Love

Goodbye Says It All

No long explanation. No reconciliation. No lets talk it over, number you can call. Goodbye says it all! *Blackhawk*

The biggest mistake we make at times is saying goodbye, or so we think. We fool ourselves into believing that in the eyes of someone else, we are worth fighting for. That our relationship with them meant to them, what it did to us. The truth is, that is hardly the case in any relationship. Wether it be romantic or what one thinks is an innocent opposite sex relationship, one always seems to feel more than the other. One always seems to have higher expectations.

As we walk away threatening our goodbyes while hoping deep down that another person will change their ways or even put up a fight to keep us, we begin living in denial. We begin to loose ourselves. It is crucial to maintain your dignity, and keep walking. Despite the pain of goodbye, 99% of the time it is worth it. It will make for a much sweeter “hello” with someone who believes what we believe, and that we truly jive with.

As we kick ourselves during the mourning process of saying goodbye, we must not wallow in our own self pity. After all, we chose to walk away right? Perhaps when we walked away from someone who we think we still love, goodbye said it all to them. Are they suppose to spend their life consumed with thoughts of us? Or are they suppose to learn their lessons, heal, and move forward?

In the initial stages of break-ups , we truly believe we still love someone out of fear and fear alone. Once we move out of fear, we will then see that the break-up that occurred, occurred for a reason. It occurred to take us to a much brighter destination. It occurred so the we can be in complete control of our happiness.

Before saying goodbye, remember that to many people in this world, “Goodbye says it all.” Never say goodbye and expect someone to beg you to be in their life. It just doesn’t work that way. Pick up the pieces, and move on. Brighter days will come.

The Act Of Trust

Trust is easily given by most of us in relationships, but often taken for granted. Once it has become violated, the violator may often wonder how to regain that trust. There are three things you can do to regain someone’s trust. All be it the relationship will never be as pure as it once was, but the relationship can possibly be salvaged vs. burning bridges.

Actions – Our actions will be the most important tool in earning back someone’s trust. You must be genuine. There is no need to put on a show, you will only be wasting your time and looking foolish in the process. Actions are important because when trust is broken, words do not matter. Although our words may express our thoughts, our actions reveal them.

Change – If trust is violated, there is often a deeper reason than that relationship alone. It is not only important to take responsibility for our actions that have caused someone not to trust us, but we must make changes if that person is someone that we really want in our life, that we love. Change must be immediate, and you must be ready. Otherwise, the person you have offended will see it as a front, and you will only do more damage.

Time – Time heals almost all wounds. When trust is broken, there is no time limit as to how long it takes to earn back trust. That’s the unfortunate part. If you are wanting forgiveness do not ask things such as how long, or when they can forgive you. This will push them further away. As they heal over time, be sincere and compassionate. Most importantly, be willing to take some heat! Odds are, it is well deserved.

Relationships are a lot of work but the good ones are worth it. No matter what the situation is that has caused the mistrust, it can be restored in most cases over time. It could take days, weeks, months, or years, but if you want it bad enough and can prove you love the person and are worth it, it can be restored.

The #1 mistake people make when trying to regain trust or restore a relationship, is giving up.

Speed

We have measured the speed of light

We have measured the speed of sound

The measurement of darkness is so quick

It leaves us breathless on the ground.

We measure the speed of love

All speeds of which are real

This new love in my life

Has really made me feel

At any speed, love is still love

And my love to you I give

So glad we didn’t let measurements interfere

Baby, it’s time to live!

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerers, 2009-2010. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Angela Bininger and The Empowerers with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Being Married To An Alcoholic Can Mean Divorcing Yourself

Being married to an alcoholic is challenging. As if marriage isn’t tough enough, we find ourselves facing an illness that can be life threatening.

As spouses we want to believe that there is hope, and that the behavior is something we can correct. We believe the if we do certain things, say certain things, avoid situations, and act a certain way it will change the alcoholics mindset. We think that if we avoid alcohol itself that it will help. After all, if we drink they will want to drink. So we avoid it all together. We try everything to prevent drinking episodes and fight like hell to understand the disease, its causes, and its effects.

(One of the biggest mistakes we make; is thinking we can control the fate of the disease.)

It is hard to maintain an upbeat spirit and our identity when dealing with an alcoholic on a daily basis. Often times we lose sight of ourselves and eventually, as we find ourselves again we find the courage to walk away.

The hardest part of dealing with a spouse who suffers from alcoholism is accepting the reality that we can’t change them. It does not matter what we do, they are who they are. They will lie to us, and they will deceive. Trust will be hard to restore.

The battle of dealing with an alcoholic you love can be just as bad as having the disease itself.

Some alcoholics hide it well. They come off as hardworking, well liked, and social. Others can come across as laid back and quiet. These are usually the ones who can’t maintain their alcohol and become violent. It can be quite dangerous. They can’t hear our crying and pleading for them to get help, instead they dive deeper into the drinking and begin to resent the one suggesting they seek help. They are in their own world, and only those who accommodate their disease are welcomed.

Alcoholics are on a road to self-destruction. Until they reach a dead-end they will not realize that they need help. They will continue to surround themselves with people who make them feel justified in their behavior. Someone who says “Oh you had a bad day? Want to have a drink?” will soon be their best friend. They feel this person understands. What this person has done is opened another door and allowed the alcoholic to do even more damage. They have just become the rescuer.

Alcoholism is a painful disease to watch. We never know what will come next. A new injury, more vomit, a new place he/she passed out, another fight, a D.U.I., a social mishap, or a new hole in a wall or door.

When living with an alcoholic you are truly the only one who knows the extent of the disease and can often vouch for the fact that you never know what their mood will be. Sometimes even the slightest things can set them off. It is Jeckel and Hyde. They are critical of others because they feel bad about themselves. They are out of control. They have lost sight of who they are. As a result they can become controlling, and abusive.

When we love an alcoholic it can be debilitating. They can not see the pain they cause. Sometimes we just have to let go because it becomes too depressing to watch and live with. At that point all we can do is pray for the best results.

Until people want to change, there will be no change. And if their disease is causing you to lose who you are and what you believe in, it is time to let go. It is not worth losing you too!

For more information about contributing to your loved ones disease  click here.

What Real Friends Are

As I sat here ecstatic this evening to have been chosen for Examiner.com  I was exchanging texts with my best friend. I couldn’t wait to tell her! In the texts I thanked her for believing in me, as my dreams now become a reality. She has been a true friend to me, and I admire her. Many years have passed since we first met at Broadman Baptist Church 18 years ago, and she has always been true to me. She has been honest, and loyal. She has offered advice that I hoped to hear and advice that has hurt, and I am glad she loved me enough to offer it. I cherish her.

Upon thanking her she replies “Girl that’s what real friends do! Love you enough through the rough times so they can celebrate with you in the good times!” And she is right. That is what real friends do. They are beside you cheering you on. They tell you the truth no matter how bad it hurts. They believe in you when you find you can’t. They pick you up when you are down. They can tell by the tone of your voice that something is wrong. They love you as you are. They accept you. They are beautiful!

I thank God for her. I don’t know what I would do without her. She has been my rock through this journey. And as year three of single parenting for me soon turns into year four, we can finally celebrate. I am on the right path. I have been blessed with a wonderful friendship. Thanks for cheering me on. I love you!

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerers, 2009-2010. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Angela Bininger and The Empowerers with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

When We Don’t Know

© February 2010 Angela Bininger

W h e n      w  e     d o nt
know       which     road
to     travel,    He  gives
u s      a      sign.    When
w e    dont   know   how
to  get down  the   road
He    leads     t h e   way.
When   we   encounter  bumps   in    the  road,  He gets  us
over     them.   When  we    dont    know  how   far   we  can
make   it,   He   proves   to   us   we  can.    When   we  didnt
think   we  would   survive   the   trip,   He   shows  us   how
strong  we are.  When  we   dont  know all  of  the  answers
He     reveals    them.     When     we    feel     we     have   just
l  o s  t         i  t          a l l
H  e       g  i  v  e s      u s
S   o  m  e   t   h    i   n  g
T  h a t       i s     m u c h
b      e     t      t      e     r  .
W  h e n     we      d o n t
le a r n      our      lesson
th e      f i r s t       t i m e,
He      m a k e s      s u r e
that   we  r e p e a t    i t.
W h e n       w e      d o n t
listen    t o    H i m,    He
lo v e s     u s       anway!
When      we      are       on
the   cusp    of    fulfilling
our    dreams,   He    had
it   planned    all    along.
When   we   don’t    know
how,  why,  when,  or   if
…….……………..…………..
He does  & always will!

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerers, 2009-2010. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Angela Bininger and The Empowerers with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

We Have Always Loved Them, Or We Never Did

“You never stop loving someone.

Either you always will or you never truly did.”

© Kait Staples 2010

There is nothing closer to the truth, than these words. When we have truly loved someone, that love never goes away. Although we may ignore that love, suppress it, or fight to avoid it; it is there. We may deny it, we may extinguish it, but eventually our true feelings surface. When we find ourselves, we find love.

Love has many levels in relationships. Despite the level change, it still exists. It may be stronger or weaker than it once was, but it is there if it was ever truly there to begin with. Often when passion has left a relationship, we think that love followed it out the door. We feel less connected to someone, so we feel out love is gone. Sometimes “we run into the arms of curiosity to find out what was there all along” as India Arie sings in her powerful song, Wings Of Forgiveness.

No matter what we do to avoid loving someone: if it was ever truly love it will always be there. And that, should give us all hope. So many search for answers when it comes to love, loss, relationships, marriage, divorce, affairs, who do you love, etc. In fact, heartache drives the most traffic to this website, among many others. It is heartbreaking having learned my lessons the hard way, to watch others as they receive the same lesson. I want to help them, and tell them “NO, don’t do it! It’s right beside you! That love you are searching for has been there the whole time!” But, as humans the more people warn us not to do something the more we want to check it out. We want to see for ourselves what all of the fuss is about. And more often than not, we let denial keep us from experiencing the true beauty of love. We let doubt keep us from experiencing unconditional love. We let low self-esteem allow us to run to someone else and doubt what we had. When we are broken people, love is complicated.

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerers, 2009-2010. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Angela Bininger and The Empowerer with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

How To Have And Maintain A Healthy Relationship With Your Children

Although I am not a certified professional in this area, my life experience takes me beyond what any fresh graduate in psychology would know. For I have 7 sisters, and 3 children of my own. I can say for certain that a parents relationship with each and every child is different, and unique.

I have spent years observing the parent child relationships and the differences of perspectives on parents by children who were all reaised within the same household.  It is amazing to see how much perception  varies from child to child. Although children have the same parent providing the same things in the exact same environments, the  children still  have different memories and perceptions of that parent.

While one may remember a parent to be hardworking, one may remember laziness. One child may remember a happy parent, while one remembers them disgruntled. One may remember a parent to be a liar, and another child within that same home and upbringing may remember that parent to be a liar. It varies from family to family, but nonetheless we all remember things differently.

Each child will carry their own issues to adulthood  if they are not tended to in the earlier years. It is important that we as parents are aware of how to not only create a healthy relationship with our children; but keep it healthy for years to come. There are steps we can take early on to promote a lifetime of happiness with our children, even as they mature and become adults themselves.
Steps To Maintaining That Healthy Relationship:

Communication

In any relationship communication is important. It is crucial that our children always remain comfortable telling us anything. With that being said, it is imperative that we do not cast judgment on what they say, and that we truly listen. They are their own person. They are not who we want them to be. They are who they were created to be. Often times children quit speaking if a parent exhibits controlling behavior. If they can’t tell us the little things, they will never tell us the big things. So stay calm, and just listen. They will always come back if you do.

Equality

It is important not to show favoritism, and treat all children fairly. If you are attending events that are important to one child you should be attending events important to the other children as well. By not having equality it is causing the children feeling that are feeling more left out to have less faith in themselves. Therefor lowering their self-esteem, which can have a huge impact on their teenage and adult years.

Support

It is important to show support in anything they do. Even if you think it is the craziest thing you have ever heard of. By being negative about their choices, you are pushing them away from you. Get down on their level, and try to see things as they see it. If they have an interest in something, help them peruse it. If they need someone to extinguish their flame, there are plenty of people in the world to do that. If they are on fire with enthusiasm, burn with them. Being enthusiastic and having drive, is a good thing!

Apologize

There is nothing better for a child or even adult child to see, than a parent apologize when they are wrong. We are not perfect, and we will make mistakes. It is important that we do not sweep things under the rug, and pretend as though we know nothing about what happened. It is OK to apologize to your children if you need to. They understand just as everyone understands, that we are doing the best we can. It’s not like a “How To” guide comes out with the child or even in the afterbirth.

Keep Your Word

Do not make promises you can’t keep. Instead teach them that your word is who you are.

Tough Love

This is a hard thing for any parent, but often necessary. To prevent a co-dependent relationship it must be enforced. Make them work for what they want, and do not bail them out of every situation. By doing this, you are enabling them to repeat the behavior. They will repeat the same mistakes until they learn, and bailing them out only teaches them one thing: not to count on themselves.

Pray

We may have a plan for our children and the direction they go in life, but God likely has one that is completely different. Pray for your children to make wise choices, and to become good people. Pray for them to yield to His plan for their life.

There aren’t exactly any true tests in parenting until the child reaches the age of18. To know how well you have done is only answered when the child does one of two things; sinks or swims. It is vital for their health and the health of our relationship with them that we prepare them in all areas of life to promote healthy adult relationships in their life. It all begins with communication. However it can also end from the lack of such.

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerers, 2009-2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Angela Bininger and The Empowerers with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Who Do You Love?

Love is the willing sacrificial giving of oneself for the benefit of others, without the thought of return. With that being said, how many of us truly love? We say things like “Well I did this for them, they can at least ____.” We keep score in our head of who has done what in the relationship such as who visits who, who calls who, etc. We don’t always admit that we do this, but we do.

So, I guess the question here is “Who Do You Love?” How many people have you loved to this degree? When is the last time you loved someone and expected nothing in return? Have you done a favor for someone you love, and when the time came for you to have a favor done for you nobody came through? Were you irritated? Did you expect them to do for you what you once did for them?

If everyone memorized and lived by this definition, we would all be a lot easier to love. Love isn’t easy, but certainly was never intended to be a battlefield. It was intended to be the “willing and sacrificial giving of oneself for the benefit of others, without the thought of return.” Yes, that is love. True love.

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerer, 2009-2010. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Angela Bininger and The Empowerer with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Where There Is Faith

There is a song when I was a child that my friend’s father use to sing in church. I couldn’t remember the entire song, or who even sang it, but I awoke singing the chorus this morning. I then took it upon myself to look it up on YouTube, and once the song began to play I could recall every word in the song and it gave me chills.

Where there is faith

There is a voice calling keep walking

You’re not alone in this world

Where there is faith

There is a peace like a child sleeping

A wonderful powerful place

Where there is faith

When we have faith we can move mountains. When we have faith we do not feel alone. When we have faith good things  happen. When we have faith, our sorrows are more bearable. When we have faith, we know there will be a tomorrow. When we have faith, life is beautiful. So no matter what you’re battling, keep the faith. It is our faith, that keeps us alive. It consoles us. It heals us. And it delivers us.

Listen to the song, and concentrate on the words. Let your worries and stresses go to the wayside, and replace them with faith. We are never alone. A little bit of faith can go a long way!