past

Claiming Our Past

“If we don’t claim our past it will claim our future. It is not possible to know where we are going, if we can’t admit the places we have been.”

I have seen countless situations where people deny their past. They deny what they have done, or what has been done to them. They deny their experiences. Their fear of admitting mistakes or failures enables them  to continue in their negative cycle. Simply put, it cripples them and they can not grow as a person. Instead they keep making the same mistakes, again and again.

By denying our past experiences we set ourselves up to fail.  If we can’t admit where we have been or screwed up in life, how could we even begin to correct it? By hiding it or denying the experiences we are merely doing a patch job. As we know, patches only hold so long.

By laying it all out there and owning every experience: nobody has anything over us. We can walk in peace, with no secrets. We live in light  instead of darkness.

There is nobody worth keeping secrets. We are worth more than that. By owning our past and our experiences we begin to walk in truth. We can then break the negative cycles and patterns; and begin to experience peace and happiness.

We have to own our experiences, and learn from them. It is the only way to level up in the game of life. If we can’t admit them, how can we ever truly recognize what needs changed?  

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerer, 2009-2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited.

By Running From Problems We Gain Weight Instead of Losing It

Running from our problems is like running on a treadmill. Instead of losing weight, we gain it. We stay in the same spot consistently and it makes it impossible for us to reach a new destination, or goal.  

Whatever it is that we choose to run from; will always find us. Sure, we may be naive and think that there are certain things  nobody could know or find out. We may also believe that there is no need to tell because it will only do more damage.  However, if we think either of those things then we are only fooling ourselves.

If we do not claim these things in life or these experiences that we have encountered, how could we possibly fix them? Better yet, how can we claim to have learned a lesson from something we refuse to acknowledge or even discuss? We can’t fix something if we do not admit where it is broken. Right?

Wallowing in our secrets only brings more shame in the end. And shame, only adds more weight. Isnt it time for a change of scenery? Why not have a productive work out? The treadmill isn’t working out to well. It is time to unplug the machine. It is time to switch the work out plan, and use one that actually works.

By stepping off of the treadmill and facing the problems, weight loss begins instantly. We feel light, free, and most importantly…happy. 


For today: Face those problems and decisions that have plagued your life, and reclaim what is yours. By facing the problems at hand, you will be closer to your desired outcome.

 

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerers, 2009-2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited.

Don’t Nurture What Needs Neutered

Don’t nurture what needs neutered in life. Cut it off, be released, and let it go. The time has come to move on.

Instead of getting mad about what is lost,what you have left behind , or what you have put away; get excited about whats about to come. God’s word says: “I will restore to you double.” Believe Him. And get excited! Because good is on its way!

 Turn you to the strong hold, ye prisoners of hope: even to day do I declare that I will render double unto thee.  Zechariah 9:12

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerers, 2009-2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited.

ABC’s of Life Series — Day 7 Letter G : Give Others Grace To Grow

ABC’s of Life

Day 7 Letter G

Give Others Some Grace To Grow

We believe we would react to situations in particular ways or that we would behave differently than someone else until we are placed in the other person’s shoes. Once we put those shoes on that were once worn by someone else; we not only have new shoes, but a new pair of new glasses too.

Those who accept us where we are despite any decisions we are making at the time; are giving us grace to grow. These are those people who no matter where we are or what we do in our lives; they love us anyway. They do not judge us, because they understand. They listen, they advise, and they care.

The concept of allowing one grace to grow is a concept that many should grasp. Once grasped, one will find themselves no longer in a position that they feel “above” someone for making better life decisions. They will not utter phrases such as: “I can’t believe they ___” “I would never”, “He/She shouldn’t ____” You won’t believe what ____ did now” etc.

I have observed that when I utter phrases like those mentioned above; I am quickly served a piece of humble pie. When I can’t understand people, their lifestyle, behavior, and their decisions I am often given a situation shortly after; where I can. It may not be an identical situation, but it is a situation that allows me to comprehend where they were at that time, and what they were thinking. Or better yet, a situation where I can relate to their emotions.

I have written often about the fact that we are all given the same lessons throughout our lives and that the lesson plans slightly differ. One may experience grief through the lost of a parent, another through the loss of a child. One may experience adultery through their parents, or through a marriage of their own. Nonetheless, the emotional processes are the same.

No matter the format of the lesson, the lessons eventually produce the same results. We will all face temptations, and struggles. We will have to find a place and time at which we will have to forgive ourselves and each other.

We will all feel: neglect, abandonment, taken for granted, mistreated, disliked, unloved, and many other emotions at some point in our lives. The lessons differ, but the emotions are the same.

Grace is essential to provide for others; because we all need it to grow. Those who accept us despite our choices have allowed us grace to grow. Those who watch us make a mistake but love us anyway, are one of a kind. 

For Today: Find someone in your  life that has a situation that you can’t or couldn’t at one point  understand. Analyze what emotions that person may have been feeling at that time, and compare it to a situation in your life where you experienced the same emotions. 

 

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerers, 2009-2014. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited

ABC’s of Life Series — Day 2 Letter B : Be Careful Who You Trust

ABC’s of Life Series
Day 2,  Letter B

 

Be Careful Who You Trust

When we read be careful who you trust in the ABC’s of Life poem it applies to relationships and life in general. It is the mechanic, the salesman, the doctor, the lawyer, the friends, the family, and whatever else you want to insert into that blank. It also includes trusting ourselves.

We are all guilty of thinking we believe or feel a certain way about something. Until of course we get to be tested and placed into the actual situation. We assume that because we have never believed in it or that we were taught not to do it; that we never will. This is where we mislead ourselves. It is an example of where we have trusted ourselves too much.

We put our trust in the hands of others until given reason not to. We trust ourselves to navigate our lives until we hit the rocks. We go through lesson after lesson to discover the same results; God is the only one we can trust.

There are a lot of people who do not believe in Him, and that is their choice. It saddens me to think that cultures and religions have caused the thought of us all having a “maker” to be repulsive for some. Unfortunately, that is just how it is.

I can say for certain that no matter how dark the days, how heavy the load, or how long the travels; He was right beside me. I don’t read my bible every day. I do not attend church regularly. However, I still believe. I still talk to Him, and He still hears me. Believe it or not, He answers my prayers too! It may not always be in the ways one would expect, but they will always get answered.  We just have to put our trust in Him.

He hears me when I’m smoking a cigarette and He would hear me if I drank a beer. He accepts me, and I trust Him. Perhaps we should all trust Him a little more?

 

Day 3 Letter C

Cherish Every Breath You Take

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerers, 2009-2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited.

So What Is There To Get? Some People Stay Friends After A Divorce

I guess you could say this blog has been a long time coming. It probably hadn’t written itself till now because, well, I just wasn’t ready. This blog is dedicated to all of you who have ever uttered this phrase:  “I just don’t get it”

Humans in general often struggle to accept in their lives  that which they do not, cannot, or simply will not, understand. They will then turn the thought, idea, whatever it is, over and , and then push it back  on to the original source and give it a label. Often, it’s an incorrect label. It’s one of mankind’s biggest disgraces. What we don’t understand, we criticize, because it’s the only way we can make it fit into our pretty little box.

We like to call ourselves open-minded, but in reality, very few of us really are. I myself have even fallen into this trap of labeling something as “Odd” or “Weird” that I simply could not grasp.

We will use our own upbringing, our supposed morals, or society in general, as a way to validate that label. And in doing so, we create an even bigger mess of things.

In my case, it happens to be my relationship with my ex-husband. This statement could apply to numerous other things in life, but for the purpose of this blog, we will stick with the ex-husband.

Society and history, more often than not, has taught us that there is no plausible way that two people who once loved each other enough to get married, have children, go through life together, could ever decide to STOP doing that, and still remain cordial.

As a matter of fact, society seems more than pleased with itself when the two individuals battle it out for the whole world to see. Deny it if you must, but people love  drama.

If they don’t immediately see it, they have to then create it. For some reason, other people’s drama often makes us feel better about OUR lot in life, so we kind of need it in many ways.

In my case my ex-husband and I are not only cordial, we are actually still friends. What? That simply cannot BE!!! (Insert collective cyber gasp here!!!!)

Yes. I am afraid it’s true. We are best friends technically, and I still talk to him about 3-4 days per week. Now add to your already overwhelmed brain that my current boyfriend of three years is also  friends with my ex-husband.We hang out frequently together.

I will just give you a minute to process that…

Okay, done?

Here’s the deal. My ex and I were always friends. We built our marriage on that friendship and for the most part we had 13 GOOD years. Our marriage was based on respect and friendship. There was love, sex and all that other good stuff. We also had a slew of great moments and a only handful of bad moments. We couldn’t, despite our friendship and outside counseling navigate those bad moments; so three years ago we divorced.

Now everyone has weighed in on that over the years and that’s fine.

I have always held to the belief that no one, no matter how much you think  you know about another person, ever truly knows another person completely. The same goes for couples or any relationship in general. You can view pieces of it. Snap shots if you will. And sure, you can probably accurately judge what is and what is not a great relationship. But really, at the end of the day, what goes on between two people, behind the walls of their home, is really only between those two people. The real truth lies between those two parties.

It was never easy. Divorce rarely is. Make no mistake. We weren’t dancing around in party hats under a confetti shower, but it was the decision that was made at that time.

But here’s the thing…Divorcing someone does not erase the love in the heart, the memories, or the life you built together.  I never stopped loving him as the person he was. Intelligent. Funny. Easy to talk to. He was a good husband. He was and is a great guy. He simply was no longer my guy. And people don’t “get” that. And you know what? that is okay.

None of us here on earth will ever understand, or “Get” everything that goes on in the world.

In any break up, people want a bad guy. They need to place their anger and frustration on one of the parties. And so I suppose in this one, I got the brunt of it, since I was the final decision maker. And I have taken more than my fair share of the anger and hurt from our friends and family for sure but the reality is, sometimes there is no bad guy.

Sometimes what was; no matter how good, simply ceases to be. Our job, in any circumstance whether it be a marriage, a friendship, or even a career, is to recognize that it has passed its due date, and then go about making the changes that need to occur so that everyone gets to live their best life. No matter how hard or scary those changes can be.

We can never let fear of the unknown prevent us from action.

Sometimes there is nothing to get. Sometimes a situation just IS. We can analyze it to exhaustion if we want, but at some point you have to just say it is.

There is nothing more to get. This is a decision we made. All three of us. Adults, with previous relationships under our belt. And it is working; or us.

Our way may not be your way. And that’s okay. I don’t expect or really even need you to do it our way. But for me, there was no other way. Our relationship changed. It didn’t end. And at the end of the day, all three of us are better for it.

Our unique situation and friendship has made all of us better people.

You want to see what you are really made of? Spend a few hours in a room with your ex-husband. Guess what?? All those things that drove you nuts before, while you were married… Well,  they’re still there and guess what? Now you can’t say squat about it. You turned in your “Free Nagging” pass when you signed on the dotted line. Hah!

Learning to keep my mouth shut has been the greatest gift this friendship has given me. In addition to that I now have TWO great men in my life. One who loved me once. One who loves me now. We have risen above the criticism, the jealousies, and the naysayers. Because of that  we have better, more enriched, and more well-rounded lives.

It is my humble belief that if more people did what we are trying to do the world would be a much more peaceful place. Right?

We were married. We were divorced. We have remained friends. Because we were always friends. There is nothing else to get. When you are comfortable with yourself, when you like yourself and the people in your life, then it really becomes a simple choice.

We  can only analyze something for so long before we must accept that it just is. Life is too short to waste energy trying to sort it all out. It’s too short to live your life full of doubts. Regrets. And full of hate and anger.

We only get one shot at this thing called life. Why not walk the path surrounded by a great group of eclectic people? Why not go crazy and do the unexpected? Why not look society in the face and say screw you, it can be done, it is being done, and I will show you how.

Go out and live your best life friends. And don’t let anyone else define how that life should be. It’s your picture. Color it as you see fit!

Love Is Like A Tattoo

I designed this greeting card after having reflected upon my own life as well as the lives of others. Once true love is found; it will always exist.  It may change forms but it is still there somehow. While on some days the flame will be brighter than others; it will never go away.

We may cover it, and we may hide it but still we know it is there. And sometimes others can catch a glimpse of it without us even knowing that they noticed. Like a tattoo, love is hard to hide.

Just as ink covers the body we all long to be covered in love. And just as the ink creates a design that becomes a beautiful piece of art, love paints a picture for us all that we will always hold close to our heart.

© Angela Bininger and The Empowerer, 2009-2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited.

The Gift of Independent Thought Makes My World A Better Place

The Gift of Independent Thought Makes My World A Better Place

By: Dani Perry

“Our age is retrospective. It builds the sepulchres of the fathers. It writes biographies, histories, and criticism. The foregoing generations beheld God and nature face to face; we, through their eyes. Why should not we also enjoy an original relation to the universe? Why should not we have a poetry and philosophy of insight and not of tradition, and a religion by revelation to us, and not the history of theirs?” – Excerpt from “Nature” by Ralph Waldo Emerson

Blessed are the few who know the true beauty of their existence through their own eyes and experiences, and not through the guide of their oppressors who would have them only experience that which has already been experienced by another. The grass is green, it is written, and therefore you must accept on faith that it is so. How many understand the true nature of the grass, why is it green?

Some accept the grass is green “Because I said so” or because it appears so, without question and without wonder. It was the Scientist, the Thinker, who discovered why the grass was green. The thinker is never content to simply accept what is known or what is written. The thinker is not manipulated or confined by archaic thought and reason. He would never be so cruel and close minded as to confine the thought of those he has the pleasure of guiding.

If we stunt the growth of the corn plant, it will still feed the people. But then I have to wonder the possibility if it had grown freely beyond it’s potential. The tiny seedling, against all odds, pushes its limp stalk through the hardest bits of land. It has an unstoppable desire to reach as far as it possibly can. The gardener can stake the persistent plant and impose restrictions on its growth pattern, and it will grow straight along the path which was forced. It will still bloom and you will garner enjoyment from what it becomes. However, you will never know the natural beauty of the blossom or the sweet scent of its achievement of becoming what it was meant to be, rather than what you commanded it to be.

Blessed are the few who are able to enjoy the natural flow of their own life. The past does not dictate the path of the Thinker for he is impassioned by curiosity. He seeks understanding and wisdom of his own, not of another.

Where There Is Faith

There is a song when I was a child that my friend’s father use to sing in church. I couldn’t remember the entire song, or who even sang it, but I awoke singing the chorus this morning. I then took it upon myself to look it up on YouTube, and once the song began to play I could recall every word in the song and it gave me chills.

Where there is faith

There is a voice calling keep walking

You’re not alone in this world

Where there is faith

There is a peace like a child sleeping

A wonderful powerful place

Where there is faith

When we have faith we can move mountains. When we have faith we do not feel alone. When we have faith good things  happen. When we have faith, our sorrows are more bearable. When we have faith, we know there will be a tomorrow. When we have faith, life is beautiful. So no matter what you’re battling, keep the faith. It is our faith, that keeps us alive. It consoles us. It heals us. And it delivers us.

Listen to the song, and concentrate on the words. Let your worries and stresses go to the wayside, and replace them with faith. We are never alone. A little bit of faith can go a long way!

Do You Stay With The One Who Love’s You, Or Go Back To The One You Love?

I have been asked this question by one of my reader’s and have found other people in my life pondering the same question;

Do you stay with the one who loves you, or go back to the one you love?

I can only offer advice on the topic as I am in no position to make a decision for someone. It is a decision only the person asking the question can answer in their own time.

From my experience, many feel a need to go back. The question is, does the person you love, love you? Or is this a fantasy? Are you just remembering a time in life when things were pleasant, or did you really miss something good? More often than not, the answer is not the latter of the two.

Typically, as the saying goes; there is a reason this person didn’t make it to your future. From what I have observed in my life and others is; people who want to return to a past love, are usually those that are still carrying some sort of guilt from that relationship.  

For example: There are times one may want their ex. But it’s not necessarily them that they want. It is the fact that they are fantasizing and wanting what could’ve been. It is not because it was a fabulous relationship or it would not have ended. Something somewhere was lacking.

There is something to be said for having someone who truly loves you. Beyond the surface, and unconditionally. They accept your weaknesses, they do not judge you and they accept you for who you are. That is huge! Can you talk to them? Is there a good friendship? Because in the end, with years of marriage, the same friendship that started it will be the same friendship that allowed you to grow old gracefully, and together. 

If we love ourselves then we are capable of loving anyone who loves us.  Especially if they are someone we once loved.

We often over analyze our relationships and that causes problems. We are looking for that feeling that went away, those butterflies, the passion, and so on.

Mostly everyone has that “One who got away”. But they must hear these words; they got away for a reason. And the one who loves you, that one that you feel you just cant love you loved them at some point.

What is it that made you once love them?  Are there positive memories?  What brought you together? Do you have any common goals now? Sometimes it is something as minor as no longer having a goal or task you focus on together. Aside from raising children.

Often people get the house, the career, the kids, etc. and just get comfortable. They forget to plan for the next list of goals they want to achieve together. It can be something as minor as taking a dance class together, up to patenting that billion dollar idea. A couple has to have something to focus on in the relationship,besides raising children or they will lose sight of the friendship and love that the relationship offers.

As much as we as humans crave stability, the monotony of life can darn near drive us crazy. Re-invent yourself, find yourself, and most importantly love yourself.  After that, you will have your answer to this question: do I stay with the one who loves me, or go back to the one I love?

While deciding your answer, remember, the grass always looks greener on the other side. You are remembering a person who is probably not the same person you remember. They have grown, years have passed, etc. Odds are, if you don’t find yourself first you will ask the same question again, only this time it will be referring to the one you just left.


© Angela Bininger and The Empowerer, 2009-2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Angela Bininger and The Empowerer with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.