Denial

Denial enables people to stay where they are. It stunts one’s growth mentally, spiritually, and emotionally.  It destroys hearts and lives.

Denial exists due to someone’s fear of facing themselves. It is from one’s a lack of insight. Denial can be paralyzing.

I have found through my own studies, that denial accompanies one’s issues of control. Denial stems from a lack of control. By denying, there is no need to address issues. Because when in denial, no issues exist except for those the one in denial  is willing to address. Denial leads to self destruction.

As I have stated in previous articles, the truth will always reveal itself. It may not be at a time we expect or even desire, but nonetheless the truth will be revealed. When the truth is revealed, it allows the one whom is in denial to lose all control and begin to face themselves. Until the denial is exposed, there is no hope. Once denial is exposed, the person must choose to snap out of it or keep suffering from the consequences of their denial.

When one accepts that they are in denial; they can truly begin to heal themselves. That ominous cloud will be lifted and lives can be restored. Only then can one begin to live a life of balance. Only then can one begin to live a life consisting of peace, and harmony. Only then will they find that their life will no longer be dictated by their fear of the truth, or exposure.

“When denial ends, life begins.”

 

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerers, 2009-2018. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Angela Bininger and The Empowerers with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

A Tribute To Shy Archer

Forgiving, courageous, and one who accepted everyone for who they are.

This was not at all what Shy had pictured for her daughters first birthday, but apparently God needed her more. There is no doubt in my mind, she is amongst the angels now.

Shy was an icon for mothers trying to conceive. After several miscarriages and still births on October of last year; she gave birth to her healthy baby girl. She began to live the life she dreamed of.

Every day since giving birth, Shy let the world know what motherhood meant to her. She consistently told us all how much that baby meant, but we already knew. We shared her victory, and began to believe in miracles. Almost every status update on Facebook ended with saying “Enjoying every moment with Shaylyn.” She felt loved, and blessed. And she was.

I last talked to her October first of this year and her final words to me were; “I will do what I can to help”. Yes, that was her alright. Willing at the drop of a dime to help anyone in need no matter how heavy the load she carried was. Yes, that will always be the Shy Archer I remember.

Now she is in heaven with all of her babies she couldn’t have while walking this earth. And Shaylyn now has many angels watching over her.

Shy’s unexpected passing was a reminder to us all;

not to take a single breath for granted.

See you when I get home my friend! Enjoy those babies you couldn’t have here on earth, and we will watch over the one you had to leave behind until it is her turn to come back to momma. We love you, and you will forever be in our hearts.





When They Claim You Are Something You Aren’t

Sometimes as relationships end people tend to hold on to a few mistakes one person made and use them as that person’s complete character make-up. They will talk about you, deceive you, and manipulate the situations allowing others to believe you are someone you are not. The best thing to do in a situation such as this, is just bide your time.

When people lie, it always comes out eventually. It may take a week, a month, or in some cases many years. But nonetheless, it comes out. All we can do, is keep doing what we know is right. We must stay true to ourselves and not let the negativity they project towards us, get to us.

Say a prayer, and have some faith.  Over time others will see who was being honest, and who wasn’t. Others will see who is weak, and who is strong. Others will begin to question the things that do not add up. And when they do, that someone who was once trying to convince others that you are someone you aren’t; will get a dose of karma.

“What we project out, will always be returned to us. So keep projecting the good and eventually, the good will come.”

Quote Of The Day: True Colors

People are not always who they claim to be.

Just bide your time, be patient and you will see.

Because the truth will always be revealed,

In due time.

Eventually.

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerer, 2009-2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Angela Bininger and The Empowerer with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

To The Abusive Parent In Subway

I witnessed a horrific scene with my children this past weekend. As we left church, we decided to stop and eat at a local eatery. We had no idea what we would soon be witnessing; when our intentions were to just grab a quick bite to eat before their father came to pick them up.

As we stood in line I had taken notice to an unhappy woman. She was extremely disgruntled. She wore it inside and out. As her son asked her a question while standing in line she yelled at him. Next she slams him into a booth where he then jammed his index finger. He began to cry “You broke my finger” and repeated this statement as he cried. He was hurt. And I was certain it hurt, he was very small. This mother was easily ten times his size. This mother had just committed the act of child abuse on camera, and in public.

As the little boy cried for his abusive mother to pay attention to what she had just done, she turns around from ordering once again and grabs his face. She stares into his face almost nose to nose and hastily she says “I am going to beat you to death! I am going to KILL you!” I don’t want to hear another word from you!”

The boy then slides down and hides under the table sad, frightened, and all alone. My heart broke for him. I could only imagine what else she has done to him. This woman should be caged. She was a beast. No child should have to suffer any form of child abuse. Period. I could only imagine what he goes through when not in public!

My son hadn’t seen what happened as he was in the restroom. As my son walked out of the restroom he states “Mom, that little boy looks scared!” I found it interesting that at age eleven my son could pick up on it, but not the boy’s mother. Instead, she stayed absorbed in her own anger, paying no attention to her child.

The boy hid under that table with his back against the wall until his mom finished ordering.  He was afraid to move, and afraid to speak.

As his mother paid for her subs, she accused the workers of not giving her all four subs she had ordered when they were all four sitting there for everyone to see. The subs were all out in the open. As the employee explained, “You ordered four and there are four right here”, the angry woman then admits to the cashier “I have lost my mind.”  As the woman makes that comment to the worker I think to myself  “ugh…..that’s an understatement!”

Her daughter then walks over to the little boy and in the same tone you mother uses says “GET UP!” The hateful mother then turns around to her daughter and says “DO NOT EVEN SPEAK TO HIM”! The daughter whom appeared use to her hateful mother, doesn’t utter another word and walks out the door. I thought “wow, she got in trouble for sounding just like her mom. She got snipped at for becoming who her mom is teaching her to be. How sad! Those poor kids.”

As that little boy left I thought “that poor baby. If she does that here, on camera, and in public; what does she do behind closed doors? ” As this hateful woman crosses the parking lot, everyone in Subway began to discuss this event. We were all astonished. I stated, “She needs locked up!” and everyone agreed. The workers then jotted down the time of the event so the video could easily be reviewed.

This woman had serious issues. As my children witnessed this event, their first response when she left was “Thank God you are not like that mom!”

To The Abusive Parent In Subway on Sunday September 26, 2010:

I had just visited a new church. It was your church. My daughter has a friend that attends there so we went to check it out. You sat two rows over from me in the worship service. I recognized your red sweatshirt when the kids and I pulled into Subway and thought “I just saw her at church.”

I was floored to discover that within 5-10 minutes of leaving a worship service you wanted to kill your child or beat him to death. What is wrong with you? You are 10 times his size. Where does this come from? What exactly is your problem? You need serious professional help. You anger and furry is destroying your child’s life.

Find the root of that anger you carry, and fix it. No child should have to suffer from child abuse as your little boy did today. Instilling fear in him doesn’t mean he will respect you, or even love you when he grows up. It is your way to feel you have control over something to treat him this way, and it is most likely because you have lost all control in other areas of your life.

Mistreating him as you do should revoke your license as a mother. You do not deserve such an honorable title. In a case such as this, you were only an incubator. How dare you take advantage of your position as a parent? How dare you take it for granted? There are people spending thousands to have the title mother, and there are people like you that do not deserve it. It makes me sick. How do you look at yourself? How do you put up such a front in church, and then act so foolish as soon as you leave the building? You are one of the reasons, many will not attend a church. It is filled with others like you. And many are better off to worship from home than to face such hypocrisy.

I hope that boy gets removed from your custody. And I hope you also realize your daughter speaks to him, and others,  just as you have taught her to: with haste.

In the time I was visiting Subway, I didn’t see him doing anything out of the ordinary. I saw a kid asking his mom something. I saw a kid that feared your abuse. I saw a kid hiding under a table wishing he was leaving the store with a real mom  that loved him instead of leaving with you.

As you walked away you said “Get up, now lets go tell your dad what you did” in your hateful voice.

Instead of telling your husband what your son did; why don’t you go tell a psychologist, law enforcement, and CPS  what you did? Admit yourself somewhere! You should be in an institution. You should admit you have a serious problem, and fix yourself. Your son did nothing out of the ordinary. Nor did your daughter. If anything, they are doing what you teach them. And from what I saw, you want them to see you have control.

Your speaking to your daughter that way, exhibited your control issues. Why is it that you have the right to tell her not to talk to your son which is in turn her brother? Just because you hate him, doesn’t mean you can force your daughter to. You are sick, and truly do have some serious control issues. And I doubt I am the first to tell you this.

You will die a lonely, hateful, and miserable woman if you continue this path you are on. I will pray for you, but I will pray more for that little boy and girl. God will protect him, and hopefully the law will too.

It’s people like you who make the world a dark place. It is people like you who cause children to need intense therapy as they grow and mature. It is people like you who raise dysfunctional adults. It is someone like you, who probably would kill their child. You are insane.

It is people like you; that someone like myself  simply can’t stand to be near. Your negativity sucks people dry. And surely, I hope you get a grip. It is embarrassing that someone like you lives in this town. You should be ashamed of yourself.

One Year Wiser

Twas' a happy birthday. I awoke to gifts wrapped in newspaper by my six-year-old. It was the sweetest thing. She wrapped every piece of jewelry she could find. The jewelry had been given to her in a bag of hand me down clothes from our neighbor. Absolutely adorable! I love my kids, they make me smile.

The age of 34 arrived yesterday, an age that once seemed really old to me. Instead, I’m a bit relieved. As I sat on the front steps last night I thought “It was my 30th birthday that I had my awakening and decided to no longer be married to an alcoholic. And after some  long, dark, and winding roads I have arrived safely at 34. It took four years, but here I am. Much happier, much stronger, and much wiser.”

They say a wise man never wishes to be younger, and I would have to agree with whomever spoke such words of wisdom. I wouldn’t take myself back in time to learn these same lessons. I wouldn’t trade what I know now,  for what I only thought I knew then. Instead, I will remain thankful to have a brain capable of learning, and health that will take me til tomorrow; and hopefully many years to come. So long as God allows these hands to type or this mouth to speak, I will continue to share the lessons.

“Cheers to 34, and being halfway to 68.

Every day that we are blessed with life,

is reason to celebrate.”

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerers, 2009-2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited.

What Faith Can Do

Thought/song of the day:

When the world says you can’t;  faith will tell you that you can.


Everybody falls sometime. But we have to find the strength to rise from the ashes, and make a new beginning. Anyone can feel the ache, we think its more than we can take. But we are stronger, stronger than we know. Don’t  give up now, the sun will soon be shining. We have to face the clouds, to find the silver lining.

I’ve seen dreams  that the move mountains. Hope that doesn’t ever end, even when the sky is falling. I’ve seen miracles just happen, silent prayers get answered, and broken hearts become brand new. That’s what faith can do.

It doesn’t matter what we  have heard, Impossible is not a word. It is a reason, for someone not to try. Everybody’s scared to death, we may decide to take that step out on the water. But it will be alright. Life is so much more, than what your eyes are seeing. But you will find your way, if you keep believing. 


Signs & Symptoms of Communication Breakdown

Communication is essential for all relationships to function properly.

When communication breakdown begins, the relationship begins to suffer and the fate of the relationship enters an unknown zone. The outcome is often determined by the people involved, as well as their ability to communicate effectively until all the issues at hand are resolved.

There are many signs to communication breakdown that may need an intervention. If you find yourself struggling in a relationship facing these issues, find help.

Whether you stay or go is up to you, however, if communication doesn’t improve someone will likely be going over time.

Types of Communication Breakdown:

Stonewalling- This is when a partner is non responsive when conflict arrives. They refuse to interact at all. Stonewalling is a person’s way to protect themselves and their environment. It gives them a sense of control. Unfortunately, it gets the relationship nowhere near resolution, and often brings even more frustration to the one whom is willing to talk and communicate.

Root: The biggest reason for stonewalling in communication breakdown is guilt.

Body language: Arms are crossed and he/she refuses to make eye contact. Or, he/she walks away and refuses to communicate further. Responses are short, and usually consist of “I don’t know”.

Defensiveness This is when the person takes away from the issue at hand, and turns it around. This person often tries to find fault in someone else, rather than taking responsibility for his or her own actions. Defensiveness will even cause the one seeking the help to look for how it would help their partner, rather than themselves.

Root: Defensiveness stems from fear. Fear of truth, and fear of disappointment.

Body Language: This is usually when one begins to make erratic faces and waves his or her hands or arms in the air. The emotions of this person can be quite unpredictable at times.

Denial Denial can take us to places we never thought we would be. When one is in denial they can not hear what others try to tell them, nor can they see it. Denial is a combination of stonewalling and defensiveness. In both cases, one refuses to admit the issues. Without admittance there is no acceptance. And without acceptance, there is no change.

Root: Insecurities, low self-esteem, and fear of rejection fuels denial.

Body Language: The most common expression from one in denial is usually the person ignoring the issues. The moving hands or arms flaring, along with the statements such as “whatever” or “OK” are also pretty common. When in denial, everything going on in that person’s life is the fault of everyone else.

Secretiveness Secretive people are usually very quiet. They are often the best listeners, but offer the least amount of information about their personal lives in terms of general conversation. Secret keepers are often image conscience, and prefer everyone to think that life is perfect. They too, are in denial and fear facing reality.

The key factor in discovering a secretive person is this: If they do not ask you many questions, it is usually because they do not want questions asked. They usually seem to be intrigued by what others have to say when in conversation, and are notorious for gossiping.

Root: Poor self-image and fear of abandonment promotes secretiveness.

Body Language: Calm and relaxed. The secretive person appears to have it all together. They want the world to believe that they have everything under control.

If you are in a romantic relationship where these behaviors occur seek help. Statistics have proven that once a relationship loses the ability to maintain effective communication, it becomes toxic and/or abusive.

If we can’t communicate properly, emotions will run high and things will escalate. This is a fact. We may not be able to help your partner or change them, but we can help ourselves and change our situation.

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerer, 2009-2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Angela Bininger and The Empowerer with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Are They Truly Sorry?

We are all human and we all make mistakes. In some cases it hinders relationships and apologies are necessary. But how do we know if someone is truly sorry for their actions?

Admittance – Without admitting what we have done wrong we remain in a state of denial. While in denial, it is impossible to break the cycle. If your partner has admitted their wrong doings, you are heading in the right direction.

Apologetic – Anyone can apologize and say what people want to hear. When wondering how sorry a person is, ask yourself how sincere the apology was. Or was there even an apology? No apology is denial of the behavior and a guarantee that those emotions that prompted you to read this, will resurface again until the cycle is broken.

Actions – After admitting a wrongdoing and apologizing it is important to put words into action. At this stage the apologetic person should be taking large strides to correct his/her issues. This should be something seen regularly vs. something seen for the few days following a disagreement. Although we may slip up when making changes and revert to old behaviors from time to time, when someone is truly sorry you will see more days of effort than you will days of the old behavior.

Change – When a person is truly apologetic, change is noticeable. There are no gray areas. This person has not only admitted it and apologized, but he/she is actively trying to help himself/herself. Whether it be by reading materials pertaining to the issues, or receiving counseling for his/her problems the changes should be noticeable.

Accept – Someone that is truly sorry can take the heat, and will acknowledge what they have done along with accepting the repercussions. They will suggest ways to mend fences, and admit that they guided the relationship to this position. They will accept any emotions they have caused those they have hurt as though they were their own. They will be understanding, compassionate, and patient.

“Until people decide with the right intentions to change for themselves,

….. change is impossible.”

Kids Eat Free In Columbus, Ohio

Due to the economic pressure on many families’ residents of Columbus, Ohio and the suburbs will likely be taking advantage of the free kid’s meal deals at their local eateries. With these deals, families can still pinch pennies while dining out at the same time. In some cases families may not only find these deals convenient, but more affordable than preparing a hearty meal at home.

On Sundays Dickeys Barbeque Pit in Delaware, Ohio offers one free kids meal with each adult entrée purchase. Each kid’s meal is served with a side dish and a drink. This offer is for children 12 and under, and is for dine-in only.

The Spaghetti Warehouse on Broad Street in Columbus, Ohio is a landmark restaurant in the city. Kids and adults alike are fascinated with the establishment, and most thoroughly enjoy the spaghetti. On Mondays, two kids may eat spaghetti for .99 cents with the purchase of an adult entrée.

Buffalo Wings & Rings on Columbus Pike in Lewis Center, Ohio offers a great deal for children on Mondays. This free kid’s meal is for children 10 and under, per each paying adult with a $5.00 minimum purchase. Buffalo Wings & Rings also offers a kids corner with activities and cartoons. After dinner, the kids can play while mom and dad enjoy the game.

Liberty Tavern on Liberty Street in Powell, Ohio allows children to eat free all day long on Mondays and Tuesdays. There is a limit of 2 meals per family, and children must be under the age of 12. This offer is good for dine-in only.

Max & Erma’s also offers free kids meals with an adult entrée purchase for children 12 and under on Tuesdays. This is for a limited time only, and store locations vary throughout central Ohio.

If it is pizza you are craving, Tarranto’s Pizzeria in Pickerington, Ohio offers a great deal on kids meals every Wednesday. With every $7.00 spent on an order, Tarranto’s Pizzeria will offer a free kids meal. This great deal is perfect for busy school nights.

If you are on the opposite side of the city and are looking for something quick to eat while juggling the kids busy schedules then check out Quizno’s Subs on Tuttle Crossing Blvd. in Dublin, Ohio. Quizno’s offers .99 cent kids meals all day on Saturday and Sunday, and after 4p.m. Monday through Friday with each adult combo purchase. This offer is good for dine-in or carry-out. Just mention “kids meal deals” for the .99 cent rate.

For the cold fall and winter nights; Skyline Chili offers free kids meals on Wednesdays from 5-9 with each adult meal purchase. Children 10 and under may choose from a chili coney, the 3-way special, spaghetti, or other meals available on the kids menu at the various Skyline locations. Skyline Chili’s kids menu includes a drink, as well as a dessert.

For both incentive and dessert; Cheryl & Co cookie’s offers a free cookie for every “A” on a child’s report card. This offer is valid every day of the week with a limit of 6 cookies per child.  Cookies can be received at the Easton, Lane Avenue, International Gateway, Tuttle Crossing, or 10th Avenue Cheryl & Co store locations.

Dining out hasn’t gone to the dogs. There are many more budget friendly ways to dine while having fun with the family at the same time. For more deals on kids meals visit http://www. kidsmealdeals.com and enter your zip code for the restaurant locations nearest you.

*Author does not guarantee discounts.

Kids meal deals are good at the time the article was posted.*