healing comes from talking it out, painting it out, singing it out, playing it out(piano), or writing it out. That is who I am.

What I can’t understand, is why people fear the truth so much. Why do people feel better sweeping things under rugs, verses facing them head on? I learned long ago, not to have secrets. And unfortunately despite having learned that lesson in my late teenage years, I still battled with it at the tail end of my marriage, but kept nothing completely inside. At times, I would be accused of having secrets, but they weren’t secrets, I told people about them. It was only a secret because I didn’t tell the one that deserved to be told.

In my life, there have been strained relationships because my honesty, and my blunt nature. It is more than some can handle. Some prefer to deny the truth. They refuse to accept that things are different than they appear. They would rather lie and manipulate people. They portray that their life is filled with sunshine, butterflies, flowers, and all the happy things instead of facing the truth, and accepting life for what it is. Yet they wonder, why their life is so miserable.

Those that fear the truth, and choose to live a life filled with secrets, despise me for this personality trait of mine. Meanwhile, I embrace it. It is what gives me peace. It gives me strength. Truth, consumes me. And I will dig, until it is revealed. A few will hate me for it, but many will respect it. Believe it or not, it is an honorable trait to have.

Perhaps this is what my purpose in life is. For I was once, a secret. The bastard child. The mistake. The outcast. The one on the outside, looking in. And just maybe, the fact that I entered this life a secret, is the exact reason I will leave it, with not a one. Perhaps, this is God’s plan for my life.

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerer, 2009-2010. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Angela Bininger and The Empowerer with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.