you

Day 1 To a Happier You

Day 1

We all get caught up in what “has been”, so for today; lets focus on what “will be.”

As we go about our day today; lets speak only of the current day or the days that lie ahead. Lets claim with our voice and our heart, all of the positive things that will occur from here on out. As we begin to project that positive energy towards those things, we will find that our mood has improved. When this happens, our happiness tank is beginning to fill up. So, lets keep filling it up!

Anything in the world can be ours if we claim it.  Lets start claiming more positive things today!

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerers, 2009-2010. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Angela Bininger and The Empowerers with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Celebrate You

Sometimes our own worst enemy is ourselves. We choose not to forgive ourselves for things we have or have not done. We beat ourselves up, we criticize ourselves, and at times refuse to give ourselves a break. Let’s take the day off from that today. We will call it a vacation day.

If we begin to take time to celebrate our accomplishments and the positive things in our life, then the negative vibes will soon dissipate. We will be so busy rejoicing, that we will have a hard time letting any negativity slip in.

Let’s take today to celebrate who we are as individuals! We all have something good to offer.

The Divorce Is Final, Now The Emotional Divorce

Often people file for divorce or initiate a break-up thinking that they are done with the relationship. They think the issues will be gone and that they can begin their new journey. Although publicly filing for divorce is the first major step, the emotional divorce is much harder to deal with, and it takes time.

Studies indicate that it takes approximately 3-6 months for every year in a committed relationship to heal. Although there is no such timer for healing due to the fact that each person handles it differently, this time period proves to be true in the dissolution of almost every relationship I have witnessed.

How To File For An Emotional Divorce

1. Begin to live separate lives! This is crucial! You are two separate people, heading two separate directions. You are on a journey to find yourselves again, and you will hit many road blocks while still acting as though you are a married or committed couple. Give him/her space, and begin to live separate.

2. Do Not Answer To One Another! This one is probably one of the hardest to do. After being in a committed relationship we naturally answer to the “How, Why, Where, When” questions. We do it naturally, and it times we feel it is just showing respect. Reality is, it is keeping us attached.

3. Reinvent Yourself! Find something you have always caught yourself daydreaming about, and do it. Take that trip, join that society, fight for that cause, run that marathon, publish that book, or whatever the case may be. When we begin doing something that empowers us on a daily basis we begin to feel we live a life of purpose. Reinventing ourselves is our way of keeping our past from dictating who we are or become. This is your chance to shine!

4. Pray! This is by far the fastest road to recovery. Pray for guidance, wisdom, and discernment. Pray for a life of peace. Pray to know yourself, and pray for God to allow others to be receptive to your wants, needs, and desires. It may be instantly that He answers, and it may be months. But nonetheless, He will answer. Just be ready when He does!

5. Let Go! There is nothing worse than holding on to something that is dead. Once you let go completely you can begin to embrace the new journey, and move forward. You then begin to experience an inner peace like no other just by letting go. Fear keeps us holding on, fear misleads us, and fear blinds us. When we let go of fear, we can let go of almost anything.

6. Find A Positive Outlet! Wether it be crafts, arts, music, writing, playing sports, coaching a team etc., it is important to find a positive outlet. This emotional roller-coaster ride may not end for weeks, months, or even years. Find something or some way to release that anger, frustration, and sadness in a positive way. By projecting positive, more positive will come.

7. Believe! The sooner you believe you can do it alone, the sooner you will. The sooner you believe, the sooner you will succeed. After every loss, there is a gain. When God takes one away, He often sends something or someone even better to bless our socks off.

8. Don’t Rush It! There is no need to rush into the arms of someone else. If we did that we would end up right back where we are now, eventually. Take time to learn the lessons. Dig deep and do a self-check. Break-ups are never due to one person alone. Both parties bring issues to the relationship, and it is important to take responsibility for your part in that. By accepting responsibility for where you went wrong in the relationship, you begin to take preventative measures for all future relationships.

As I stated earlier in this article, the emotional divorce is far different from the typical divorce. It is an entirely different process. Couples divorce every day in this country through our court systems. However, more often than not they remain emotionally married for years to come. Take control of your life, and get out completely. Only then will you experience the true beauty in this world. Only then will the chains that bind you, be broken.

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerers, 2009-2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Angela Bininger and The Empowerers with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Breaking Cycles: Focusing On Who You Want To Be, Not Who You Once Were

“Life is full of cycles. Some are very short-lived, while others can become a habit.” 

When attempting to break a cycle our point of focus will determine our success rate in breaking that particular cycle. Whether it is a lifestyle change or a breaking of bad habits, “We must focus on where we want to be and who we want to be, not where we are or who we are, or were.”

In the midst of breaking a cycle, people may snub you. But that’s ok. With every snub you get there will be people sent to make up for what those judging your positive changes lacked.

Just smile and hold your head high. Focus on who you want to be, and when you get there you can look back and say “aHa! I sure showed them!” You will be glad that you became who you wanted to be all along, and that you didn’t let those doubting you interfere with who you are meant to be.

We all make mistakes, and we all fall down. People who stay down like to pick apart those who get back up, try again, and succeed. Ignore their non-sense, and keep doing what you are doing. Only you can make it happen. And there is a satisfaction in accomplishing things that others think we can’t. It makes me smile anyway.  


Spoiling what we have, Desiring what we have not

Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; but remember that what you now have, was once among the things you only hoped for. ~anonymous~

I read this quote and it hit home in so many ways. We are all so guilty of this and we do it in almost every aspect of our lives. Working moms want to be stay at home moms, and stay at home moms want to be working. People who are single want marriage and most marriages are seeking divorce.

We think we want that new position until we get it, then wish we had the old one. We think once we obtain material things we will feel better, until we get them. And then we realize we only felt better until the novelty wore off. We think we would rather live under a bridge off love than a nice home and relationship going through some hurdles, until we are homeless. And the relationship is gone. And bridges are burnt.

We think plastic surgery will fix it, until we get it done and realize we are still miserable inside. We think that having that newer car makes us better socially, but with our words we suffer from social retardation. We thinking bragging about what we have will make people like us, only to find out they can’t stand us.

We think so many things, and the results are often opposite of what we think they will be.

So lets not spoil what we have, or live in regret. Our life and where we are is what we wanted at some point. And if we think we want something else and that having that something else will make life happier…. we better think again.

True happiness, comes from within.

Who Do You Love?

Love is the willing sacrificial giving of oneself for the benefit of others, without the thought of return. With that being said, how many of us truly love? We say things like “Well I did this for them, they can at least ____.” We keep score in our head of who has done what in the relationship such as who visits who, who calls who, etc. We don’t always admit that we do this, but we do.

So, I guess the question here is “Who Do You Love?” How many people have you loved to this degree? When is the last time you loved someone and expected nothing in return? Have you done a favor for someone you love, and when the time came for you to have a favor done for you nobody came through? Were you irritated? Did you expect them to do for you what you once did for them?

If everyone memorized and lived by this definition, we would all be a lot easier to love. Love isn’t easy, but certainly was never intended to be a battlefield. It was intended to be the “willing and sacrificial giving of oneself for the benefit of others, without the thought of return.” Yes, that is love. True love.

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerer, 2009-2010. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Angela Bininger and The Empowerer with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Benefits of shared parenting, loneliness can be a good thing!

I guess the topic of conversation would vary from person to person, the circumstances that led up to it may also be slightly different, however, the results are all the same. You are alone.

Loneliness is often just as much of a good thing as a bad thing. It is a great time of  self-reflection, a time to heal, and a time to discover both old and new things about yourself. And discovering those things that got lost along the way, in the depths of a marriage,  are just as exciting as discovering the new ones.

For me, I have shared parenting. At first this was extremely difficult for me. I had never really been away from my children other than an occasional overnight at a relative’s house. When the every other week summer rotation began there was such a huge void there. It felt as though my life would end. Every other week I felt as though I had nothing. SO, as all single moms do…. I buried myself in work.

Eventually I found additional comfort at the library and began to check out heaps of self-help books. It would be nothing for me to walk out with 20 of them at a time. ANYTHING to occupy my mind. What I didn’t realize at the time was that I was helping myself. I was learning. I was growing. And needless to say, I was surviving it. I just kept my mind so busy that I didn’t notice as much.

The one major plus side I see in shared parenting is this:

It gives me time every other week to reflect on the week prior and prepare for the week to come. There is time to  think about things that we did or didn’t do as a family, what could have been done better, should this or that been handled that way, the list goes on and on. There’s always time to self check! One simple example is: How often do you tell your child to hold on, just a second, or wait a minute? Those things are more noticeable after divorce when there is bi-weekly parenting. You catch it, then make an effort to correct it. Once you correct that one you are on to the next, and so forth.

I miss them a ton when they are gone, and anxiously await their return on Sunday nights. Although it is lonely, the lessons I’m learning will allow these children to become beautiful adults. There is nothing better for a child than to have a parent that is at peace with themselves. It gives balance, and allows them to see both love and hope! And there is nothing greater for young girls to see than a woman who is independent, and secure with who she is.

Missing You